Title: The Theory

Disclaimer: 'I am being stalked by anime characters.' The story of a slightly deluded high-school girl who is thought crazy by all except her equally jaded friends. But what happens when she gets proof?

Thanks again for taking the time to read and review; I'm ever so grateful. So I've been thinking that I stop counting pages because no one's really complained about chapter length yet. Os I need some feedback on that: shorter chapters? longer? same? Get back to me people!!

I dedicate this chapter to my birthday month buddies: Chantal (9th), Zahra (18th) and Janelle (26th). I'm the 25th…although no one really with the fiction!!!

I own your face.

Chapter 7- K.O. also known as K.A.Y.O.H.

The week had progressed very much like the previous chapter -random explosions, lunchtime debacles and severe violations of the teacher-student relationship – and, with a swiftness that can only come from a school week, it was Thursday night and the cast were preparing for the beginning of the weekend. The majority of the group was settled in for the night. However, over at the Kuwabara-Ricketts residence, discord was ever-present.

Approaching the door, Kuwabara heard Rihanna screaming about some thing or another. Remembering his purpose, he knocked heavily on the closed door. Eventually, as the volume of Rihanna's voice took to rising with each knock, Kuwabara shouldered his way into the clustered and heavily perfumed room. He stopped and watched as the teenaged boy disengaged himself from Aisha's chest, jumped from the bed and launched himself from the balcony railing, flying off into the night. Of course, as any horny teenager close to getting any action in their parents' house will tell you, she was quite upset at being interrupted. Thus she targeted her estrogen fueled animosity to the goliath standing in the middle of her room.

"Just who the fuck do you think you are that you can just barge in here without knocking?!"

"But I knocked," Kuwabara said, gesturing to the door that was splintered in several places due to the force of his knocking. His response was drowned out by her shrieks.

"Just because you're monkey-ass fugly," she screamed as she righted her shirt, "does not mean you have to fuck up everything for everybody else!!"

Now Kazuma Kuwabara has taken quite a bit of abuse in his career of being a human: Yusuke constantly kicking his face in, demons kicking his face in, Toguro trying to kill him(surprisingly not including the kicking in of the face), including many insults to his overall character and appearance. But Kuwabara would be damned if he was going to let this little 90-pound girl talk down to him like that. Or up. 'Cuz you know he's so tall and stuff………

"Now look," Kuwabara said unsmilingly. "I have taken a lot of disrespect in my life, but that was from demons who soon died or Urameshi who keeps dying anyways. But you little girl," he said moving forward until eventually Aisha was leaning against the wall staring wide-eyed up into a flaming redhead's face. "You, little girl, have not been around me and you seem to have no grasp of my personality. So for you to insult me as a man is to unleash upon yourself the wrath of a young man's youth!! Now I have never hit a woman and I never will, but if you insult me one more time I'll have to ask you take off your makeup and you and me step outside. Is that understood?"

Aisha could only not mutely in the silence; even Rihanna realized how serious this moment was. And yet, something amazing had happened to the young girl. As she watched the broad back of the teenage delinquent exit her room and her trembling thighs clenched together, she had finally come to recognize Kuwabara for what he was: a man that deserves to be respected.

And now I must pause as I have laughed myself into a coma from writing that. I not a big Kuwabara fan but he really doesn't get enough credit. Alright, moving on.

The rest of the night passed peacefully enough for all as everyone's minds strayed to candy-flavoured mountains, bright sunshiny days, endless aisles of manga and blood and carnage. However, only one person's dreams garner any recognition in this chapter and shall push the limits of the rating on this story. This is because, dear reader, Kurama was having a wet dream about Chantal. I refuse to write the proceedings of his mind here but the old and seemingly dead oak tree suddenly flourished overnight as bent and wilted plants stood at attention the next morning in all their fine greenery. (A/N: Chantal you can go suck it; use your imagination.).

And so Friday morning came and with it, the usual excited anticipation of the weekend coupled with the expected 'woe-is-me' attitudes as to why school even exists in the first place. Luckily for the students of this fine institution of higher education, there is such a thin called Prefect Period on Fridays where, in the 35-minute period before lunch, we return to our respective homerooms to waste time. Of course it's high school so who gives a shit about order? As such, most of the group was in the library broken off into little clusters wreaking havoc in the room. Kuronue was, of course sitting on a couch with Aisha as close to his lap without actually sitting on it. Zahra, Verona, Laura and I found ourselves in the adjoining computer lab, occasionally looking through the windows at the madness taking place between internet escapades. Chantal and Kathryna eventually drifted over to where Kurama sat looking over local flora; some skilful acting eventually got the fan-girls to pay more attention to the circus act of Yusuke and Kuwabara. I would love to say they were performing as Kuwabara's foot planted squarely in the detective's chest Yusuke away from him as he read aloud a love/apology letter he'd been composing to Keiko (because he's always wrong about something, right?).

"'Keiko I'm sorry for accidentally Dutch oven-ing you the other night. Also I am sorry for hurling when you had me taste that cake/noodle thing. Although it's not my fault I was surprised. I mean your family owns a restaurant for fuck's sake, so of course I'd think your cooking would've gotten better by now!!'" Kuwabara looked from the letter to the detective being held away from him by the length of his leg and burst into raucous laughter. "This is your apology? What the hell does Keiko even see in you?"

"The same thing your mom sees when she's on her knees in front of me," Yusuke said, straining against his friend's foot.

"I'm telling Keiko you called her a cock-sucking whore."

"What?! You mother-" A struggle ensued as fought against the limb in an attempt to claw the paper from Kuwabara's hands with a side of ass-kicking involved.

"They realize they're in a library right?" Kathryna asked from her place beside Kurama.

"Location is just a minor detail in these happenings," Kurama replied smartly, looking at his fellow companions. Opposite him at the table sat Chantal, her tie and top button loosed to accommodate the unyielding heat of the tropics. Images from his dream flashed through his mind as he watched her devour several volumes of Wallflower/Perfect Girl Evolution. Now Kurama, as I'm sure we can all guess, is no virgin. But puberty's a bitch on the endocrine system and the man had needs. Of course nothing is ever going to happen because any sign of romance in this story is either accidental or in complete mockery: for example, Aisha and Kuro necking behind the Classic Literature section of the library. Hiei had occupied himself with a history text entitled 'Dictatorship for Dummies'. In the computer lab, the black and white background of a free manga website scrolled by in front of my eyes as I looked through various titles. Beside me, Verona's headphones blasted music to the point of explosion while Zahra and Laura did their social networking online. A Windows Live Messenger alert sounded as a conversation window opened up on my screen. The face displayed via webcam was none other than Koenma himself. The obvious reaction for when a fictional character appears on your screen is, of course, to jump into the lap of the person immediately behind you and yell like a neutered oil trucker. Luckily, the room's occupants had been frozen in time; looking through the windows, we saw the library frozen in gray save for the demons, Kuwabara and the girls. After much shuffling, everyone was assembled in the room, the Spirit Detectives clustered in front of the small screen. Koenma's voice crackled out of the monitor's speakers.

"So is everything going well over there?"

"Yeah, if by well you mean daily rape attempts, girls taking pictures of us while we use the bathroom, and locks of hair being cut and sold on eBay-" At this point Kurama ran his hand through his slightly uneven locks as a faint trembling swept through his body. "-then we're all fan-fucking-tastic," Yusuke concluded.

"Ah, well in that case I probably shouldn't tell you the bad news,' Koenma said, looking around and shifting uncomfortably. "Well, it's not entirely possible for you to return to your world."

"WHAT?!" Kuwabara yelled suddenly grabbing the computer monitor and screaming into it. "You mean I'll never see my darling Yukina again?!" Hiei visibly cringed behind him.

"Well you see," the young prince said, nervously backing away from the steaming face on his large TV monitor. "When everyone went through the respective portals, your energy wavelengths had to change accordingly or you would've died from the pressure placed on your body."

"Your body would've exploded," Hiei said impatiently when Kuwabara's and Yusuke's eyes glazed over.

"Ohhhh."

"Dumbass."

"What was that you flaming midget!?!"

"Anyways," the prince proclaimed loudly, regaining his composure and the groups attention. "There is the possibility that you'll have to be there for a bit longer but it could be worse."

"Worse how?" Hiei asked; he's getting tired of sleeping in a hammock. You can't really blame him seeing as how they offer little to no lumber support.

"You could all be in North Korea."

The group was silent as we let the gravity of that statement weigh on us; thankfully, Kurama spoke breaking the silence.

"You said that our energies had changed when traveling to this dimension. So how is it that you are able to move from place to place so easily?"

"Because I am Koenma and I am awesome."

The screen went black and the surrounding students regained their colour as the group wondered about the particular brand of simpleton they were dealing with. The lunch bell rang and we made the trek to the cafeteria, the demons utilizing their speed and several rooftops; luckily the mob at lunch was only half as large as a Navy battalion and the time passed uneventfully. And then, the most torturous time fell upon us: the last 15 minutes of class before the end of the school week. It was Religious Education class once again and as Mr. Buckland droned on about the sins of the flesh, I watched my fellow classmates –comrades in the struggle- fall to the unvarying vibrations of the balding, middle-aged man's vocal chords. Sweet honey filled my ears as a similar darkness weighed heavily upon my eyelids and I found myself slamming my hand under my biology text just to keep conscious. I glanced around the room at those who were fighting the good fight against boredom as Mr. Buckland droned on.

"The sins of the flesh include but are not limited to slothfulness…"

I looked beside me to see Chantal's head thrown back resting against the back of her seat as a fly moved around her open mouth, tasting a fine line of drool.

"………lust and pride…"

After losing interest in waiting for the fly to enter her throat I turned to face the couple in front of me; Kuronue had his desk so close to Aisha there wasn't even an aisle anymore. She stared adoringly at her reflection in his eyes, moving a stray hair every so often as he doted on her, his hand lost from view within the folds of her uniform.

"…as well as wrath and gluttony."

Looking up at the wall on the clock, I wondered when the fuck this guy was going to shut up and realize 3 whole rows of people were in a worrying coma-like state. My stomach rumbled as I remembered the lunch that had been stolen from me when one overly enthusiastic fan-girl found herself in my lap. 'She really should buy me a new water bottle; it's really her fault it broke on her head anyways. Maybe mommy's on to something when she mentioned those anger management classes…' lost in my own thoughts I only barely registered Kuro and his raised hand.

"Excuse me, sir?" he asked, ever the polite schoolboy. "But you're saying being lustful and fornicating is sinful right?"

"Yes that's right."

"So, is it still technically a sin if you have sex with a priestess?"

There was a sudden 'snap' as Mr. Buckland's chalk broke against the board and all colour drained from his bald spot. The room was still and silent, devoid of the snoring that has become a prerequisite for any R.E. class. Beside me, there was the abrupt sound of choking as the fly finally started humping Chantal's tonsils. Her snorting just barely drowned out the cracking of the teacher's neck and joints as he slowly swiveled around and walked towards Kuro. I will not relate what happened, but I will say that Kuronue returned to homeroom that afternoon very quiet and soaking from head to toe. As a result, the school chapel is now earnestly avoided; those who are brave enough to enter report a thorough chill within their very being.

So anyways, school is over for the week and everyone returned to their respective homes, many thoughts plaguing their minds. For the sake of what must happen for the rest of my chapter, my own mother was also nowhere to be found. It had been a long week and both Kuro and I were about to go through with our own methods of relaxation. Mine involved calling up my very bestest friend Janelle Levy who 'moved' to Florida in order to go to school and further her education. The bitch. Kuro's involved getting dressed, going out and trying to get laid; Kurama of course was being 'dragged' along somehow. I was deep in conversation with Janelle about her new school when he made to leave.

"So I have this teacher for Environmental Science called Schumacher and-"

"Wait a second, you're teacher's name is Schumacher?"

"Yeah."

"Aren't you part Jewish?"

"So you see where I'm going with this then? But its okay cuz he's fat."

"You realize that logic is flawed beyond all explanation right?"

"Well not really you know," she began, launching into some explanation. I could hardly focus on what she was saying as a wall of pheromones hit me in the face and I leaned back in the chair to watch as Kuro adjust the collar of his shirt. Feeling my stare, as it was heated my adolescent virginity (shut up), he turned and looked at me resting on a single chair leg.

"Hey. You practicing for a circus act or something?" he asked, eyeing the wavering balance I held in the chair.

"Of the two us, you're the most likely to join the Ringling Brothers. What is that a striped polka dot shirt? I really can't believe you though; no self respecting clown would ever wear that, no matter how old and desperate one is."

"Well you'd know all about desperation, wouldn't you?"

There's really no contesting that point, so I quickly changed the topic. "Going out?"

"Yup. Going to find me a nice girl with low self-esteem and almost no self-respect and have me a good time. Coming?"

"I'll pass this time. But I thought you were interested in Aisha?"

"Yeah, so?"

"So should you really be going out, chasing tails?"

"Adrienne. Poor, innocent, naïve Adrienne," he said consolingly as he come over a squat down in front of him. Blue eyes regarded me with sympathy and more than a little bit of pity. "Liking someone and wanting to have sex with them, or another person are very separate things. You'll understand when your libido kicks into action." He clapped me on the shoulder in some kind of reassurance but instead destroyed the balance I had and sent me and the chair crashing to the floor. "So anyways I'll see you later; don't wait up." And with that he was gone. I returned my attention to the phone where Janelle was either dead or listening to the background.

"Adrienne? Are you okay? Did you suddenly sprout balls and start talking to yourself or did you get a boyfriend?"

"Yeah, not quite. It's…it's a very long story." And so I launched into the explanation and the conversation veered to her new classmates and something called 'short jokes' – "You wanna hear a short joke: Women's Rights.". And, somewhere in the world, Kuronue and Kurama, closely stalked by Karasu, were out trying to get laid. However, one particular fire demon would have to entertain himself with his human host and a Playstation 2.

"So you've never played Dance Dance Revolution before?" Chantal asked as she sat on a colourful plastic mat in front of the console.

"Hn. Despite popular belief, I am not completely withdrawn from humanity no matter how much I would prefer it. Both the detective and the idiot seem to have relatively mastered it so you can see how I would think it being absolutely worthless." Hiei explained, looking down at her from his cross-legged position on the couch.

"So you're not even remotely curious as to whether or not you'd be better than them at something so 'absolutely worthless'."

"I don't need to prove myself; it's clearly obvious that I would be far superior to them."

"Yeah," Chantal said slowly, contemplating her next words; the man has a sword. "But if no one's ever seen you try and you've never actually done it, who's to say that you're superior?" A glimmer of surprise briefly shadowed his face as he acknowledged Chantal's words.

----Fifteen Minutes Later------

"So what difficulty setting do you want, 'light'?" Chantal asked breathlessly. After showing Hiei the basics of the game, she stood beside the mat waiting for him to claim his place.

"I am not so pathetic that I have to play at such a low level of human footwork," Hiei said, stepping onto the bright neon arrows as he shifted his sword to a more accommodating position. "Put it on 'heavy'."

"Are you sure because……um, never mind. What am I saying? I am but a lowly human before the greatness of the Jagan wielder Hiei-sama," Chantal stammered nervously under the force of Hiei's raised eyebrow. Setting the difficulty, there was a short discussion as to the choice of music before the screen changed and the bright background and vacant arrows came up; neon arrows scrolled upwards as the dance music started.

Hiei was absolutely horrendous. You could see the veins pulsing in his forehead as the in-game announcer and audience members yelled 'Loser!! Why are you even trying?!!? Everyone knows short people can't dance!! Give up you gelled haired failure!!" Well maybe not exactly that, but you get the point. If you've ever played DDR and lost, you really understand; those people are brutal. A low growl left his throat before he snapped at the poor girl collapsed on the couch behind him. "Set it up again."

"Hiei, it's one in the morning. If you haven't beat it by now, it's not going to happen so can I please go to sleep now?"

"Pathetic human. No form of stamina or endurance within you."

"Yes, yes. I am but a pathetic human who doesn't even deserve to breathe clean air and my worthless body should be thrown by the wayside as long as it involves a god 10-hour nap."

"Since you agree your presence in this world is so pathetic, then perhaps I should just erase your existence altogether?" There came a melodious ring as his blade slowly left the sheath.

"So is Days Go By by Dirty Vegas okay?"

"Hn." For what felt like the millionth time, the arrows came up as the music and the background video played. And a miracle that can only be attributed to the highest powers (good for you, Koenma), Hiei hit every arrow.

"Perfect! Perfect! Great! Awesome! Perfect! Good! Great! Awesome! Perfect! Good! You rock!" rang the surprised voice of the game announcer. When the song was over, Hiei stood victoriously on the mat looking down at the half asleep teenager.

"See? I told you I was better than this paltry excuse for entertainment. Now excuse me, I grow weary of these exertions." And with that, he turned and walked back to Chantal's room to claim the hammock.

'Yeah you're better than it alright. It just took 374 tries and me secretly changing the setting to Beginner's. Yeah. Go Hiei.' And with that, Chantal curled up on the floor using the mat as a blanket and the game soundtrack as a lullaby. During Hiei's ultimate 'conquering' of the game system, Yusuke and Tedi were getting to know each other a little bit better.

'This repetitive up and down motion is starting to make me a little sick,' Tedi thought from her current position. 'How long does he plan to do this?' The room was silent save for a few grunts from her exchange student. "So, Yusuke…does Keiko usually do this sort of thing for you?"

"Sometimes," grunted the youth on the ground. "But she stopped after a while, saying something like her legs started cramping up and it's hard to walk; some shit like that." Beads of sweat rolled off his forehead and dropped to the floor like miniscule suicide bombers.

"Really? I've been like this for a while and my legs feel fine."

"Well you probably have more experience than her." A distressed noise erupting from Yusuke as Tedi shifted slightly. "Do me a favor and don't move around so much, your ass is too bony for me to handle it without the cushion."

"Hey! My ass I so not bony!!" shrieked the indignant and flimsy young girl.

"Have you seen your ass?"

"Well………no."

"Exactly," Yusuke said victoriously. "Alright, I think I've done enough pushups now, get off my back."

"Aww and I was having so much fun," Tedi said, disappointed that she could no longer be somebody's burden. Stepping back, she took in the full picture of Yusuke after a light workout. His bare upper body was covered with a light sheen of sweat, the rise and fall of his chest slowing as he caught his breath. His normally gelled and coiffed hair lay in disarray about his ears, several wisps heavy with sweat. Currently, he looked as if he should replace Fabio on the cover of a trashy romance novel. So it can hardly be surprising that time soon found Yusuke temporarily blinded by a bright light and Tedi uploading pictures to deviantART. And by the time Yusuke had broken down the door, wrestled Tedi to the floor (much to her enjoyment), taken the camera and leaned the door up against its frame, Kuronue opened the door and slowly walked in as if in a daze. So intense was this dreamlike state of his that I had to go and close the door behind him, throwing his shoes at him before he floated off. I mean literally floated off; his wings were delicately flapping and he was about 3 feet off the floor.

"Kuro?" I asked worriedly, if only because his knees were dangerously close to my nose. "Are you okay?"

"Me? I'm wondrous," he said, suddenly turning on his back and floating around me until he landed in my outstretched arms. "There was such a cornucopia of beautiful young women aching to be bent over and-"

"Did I ask for details?" I demanded of the wriggling mass I barely managed to hold against my forearms. "Why the fuck am I holding you?" I asked no one in particular as I dropped the demon to the tile. This didn't do much as he was soon on his knees and dragging me down towards his face.

"Adrienne. Smell my face."

"What?!"

"Smell. My face." He eyes were large and prominent in his face, not to mention slightly bloodshot. Extremely diluted pupils gave me the impression that if I smelt his face I'd end up on my roof bellowing I Am The Walrus by The Beatles half-naked with a bottle of olive oil and bat with a hard-on circling overhead. So, to preserve the experiences I hope to have in college, I put as much distance between our faces as I could.

"Why do you need me to smell your face Kuro?"

He groaned pleasurably – who the fuck knows, it was a sound – as he curled down to pool where I knelt on the floor. "Sooooo many women. Damn that fox, the underage ones looked so ripe. Ohhh but the mature ones were nothing to scoff at." I idly pat at the head rested in my lap before his words hit my ears. Pulling him by his ponytail I brought his face up to eye-level.

"Wait, so you're saying you actually went out and got laid tonight?"

"That's what I've been trying to tell you!!" he yelled suddenly, his eyes wild and rimmed with several drugs and forms of alcohol.

"But what about Aisha?"

"Who?"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. "Aisha? You know, black widow spider, your girlfriend?"

"What's a girlfriend?"

"'What's a - ' are you seriously that stupid?"

"Adrienne look!!" he said, suddenly sitting upright. His face was contorted into what would have been a serious expression with scrunched brows and tightened jaw had it not been for his lazily blinking eyes. He raised his index finger, tapping it on my nose as he made his point. "I'm not really a relationship guy," he says, spitting out the word with mild resentment. "You see I have a big plan for the female population of this lovely little island here."

There was silence so I assumed he was waiting for me to ask. It was either that or he was about to vomit.

"What plan?"

"K.O." he says, tapping my nose as he sounds each letter.

"K.O.?" I repeated, wondering what bad grass this poor fellow got hold of. "Knockout? What does that have to do with anything? Are you planning on beating everyone over the head with a bat?"

"No stupid," he said, slapping me. I was too stunned to do anything about it. "Not K.O. literally; K.O. as in K.O." (A/N: Windows had a real problem with that sentence)

"Alright, you're doing that bold typeface shit again and it's not doing anything."

"K.A.Y.O.H.!!! Why do you not understand what I am saying!?!?"

'Because you've got more alcohol in you then an Irishman's liver?' I thought as I watched his eyeballs swim and then refocus on my forehead. "So what does K.A.Y.O.H. mean?"

"Karefully Annihilating Young Onnas Holes," he explained serenely, tapping my nose again before he promptly passed out in my lap. I looked down at the peacefully sleeping demon and was abruptly faced with a very random question:

'If I was supposed to smell his face, then why did his finger smell so funny and my nose itch so intensely?' The only plausible answer came from the frumpy head resting against my knees.

"E'rybody pile on!! I am a SEXY BEAST!!!"

End Chapter 7.

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