Title: The Theory
Summary: 'I am being stalked by anime characters.' The story of a slightly deluded high-school girl who is thought crazy by all except her equally jaded friends. But what happens when she gets proof?
Thanks again to everyone who reviewed and to those who've added this story to their alerts/favorite story/author list; of course you could review but eh. By the by, check out Teh Fez's story: Diary of a Spy; worth the read.
Before we start I'd just like to say I'm a little worried: I've been thinking that since I haven't pissed anyone off enough to flame yet, I must be doing something wrong. Hm. Maybe I'm just crazy. And I proof-read this chapter so there should be no………fewer errors than before; the slight sexual content makes up or it. Oh yeah, It's my 17th birthday as I write this (July 25) so yay me.
I own nothing but a burning desire to have an industrial piercing. Seriously, it's all I've been thinking about for a while.
Chapter 8 – End of Term
The first term/semester of the school year was coming to a slow but steady close and all assembled characters found themselves making the kinds of bonds that a bunch of ridiculous teenagers and amazingly tolerant demons can make: bonds of insanity rooted in humourous encounters with a slight pornographic aftertaste. By now Aisha had a profound respect for the structural integrity of Kuwabara's abs, Hiei had conquered the 'Standard' mode of Dance Dance Revolution, Tedi has started obeying privacy laws – an incident with a showerhead quickly put her in her place, Kuronue has come off his alcohol binge and he and Kurama, um, relieved themselves of physical frustrations several times. Fuck it, the story is mature for a reason; they went out and got laid. Not with each other; if you want to see that go find one of those fics, I'm sure they're around. But as many know, adolescence wreaks havoc on the body and said body's urges. Kurama now found himself in the same predicament as Yusuke, Kuwabara and young men worldwide. Yeah, morning wood sure can be a bitch.
Kurama sat on the floor, leaning against the closed (and locked) door of Kathryna's second floor bathroom. His mind was hounded by an abundance of explicit images (titties and ass!!) as he went about relieving himself. I don't have a dick so I don't know how it works; I'm guessing there's some kind of pulling involved or something. I don't know and I'm not too sure I care to. A tired leg extended to rest against the base of the toilet as his head collided with a dull thud against the door behind him. Groaning, his eyes rolled upwards to focus on the orange glow of the bulb above him as his hand continued in its seemingly unyielding and unrelenting movement. Biting his lip, he held back what would've been a very conspicuous moan as he looked down at the pulsing, accelerating and almost frantic motions of his hand. His free hand curled against the cool tile and his legs splayed further apart on the floor as, with a slight trembling, he neared his 'destination'.
Just before he could bust his nut (lol), loud banging sounded several inches above his head; frustration and arousal were thick in the youth's voice as he responded to the insistent knocking. "Yes?"
"Get out of the bathroom!! I need to replace my hip and dentures!!" yelled the old and wizened vocal chords of Kathryna's grandmother.
"I'm…I'm kind of…busy" Kurama managed to get out, his voice gravelly from the exertion; his hand was moving much more slowly now but moving all the same.
"Well I don't give a shit so open up yellow boy!!" she yelled resuming her knocking, throwing her good hip against the doorframe for good measure. The sudden force against the unsuspecting back, forced Kurama's active hand to tighten around his active member. This sudden application of force led Kurama off and over the edge with a surprised gasp and pleasured moan. Standing, he moved on shaking legs over to the sink as he adjusted himself. The banging had changed into a multitude of curses and fantastically inappropriate phrases as Kurama went about 'cleaning up'; it was then he noticed the denture cream container. It is essential that we remember that Kurama is still Kurama, fox demon spirit and all. It is also essential that we realize that Kurama was most likely a total and complete bastard in his past life and so cannot be blamed for any/most of his actions; in any case, who really likes being interrupted when their trying to get off? Opening the door he was faced with a very red granny who brushed past the young man as she moved towards the sink, her teeth barely held in place.
"Damn immigrants……popping up, opening supermarkets and whatnot…" she grumbled removing the pair she had in. Holding the new pair of uppers in her gnarled hand, she reached for the denture cream dispenser. As she squirted a fine line among the gum base, she noticed that the usual magenta cream was now more light pink in appearance; the consistency seemed different thicker almost. Chalking the difference up to it already being a week past its expiration date, the old woman popped the row in and moved on to the bottom. Kurama watched in mild victory and disgust as neither guilt nor bad aftertaste plagued his body. Relieved, he went off to find other forms of amusement. (A/N: If you don't know what just happened, good for you.)
And so, night came and went several times until it was okay for me to convincingly say that it is now Wednesday morning. Wednesday mornings at Immaculate High, very much like midmorning on Fridays, are times designated for interclass bonding and getting to know your fellow schoolmates or some shit like that; this period is known as Long Homeroom (real original right?) and shall be abused for the frivolities of these few scenes.
As such, this period found the story's cast scattered amongst the block's homerooms and haunting the corridors. In one room, Verona, due to her 'mondo boobs', found herself the unfortunate target of Kuronue's affections as, nearby, Kurama tried explaining the basics of xylem and phloem transport to Zahra and Kuwabara.
"So the xylem and phloem system are the plant's transport units; phloem carries the food material and xylem mainly transports water and dissolved minerals," he explained, pointing to the respective systems depicted in the text before them. "Understand?" the large O dominating the lower half of both their faces was answer enough.
"So is that why when I punch a tree it squirts out a lot of fluid?" Kuwabara asked, oblivious to the 'what the fuck' look that crossed his friends' faces.
"I think that's tree sap," Kurama said slowly.
"It's more likely that the tree is crying at having to see you," Hiei said from his place behind the group.
"You got something to say to me shortstack?! (Mm pancakes)" Kuwabara yelled, grabbing the front of Hiei's robes and pulling him up to eyelevel. If the image of Hiei's feet dangling 2 feet off the ground doesn't crack you up then I don't know what will.
"I thought I had," said the dangling fire demon, his monotone belying his current altitude. "Or has your stupidity finally spread to your ear canals?"
"Now no need to fight," Kurama said hurriedly, glancing around at the gathering crowd. "Kuwabara please put Hiei down before the ideal high school instigator started yelling 'Fight! Fight!'. Smelling the stirrings of aggression and a spike in testosterone levels, Yusuke arrived shortly after to entertain himself with his friend. Looking down at his seemingly unaffected friend, Kurama watched as the miniature demon scratched at his forehead. "Hiei? Are you okay?" he asked, bending slightly to look into his face.
"Nothing. It's fine. Go away," he said shortly (pun?) as he turned and left the classroom, heading towards the bathroom.
"Are you sure?" asked the worried fox as he followed closely behind him. The bathroom door collided with his palm as he continued his mild-mannered stalking.
"I'm telling you that it's fine," Hiei snapped. Going towards the mirror, he removed his bandana. His image stared back at him seemingly in annoyance judging by the wrinkles across his forehead. A fine line became increasingly more noticeable until the line became a slit; the slit soon opened to reveal the Jagan that, against all logic, seemed to be squinting. An angry red light pulsated from the narrow opening. Sensing something was off, Kurama slowly moved closer.
"Is something wrong with the Jagan Hiei?"
"No it's just……" Hiei mutter, poking at his forehead gingerly very much like a teenager might poke at a pimple on their forehead before assaulting it with the pincer formation of the two index fingers. "I got something in my eye…"
After stifling his laughter and putting out the toilet fire, Kurama could be seen gently grasping the back of Hiei's head as he went about dropping Visine in his friend's eye. At that moment, Kuronue kicked his way into the bathroom. The abrupt entrance and racket of the door slamming against the wall startled the unsuspecting pair; Kurama's hand dropped as Hiei jolted upwards further ramming the tapered bottle into his eye.
"MotherFUCK!!" Hiei yelled as he leaned against one of the porcelain sinks, the Jagan tearing slightly.
"Um, did I interrupt something?" Kuronue asked looking from Kurama to Hiei.
"No, nothing at all," Kurama said, smiling pleasantly completely forgetting the slightly bloodied Visine bottle. "So what were you planning on doing in here with those two?" he asked, gesturing to Kuronue's load. Kuronue carried an unconscious girl in each arm. Further inspection revealed the cargo to be Verona and Zahra, the latter of which got tired of doing biology homework and went to be entertained by a certain bat demon. Instead both girls found themselves as the source of said bat's entertainment.
"Hm? Oh these old things?" he asked, looking down at his bundle to avoid Kurama's probing stare. "Nothing much really. Didn't even realize I'd had them until just now. I'll get rid of them," he said, laughing nervously as he unceremoniously dumped them in a nearby stall. "So what were the two of you doing in here anyways, because it looked like you were going to start making out."
"Hiei had something in his eye," Kurama explained, ignoring the sound of breaking porcelain. Before Kuronue could ask which eye – because those details are important – Hiei stormed by, grabbing the Visine bottle from Kurama's hand, all the while mumbling about 'stupid bats' and 'uncoordinated foxes'. A pregnant pause permeated the bathroom as the remaining demons stood regarding one another; a snort and the popping of a drool bubble from the girls broke the silence.
"So what's the deal between the two of you anyways?" Kuronue asked suspicion thick in his voice.
"Why?" Kurama asked, a roguish smirk crossing his features. "Are you jealous?"
"This isn't one of those stories goddammit!!" he yelled as he followed his laughing friend out of the bathroom.
The bottom of the hour – or bottom of the period rather – found Kathryna and Chantal trying to explain to Yusuke and Laura why Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter aren't better than Final Fantasy or Kingdom Hearts. (A/N: I love me some RPGs; never finished one though…) while I sat in a relatively quiet corner trying to finish homework as Aisha talked into the side of my head.
"Listen," Chantal said seriously. "I'm as much an advocate for mindless violence as the next person, but there's something about violence and adventure that makes it so much better!"
"Well fighting games have Story Modes!! And then there's the whole back-story of the characters that come with the game," Laura rationalized.
"Back-story? You mean that paragraph of fine print?" Kathryna said, incredulity making her 'fro curl even more. "Compared to the character development in RPGs, that paragraph is just sad and pathetic."
"Fuck 'character development', give me a severed limb and I am a happy man!" Yusuke said from his seat.
"Oh shut up. What do you know about 'character development'?" Kathryna said as she shoved his feet off her table.
"Well only what any other epic lead character knows," Yusuke replied looking quite insulted. It didn't help that the ensuing response was a round of snorting from everybody within earshot. "What?! I developed as a character!!"
"Well…yes, that is the general belief by all/most fans," Chantal began gently. "But after dying in the first episode there's really nowhere else to go but up."
"I was saving a little kid!!" he yelled indignantly.
"Tsk, details," she said waving off his comment as if it were an irritating insect.
"Too true," Laura commented. "Although all the characters in the anime had people going 'what the fuck?' at one point."
"Oh yeah. Like that time with Kaito when Hiei said 'hot'," Kathryna said, adding her two cents. "Fans worldwide were probably screaming 'YOU FOOLISH FOOL!!!!' at the screen."
"'You foolish fool'? How does that make sense?"
"Well what is she going to say: 'you stupid fool'?" Chantal explained.
"Yeah, what do you take me for?" Kathryna said the affront to her character evident upon her face.
"Weren't we talking about video games or something?" Laura asked in slight confusion, bringing the bickering to a screeching halt. Several moments passed as everyone involved in the tiff brought their minds back to the pressing issue at hand; Urameshi was the first to recover.
"Big breasts make video games so much more worth it."
And the fighting resumed with a feminist bang. But seriously, video game breasts are just…they're something else.
I heard all of this with half an ear as I struggled to divide my focus in favour of the math homework from Satan – A.K.A. Mrs. Robinson – and Aisha's perennial line of questioning.
''If one man leaves on foot and walks downtown to the bank in half an hour and another man makes the same journey by car in twice the time, what is the probability that they will be behind each other in the same line at the bank?' What the fuck? What the hell? Who the fuck comes up with a question like that in the first place?' I thought, looking up and gazing around wildly as if the fiend that wrote the question would present themselves. 'What kind of variables are these?! Who cares if they end up in the same line? If you have to go down to the bank in the first place, you probably aren't having that great of a day. And since when is there a bank in downtown?! Fuck this, what's the next question?!?' Delved deeply in my thoughts, I just barely heard Aisha's questions.
"So has Kuro said anything about me?"
"WHO PUTS LETTERS IN MATH!?!? – Huh? Oh, you were saying something? Kuro? Yeah he hasn't said anything about you."
"Oh," she said, disappointment evident in her voice and body as she slumped into her seat. "Well do you have a number for him?"
"Well he's living with me so logic goes to say that if you have my number then you'd have his," I said as I flipped through pages of math homework grumbling. "Of course logic doesn't seem to apply to the curriculum. 'An animal has 12 appendages and - ' wait, what? '12 appendages'? What the fuck kind of Mutant Ninja Turtles animals are in this problem?!"
"Well I don't really like you so there's no reason for me to have your phone number is there?" I should tell you, it takes quite a bit of effort to not bitch-slap someone with a stack of irrational mathematics but somehow I pulled it off. "So have you heard anything? Like if he's cheating on me or something?"
"'…or something?'" I said, staring determinedly at the tip of my pen.
"So you do know something!"
"Um. No?" silence hung in the air between us; I could feel her gaze boring into my temple as I shot her wary sidelong glances. Finally, she stood up and began to move away. Before leaving completely she turned and faced me once more.
"Fine. I'll believe you for now. But if I find out anything, anything the both of you are going down." And with that she stalked off like some angry priestess. Angry, hormonal teenage girl would have been a better metaphor but eh, just go with it. I couldn't concentrate on that particular promise so I returned my attention to the task at hand that promised, in its own way, a unique set of horrors. Eventually the bell rang and the rigmarole that is called school fully began. Students shuffled from class to class, lunch came and went uneventfully and soon the day was coming to a close. As the announcements were set to begin, something struck Yusuke as odd.
"Has anyone seen Zahra or Verona all day?" he asked Laura, leaning towards so that he wouldn't have to yell.
"Mm, no I don't think so, why?"
"Just wondering. They walked off with that bat demon earlier today."
"You don't think he did anything do you?" Laura asked, worried about her buxom buddies.
"Nah, this fic is just pure mindless humour, I doubt there's going to be any actual violence anyways," Yusuke said as he somehow managed to recline in the chair. "In any case she said she's keeping all the character development for some other fics: a romantic comedy called 'Gunslinger Girl' where Kurama falls for a leader of the second most powerful yakuza sect in Japan or 'The Perfect Story' where an author tries to write the perfect fanfic."
"I like the first idea," Laura mused. "But she needs you, the readers who've stayed on for the ride to give her some feedback in the review or by private message about the story you want to see."
Dot…freaking…dot…
And so the day ended with story ideas being plugged, me being threatened, Tedi completely forgotten from the story and Verona and Zahra taken home by the janitor and subjected all kinds of things that make for a hell of a psychiatrist's bill.
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And so it came to pass that we were in the last two weeks before Christmas break. Anticipation of academic freedom was thick in the air as well as parental fear as report cards would be coming out next week. This led the teachers to become very irate at the fact that the students had not told them they weren't teaching. Whoops. As it were, amongst all the teenage-y emotional goodness, love and romance – or the mockery I will make of it because everyone needs a turn– had found a way to bloom. And so it was that Kuronue found himself approached by Yuuki Miyamori, the character I had claimed…shut up.
"So Yuuki was it?" Kuronue asked as he looked down at the boy. "Is there something you need?"
"Well…" he said slowly, shuffling his feet. "It's about your friend Adrienne."
"Hm? Oh no, did she steal your lunch money kid? You want me to go beat her up for you?" he asked sympathetically.
"What?! No, it's nothing like that!"
"Oh. Then what, you like her or something?"
Silence bloomed slowly as somewhere in the world a red dragonfly flits from a young priestess' nose and descends upon a water lily caught in a cycle of its own demise, ephemeral in its realistic beauty. Elsewhere, Kuronue was trying to pick his convulsing body off the floor, the force of his laughter shaking the door from his back.
"Adrienne?! Really? Alright, you're obviously suffering from heat stroke," said the bat as he led the young boy by the shoulder. "Let's introduce you to some nice young ladies who are more likely to actually behave as their genitalia bids them to do."
"No," he said, stopping as he lifted Kuro's hand from his shoulder. "I'm not you, where I need to go around humping everything."
"Does everybody know what happened?" Kuronue wailed despairingly…sort of.
"Well yeah, it was in the story newsletter," Yuuki said pulling a blue folded pamphlet from his back pocket and handing it to the demon; emblazoned across the front was the caption 'KURO'S A MANWHORE!!'
'Of course, this makes perfect sense. The characters in the story get newsletters. Lovely.'
"Um, right. So I was wondering if you could put in a good word for me?" Yuuki asked, bringing the conversation back to the issue at hand.
"Huh? Oh yeah. Well if you're really serious you can just go ask her yourself."
"I guess you have a point there. Well thanks!" he said as he walked down the corridor.
'Yeah well, just don't be surprised if she's dead before you can ask her out,' Kuronue thought, flipping idly through the newsletter. 'What the hell? Manwhore Kuro shaves his legs, pubic hair, underarms and face with the same razor?! Why would I shave my pits, that's just a waste of time; tsk silly girl.' And this is how I went on my first date with my arms shaved and a bump on my head.
Correction, two bumps. Yeah, mother dearest wasn't too happy about the physics grades and let me tell you, gravity does not apply to this woman.
It was through these events and my own laziness and lack of ideas for this chapter that found us at the end of the last day of school for this term. Per Immaculate Conception High School protocol, the whole school was once again gathered for assembly before we were sent on about our merry way (X-Mas pun) to buy and receive crap we probably won't like or use. Best. Holiday. Evar. Sister Margaret Young stood before the assembled staff and students, Karasu onstage behind her. His hair floating away from his head the way it always does…in escape maybe but eh. The air was only mildly warm in comparison to the term's beginning sun orgy and there was a light breeze flowing through the air. However the close proximity of 1500+ bodies gathered into an open space worked against fresh oxygen and acute asthmatics.
"I hope that you have all had a wonderful first term," Sister chirped over the hum over the industrial-sized fan sending her headpiece fluttering about her head. "And I hope that you have made the transfer students feel quite welcome." At this statement a third of the female population turned to leer suggestively at Kuronue, Aisha turned to glare and said promiscuous bat demon took sudden interest in the back of Kurama's head because, let's face it, we've no idea what's hiding in there.
"Now as you all know, we have had a temporary chemistry teacher with us this term, Mr. Karasu. So did you all learn something?" Students took a sudden interest in the surrounding shrubbery, not because it was once flowing with Spirit Energy and pretty boy rage but because they'd rather look anywhere else than at their substitute 'teacher'. All he'd done the whole term was molest people in class. And during lunch. And on the corridors. And in the bathroom. And no one dared report him because the first and last person self-righteous enough to want to be molested and tried to report him ended up with bleached hair and walking with a cane for the rest of his life; it's hella funny to see him try and sit down though. The silence so loud you'd think you were at a rave for deaf people called to be broken. And so, as Karasu stepped from the background, his shoes coming into light, the students were struck with such insatiable fear that they could only scream wordlessly. Well except Hiei. He was busy scratching at his forehead again; his contact was slipping around. It helps to focus the evil.
"Well I see you're all so enthusiastic about Mr. Karasu," Sister said, interpreting the screams as cheers. "Such a shame he has to leave as the indecent exposure charges were dropped and both teachers have finished with their drug tests," she concluded to more screams and bawling cries to the heavens in joy. "However we will be receiving a new tennis coach next term as the current one suffered a horrible freak accident of inhaling a tennis ball and his vasectomy being performed with a racket; the surgeon was very unskilled. Understandably, the sport has traumatized him until further notice. And on that final word, I dismiss you," she said with an unmistakable note of finality. And like Pavlov's dogs we arose, sniffing at the air filled with the scent of freedom regardless of how brief and fleeting it may be. Ignoring various ass-sweat stains on the ground (the largest of which belonging to an upperclassman who moonlights as a jeans model) and stretched glad to have this thing over with until next year. And, like Pavlov's dogs, we soon realized that we were being fucked with.
"Oh and one more thing," said the sadistic nun precisely as the clock struck noon and the sun was highest in the sky, optimal position to drop trou' and squeeze out an ass-baby. "Please remember that as of next term, the male population at this school will greatly increase. So basically it's going to be a regular ol' cockfest up in dis piece!" she concluded to one unanimous thought from the student body of 'What the fuck?!' "So off you go!"
And with that we flew from the patio like a bat out of hell or a bat out of a freezer, whichever and soon arrived at Kathryna's house to demolish it with 'M'-Rated party going. Seated between Kuronue and Kuwabara, I found myself watching Yusuke repeatedly trump Hiei at Dance Dance Revolution which, as you can imagine, did not sit well with the little fire demon.
"You!! Mushroom-haired woman!! Why am I sucking at this now?!" he demanded of the fungus-haired young woman whom we have known up to this point as Chantal. "What explanation do you have for this?"
"The sky is so pretty this time of night," she commented dreamily as she left the room a mach speed, a fireball trailing after her. (Go Speed Racer, Go!!)
Kurama watched the goings on as he tried to explain to Verona and Tedi why he could not in good conscience grow and sell them weed; although he can put his come into an old woman's denture cream but ah well, whatever keeps you going. "What would you even want with it anyways?"
"Well what do you think?" Tedi asked.
"Yeah and they call you the 'smart one'," Verona stated as she tried reaching up into his head and the assumed eternal store of shit that lies within.
"I'm sure you can find some here, you don't need me," Kurama said, not helping the stereotype that all Jamaicans smoke weed. We don't. Seriously. There's quite a bit who do, but the rest of us don't; we smoke crack. I'm joking, most of us don't smoke. Seriously. I have asthma. And I will die. Elsewhere, Aisha was deeply engaged in a riveting conversation with Laura, Kathryna and Zahra about Kuro's supposed (HA.) infidelity/infidelities/orgies.
"So have any of you heard anything because the THE THEORY Newsletter I got seemed different."
"Different how?" Zahra asked as she protected her Cheetos from Laura's reaching grasp.
"'The whole front page was coloured in black Sharpie' kind of different."
"I'm sure it's nothing," Laura said as she managed to steal several curls of cheesy goodness. "You're probably being paranoid. Have you heard anything?"
"No, nobody's told me anything although Adrienne seemed kind of suspicious," Aisha said, glancing over to look at Kuro as she nervously bit at her thumb nail.
"Well Adrienne's always suspicious, it's part of her charm," Kathryna said. "In any case," she grunted as she opened a bottle of…something potable, "Kuronue seems like a decent guy. I'm sure if anything happened he'd tell you."
"Kathryna why don't you leave the conversation to people who've actually had a boyfriend?" she snapped miserably. Kathryna, with a very large bottle in her hand realizes that she's just upset and paranoid about her relationship and so cannot be held accountable for her words and actions. However that did not make it any easier to not bend her over the table and give her a cider enema.
I strummed the guitar I'd found on Kathryna's couch as Kuwabara and Kuronue shared a bowl of chips and salsa resting on top of my head.
"I think I'm going to break up with Aisha -" Kuro managed to get out before he was deepthroating the neck of the guitar. Kuwabara managed to restrain me to the seat and preserve his nachos. "What the fuck is wrong with you!?!" Kuronue demanded, dislodging a peg that found its way through his cheek.
"You is what's wrong with me you selfish asshole," I whispered harshly, trying hard to not be heard. "All you think about is yourself! Did you ever stop to think how this might affect me!?"
"How the hell are you involved in this?!"
"Because not only is she going to totally fuck you over, I'm going down as well just by association and I didn't want to be in that kind of position until I got married!! So please, just do me a solid and don't break up with her!"
"I can't," he said, frowning sadly. "I don't want to hurt her."
"So you're choosing with your mind over your dick?" I asked in utter disbelief.
"Hey, I'm not that bad."
"Well can you blame people for speculating?" Kuwabara said, leaning to better access the seemingly bottomless bowl. "You go around humping everything in sight and then you don't even have the balls to tell your girl; you're the lowest," he said, his words forming visible arrows, stabbing Kuro in the back. "A coward who can't even face his girlfriend and the relationship he's wrecked. It's guys like you that give real men a bad name. Are those Tostitos?"
"Wow. Go Kuwabara." Looking down at the forlorn bat demon with arrows sticking out of his back, I felt a pang of sympathy. Or maybe it was the pang of the B string as I refit it to the instrument. Whichever.
"Fine. I'll fix the relationship," he said sighing. "We've really come a long way haven't we?"
"Yup. And it's all thanks to the awesome readers."
"But they're going to start getting upset," Kuwabara said as he munched thoughtfully on a chip.
"He's right, you've got some glaring plot holes all throughout the story," Kuronue said as he too indulged in the salty goodness of the nacho chip.
"Really? What happened? Where? Tell me so I can explain to the readers," I said frantically.
"Well firstly: how is that I as a human can't get back through the portal?" Kuwabara mused. "I can understand that bat guy over there and Yusuke and the rest of the group, I can even understand Koenma since he's 'awesome', but why not me?"
"Hmm. Good question. Well that's because you weren't supposed to be in Spirit World in the first place; you're not dead although some Kuwabara-bashers may say you're brain dead but that's just moot. Well since you're not dead Spirit World rejecting your body through the portal," I explained.
"Seems like a pretty flimsy explanation to me," Kuronue said, busting out a jar of cheese. Who keeps a jar of cheese on them? "It would've just been easier to say that the portal wasn't in Spirit World in the first place."
"Oh yeah…"
"And another thing," Kuwabara began once more. "How is it that Karasu is here?"
"I don't get you."
"Well he's as much demon as the rest of them," he said waving a hand at Kurama and Hiei who had returned to burn the DDR mat, game and memory card into oblivion, "So how is it that he's here and then he's able to leave? And you can't say that it's because he was dead and the wavelength of his Spirit Energy and Soul are different because then Kuronue shouldn't even be in the story."
"Oh…um, well…hm. Magic?"
"The readers won't like that," Kuro said, taking great joy in my apparent discomfort.
"Well I don't really know what to say. I'm sorry readers, theirs is no explanation and I'm pretty sure that besides that there aren't anymore."
"I have one!!" Kuro exclaimed victoriously, cheese and salsa running onto his fingers. "If we're all so aware that we're in a story then shouldn't Aisha know I cheated on her by scrolling through the dialogue box?"
"You want her to know you cheated?" I ask incredulously, the bowl leaning against my ear as I turned to look at him. "Because I can tell her right now."
"Oh look, actual pepper grains in the salsa, that's a nice touch."
"Yeah, I thought so."
"But there is another problem," Kuwabara said a third time. "What about all this mindless humour? Don't you think the readers are going to start getting annoyed that you're not seeing real in-depth character development within the story? Also the late updates; people might start to lose hope."
"I can explain that: with so many fics that aren't quite…well not bad but not quite good either, I just thought there needed to be some reprieve that was long and, more often than not, painfully ridiculous. I'm saving all the character development for the two story ideas mentioned earlier. But for now, I need to get rid of all…most of the nonsense flitting around in my head. And I am SO sorry about the gap between updates; I'm a bum."
"Well I guess fanfic readers are understanding; they haven't flamed you yet," Kuronue contributed.
"So what's on for next chapter/term?" Kuwabara asked, righting the bowl on my head to refill it.
"We'll all find out when I write it. What, you people think this is all thought out? Tsk, shame." I resumed the strumming, mind free of 'plot hole' worry.
End Chapter 8.
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Please review!! And if there are anymore 'plot' problems feel free to say in the review as well as how you feel about the story ideas. You know, since I've been writing this the amount of noise from my kitchen has increased. Weird, right? Ah well.
Thanks so much. Oh and I lied. I was too lazy to proofread. Is it obvious?