Family and Friends (how to deal with dead old enemies who ruin your peace and quiet)
Another headache problem about Christmas is the need for solitary confinement…you have no personal space whatsoever…the adults are all chatting about stuff- i.e. "Ian, you must try some of this French Champagne I got when I was on my latest mission…" Or, "Yassen try some of this pudding Mrs Jones made…It's explosive!" when they all are really thinking about wars in Iraq and nuclear bombs in Russia… You are probably too young to drink posh Champagnes from France and you are really not interested in pudding-especially explosive ones…
So you settle down to watch Grey's Anatomy ( come on it doesn't always have to be James Bond) but then the door bell rang and surprise, surprise it's: your dad and mum, Damian Cray, Herod Sayle, Dr Grief and a bunch of other people you less expect to be here…after all aren't they all suppose to be dead?
Anyways everyone except your mum and dad (they went to see Uncle Ian) jumps on the couch with you and starts fighting for the remote-
"Seriously Alex, National Geographic is way better!" says Dr Grief…
"Oh yeah?" matched Sayle, "Well Gok's Fashion Fix is for me!"
"Come on people, break it up. Let's watch some music videos! Michael Jackson anyone?" suggested Damian Cray.
N.O 2 Golden Rule of Alex Rider: Never stay around when a bunch of maniacal people who tried to take over the world are all watching TV together. It could result in knife pulling, gun slinging and a couple of bleeding noses…
How to Greet Your Guests
Obviously a lot of people are going to come around to your house weather you like it or not, say your least favorite auntie or your spoilt cousin who comes in a Christian Dior tux…and apparently you just happen to be the person in the sentence- e.g. "Alex, get the door please…" what are the chances?
It's Christmas so they expect you to be jolly (although I don't know why seeing the person who once wanted to kill you would make you anything but jolly) but who can understand the minds of evil rich criminal masterminds?
Oh well, they are most likely going to call you the guy from a Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens(what's his name again?) if you are all glum so yeah just try to fit in okay?
Try a little smile- smiles make the world go round…
How about some posh formal language like: "Good evening sir, may I take your coat?"-in the process you might just find some confidential documents you can look at in the middle of the night…
Maybe a hug-okay that one's restricted for people you like: such as your mum, dad, housekeeper and good friends…
A shake of the hand would be good for people you know but want to keep a distance such as: Mr Blunt, Mrs Jones etc…
How to Entertain Guests
Nah forget about that one…
More importantly: How to get Your Seat Back from Villains
So your least favorite adults are on the couch eating popcorn and watching the nature channel…so what do you do?
A. Hit them in the head
B. Ask them politely to leave
C. Tell them there is free pizza
OR
D. Tempt them with cocktails and thin saffron noodles steamed with green tea
As those people you're dealing with are highly dangerous criminals, hitting them on the head is not recommended.
Asking them politely is the second no-no...why on earth would Dr Grief give his seat for you and the remote just because you said 'Please' and 'Thank you'?
What if Herod Sayle is allergic to Pizza? And by the way he hates anchovies…
So it must be D? Nah…this is a trick question…what on earth are saffron noodles steamed with green tea anyway?
The answer is….
Get all your spy and assassin family to deal with them…
Your dad could go with Dr Grief and chill out with some wine and chat about good defense positions in the Amazon.
Yassen could play sing star with Damian Cray.
Fabulous Uncle Ian could have some fun with Herod Sayle on the computer and auction some stuff for his house…Life is good…
And you? Peace and quiet, watching Greys' Anatomy and eating hot Milo (John Rider believes in healthy choices)…until the carol singers come along that is...