Diet and Foods
It's just not Christmas without delicious, fattening, oil dripping, food. I mean who eats carrot sticks and hummus dips on Christmas Eve? Who brings out Greek yoghurt poured over fresh fruit as a pudding? On Christmas Eve, you bring out the 'big guns' and it's definitely the rich buttery pudding and the crispy, golden turkey with the lovely hot gravy running down it's back. Hungry yet?

Then let's begin.
As I said before, Christmas is big on food. You can't get one without the other, it's like Batman and Robin, hot chocolate and marshmallows, bad guys and their cold blooded sidekicks. It's just something that works together…
Anyways what can go wrong?

AHEM. Yeah…
According to leading scientists (the 'leading scientist' part is so convincing! ) Christmas time is a time for 'over indulgence'. In other words, stuffing your mouth like a pig, it's a time that leaves you hung over and weak. A time when everything goes wrong: from the champagne cork hitting your Uncle in the nuts to fire engulfing the whole kitchen because the assassin of the family was temporarily reporting back to the 'people he work for' instead of cutting the baked Alaska into generous helpings. So what can we, as spies and capable UK citizens, do?

To answer this question, I have split it into 2 parts.

The BEGINNING:
The beginning is the time when everyone is suppose to help cook the food, you know, get it shoved into the oven, transforming ordinary potatoes, bloody mince meat and sticky pastry into a lovely golden potato pie. It's a time when there are no excuses. It doesn't matter if Dr Grief is secretly trying to stab you. It doesn't matter if Yassen Gregorovich needs to kill someone in the US in 40 mins. No one can escape helping in the kitchen. So put your cool black 'licence to cook' apron on, grab a spatula and let's just try to survive okay?

Rule n.o 1:
Stay away from Mr Grin and his knives. I know you probably think that Jamie Oliver is pretty fast with his knives. It's CHOP CHOP CHOP and the carrots are all sliced. So cool right? But Mr Grin is a little…ugh different. He chops the vegetables by throwing his knives through the air. I suggest you stay away. He doesn't really care what he chops up.
Rule n.o 2:
Don't be helpful.
I know, I know… It's the OPPOSITE of what your mum wants you to be but hey we're talking about MY family here.
If you see Herod Sayle struggling with mashing the potatoes, don't say: "Hey Mr Sayle…Want some help?" Instead avoid all eye contact. Bad guys need to be cool, they can't afford to be uncool. They need style, charm and evil. I know you won't want to embarrass Mr Sayle by implying that SUPER COOL Mr Sayle can't even mash a potato.

N.O 4 Golden Rule of Alex Rider: Keep yourself to yourself. Everyone will appreciate it.

The FOOD:
Yes I know it's not 'The MIDDLE' but hey, this is not an essay.
This is the best time! It's eating time! This is the part where we receive the medals of honour after serving together in the kitchen, when we finally see the fruits of our labour etc etc. This is it.
I can already imagine Yassen's dinner rolls and Dr Grief's citrus pie. It's all there. Here's a quick few words before tucking in, give you a few ideas on what to eat and what to avoid…

MENU- bon appétit

Our Specials-

Yassen the assassin's dinner rolls: Hot, tender soft rolls (butter optional). Need I say more?

Mum's fresh lemonade- nothing beats homemade lemonade, crushed ice, mint leaves…It's perfect even for Christmas!

Dr Grief's citrus pie: A must have at any party. A triple layered tart with fresh tangerines, oranges and lemons dished together with a vanilla ice cream topping and a crumbly biscuit base. The type of fancy pie that the guys from Masterchef would totally embrace.

'Amazingly delicious, it's tantalizing fruits are perfect for the festive season and the vanilla is just a perfect complement to the whole tart. For all you bad guys out there who's passion is to cook, Dr Grief is truly an inspiration.'- Masterchef Judge

Alan Blunt's winter salad: It is D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S. I don't really know what veges he puts in though. Apparently it's his secret recipe, don't worry though he's totally reliable, I mean I ate it last year and it's safe! Probably…

AVOID AT ALL COST:

Ian Rider's mashed potato and gravy: I know how I mentioned that Mr Sayle couldn't mash a potato (SHH…Don't tell him I said that) well it turns out Uncle Ian can't either. What is it with spies and criminal masterminds and potatoes? Anyways this one is a bummer. Christmas isn't Christmas without potatoes and gravy but hey this one is just too terrible to risk eating. To be honest, I think he might have made a mistake with the sugar and the salt. As Alan Blunt once said, "Not careful enough…"

Alex Rider's steamed veges: before I start criticizing more people, I need to say, my steamed veges were never that good. Okay then…Not good at all. I don't really know how to work the machine and yeah… The adults just leave me to do it because they think that it's the easiest but trust me it's more complicated than trying to hack into MI6's computer system.

Do I see a pattern going on or is it just that my family can't cook to save our lives?

Last but not worst: Mrs Jones' sheppard's pie. Yeah. Just avoid this one okay?

N.O 5 Golden Rule of Alex Rider: Stick with the professionals when it comes to food.