a/n: OKSU GUYZ PREPSTOP FLARMING! siruisly if u fink mi grammer iZ BAD DEN FUKK U BITCH! DIS TORY IS GONG 2 MAK ME FAMOOSE SUM DAY ND IT WILL B SOLD IN LIBARIES

If this was sold in bookstores and libraries, I would fall to the floor a weep for mankind.

OK SO WNH I AM A MELLONAIR U BITCHEZ KAN CUM CLAWRING 2 ME ND I WILL SAY FUKK U OK!

Okay!

disclainer: btw, TWILIGT does not belung 2 me, it is by serpantie millerz, ok she wunt su me now.

PLZ ENJOY GOTHEZ, DANX FOR DA GUD COMMENX. i am out of rebab soo i will b able 2 updat more arugato! OH ND fanx 2 Rodriga for helping me wif da spanish!

Ah, no. Why Spanish? You barely have a grip on English. And seeing that 'arugato' is actually supposed to be asegurado, I'm scared.

U WILL C WHAT I MEAN LOL x666x

I don't wanna...

CHAPTER 8

"Twila . . . . . . . . . ."

I kicked and whismered in my sleep as da voice got louder and louder. I was sleeping in bed with Edward, but I don't think he heard it because he didn't say he heard it.

Of course he didn't say anything, he's asleep.

Plus he was sleeping.

Thank you for pointing that out.

"TWILA, TILA!" said the voice screamingly. It sounded like an ugly old man, or it sounded like Midnite.

It's most likely Midnite.

I wazn't realli sure. I opened my eyes, which were like endless pools of beautiyful topaz. I looked around in the dark, but since I was a vampir I could see in the dark (a/n vampirs can see in the dark). I saw Ed next to me. His bornze hair was messy and sexah nd his pale skin glowed in the dark. He was silently singing "Da Hell Song" by sum-42 in his sleep.

I wish I could sing in my sleep.

"Hoes there?" I crapped ( Ha!) poisonally.

Nope, just some prostitutes.

My long black hair whipped around me as I turned back and forth at da speed of light. I didn't c anyone there so I was fukking confused.

Well, maybe if you stopped shaking your head at 'da speed of light', you might see something.

I had on a silver nitegown with black linning, and blak lace all around da boobs. I was wearing blak stilettos nd had on tons of eyeliner that I had made cat eyes out of.

Poor kitties.

Then the voice contunued to shout, "Cum to me Tila Beautifu Psyco Topaz Cullen. OPEN UR EYES TILA TEQUALA FOR IT IS ME!"

" Volsemort and da Death Dealers!" Yeah, but really, who is 'me'? And Tila Tequala? Is that her hooker name?

"WHAT?"! I shooted. "OK STOP FUKING AROND, WHO DA HELL IS ME?"

Then I looked next to my bed and saw hu was standing ther! It was. .. ... A MAN!

Ooh, a man! Are you sure it's not 'carlose' watching you sleep?

"What r u doing u effing pervert." I giggled foriously. "U now dat izn ot aportionate to b in a toung girlz rom?"

How can you giggle ferociously? Tell me!

"Hahahaa. Si, but I c dat you are lovers wif mi enemios." He said in Spanish.

* Facepalm times 5,000*

Suddenly Ed woke up and growled all ruff nd tuff. He shined his gloriosus teeth in the mans face nd he was temporerily blinded for life.

Go, Edward! Teeth Blast! It's super effective!

"MY EYES!" the ugly man shotted. So I was right, it was an ugly man.

That was not very nice, Twila!

I got out of bed seducingly taking off my cloths. Edmard gasped all angry and sensative (a/n lol jealous hot bi guyz r so great) becauz I was getting naked in front of a strangler.

Watch out, Twila, he's got rope! He's a strangler!

A lot of other stuff happened

Sex?

and den we found out that da mans name was James

No. Oh, no.

but becuz he is Spanish they call him like HAmez. We found this out because I bribed him wif my body.

Hamez? Really? Why couldn't you pick a better Spanish name for him? Like Ricardo? Or Carlos? Wait, Carlisle has adopted that name already.