Chapter I: Mr Orange
I didn't want to get involved with Haruhi Suzumiya and that...situation. I knew of her and of what she could do but at the time it wasn't really my concern. The SOS Brigade and the three organisations that supported it seemed to be working well in keeping her from remodelling the universe, which would have given me a lot more work to do. I knew of Kyon as well, and I trusted him to keep her from slipping into melancholy.
Hopefully you can imagine why I decided not to involve myself in these affairs. In my view there simply was no real need. Everything was going great without me. I had work to do in my full time job anyway and well, keeping tabs on one anthropomorphic personification would have been another job that I simply didn't have time for; I couldn't do it. If I had neglected my work it would be horrible there would have been zombies.
I thought that as long as 'Kyon' continued doing whatever it was that he was doing everything would have worked out alright. That was until the thing happened. Until a problem arose that required my 'management' skills. This problem started a little something like this;
"Kyon," Haruhi said on Thursday lunchtime in their small corner of that small classroom. He turned around to face her. I thought she looked sad.
"What?" I always thought that Kyon was over stressed, too serious. Even before he had abandoned dreams of the alien, supernatural and really interesting, before he met Sasaki Kyon took life far too seriously. Still, a serious outlook does give one something of a balanced view of things I find.
"Tell Koizumi he's in charge of the brigade meeting until next week. I'm not coming in," She said silently, not a whisper but almost quieter and with less emotion. Intrigued, Kyon turned his chair around fully. A few of his classmates noticed, some even said things but Kyon didn't notice.
"What's up?" He asked. Haruhi didn't reply, she simply shrugged and looked away.
Before he could ask again the class Sempai returned and bid everyone to return to their assigned seating arrangements. Teachers always seem to be able to do that in the most important times. Maybe they have a sixth sense about it? Next time I meet a teacher I'll ask.
It's probably more likely that Haruhi pushed time forward slightly so that she wouldn't have to answer Kyon's questions. That's the trouble with arguing with anthropomorphic personifications, especially ones who can bend reality. No matter how many feet you give they will always end up taking your leg, both leg's if you're really unlucky. You've got to hand it to Kyon though; the poor boy does try very hard.
They spent the rest of the day in silence; Kyon sat and just starred forward. Whilst Haruhi kept her eyes fixed on her desk. She looked up a few times, she even considered tapping on his collar. She did nothing though. After class she quickly collected her books, bag and coat and left the classroom with a door slam. I tell you, hell hath no fury like a female anthropomorphic personification who's being ignored.
Kyon, wonderful little human that he is, knew that a distressed Haruhi would undoubtedly cause the phenomenon known as 'Closed Space' but, he also correctly assumed that confronting an angry Haruhi at that time would only cause greater destruction. No one was going home that night at the Esper organisation. So he did what he was told.
I watched Kyon as he made his way across the school, noting his thought patterns and such like. Although this was my second meeting with Kyon (we had had a brush several years earlier when he and his father were nearly killed in a car crash. Everyone survived but I was there at the time just to make sure everything was going smooth) I was still surprised by how many of his thoughts were just plain lies. In fact, if I didn't know any better I could have sworn that Kyon was narrating something, albeit badly or at least being unreliable about it. What a strange fellow.
"Yo," He announced as he entered the even smaller room that they used for club meetings.
What was it with these people and incredibly small rooms? Do they like being this close to one another? I don't know about you but for me getting into one of these modern Japanese high schools is very tight across the chest, like an old jumper that your grandmother knitted, but based off of last Christmas' measurements .
The red headed girl, the one who hasn't been born yet seemed happy to see Kyon. He certainly seemed happy to see her.
"Miss Asahina-san, Nagato-San...Koizumi; Haruhi has elected to not attend club meetings for the next two days,"
"Yes, we know," Koizumi said as he placed his book on the table. His tone suddenly went very serious. "We need to talk." Kyon, in the most casual way possible for a man who may have stumbled upon the meeting for planning permission for Armageddon sat down directly across from Koizumi. Mikuru Asahina made the tea.
"Nagato reports huge amounts of data centred on Ms Suzumiya as well as more superfluous information converging on her proximity," Koizumi said. He's an arse kisser but you do have to give the lad that; when it matters he is down to the point. "To put it simply; our universe may soon be re-written."
I want you to understand, clearly that I'm not under the influence; I have no problem with Haruhi Suzumiya re-writing the universe to her whims. No, in many cases this brings back things that I think shouldn't have gone in the first place such as Magic, Pirates, The Peter Gabriel era of Genesis etc. Indeed, I and my siblings have been known to re-write reality ourselves. However, in Haruhi's case this would constitute a massive disruption of the natural order of things; new people and people who should be here aren't anymore. It's all superfluous work that doesn't really need to be done if I can avoid it. That's why I decided that the best thing to do at this point in time would be to help Kyon and the rest of the SOS brigade.
But I'm getting a head of myself, I'm sorry. Kyon didn't seem to respond to this information at all. In fact he seemed to be almost relieved at this information. Strange as it sounds I think he was happier now that he knew what was going to happen.
"I see," I heard him think. "Asahina-san, what do your people say?"
"Classified Information reports that Haruhi Suzumiya is preparing a classified information type classified information that will ultimately lead to a level omicron classified information, which could affect the whole of classified information."
I know that you want to know what she just said and I know that you know that I could tell you what she just said but honestly, nothing she just said could measure up to what you think she said. Just run with what you think she said and you'll be happy. Or something like that.
"And so, we have decided that you, as the one for whom Suzumiya places the most trust in must the one to investigate the matter and alleviate the matter."
"Isn't it always me?" Kyon thought to himself. "What do you suggest?"
"The last time you merely needed to sleep on it for Haruhi to involve you in her dreams..." Kyon suddenly got very annoyed. "My apologies, 'for Haruhi to involve you in the incident involving the closed space', perhaps this time you should try the same?"
Don't get me wrong. Kyon and the other three horsemen of the funpocolypse are a very competent bunch of mortals. But mortals is all they really are, even Yuki Nagato (who, while will not be dying in the physical sense will one day become corrupted or be decompiled) and if they went down this route and waited I believe that they'd end up with a new universe to deal with.
They don't understand Gods or Godlike creatures and I suspect that Kyon doesn't really understand women. No, if the universe is to survive unchanged and if I were to avoid doing much more work than usual then I would have to get Kyon in gear.
I had to wait a few hours before I could appear in a form that Kyon would be comfortable with (as opposed to forms that he would be uncomfortable with such as the Grim Reaper or H'ronmeer; ancient Martian God of Death and Performance Art), when the death toll had 'quietened down' across the globe. Times like these are rare but they do occur, mostly around British tea time. A small child opened their front door. Telepathy is dangerous for humans and I couldn't risk turning his into mushy carrots.
"Hello...er little girl," I said to the little girl in Nipponese. I think she was his sister. "Is your brother here?"
"Ermm...who should I say it is?"
"Oh, my name is Mr Orange...I'm here from erm, Selwyn College. I'm here to tell your brother that we're very interested in him attending our University," God that was a terrible lie...I've never even been to Selwyn.
"Oh," She said. "Okay." She turned her attention away from the doorway. "Kyon there's a mister Orenji here to see you."
It's strange; this standing business. You've got to put your centre of gravity into a central spot and keep it there. If you fail at this you just end up on the floor or worse, on the cusp of falling onto the floor with everyone watching you; trapezes act if there ever was one. That's not even starting on the situation wherein your standing and other people are walking past you; it's all so very awkward. I don't know how you people stand standing all day, more power to you if you can actually do it all day and somehow keep your dignity intact.
"Yo," Kyon said as he came to the door. Whether it was because he had seen too much in such a short space of time or whether because he had seen Reservoir Dogs recently I really don't think he believed my story. "So which one are you; Esper, Alien or time traveller?"
"Excuse me?"
"...Or are you a slider? She's wanted to meet a slider since the day I met her."
"I'm sorry? I don't know what you're talking about. My name is Professor Henry Orange, I'm from Selwyn College, Oxford and I'm here to tell you that we're very inte..."
"No, you're not. I don't know who you are but you're definitely not 'Professor Henry Orange' from Selwyn College so why don't you just stop this charade and just tell me who you are," Kyon said. You've got to give Kyon some points, the man can see through an illusion.
"Alright," I replied and the world stopped.
Throughout the universe time suddenly stopped. Birds' wings stopped flapping, rain stopped dead in its tracks, bicycle races were halted; my will be done and all that. Kyon stood in his doorway, amazed at the world stopped in place. With all the things that that boy has seen you would have thought that it would have been more difficult to impress him. I had hoped that I would've had to rearrange a few galaxies, oh well. You can't win 'em all.
"What the..."
"Kyon, I'm not going to lie to you," I said. "I was lying to you. By which I mean I am now going to stop lying to you." I'm sorry Kyon, I'm not very good at speaking. "I have many names; Azrael, Hades, Iku, Thanatos, Erio...even Izanami when I feel like wearing different clothes. You know me as Shiganami."
"So, that means you're...?"
"Death," oo-la-la that's me!
Kyon stopped dead in his tracks. For the longest time he didn't say anything. I thought I might have accidently stopped him too. I poked him on the nose just to be sure.
"Ow," No, he was still here; just a little awestruck. I would be too if I had just met me. "Stop that."
"Sorry about that, had to make sure that you weren't frozen." I pulled my finger back.
"Have you...accidently frozen people in time...when you wanted to speak to them before?"
"It has happened...have you ever seen Martin Freeman?"I replied.
"Who?"
"Doesn't matter," I replied. "Happened on a Thursday anyway...could never get the hang of Thursday's," Kyon, what are you looking at?
"You're Death...and you never got Thursday's!" He screamed, "What in all the Universe, and all the multi-verses endless permutations could Death want with me this; Thursday afternoon?"
"Calm down mate...if you keep yourself at that level you mister are looking at an early grave," I replied. "Anyway, I don't really have anything I want from you. I want to speak to you about Haruhi Suzumiya."
He sighed. It was the sigh of the man who was screaming 'Doesn't everyone want to speak to me about her, what about me' in his head. Maybe I should have lied and said I was the slider, just to give the whole occasion a sense of finality. I suppose hindsight is 20/20 though isn't it?
"So, 'Death', if you are in fact 'Death' what is it about Haruhi that has brought you to me?"
"Why would I lie? What could I possibly gain from pretending to be myself?" I asked.
"I don't know, maybe you have some hidden motive. Maybe you're an enemy of the real Death, who would be weakened by me helping you."
"Alright...as you know, she is about to renovate the universe once again."
"And you don't want this?"
"No," I replied. "Whatever you and the rest of your species thinks I do not in fact enjoy reaping souls from the living, nor do I look forward to doing it for seven billion people and then making them born again. Can you imagine how hard that is to explain to people? Do you have any idea of how much paper work that creates?"
"No, I don't." He replied begrudgingly.
"No Kyon, you don't...and this is exactly the reason why I'm going to help you stop Haruhi from rearranging the natural order of things for the thousandth bloody time."
"Where do we start?" The river of time began to flow once again.
"We still have roughly a day until the universe get's renovated, so I suggest we start at the lady's house."
"I don't really where she lives," Kyon replied.
"I do," I replied. "I've been there before."
Author's notes: Well what did you think? Good/bad/ugly/stop writing stories for this fandom?
I thought it came off quite well however I'm aware that there is some Mary Sue-ism inherent in my portrayal of the anthropomorphic personification of Death in this chapter. I've got about 2,000 words written for the next chapter and I think there it becomes much more apparent that Death has its limits; especially in regards to when he tried to encroach upon Haruhi's power. Also, this is based off of Anime cannon but I will try to include Novel cannon when applicable.
Originally this was supposed to be one large chapter but I felt that if it were broken up a bit more then it would be easier to digest for the audience and easier to write for me. I don't expect it to be a very long fic. 10,000-12,000 words is sort of the top of the range in terms of word count.
Thank you very much for reading this prologue and first chapter and I would be very thankful if you would please review; every tip hopefully makes my writing better.