Author's Note: Sorry if this chapter is kind of a piece of crap. I basically ignored my beta – my apologies, Viscountess! – and declared that after working on it for a month and a half I wasn't going to change anything else. So bits of it are random and uncoordinated and don't work. Eventually I'll come back and edit it. Maybe.

As the heavy cloth flapped back into place, I turned to Joker, but was unable to figure out what I wanted to ask of him, and for once there were no snakes in my head to put words in my mouth. Fortunately, he took care of that for me.

"Sorry about that," he said, not sounding particularly sorry. A smile still curled at the corner of his mouth. I nodded, trying to avoid eye contact.

"Why did you think I was Beast?" I finally asked.

"She's the only one who would be audacious enough to come in with the doors tied shut. Well, I thought she was. I was obviously wrong."

"She knows about…the two of you? Does anyone else?"

"How long do you think we could have hidden it from her? Obviously you know, and I think others have their suspicions, but they don't want to think about it, and so they don't pry. Doll has no idea, as far as I can tell, so I would be obliged if you would refrain from mentioning it in her presence." He sat down on the bed, kicking scattered items of cloth under it and fumbling for a match to light the lamp. The glow bloomed through the room. I hadn't even been aware of the darkness. Right on cue, the mocking song began in my head. Outcast, monster, inhuman, freak. I pushed it to the back of my mind, along with the other uncomfortable memories that had begun to resurface.

I stood in silence for several minutes, watching Joker straighten out the room, seemingly for something to do rather than because it was out of order – although it was. "What did you want to ask me?" I said at last.

"Hm?"

"You said you wanted a favor from me. What was it?"

"Oh. That. Can Rachel share a tent with you for a while?" I choked.

"What? Why?"

"She can't stay with Dagger forever. He hasn't got enough room to bring in another bed, just a small cot, and while I don't imagine he'd try anything – his loyalties lie far enough to the other side to ensure that – neither do I think she would be comfortable with it."

"No, I understand…that, but why me?"

"Look, I can't clarify most of this now, and I apologize, but there are things I would rather leave her to tell you herself." He sat down on the bed again, and then stood back up restlessly. "All I'll say at the moment is that you can protect her better than could anyone else here, and she may need it."

"How do you know I won't just kill her myself?" I snapped, and immediately regretted it.

He looked at me steadily, violet eyes cool and gray in the dimness. "Because I trust you. Yes, despite everything. Do you want to give me reason not to?" I didn't answer. "If you don't want to do it, then I'll find someone else who's willing to."

"She's a girl," I got around to pointing out at last.

"Yeah, I hadn't figured that out myself. Does it pose a problem?" He winked.

"No. Yes. That's not…I wasn't thinking about that."

"Really?" I glared.

"Yes, really." I cut myself off. Let him figure out what I had meant.

"I know what you're thinking," he said, running a hand through his hair. "You want to know why I would place someone so obviously vulnerable with someone who has done what you have. You killed someone, someone as helpless as she is, in circumstances not unlike this." I flinched to hear the blatant accusation in his voice. "So why would I do it? It's because I don't want that to be your last thought of yourself. I know that you won't let it happen again. You don't, and you need to. You can't love unless you get over that."

"If I don't want to? If I don't want to forget what I did? You have no idea what it is to live with that on your shoulders." I retreated back into quiet, refusing to allow myself too much emotion. If I didn't want to love?

"It was accidental, and you and I both know it. You had no idea you could do it." When I didn't respond, he continued without looking at me. "Did you ever go to church?"

"What?" I asked, startled out of my silence. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I just thought…you've never told anyone about what happened, have you? I'm the only one who knows?" He apparently took my lack of answer as affirmative. "It helps some people to go to confession. 'Unburden your soul,' or whatnot."

"No," I said flatly, and turned the next statement into a question. "I didn't know you were religious?"

He made a face. "I'm not. Dagger goes to Mass when he can, although that's not often, and I think he just does it to atone for whatever sin we committed the night before." I took a moment to grasp his meaning, and then felt the blood rush to my face for the umpteenth time that night. He grinned wickedly. My blush darkened. Exaggerated contrition wrote itself all across his face. "Sorry, sorry." He rolled his eyes. "So, lovely weather we've been having, isn't it?"

"Rainy," I grunted.

"A little rain never hurt anyone."

"Too cold," I elaborated.

"Funny, I've had no trouble staying warm." He smirked suggestively, eyebrows raised. I was sure he was doing this just to watch my discomfort, and it was working. I clamped my mouth shut, refusing to give him any more material.

Winding scales around my ankle startled me into a gasp. "Damnit, Emily!" I snarled softly, flinching as her cold body wrapped around the sensitive skin behind my knee. "Don't do that!"

"Why not?" she pouted, poking her head out my collar. I hissed angrily. Joker was watching my new companion and me, apparently quite entertained by our quarrel.

"You two fight just like lovers, you know?" he commented. My irritation was instantly diverted towards him.

"What?" Emily's stony tone mirrored my own, and I was quite sure Joker wouldn't need to understand her words to comprehend the sentiment. He raised both hands.

"It's true," he defended, shrinking away from our combined fury. "Just the tone in your…voices…is exactly how Beast says Dagger and I get when we have a spat."

"You do. Says Emily," I responded, then did a double take. "Emily! Did you know about them?"

"Assuming you just said what I think, of course she did," Joker answered. "Why do you think she's always flirting with Dagger? She helps keep it from being quite so obvious."

"And more to the point, we do not act like lovers!" My irrational frustration was removing the usual inhibitions I had against speaking for myself.

Emily pushed herself further into the empty space between Joker and I, and I didn't like the look in her slitted eyes. Without warning, she reversed the direction in which she had been coiling and brushed her lips, such as they were, along mine. I yelped and jumped back, which accomplished nothing, as Emily was still curled around my neck. Growling every curse I knew in quick succession, I gripped her around the neck and dragged her out of my collar. She dangled from my fingers, grinning flirtatiously. I rolled my eyes and dropped her. Joker was shaking with the effort of not laughing. I glared.

Muttering dire threats under my breath, I turned to leave, and almost ran squarely into Beast, in an uncharacteristically modest white nightgown. She looked from me to Joker and back again, then shook her head. "I won't ask."

"Hm?" Joker stood up to move closer to her.

"I thought you and Dagger were…ah…together tonight, Joker. He walked past my tent looking annoyed, to say the least. I came in to see what was going on. Are you two fighting again? And what's Snake doing here?"

"He…walked in on us," Joker said, having at least the decency to blush. "I had some questions for him, so I asked Dagger to give us a few minutes. I didn't think he would take it the wrong way. Where is he?"

"Back to his tent, I think. He didn't look very happy."

"Oh. I'll go…" Joker started forwards.

"No need," Dagger said over Beast's shoulder. Smiling faintly, she moved to let him take her place just inside the doorway. I looked uncomfortably between the two men, and after a frozen moment pushed past Dagger to get out.

I looked back only long enough to see Joker make the same gesture I'd seen before, pushing a lock of hair out of the younger man's face in a way that was almost brotherly, and then kiss him in a way that was decidedly not. I left in a hurry, not wanting to see any more.

Staring at the feeble gleam of the moon through the heavy fabric ceiling, I tried to sort my thoughts out, ignoring Emily when she entered and curled up in the corner. Joker and Dagger were…together. I couldn't really say it had been unexpected, if I thought about how they acted with each other. No, it definitely hadn't been. I sat up, striking a match and setting alight the lamp beside my bed, and picked up the book I had left on the table. A small cloud of dust bloomed from the pages as I opened them to an arbitrary spot close to the back.

"Hello?" someone called quietly from outside. I looked up, startled. I hadn't been paying attention to anything but the book.

"It's Rachel," Emily informed me, sounding bored. Sighing, I opened the door for her.

"Evening," I greeted her curtly. "Why are you here? Says Emily."

"Dagger came in half an hour or so ago and told me they were moving me to your tent. They meant to do it tomorrow, but I don't have much to move, so I thought I would come now."

"Do you want help? Says Wilde."

"Just with my cot, if you would." I nodded and ducked outside behind her, tent flap brushing my back as I let it down. "Thank you."

I cleared my throat. "How was your first day at the circus?"

"It was interesting," she said finally.

"What do you think of us? Says Emily." The speaker appeared in front of us as if by magic. I knelt down to pick her up, letting her slide up my sleeve and out through my collar.

"Hm. Freckles, or Doll, or whichever she usually goes by, is nice, but, well, she talks too much for me." I raised my eyebrows. Hardly anyone outside of the first tier even knew that Freckles and Doll were the same person.

"I can't say I disagree. Says Emily."

"Beast, I…don't care for her. Dagger's funny, I like him, and," she colored slightly, "Joker's quite attractive." I had to wonder, then. She'd picked up on Doll's alter ego, did she know about Joker and Dagger? It didn't seem unlikely. I decided to wait and see if she said anything.

I wasn't waiting long. "And yes, I know the two of them are lovers," she added.

"How? Says Emily." And why didn't she seem to care? It wasn't like it was a commonplace thing.

She laughed. "It's hardly a secret, is it? The way they act…"

"You and I and Beast are the only others who know." I ignored Emily's comments.

"Oh. Er…well, they kind of gave it away this afternoon. When we first met." I recalled the event she referred to, and blushed. "You should have seen the look on Joker's face when he thought you would attack me. Only it wasn't me he was so scared for – Dagger was the one holding me."

"I see." I hadn't noticed that.

"They really love each other. However unconventionally." She trailed off. "Anyways, I never apologized for that. I'm sorry."

"It's alright. The mistake was an understandable one, I guess. Says Emily." Rachel shot half a glare at me.

"I don't want to hear how Emily feels about it."

We reached Dagger's tent before I could respond. It was darkened, and everything had been left in neat order. You'd hardly know anyone lived there. "You really don't have anything, do you? Says Emily."

"Just my cot and blankets, like I said. And a few books and clothes, but I can get those myself."

Walking back with the light pad slung over one shoulder, I remained largely silent, breaking only to shift my load's position or relay a few words from Emily. Rachel talked aimlessly, softly, more to herself than me. I wondered why; she didn't seem like the type to chatter so. It was as though she was trying to distract someone – herself or me?

I had already started to set up her cot on the opposite side of the room from my bed when I realized she was still standing at the door. "Rachel?" I glanced towards her.

"Put the lamp on. Please," she said stiffly. Her eyes were blind and unblinking in the twilight dimness, hands curled like claws at her sides. I could see the pulse throbbing along her jawline, the thin muscles clenched in her shoulders.

"…what?" I turned to face her fully, surprised at how pale she looked compared to the dark cloth of the doors.

"Please, Snake," she said again.

"Idiot," Emily muttered in my ear. "Can't you see she's terrified? Light the damn lamp." I struck a match and touched it to the wick, watching the sudden burst of light closely and listening as Rachel breathed out in relief. I kept my eyes courteously averted as she sagged back against a tent pole, shuddering.

"You're afraid of the dark? Says Wilde." He slid out from under my bed to join us.

"Yes," she said tautly. "I…I don't need much light, just enough that it isn't complete black."

"Do you want the lamp on your side of the room? Says Emily."

"No, it's alright. But leave it burning, please." She crossed to where I was standing nervously by the mattress. "I'm fine now. Thank you." I could still feel her trembling against me as she pushed me lightly back towards my bed. "Turn around." She unfolded a nightgown, most likely one of Doll's, and I faced the wall shyly as she slipped it on, ignoring Emily's jeers. "There."

She, apparently, fell asleep without issue despite her earlier terror, leaving me lying awake trying to absorb the day's events. Too much had happened, much too much. Had it really only been a day? For all I could tell, it could have been a week, even a month, so slowly had it passed.

I waited an hour or so after her breathing steadied into the soft rhythm of sleep, thinking meditatively over what had been happening, then leaned over and blew out the lamp. Leaving it burning with us both asleep didn't seem like the safest of ideas. Immediately, though, I heard her shift, slow inhalations becoming panicked gasps. She bolted upright, wide eyed, with a quiet cry she quickly stifled. "What's happening?"

"It's okay," I said, trying my hardest to sound soothing confronted with the agonizingly stark fear in her eyes. "The lamp went out. Don't worry." I relit it, and she relaxed. Well, I wouldn't do that again. In a whisper, I asked Emily to stay up and keep an eye on it.

"Why me? Make Dan do it," she protested softly.

"No. He's already asleep."

"Fine," she grumbled, curling up around the lamp's circle of golden heat with a discontented murmur.

Time passed, although given the distorted length of the day I had no idea how long it might have been. A minute, an hour, who knew?

"Are you still up, Snake?" Rachel's voice was blurred with fatigue.

"Yes."

She was silent for a moment. Then, "Are you that afraid of anything?"

The flashes of memory I had managed to suppress for over a year, the ones that had been threatening to return all night, began to spin before my eyes. Moonlight shafted through shining bars, burning wind, the harsh snap of a whip, rough scars still lacing my back, and the scene changed. Pale skin, cold as stone, eyes glassy as a porcelain doll's. So many voices all screaming at once. Guilt burning me, dark as fire, hot and sudden as lightning.

"No," I answered after a moment. "No." Nothing at all, I repeated mentally, trying to reassure myself. I wasn't there anymore. I never would be again. Never again. Never.

Wilde said something quickly, too quickly for me to catch. "What?" I asked him, mouth dry.

"You're lying," he repeated. "Why hide from her?"

I took a moment to compose an answer. "I don't…I'm not bringing that up again. It happened. I know it, and I'm ashamed, and I'm afraid that it will happen again," I admitted in a rush. "But can't there just be one person I can be innocent for?"

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean," he answered. "Does anyone know but us?"

"Joker. He helped…"

"What about Joker?" Rachel asked. I had almost forgotten she was there, and anxiety filled me as I thought she had heard our conversation. But no, that was absurd. We had scarcely spoken a word of English.

"Nothing," I answered her, and the room went silent.

After minutes of quiet, I finally lay down and rolled over, pulling blankets up to cover my face. Slowly, I felt myself drift off into the dreamless sleep of true exhaustion.

Author's Note: Late chapter again! Very late. I should be back on schedule soon, though, because school's just ended. Lots of mysterious memories in this chapter, but not to worry, the next couple chapters will be enormous amounts of background. Actually, no, the next one will probably be shameless fluff, and then there will be background. But still. The real plot starts just after that. Be warned, it's quite depressing. So, that's about all. Author out.