Poof Chronicles 2: The Dorkcepticons
Chapter 2: It's Funny Because it Stinks(pun intended)
OR
Dare to Be Stoopid.
Warning: Excessive Twilight Bashing. Fangirls go read something else.
Megatron's frequency buzzed. Odd. He'd never picked this one up before. It was a very old earth model, it seemed. What were his mechs doing with ancient 1876 phones?
"Yes, this better be important."
"Spoothead says what?"
"What?" He cocked an optic ridge, and his answer was met with snickers and laughing from the other end of the line.
"DUDE! I TOLD you he would fall for it!" One voice said, soprano/tenor human female. It made him SICK.
Another voice cut in, this time higher tenor human male with an accent. "Oh, how witty. So incredibly witty." It was sarcastic, and the mech could hear the boy rolling his eyes. "Why don't you ask him if his refrigerator's running next?"
"WHO IS THIS!" Megatron's booming voice demanded. "Blitzwing, I swear-"
"You shouldn't, this is a K+ fanfic~!" The female voice interrupted once again, breaking out in riotous laughter.
A new voice sounded, exhasperated. "Pen, don't use the phone for prank calls!"
"It's NOT a prank call!"
"Don't lie to my face!"
"AGH!" And then the buzz of dial tone. Megatron swore whoever those humans were to find them and make them suffer painful, horrible, long, drawn-out deaths.
SQUID!
"Phantom!" Pen hissed. "Do you HAVE do make that sound every time you poof!" She spoke in a hushed whisper, trying desperately not to wake up the sleeping ninja twice her size.
"I can't help it, mistress!"
"SHH! You drillbit, you wanna wake him up? Thing, you got it?"
"Right here, mistress."
"Alright…done~! I call it, 'None the Wiser,' my greatest masterpiece."
"Quick, let's go! Before he wakes up!" SQUID
"So." Khamelion took a draft of Dr. Pepper and shut her book. "Just what in the world do you have planned today?"
"Yeah, I was wondering about that too." Clive sat back upright on the couch. "I mean, the cyborg ninja zombie pirate monkeys were supposed to show up today, but they all took us by surprise yesterday. They showed up WAY too early."
"Ah, don't worry. I'll think of something." Pen pulled her medium-length hair back into a ponytail and straightened out her blue Bon Jovi t-shirt. "… I got nothin'."
"What! There's no WAY that YOU can't think of something crazy." Khamelion exclaimed.
"Well, you know, maybe you guys could CONTRIBUTE every now and again? Why do I have to think of everything? Clive's the brains of the bunch right now."
"I may be the brains, but YOU'RE the mastermind." He straightened his hat.
There was silence as they all stared at the TV. After a while of getting sucked into the tube of mindless Lady Gaga drivel drabble-
"We could go to a mall and flash mob the food court."
"Pen, what is with you and flash mobbing!"
"It's FUN. Like a MUSICAL."
"We're NOT flash mobbing."
…
"We could bug Ratchet." Pen once again piped up.
Khamelion once again shot her a look. "Why do you have to pester old people?"
"I LOVE old people. They're so OLD and WISE and crap." Pen grinned.
The much older mech was hunched over some piece of scrap metal, shocking it here, wrenching it there, welding it over where, etcetera. He was so concentrated he didn't even NOTICE the organic teenager enter the room, go right up behind him, manipulate her paper into stairs to rise up to his eye level, tap him on the shoulder and-
"Hey Ratche-"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" He started, fumbling the tool he was working with, and causing Pen to start as well, the paper dissipating from its form and dropping her to the floor with a loud THUD and the crack of bones.
"…I'm ok."
"Pen, NEVER sneak up on an autobot!" He glared, picking her up off the ground and setting her back upright on her feet. "What the slag do you want anyway!"
"I'm bored."
"And! What do you want ME to do about it!"
"I always wanted to learn mechanics." Pen dusted off her jean shorts. "Can you teach me so I can be useful on the team?"
Ratchet sighed. He smiled a bit at the girl's eager gesture to help instead of break things around here-wait, team! "Team! You think YOU'RE on the team!"
"Well, we've been here for a month, and we've already fended off a hoard of angry cheese pants together."
"What does that have to do with it!"
"Hey," she waved her finger. "There's a rule where I come from! The Friends who fend alien invasions away together stay together."
"Friends! Look, kid, I appreciate the gesture, but the only thing you've been useful for so far is being a mad berserker and causing a distraction or having some sort of goofy fun afterwards."
"Aw, thanks Ratchet! You're sweet~!" She beamed.
"It wasn't a slagging compliment! You know what this is?" he gestured to the pile he was working on at the table.
"…Is it NOT a pile of broken-up tangled scrap metal?" She ventured.
"It's what's LEFT of Sumdak towers west wing."
"Oooooh. I remember."
FLASHBACK!
"Hey, Phantom, you know how to work a wrecking ball?"
"No, mistress."
"WHEEEEE~!"
END FLASHBACK
"Hehehe…that was awesome."
"…" Ratchet face-servoed. "Why don't you and your friends go out and play, Pen?"
And so our wannabe heroes find themselves on the streets of Detroit.
"Still bored." Pen scratched her nose.
"DDR anyone?"
"Clive you're such a noob…let's go right now!" And so the two dashed off.
"CLIVE! PEN!" Khamelion shouted after them. "YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE THE ARCADE IS IN TWO-THOUSAND SOMETHING DETROIT!" She paused and look after their receeding dust cloud and sighed. "Well, looks like I'M headed to the nearest Barnes and Noble… if they HAVE them still in the future."
A shadow loomed over them. Phantom was the first to notice. "Um, Khamelion?" he tugged on her pants leg.
"Not now, I'm being a buzz kill."
Phantom tapped Thing on the shoulder. "Um, Khamelion? It may be a good time to call mistress back…"
"I said not NOW, guys, I'm-" And she turned around to face the hulking figure above her. "Oh…hello…"
"Do you think we should have brought the minions with us?"
"Do you think you should shut your mouth and step?" Pen was powering through the song. No, it wasn't DDR. It was Just Dance 12: Legends. She and Clive were almost to then end of the song, and with a few more moves it was all over. Pen: 7259. Clive: 4032.
"Bugger…how are you supposed to even PLAY that game?"
"By being a total spaz! That's why I'M so good at it." Pen smirked. Yes, we DID just ripoff LittleKuriboh. Deal with it *sungalsses*
"Well, what here would you like to play next?"
"Some 80s music. This place has NOTHING on Flynn's." Pen straightened some hairs that had flown out and turned to leave, making her way through the teeming crowd…to find someone else doing the same from the door to THEM. "Oh…SPOOT." Pen stared horrified.
"What? What is it?" Clive tried to see just who she could be looking at, when Pen reached up and took his blue hat. "What! HEY!"
"SSSH!" She tilted it down over her eyes. "I'm jackin' your hat because they don't recognize YOU, but I really don't want them to recognize ME. Come on, back exit we g-!" And turning around, she ran smack into a tall, female figure, causing her to fall. Clive was able to catch her just in time, but his hat was knocked off of her head.
"Miss Fandango." Cold, Golden eyes looked down at Pen.
"I'm sorry, you must have me mistaken for someone else." Pen looked off to the side, not wanting to look the character directly in the eyes.
"I know I'm right! You KILLED my HUSBAND! My child is FATHERLESS!"
"Say what now!" Pen looked shocked.
"Pen, you KILLED a dude?" Clive dropped her in astonishment.
"I would NEVER kill a dude!" Pen shook her head rapidly. "That totally goes against my code of honor! I only slay zombies! Look, Bella-"
"Don't you 'look Bella' me!" The vampires exclaimed. "You turned him into a pile of ashes with your sparkly pink flamethrower!"
"Sparkly pink flamethrower?...OH YEAH!" It dawned on Clive. "You never told me that guy was a FATHER!" He konked Pen on the head.
"It's EDWARD. FRIKKIN. CULLEN. His writer is going to write some sort of loophole or plot convenience to bring him back. In fact, miss Bella, if you just wait till the end of this chapter-"
"NO! You KILLED him!"
"Look, lady, I don't KILL…only maime…or…horribly injure." She scratched her face. "Also, the quota for Mary-Sues in this fanfiction has been met by yours truly. Unless you get a liscence and a change in all our contracts for this series, you can just go home to your nice, miserable-ness that you seem to love so much in Forks, k?"
…
BAM!
Ok, Pen could see and she and Clive were picked up by their heads, thrown THROUGH the wall-not just AT the wall, THROUGH it- and crashing on the pavement covered in broken brick and glass two blocks over from the arcade it most certainly WASN'T 'ok.'
Clive got up and coughed a lung full of rubble out. "PEN!" he sucked in the air. "What the bloody HECK!"
She raised an arm from out of the wreckage pile, a finger in the air. "And THAT, Clive, is a life lesson for you. Never deliberately tick off a Meyers Vampiress…get me outta this rubble?"
As he gave the girl a hand, Bella had already ran right up to them again with her super-vampire speed and punched him right in the face, sending him FLYING like in a video game. Yes, we do a lot of Scott Pilgrim type stuff.
"CLIVE!" Pen winced as he flew over the horizon and she head a crash far off, followed by a weak 'I'm ok…' She drew the notebook she'd been carrying somehow inexplicably since Thing is supposed to be the one with the hammer-space head and is currently off with Khamelion wherever we left them last. Pen manipulated the paper into a large sledgehammer. "You little-! Do you make it a HABIT to toss around random innocent guys…oh..wait…oh YEAH. That DOES happen a lot in your books."
"Shut UP!" the Cullen's bride stamped her foot, creating a huge crater. "Go, pokeball!"
"Awesome! Sweet!" Pen pumped her fist. "Crossovers~!"
"Justin Beaver, I chose you!"
And with a bowl-cut bidoof on the field, Pen immediately lost her enthusiasm again. "This is BOOOOOOOOOO-riiiiiiing…"
And the fight nevertheless began.
"So…you're a giant talking GARBAGE truck?"
"I am Wreck-Gar~! I am a giant talking GARBAGE truck?"
"O…k…" Kahmelion sat atop the bot's shoulder's as he skipped his merry way through downtown, causing quite a few quakes and ruckus ensuing. The minions were trying very hard to hold on in all the shaking. Khamelion flipped a page in her book. "We still haven't made any progress in finding them, and knowing Pen she's likely gotten her and Clive in some sort of deep crap."
"aaaaaaAAAAAAA-!"
"What's that noise getting louder?"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"
"It's a shooting star! Make a wish, kids~!...funny, I didn't think shooting stars wore clothes."
"That's not an anti-nudist star! That's CLIVE! Wreck-gar, play catch!"
"Oh, I LOVE that game!"
"-AAAAAAA-OOF!" and with that Clive landed right into the mech's grimy hand. "…I'm ok…" he held a thumb's-up. "Kh…Khamelion! What the bloody- who the heck is this guy?"
"I found him." She replied, scratching her face. "Can I keep him, mom~?"
"I am Wrec-gar~! Can she keep me, mom? I'm house broken~!...well, for the most part…"
Clive grimaced at the puddle of oil leaked on the ground. "…quite…"
"Clive!" Khamelion shook him from his stupor. "Where's Pen? What happened?"
"Oh, I'm FINE. REALLY. Don't worry about me flying several city blocks through the air and crashing into a metal hand, but I am TOUCHED at your concern."
"Talk, limey man."
"Why do you even care?" Clive adjusted his hat and tie.
"Because, she's the only one who knows the combination to the safe, and my Dr. Pepper is in there."
"Somewhere over thataway. Near an arcade called 'Buzzy Fun.'"
"…That is one LAME name."
Phantom stood up. "My mistress is in trouble! We have to go help here! She's in a fight all alone!"
"It's…not the FIRST time…" Thing interjected, stealing his wind.
"So…if she doesn't need help…can we go watch cartoons?" Wreck-gar raised an optic ridge at the organics about him.
"Nah." Clive shrugged. "We might as well. That bleeding vampire looked quite ticked."
Khamelion put away her book. "Hi-ho, Wreck-gar, I guess! We must save the Dr. Pep-I mean, save Pen!" And off they merrily went again.
MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE RANCH…ER…PLANT.
Prowl awoke from recharge mode with a start. It was as if he hadn't expected to wake up. He'd only recently been offline, and now…suddenly, he was walking, talking, functioning same as ever. He hadn't even felt any time pass between his "death" and waking right back up again in the forest, right when his friends needed him the most…as well as those odd "travelers" of sorts.
The sound of birdsong in the tree in the center of his room shoot him from his thoughts. He was so happy to be online. To function and see the rays of the sun. He made his way down the hall and into the main room, to find one thing that would always be at least one constant in this world. Sari and Bumblebee once again playing video games. Bulkhead sat off to the side, working on an art piece.
Bulkster was the first to notice the ninja bot enter. "Oh, hey Prowl. You seen Pen anywhere? She was going to paint with me this mor-…." The mech stopped mid-sentence and stared, jaw-dropped.
"What?" Prowl raised an optic ridge. "…is…is there something on my face?"
Bumblebee and Sari were also agape. It wasn't long before they started to snicker, making Prowl even more confused.
"What is it? What's wrong?"
"Oh, nothing." Bumblebee smirked, trying to stifle his laughter. "Absolutely nothing."
Sari burst out, then immediately covered her mouth again with a shocked expression for having possibly given it away. Bumblebee elbowed her in the arm.
Bulkhead blushed and turned right back to his painting, as with the two others with their game.
"Well, what's on TV?" Sari took the remote. "There's Shanghai Noon on ABC."
"Slag that old flick." Bumblebee swiped the remote from her. "Nascar's on!"
"I vote we watch Discovery Channel. No doubt I've missed countless 'Meerkat Manor.'" Prowl took the button-box. Bumblebee just paused….and snickered again.
"Dude, I-I'm sorry, I just REALLY can't take you seriously right now."
"For the love of Primus, what IS it?"
"Oh, nothing, nothing at all." Sari giggled and flicked to the action movie. Optimus and Ratchet walked into the room, in heated argument.
"Ratchet, I'm telling you, they're travelers, they need a place to stay, and they've been very helpful allies."
"What they've been is mooching, mess-making, scrapping, berserkers. They destroy more unintentionally in one cycle than a Decepticon would intentionally in one stellarcycle!"
"Their methods may be…unorthadox…but there is a lot we still don't understand about them. Besides, they have no other place to stay and the others seem to get along with them just fine."
"Yeah, med-bot." Bumblebee called over from the couch. "Don't be such a buzz-kill."
"It's…true…I don't really see anything TOO unbearable about the lot of them, odd bunch as they are." Prowl concurred. Forgetting to be blown away by the fact the ninja bot and Bumblebee had actually just AGREED on something, the two older bots started at him as the others had.
"What?...WHAT! Why is everyone staring at me?" Prowl crossed his arms.
The two simply remained silent and walked away.
"We interrupt your normal broadcasting for breaking news! I'm Angela Wu, and we're here live with Detroit City News uptown as an enormous catfight has erupted here in 'Buzzy Fun' arcade, and spanned 7 blocks in diameter as it appears two super-powered young ladies just couldn't hold in how they really felt about eachother. No, they don't look like autobots OR decepticons, but they HAVE already caused damage to three buildings and sent people running for the cover of their homes to bet on who will win this duel. Over to you, Bill."
The autobots leaned in. Sari quipped "Now, what does THIS possibly sound like?"
The male reporter cut in from his position up in a building near the fight. "Thanks, Anne. Well, this looks like the mother of all catfights. In this corner, weighing in at- I'll never guess a lady's weight- is what appears to be a beautiful AND powerful super woman. Super Speed, above catlike agility and reflexes, very pale, but LOOK at those vivid eyes and hair! I'm tellin' ya, folks, you don't see HER everyday. Well, if that's the beauty of this fight, this is most certainly the beast over here. In this corner, we have some teen girl, teeth gritted and her own skills-and a hammer- a the ready. So far, no blood or injury. If this gets dirty, though, the police are ALREADY on their way to try and stop this thing and with all the stuff they've violated, I don't think they want murdur or attempted murdur on there too."
"Hey!" Pen called up to the camera man. "First off, it's NOT nice to talk bad about a girl's looks-namely mine. Second off, this girl is a DANGEROUS MARY-SUE! And NOT in a good way like me. I'm holding her off so MAYBE the autobots can come in and HELP me here! I'll clean up this mess later, and-AIGH!" she was cut off by Bella pouncing on her like a cat and pinning her, starting to punch her in the face with full-on vampiress strength.
"Well, folks, it seems we can identify our brave competitor as none other than Pen Fandango, the mysterious newcomer on the autobot team…well, she's already caused a lot of damage in the past so she's STILL probably going to jail…whatever. Back to you, Anne."
"Thanks, Bill, I-"
Optimus flicked off the TV. "Autobots, transform and roll out! And for Primus sake, make it fast!"
Pen held up her hammer to receive the blows rather than her face. "Look, psycho Lady! I DIDN'T kill you HUSBAND! Should you even be MARRIED with a KID at this age?"
"SHUT UP! My wonderful mature good looks and prowes and behavior make up for the fact that I wasn't 21 or older!"
"How about YOU SHUT UP!" Pen finally kicked the vampiress in the gut, sending her flying half a block away. As she got up, she was struck right back down by another onslaught of…sheet music? "…Speak of the devils…" Pen turned around, sledgehammer slung over her shoulder. "Jebus, Khamelion, what took you guys so spooting long!"
"Would you believe we got stuck in traffic?" Clive pulled his lance out of Thing's head and hopped down to the ground, and Khamelion formed her sword and jumped down as the minions did the same.
"Well, you're here and that's what matters. I'm getting my butt kicked by this chick here." Speak of the devil, the vampiress rushed forth once more, using her super speed to swipe all of their legs out from under them, including Wreck-gar's.
They all hit the ground with an uffish oof and looked up at their enemy.
"Well, THIS sucks." Khamelion got up and wielded her sword. "What the heck did you do THIS time?"
"Why does it have to be MY fault? This cookoo-for-coco puffs just came out of nowhere and started mashin' our potatoes."
"Pen-"
"Ok, ok. Remember chapter two from the LAST fanfiction?"
"The vampire fight or the thing with the scary-o musical number?"
"Vampire fight and right BEFORE the musical number."
"Oh…I thought mary-sues regenerated."
"We do." Pen facepalmed. "That's what I've been TRYING to TELL her!"
"Um, hel-LO?" Bella tapped her foot from across the block. "Aren't you FORGETTING someone here? Pay attention to me and my whining!"
"Hey, that's what they're supposed to do to ME!" Pen rushed forward to smash the Cullen's bride over the head with her hammer. The vampiress just ducked, and as Pen went sailing over head she grabbed her fellow Sue's ankle and flung her into the next building. She stalked over to finish the job, and picked the bespectacled brunette out of the rubble by the throat.
"You're finished, Fandango." And began to squeeze.
Through choked gasps and claws digging into her neck, Pen smirked, and laughed. "You just activated my trap card, queen bee."
"Trap card? What trap ca-!" Bella froze, wide-eyed as the paper wraped itself around her, creating some sort of case and causing her to drop Pen to the ground.
"Screw you, THAT'S what!" And now Pen called to the mech standing beside Khamelion, who was manipulating the paper prison. Clive was just standing there apathetically with a bag of popcorn and enjoying the show. "Now, Wrekc-Gar!"
"What? OH! I'm supposed to DO something, right? Trash-man, to the rescue!" And he ran up, turned around-
"Oh sh-"
And dropped tons of rotting, stinking, festering garbage right onto the vampiress's pretty little head. "Enjoy your trash, ma'am~!"
Pen got up and grasped her throat, rubbing it where she'd almost been strangled. "I told you once…I told you a THOUSAND times…only room for ONE bombastic, loud, sassy mary-sue in this show and that's ME."
"Is she going to be ok?" Clive raised an eyebrow and tossed his empty bag on the pile.
"Don't worry." Khamelion waved dismissively. "She'll wake up in the morning feeling like P-Diddy." And took a sip of Dr. Pepper.
The autobots arrived on scene, skidded to a halt, transformed, and rushed to the scene. Optimus raised his axe. "Pen, what is it? What's…" and surveyed the scene. "…wrong?"
Bumblebee face-servoed. "Don't tell me. The fight's OVER!"
Khamelion nodded.
"Aw, slag, this looked like it was a good scrap!"
Sari elbowed him in the arm. "Knock it off, you motorhead." She turned to Pen. "What happened here?"
Pen looked over to the pile. "Oh, nothing. Just another one bit the dust…bum bum bum. bu-bum bum-bum bu-bum."
Wreck-gar's face lit up and he joined her. "bu-bu-bum bum bum. bu-bum bum-bum bu-bum." And they both broke out. "And another one's gone and another one's gone.
Another one bites the dust~!
Hey, its gonna get you too,
Another one bites the dust~!"
The two laughed riotously. Pen wipe her eyes. "Aw, shoot, man! You're good!"
"I am Wreck-Gar! Garbage man, also available for birthdays, weddings, and bar mitzvahs~! And, AI supeeku weaboo~!"
Pen gasped. "No WAY! I speak weaboo, too!"
"Oh Lord." Khamelion and Clive simultaneously facepalmed. The autobots had no clue what the heck was going on right now.
"Weeabo?" Optimus raised an optic ridge.
"Konbawa, Recku-garu-sempai." Pen started. "Haruhi Suzumia? Kawaii kawaii Konata neko koneko kira kira pika kawaii Tokyo Mew Mew desu?"
"Ah, pika pika konata naruto konichiwa arigato kawaii koneko hime-sama sasunaru yaoi kawaii desu! Ouran high school host club, negima yu-gi-oh, pokemon desu kawaii pika koneko yuki desu."
"Kawaii sugoisu! Kawaii kokoro koneko kawaii ai sasunaru bishounen sailor moon kira kira kawaii desu desu!"
"Karameru dansen desu?" Wreck-gar bowed and held out his hand for the teenager.
"Kawaii yaoi koneko desu!"
And while Wasabi Ed played the ridiculous dance meme music, the rest of our cast looked on with faces that radiated pure WTF.
Ratchet face-servoed. "Great. Now there's TWO of them. Great job, Optimus." He patted the younger blue bot on the shoulder. "You've opened up a can of worms with these kids."
Prowl stepped forward. "Um…Khamelion? I know about Wreck-gar, but is your friend quite alright?"
Clive spoke up for Khamelion, who was busy slurping Dr. Pepper. "Yeah. When you get to know her, you'll get used to it." He turned around and saw the mech's face…and burst out laughing.
Prowl was fed up. "Ok, will someone PLEASE tell me WHAT is so Primus-slagged funny!"
Clive started to open his mouth, but saw Bumblebee motioning for him to stop. The yellow bot also mouthed, "DON'T. TELL. HIM." Clive raised an eyebrow, to which the young mech replied in a whisper, "It's funnier if he doesn't have a clue-"
"What!" Prowl spun around, and Bee and Sari got back trying to look for all the world like an innocent little know-nothing kid.
"We didn't say anything."
Prowl face-servoed.
Pen disappated her hammer into normal paper again and put it back in Thing's draw-string head. "Well, back to the plant again, I guess."
"Shouldn't we clean up first?" Khamelion raised an eyebrow.
"No~!" Pen waved dismissively. "People have JOBS to do that. Christmas bonus, here they come~!"
"But YOU caused this. We should at least help them." Bulkhead scratched his head. "We always clean up OUR messes."
"Can we do it tomorrow? My favorite cartoons are on."
"PEN-" The all started.
"Ok, ok, we'll clean up." And she re-formed her paper into a mop.
"Well, with Wreck-Gar it wasn't so bad. He just loaded it all in and carted it all off." Pen flopped down on the couch and got herself some SOBE from Thing's head.
"Mistress, doesn't that seem a little lazy?" Phantom chirped in.
"Eh." Khamelin sipped her Dr. Pepper. "It got the job done, let's not beat what's dead."
Prowl sat in meditation atop his tree. Night would be coming soon, and some of the birds were starting to settle. All was tranquil until-
"Hey, Prowl~! Oh PROWL~! I needs you~!" Pen called from down below, breaking his concentration and causing him to crash to the floor. He growled as he was face-to-face with her feet. She squatted down to his eye-level. "Ok, what's DOWN?"
"What is it, Pen?" He saw that her two minions and her male friend were with her. "What do you want?"
"Well, we're pretty much berserkers, and I like that kind of fighting style, but…you see, there's something I've always wanted to do."
"What's that?" Prowl sat up cross-legged so they could still be eye-level.
"I'd like to be a ninja."
"…"
"I'm part ninja, but I'd like to add a little more to my fighting skills, you know. What I'm saying is, will you be my Obi-Wan?"
"…"
"Come on, say SOMETHING, man."
"…so what YOU want ME to do is unleash a deadly rampaging teenager on the streets with ninja abilities to make her twice as dangerious?"
"Well, self-discipline would be another big pointer ninja thing to work on. Please?" She gave him the puppy-dog eyes. Clive stood beside her, and her minions clung to her legs.
Prowl paused for a minute. Something was missing. "Where's Khamelion?"
"She said 'screw that, I'm watching Coffee Prince.'…She's a like a ninja or something already, anyway. So, when can WE get started on being like a ninja or something?"
"Well, to become a ninja or something…we probably should start immediately if you're that eager. Perhaps we can teach each other something."
"What?" Clive noogied his teammate. "What can YOU learn from THIS cracked nut?"
"I'm still trying to figure out how I'm still here, and why."
Pen scratched the back of her head. "Maybe you still have something you need to do here. You've been given a second chance. Maybe you need to pass on your knowledge by taking on a pupil of your own, hint-hint-let's-get-started."
"Alright… where's that music coming from?"
Clive looked over and found Wasabi Ed hanging upside-down from the tree. "You may just wanna go along with it."
Prowl lined them all up, and started singing for no other reason than we have been DYING for a musical number.
"Let's get down to business-"
"Awright!" Pen fist-bumped Clive.
"to defeat
the cons."
HYA! The team practiced their kicks in sequence.
Prowl face-servoed. "Did they send me daughters
when I asked
For sons?"
Pen raised her hand. "Well, biologically I AM a girl-" She hit her foot against the wall, and jumped up and down clutching it, while the minions slipped up and fell.
"You're the most insane bunch I ever met," He helped the three up and adjusted Clive's form. "But you can BET before we're through-
Miss Pen I'll
Make a nin
Out of you."
The team balanced on top of the trees against the fading daylight, trying to stay up and defend themselves from the projectiles "Sensei Prowl" threw their way.
"Tranquil as a forest
but a fire within."
For a while Pen looked like she'd almost got completely balanced, only to be hit dead-on with a bird passing through.
"Once you find your center,
you are sure
to win." Prowl looked over Clive's staggering, Pen's looking-like she always did- totally oblivious, and the minions clinging for dear life from the tree tops and face-servoed.
"You're spineless, pale, pathetic lot, and you haven't got a clue."
"Hey, that's not very ni-" Clive started, but Pen threw a pine cone to shut him up.
"Hey, this sweet that we get a musical number and a training montage. Bug off!"
Prowl sighed. "Somehow I'll
Make a nin.
Out of you."
The team ran across the river on stepping stones.
Pen huffed and puffed. "I'm never gonna catch my breath-"
Thing almost slipped on a patch of algae. "Say goodbye to those who new me."
Clive got smacked in the face with a tree branch. "Why was I a fool in school for cutting gym?"
Khamelion watched with popcorn and a Dr. Pepper from her perch above. "This guy's got 'em scared to DEATH-"
"Hope he doesn't see right through me." Pen tried to pick up the pace.
"Now I really wish that I knew how to SWIM!" Phantom leaped out of the reach of an alligator(yes, I KNOW they probably don't have Alligators in Michigan.)
The team finished their run over the river and Prowl motioned to them. It was time to go back to OTHER way. Prowl ran ahead of them. Chorus time~!
"Be a nin"
"You must be swift as a coursing river!"
"Be a nin."
"With all the force of a great typhoon."
"Be a nin."
"With all the strength of a raging fire.
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon."
Their training session was dragging on into the next afternoon. Pen's stomach growled from no breakfast or lunch and Clive was getting dizzy with no sleep.
Prowl stood in front of them in the clearing as they practiced their moves in sequence.
"Time is racing t'ward us.
Till the cons
Arrive.
Heed my every order.
And you might
Survive."
Pen raised her hand again. "Um…we were doing fine berserker-ing every time-" and got hit in the head with pinecone thrown at her by "sensei."
They ran over to the tallest tree near them. Team PaperWyngz collapsed with exhaustion at the sight of it. Prowl face-servoed as Pen tried to get a jump on it…but slid right back down on her butt.
"You think you're suited for
the rage of this war?
Just pack up, go home, you're THROUGH.
How could I
Make a nin
Out of you?"
Prowl started to walk away as his "pupil" stared up at the tree defiantly and determined. The chorus rang once more.
"Be a nin."
Prowl bonked her in the back of the head. Hadn't SHE been the one who asked him teach her? "You must be swift as a coursing river."
"Be a nin."
Was she not WILLING to learn? "With all the force of a great Typhoon."
"be a nin."
"With all the strength of a raging fire,
mysterious as the dark side of the moon!" Prowl started and stood back. She'd taken on the tree once again. She leapt up, and then branch by branch jumped and swung and sweated and made her way up. Clive and the minions joined in, cheering her on. Prowl crossed his arms and raised an optic ridge.
"Be a nin.
You must be swift as a coursing river.
Be a nin"
Prowl smiled. He didn't believe it. She was almost there. She just had a bit to go. Was she going to make it!
"With all the force of a great typhoon.
Be a nin
With all the strength of a raging fire
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon!"
Pen reached the top at last! Standing up, balanced at the very top of the tree, looking down at them-
The branch beneath her broke and she fell right back to the ground, hitting head-first with a SMACK.
Prowl face-servoed as she got back up, signature doofy smile on her face, but otherwise ok like a squash and stretch cartoon character.
"Well, this IS going to take a while."
"Admit it. I'm getting there."
The team filed back into the plant after Prowl for some well-deserved sleep to catch up on. As the humans and minions flopped themselves down on the couch, Prowl made his way back to his room for a recharge. He set his visor down by the mirror and turned to lay down for a stasis nap…but something caught his eye. He looked at the reflection staring back at him.
He stared right back into his own eyes, and saw just what the slag had been so funny.
"PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!"
The end~!
Well, we finally had our first musical number.
You know, Prowl, if you let every little thing bother you, it's going to be a LONG fanfiction. Pen out….oh, wait! I thought you'd forgotten about that. I mean, WE sure as slag did. Ah well, my bad.
Over in uptown Detroit, a figure finally broke through the large pile of garbage rotting in the city dump. Bella seethed, her eyes turning bright red.
"I swear, I will FIND that wannabe-sue and RIP her HEAD off, she owes me revenge for Eddy AND Justin Beaver. I swear I'll-"
"Bella? I've never seen you THIS violent."
The Cullen's bride turned her head, to face another super-good looking immortal being standing right behind her so pretty it makes us all wanna barf.
"Ed…Edward? OH, Eddy-poo love of my life, what happened! You're ALIVE!"
"yes, Bella. My ashes somehow ended up in the same area of the sewer after they were washed away, and then a magical fairy came and scooped them up and they were able to slowly regenerate themselves, the particles forming together into a body again. Oh, Bella, I'm even MORE of a monster now…"
"No, you're beautiful Eddykins! Come, Reneblahblahsassyblahblah or whatever the heck our daughter's name is will be so happy to see you again…"
"Oh Bella-"
"Oh Edward-"
And so, that about wraps it up. Gosh, those two make me wanna barf RAINBOWS they're so frikkin' SWEET. * sarcasm sarcasm *
Ok, NOW we conclude this chapter.
Cyber ninjas go~!
Do do do~!