Poof Chronicles 2: The Dorkcepticons
Chapter 3: In Which Histroy Repeats itself and Never Shuts Up
"Alright, y'all overgrown soon-to-be bucket of extra-crispy feathery fluffy-buttmunches! HYAH!" Ok, I'll give your THREE guesses just WHO said that as she dug her heel into the side of a giant duck and started an angry flock of 50-ft chickens on their way out of the city of Detroit.
Prowl and Bumblebee ran(one the right) as well as Sari and Bulkhead ran alongside, keeping the fowl herded and in line. Ratchet and Optimus ran behind to take care of stragglers, and Kahmelion, Clive, Phantom, and Thing were riding at the lead with Pen.
No, my friends, this is not a trippy dream. This is a crazy person getting chummy with the autobots and saving the city of Detroit, mayhem following her and her team everywhere she goes. This is Poof Chronicles, and this IS complete bullcrap.
Prowl meditated in the living area. An impossible task, greatly, but if he was trying to teach the majority of team PaperWyngz ninja endurance, it'd be only natural he should master it. Meanwhile, Ratchet was toiling over getting all the feathers out of Bumblebee and Sari's systems. He was a MEDIC bot, not a VETERENARIAN.
KABOOM!
"What in Primus's name-!"
The dust cloud cleared, and the biggest mallard you ever saw stepped through. Before you ask, yes he DID have a plaid hat on and it DID have those little pom-pom things on it. Just some important info for you. It lowered it's head and let Pen slide down, hop right off and give the medic bot a huge bear-hug around the head. It was all she could manage, given his side four times larger than her.
"Ratchet, mah boyo~!" Pen sat on his shoulder and looked him in the optics. "We're back from getting the flock across the lake."
"Back…unfortunately…"
"We got them across the border into the woods no problem. They're CANADA's problem now."
Meanwhile, in Toronto:
"Seriously, Ramona, what the HECK!"
"Ok, THIS time it's NOT on me!"
We now return you to The Dorkcepticons.
Ratchet re-organized the tools on his workbench. "Alright, Pen, Kahmelion, Clive, Phantom, Thing, watch closely-PEN!"
She looked up from the canvas she and Bulkhead were working over. "Hm? Oh, right, right. Proceed."
"Ok, as you might guess there are a few basics we need to cover. You have to know your way around a garage before you can find your way around the vehicle. First, today, we'll go over a few safety issues. Number one: always maintain a clean and organized workspace. Never put the-womp womp womp womp womp womp womp…" All Pen and Kahmelion really heard as he trailed on was a Charlie Brown teacher.
Pen looked around at all the tools while Kahmelion just got a good book out. There were whatsawhosits and thingmabobs galore and many things she had absolutely NO idea were called or what the heck they did-OOOOooooh…what does THIS button do?
"-and number 4: very important, you should NEVER touch anything without proper- PEN! DON'T TOUCH THA-"
KABOOOOM!
The autobots got up, blackened with soot. Sari tried wiping the stuff off her face and shook it out of her hair. Ratchet rose up and if he had veins, they'd be SO popping out of his head right now. All eyes were on ONE particular organic female.
Optimus walked in. "Autobots, we've gotten-…what happened in here?"
Ratchet picked up the teenager by the scruff and nearly flung her at him. "THIS little haywire sparkplug, THAT'S what!"
"Can I at least say I'm sorry?" Pen looked up at him, trying to see if puppy-dog eyes would work.
They didn't.
Optimus cleared his vocalizer. "Ahem…well, a-anyway….we've gotten sightings of Blitzwing and Lugnut in the woods…and…even a few reports say that they've seen…"
"Seen who?" Sari asked, getting a rag to help clean out Bumblebee's rims.
"Well…it's…they think they've seen STARSCREAM."
Gasp.
"But…Starscreams's offline! That's impossible!" Bulkhead exclaimed.
"Um…right here." Prowl raised his hand.
"We are going camp-ing~! We are going camp-ing~!" Now, where have I seen this before? Pen rummaged around in Thing's head to make sure they were all ready. It sure cut down on all the trunk-space they had to use. "Well, I got everything us humans need. Bumblebee! You packing anything?"
"Please have mercy." Thing said. Having endless hammer space to store things made it convenient, but it didn't make it pleasant. Ok, you may very well be wondering why Team PaperWyngz was going along WITH the autobots on this mission. Well, I'll tell you. 1) Pen begged to and wouldn't stop whining, 2) Bulkhead was excited to go and wanted his new friends along(and he's basically the only one who really regards her as such), 3) Prowl saw it as an opportunity to give his new student a little insight with nature and 4) Ratchet couldn't stand her being inside the same plant for another minute. So now, Bumblebee finished packing-which was reason number 5, he needed somewhere to fit all that junk- and they all transformed.
"Whoo! Wilderness adventure BEGINS! Woo~!" Pen hopped on motorcycle Prowl, and Phantom hung on with his long floppy ears right behind her. Sari climbed into Bumblebee's driver seat, and Kahmelion, Clive, and Thing hopped into Bulkhead's carriage.
"Does anyone else think this is a bad idea?" Clive paused before climbing in shotgun. "I mean, from what Pen's told me about last time something like this happened-"
Prowl paused a minute as well. "How do you now about that?"
Pen sighed and faceplamed. "ok- first: stop spoiling the plot guys, second: what part of poofing and 'I WATCHED the cartoon' don't you get?"
…Without another word, they sped off.
"Wow…." Pen stood over the cliff and gazed over the treetops. "Ain't it so beautiful and nature-al out here?"
"Well, poor grammar aside, yes. Quite." Prowl stood beside her, taking in the view. He'd been meaning to come out here anyway for a while now. He was so glad to enjoy this again. So glad, in fact, he completely forgot to make the lesson plan. He'd better think of something fast.
"Whatever." Kahmelion flipped a page in our book. "I'm not a fan of camping, and I'm really only out here because YOU dragged us."
"Yeah." Bumblebee arrived with the firewood. "All I know about this 'nature' thing is that the LAST time we were out here, it attacked us with snarling and claws and turned us into snarling zombies like in the movies."
Pen bounced over from the cliff. "FIRE~!" She arranged the kindling and got the steel and magnesium block out. "Clive, can you get me the knife?"
"I'm busy pitching the tent." He called over his shoulder, sleeves rolled-up and toiling over a tarp and rods.
"Um…genious?" Kahmelion took a sip of Dr. Pepper as she leaned against a random tree. "We have a car and an army-truck. THEY'RE the tent."
Pen thanked Clive for the knife. "Phantom, I would like some of your guts please."
"Um…mistress, do you really need MY stuffing?"
"Nah. Unless Thing doesn't have that extra fiberfill somewhere in his head."
"Right here, mistress." Thing handed her the fluff and Pen got the fire going. It was starting to get dark soon, so they better be prepared.
"I brought my guitar~!" Pen said, sing-songy.
"Please don't. I KNOW what you're thinking." Khamelion
"Let's gather 'round the campfire, and sing our campfire song~!" Pen started strumming.
"NO! I will BREAK that thing over your head!"
"So, how are we gonna do this?" Kahmelion closed her book. "I mean, the whole reason we came out here was to investigate, right?"
Sari thought. "We should probably split up to cover more ground. I figure three teams, Prowl can head up Black Team, Bumblebee will be Gold Team, and Bulkhead, you're leader of Green team."
"Ok, who goes with who?" Clive got up. "Considering our…assortment, each team should have at least one sane person and one wild card."
"I think he's talking about us, mistress." Phantom elbowed Pen in the leg.
"I'll go with Prowl." Kahmelion volunteered.
"It's dangerous to go alone! Take this!" Pen lifted up Thing and handed him to her bibliophile friend.
"I think I'll go with Bulkhead." Clive ventured.
"I'm-obviously- gonna go with bee." Sari pointed her thumb over her shoulder.
"And I'M calling dibs on the crazy glasses girl~!" Bumblebee fist-bumped Pen.
"That means Phantom's with me." Bulkhead transformed and opened his door.
"We'll meet back in about a megacycle or so." Prowl transformed as well, and Bumblebee soon followed suit. The bots, humans, techno-human and minions sped off in different directions, ready to scour the woods all the way to the border if they had to.
Prowl put his headlights on. The sun was just setting, and they'd need to be able to see the cons to kick their tailpipes. From some other random campers' points of view, it may seem to be a funny sight. Kahmelion wasn't even steering. She just sat sidesaddle and pored through her book in the failing light, despite the strain to her eyes. Thing pulled a lamp halfway out of his head and clicked it on for her, adding to the oddity.
"So, Kahmelion, is it?"
"Um, duh? We've been here for months."
"um…anyway, how long HAVE you and Pen been friends?"
"Ah, a few years, give or take. I think it was back in sixth grade we met. She was a HUGE anime freak, still is a bit. I had to put here through tons of fangirl rehab."
Prowl had no idea what she was talking about, but decided to act as if he did to keep up the smart ninja-ness. "Has she…ALWAYS been…well-" he temporarily untrasformed his arm and did the whole cuckoo finger swirl thing.
"Crazy? Very much so, yes."
"Alright….so, what's the story with Clive? Is he a relative of yours?"
"Nah, he's not related to either of us."
"Are you…well-"
"Ew! NO! Clive's our friend, AND like, 19 years old, so he's way too old for us. Pen needs some form of adult supervision, he's legally an adult. We met up with him on one of our other trips. Can we please STOP with the personal questions?"
"He's just curious." Thing said. "Probably trying to make small-talk."
Something jumped across their path. Prowl skidded to a halt and transformed, throwing Kahmelion and Thing off of his back.
"Hey!" She got up and brushed off her bottom. "A little WARNING, alright?"
"SSH!" He held up a hand to silence her, ticking her of CONSIDERABLY. "We're not alone."
The group sat and listened. Prowl shone his hi-beams through the trees. Kahmelion dispensed some paper from Thing's head and formed her sword, while Thing himself cowered behind her, clinging to her pants leg.
Nothing happened.
"Ok…" Prowl got out of defensive position. "It must have been a racc-AUGH!"
"So…." Bumblebee sped across the path. "Pen, you like scary stories?"
"To a degree. You seen Nightmare on Elm Street?" Pen asked the autobot who's hood she was riding on.
"Which one?" Sari flew beside them with her jet pack. "There's several."
"No, girl, I'm talking about the ORIGINAL one. Made in the 80s." Pen called back up to her.
"They still HAVE that? I thought it wasn't even on the MARKET any more."
"Well, maybe not in whatever year this is, but they have it on blu-ray 50 years back where I come from."
"…blu-ray? That's….that's VINTAGE now."
"I figured. Hey, you wanna see something funny?"
"What?" Sari leaned closer so Pen could whisper it to her. She nearly cracked up right there. "Ok, there are some things you DON'T joke about-"
"Aw, come on~!" Pen elbowed her. "You know you wanna see how he reacts."
"Reacts?" Bee put the brakes on and transformed. "Reacts to what?"
Sari snuck behind him and used her powers to short out his headlights.
"WHAT'RE YOU DOING?"
"Oh BUMBLEboooooot…."
Something clicked, and Bumblebee found himself face-to-face with one of his darkest fears.
"Wazzzp have Bumblebot right where Wazzzp wantz~!"
"YEAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!" He jumped 50 feet(we measured with a reenactment later) and fell right back on his bumper. In a panic, he shot his stingers at the foe.
Pen dodged the electric blasts. "WHOAH." And broke out in laughter.
Sari broke out as well, and put his headlights back on line.
"What? What happened?" Bumblebee got back on his feet.
Pen clicked off her flashlight and took off the helmet. "Man, the LOOK on your FACE….priceless~!" Where she got the Wasp helmet and the flashlight, we may never know.
"Oh, VERY funny." Bumblebee dusted himself off and put his hands on his hips. "Oh, and SO mature. You get that one from your protoform school buddies?"
"Wazzzp thinkz BUMBLEbot is a fine one to talk."
"YEAHG! Man, how do you get your voice to sound JUST like him…well, less mechanical though."
"I practice useless skills." Pen shrugged. Then, all of a sudden something WHOOSHED right behind her. It was so quick, she started, and found that part of her ponytail was sliced off.
"What the heck was that!" Sari drew her blue blades out.
"Oh, yeah right. Like I'm falling for more slag of yours." Bumblebee waved his stingers. "REAL funny, you two." He blushed.
There it went again. THIS time he payed attention.
"Ok, we're up against something or other." Pen took the notebook she was carrying out to get ready to fire if need be. "Possibly very dangerous and maybe could kill us, we don't have any clue as we're LITERALLY in the dark…I say we do this."
"Pen, you're less of a tactician than Bumb-" A sharp blow cut Sari off mid-sentence.
"Hey, you guys hear those two screams coming from about where the others went off to?" Clive rolled down Bulkhead's window.
"Maybe it was that crazed hook man-eye-ack mistress was telling me about…" Phantom leaped onto his head and clung to his hat. "Pen got hooked, Kahmelion got hooked, Thing got hooked, WE'RE ALL GUNNA GET HOOKED!"
"Calm down, little rabbit thing." Bulkhead opened the door so they could get out before he transformed. "I heard something from those directions. We should probably go check it out."
Off in the distance, a loud crash was heard. It was like a thousand trees falling, and shortly following was another cry, followed by the sound of metal clashing.
"TROUBLE! WE GOTTA GO!" Bulkhead transformed back into armored personnel truck mode. "The cons can wait, Prowl and Bumblebee's teams need our help!" And so they sped off.
Pen kept firing at the thing like there was no tomorrow-if only the same could be said for her paper supply. Luckily enough- or rather not-Black team had also been attacked. Thing was able to provide firepower and the all kept going like the energizer bunny. Kahmelion slashed at the blue form, landing all the weak links with deadly precision, as Prowl kept the monster off of her with his shuriken. Sari swooped in now and again with her blades on the lightning speed of her skates, and Bee blasted him with stinger volts. Phantom and Thing hid behind the trees left standing. But, with all their efforts it was no good. The attacker was fast, and with every hit they made, he would zip around and return three to each of them. The fiend had taken out their headlights as he'd encountered them, and it was a cloudy night with a new moon anyway. Why did they have to pick THAT night to have a night fight?
Bulkhead arrived on scene and Clive hopped out with his lance, and rushed the foe head-on, only to be dodged in a split-second, flying right into Kahmelion and knocking them both over.
"Gosh, Clive. At least ask her to dinner first." Pen called over to them as she fired her paper shots at their assailent, earning her two fiery glares and smacks on the head. "What'd I say?"
"STOP ATTACKING MY FRIENDS!" And with that, Bulkhead unleashed his wrecking ball, and BAM. As the mysterious attacker was rushing to attack Pen once again, it was hit dead-on and knocked out cold. The group rushed over to see. Bulkhead was the only one with working headlights at that point, so he shone his light to reveal…
"Blurr!" Bumblebee exclaimed. "What the slag is he doing here!"
"HOW is he even HERE!" Pen bit her lip.
"Another impossible universe fart caused by us being here?" Kahmelion suggested.
Clive turned to face his female companions. "Just why is it so much of a shocker? I thought you knew everything and the bloody kitchen sink here!"
"That's why I'm so confused for once." Pen looked at the unconscious face of one of her favorite characters. "He was crushed into a cube of scrap metal."
"WHAT?" Bumblebee exclaimed. "You mean…you mean…HE died too? And nobody even KNEW this?"
"Nope. His remains were ejected into the void of space~!" Pen replied awfully chipper for the information she was relaying. "Although if you look closely at a gap in the crushed metal of the cube you can see his spark WAS still active, suggesting he was only in severe stasis, but fans like to be depressed sometimes. It gives them crap to whine about…well, mech…looks like we meet at last…"
"But then who…reconstructed his body?" Prowl raised an optic ridge. "And why would Agent Blurr attack us without explaining….a LOT?"
"Dude flaps his gums ninety to nothin'." Bumblebee agreed.
Bulkhead lowered his headlights to scan the body, and was shocked at what he saw. This required new kinds of action. "Um…guys? You MAY not wanna be touchin' him!"
The form leapt right back into conciousness, glaring red optics…and a mass of brown attatched to his side.
"What the slag!" Bumblebee exclaimed. "NOT AGAIN!"
And the uphill battle began again. So much for strength in number against THIS guy.
"I can't get him!" Clive slashed about with his lance, trying to land a blow. "He's super fast, and the barnacles are enhancing his strength!"
"Ok, the undead thing is getting OLD, it was scary enough, and now the dude had FANGS!"
"Bulkhead, turn down your hi-beams!" Bumblebee called. "I can't focus with all the light shining off his metal!"
Pen lowered her notebook/gun for a minute. "Wait…undead with fangs…super-fast and strong….super-shiney…and millions of fangirls the world over! OHMY GAWD HE'S EDWARD CULLEN!"
"In that case," Sari attempted to rush him with a slice. "All the more reason for us to put him out of his misery!"
"We'll save you from THAT fate, man!" Bumblebee zapped his stinger on high. "Now if you'd JUST hold STILL!"
"Wait, don't they need some sort of heat to get them off?" Pen called. "Sari, try focusing the thrusters on your jet pack! Prowl, you help her out with your own thrusters!"
"We can't get close enough!" Prowl said with another throw of the shuriken. "Blurr's too fast on a regular basis, and the barnacles are increasing his stamina."
Pen dodged-barely- another fly-by by zombie Blurr and hunkered down behind the same log her minions happened to be behind. "Thing! Get the flamethrower!"
Phantom rummaged around in his comrade's head and came up with…nothing.
"What do you MEAN it's not there?"
"We must've forgot to pack it!"
"Forgot it! It's sparkly and pink, how did you FORGET it? Try poofing back home and FIND it!"
SQUID!
Pen looked over her shoulder at the scrap. She leaned over the side of the log and fired more paper rounds, but she was no good at moving targets. Suddenly, she had an idea. It was SO stupid and SO idiot and SO insane that only SHE could think of something like it and would possibly be killed.
"Thing, get my guitar out."
Sari was thrown against a tree so hard it was knocked out of the ground by the force. Thanks to the ORGANIC part of techno-organic she could at least resist contracting the barnacles. The fight was going downhill. What they needed now was either a miracle or at least Pen to do something so stupid it works.
"Ladies, gentlemen, and giant barnacle monster things. I call this one the Campfire Song Song."
"PEN!" Kahmelion raised her sword to deflect another blow. "This is REALLY not the best time!"
"Nonetheless, you must trust I know what I'm doing, even if it's clear I do not!" Pen strummed her guitar, making sure it was in tune, then started.
"Let's gather 'round the campfire, and sing our campfire song.
Our c-a-m-p-f-i-r-e-s-o-n-g song
And if you think that we can't sing it faster then you're wrong, but it'll help if you just sing along~!"
Bulkhead joined in for the simple reason as he has the same voice actor as this role and you totally saw it coming. "Bum bum buuuuuuuum-"
"C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G SONG
C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G SONG
And if you think that we can't sing it faster than your wrong but it'll help if you just sing along~!
C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G SONG, BULKHEAD~!"
"s-s-song! C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-"
"Khamelion~!"
"…"
"Good~!"
"It'll heeeeelp, it'll heee-he-heeeeelp," Pen strummed deeply.
"If you just sing along~!"
And then she smashed her guitar on the ground. "OH YEAH!"
"S…song! C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-Gsongandifyouthinkthatwecan'tsingitfasterthanyou'rewrongbutit'llhelpifyoujustsingalong!"
"What's he doing?" Sari got back on guard.
"What Blurr does best. Talk so fast it's almost annoying." Pen swept the remains of her instrument back into Thing's head. "I knew he wouldn't be able to resist being smarter than everyone, and that song requires the fasted vocals I've ever heard besides maybe Disappearance of Hatsune Miku, but that would change the genre of this fanfic."
"Well, he's busy and he's stopped running." Prowl lowered his weapons. "We need to burn those barnacles off now!"
"Phantom still isn't back with the flamethrower yet." Pen wrung her hands. "Oh, if ever there was a time for the plot-convenience fairies…"
And then FIYAH blasted down from the sky and hit Blurr dead-on, charring the nasty things right off.
"Wow…those plot fairies sure get around…" Kahmelion remarked at the steaming metal body, just regaining his conciousness. Clive facepalmed.
"It's not 'fairies,' Pen." Prowl pointed at the sky. "Look!"
Indeed they weren't fairies. They were jets.
A blue jet flew overhead, while an orange and white autobot stood on it and fired the deadly blast, completely ridding the nasty things. The orange one hopped of, and the blue one transformed, both of them sticking the landing right in front of the group.
"Brother, the barnacles are being got rid of?"
"Yes, Brother. We are being okie for the dokie." The two high-fived, then proceeded some sort of handshake or whatever.
"Oh…my…GAWSH…" Pen's jaw dropped. "THAT WAS TOTALLY WICKED!" She ran over to the jet twins. "Jetfire, Jetstorm! You haywire sons of a glitch~!" She held out her fist for a fistbump.
"Hallo, miss organic." Jetfire gingerly returned the gesture. He was still getting used to humans, I guess.
Jetfire squatted down to her eye-level. "Who and how are you being?"
"My name's Pen. We're a lot better now, thanks to you~! Hey, everyone, say hi!"
"Pen?" Jetfire paused. Jetstorm also squatted down next to his brother. "The same Pen who was helping us out of some slagged-up mess back on Trade World?"
Pen smoothed out her shirt. "You know it~!"
"PEN!" Jetfire scooped her up and tossed her in the air. "It's been stellarscycles~! How you've been doing?"
"Hey, Mister Jazz sir!" Jetstorm called over his shoulder. "We are knowing this organic! We are knowing her!"
Clive stood dumb-founded. "Pen? You sure get around, don't you?"
"Well, I was there too." Kahemlion sipped some Dr. Pepper, bored out of her mind again.
A police car burst into the clearing, transforming and revealing yet another familiar face. "Well, dawg, I was wondering who y'all's new friends over here were-" he turned to face Prowl, stopped speechless and froze.
"Jazz?" The ninja bot stood back.
"Prowl?...how…how did you…?"
"ZOMBIE BOT!" Jetfire and Jetstorm hugged eachother.
"It's…a long story…that I still don't know myself…" Prowl scratched the back of his head.
"We THINK it has something to do with me being here, but I may just be abusing my Mary Sue liscence." Pen pulled the card out of her pocket. "The universes we go to seem to have…well, flatulence. Either way, he's here, which is AWESOME."
"It's…it's great to have you back, dawg." They clasped hands. "So, Jetfire, Jetstorm, y'all say you know these femmes?"
"Yes, Mr. Jazz sir! She is being very cool, don't be worrying." They saluted.
"Well, any friend of my guys is a friend of mine, dawg."
"Jazz, how did you find us out here?" Prowl put away his shuriken.
"Sentinel sent us out here to investigate the reports. We didn't find nothin', so we decided to head back, but then we heard the fight goin' on. Figured be better help y'all."
"Well…good fortune I suppose. You say you didn't find anything either?"
"Nah, dawg. Locals probably saw agent Blurr here and freaked."
"OhsoyoudorememberI'mstillhere?" The form sprang back up into sitting position.
All eyes snapped back on the elite guard intel agent.
"Everyone I have extrememely important information to relay to you it's absolutely crucial to the utmost extent that you listen! I know the identity of the decepticon traitor, who in fact was NOT wasp as previously suspected but upon my near destruction by said traitor I can positively identify the disguised Shockwave as none other than Cyberton's head of autobot intelligence Longarm Prime! Furthermore-"
"It's a little LATE for that! Geez. Talk about slow uptake."
"Well, my sincerest apologies for being CRUSHED to NEAR-OFFLINE status!" Blurr poked the younger bot in the chest.
"Blurr~!" Pen hugged the bot best she could with her relative size to his. "Ok, dude, my name's Pen, I'm a huge fan-even if you DO tend to beat a dead spark around- SO thrilled to meet you, but HOW in the name of the mother of Shakespear's mother did you get back to earth? Who re-constructed you?"
"If he's going to trail on forever and a day, can he explain on the way back to the camp site?" Kahmelion tossed her empty can aside. Prowl caught it and shot her an aweful glare for litering.
"Come on." Sari re-started her jet pack. "Let's go." The bots re-transformed. Kahmelion and Thing sat back on the Prowl-cycle, Clive climbed back into Bulkhead's carriage, and Sari and Pen regrouped with Bee.
They sped off back to camp, forming a convoy along the path. Blurr sped towards the front, despite not really knowing which way to go. "So, where would you like me to begin?"
"Begin at the beginning." Pen shrugged.
"And when you reach the END-" Kahmelion took out another Dr. Pepper, catching onto the obvious reference. "Stop~!"
You could hear the blue mech taking a huge breath. This was going to take a while.
"Well, once Shockwave had me disposed of he failed to realize that while I had been crushed, my spark was still intacts or rather than being offline I was in severe stasis. I floated aimlessly through the void of space not being able to move or call for help. However, after seemingly endless waiting as I prepared to go offline I was found by a strange being who didn't seem mechanic OR organic, but some other sort of strange being. This alien being took me in his or her hands and used some form of transwarping ability and I found myself waking up cycles later with my body completely intact. My only hypothesis considering my location in some form of lab with computers showing my own schematics-quite creepy if you ask me my recollection of events-that this being had some how downloaded my schematics from the cubed remains and followed the design rebuilding me completely. I tried to get up, but the next thing I remember feeling was a great electric shock and I distinctly remember seeing both red and black lightning. I woke up here on earth cycles later not knowing how I came to be here and I found my self in a mine shaft, which is where I came in contact with the space barnacles and was posesed shortly thereafter. I have no recollection from the point I was overtaken by the space barnacles to the point where I heard the strange music-you have NO speed in your speech, by the way-and when I woke up soon later where you were making aquantances."
"Is that all?" Pen looked up from her notepad, furiously jotting down what the mech was saying.
"Please." Bumblebee put the brakes on as they had reached the campsite once more. "Don't encourage him."
"And so I tell him, I tells him: Spoot you, THAT'S what!" Pen finished, and they burst out in laughter. "Y'all KNOW he had THAT one coming! BEGGIN' for me to say it!"
Jazz laughed and put his arm around her shoulder. "Now, I like this girl, dawg. We gotta meet up some time, dang!" He patted her on the back, almost knocking her off her seat.
Kahmelion looked up from something on the laptop. "Hey guys, come here! I think we may be able to resolve confusion of the return of TWO characters this chapter."
"What do you mean?" Clive looked over her shoulder.
"Well, we know how Blurr got here, but I did some digging and I found out a possible theory as to why Prowl's here of all things."
"But we DON'T know how Blurr really got here." Pen put away her guitar(hey, we somehow fixed it completely during the scene transition~! Yay~!). "All he said was he met a strange black and red being in space.
"Oh, come on, who ELSE do we know wears red and black, is TOTALLY strange and would send an evil monster after you?"
"…my gut says Harley Quinn. She's still sore from when I beat her at our last poker game."
Kahmelion facepalmed. "Anyway, I did some searching and cross-referenced through other fanfics, the allspark almanac and other Transformers wikis, and I think I got a theory."
"Why do you CARE so much? You don't put this effort into any of Pen's other hairbrained schemes." Clive poured himself some tea from Thing's head.
"I was doing some checking up so I wouldn't be TOTALLY confused here considering I DON'T watch this crappy cartoon, and Pen offered me ten cases of Dr. Pepper and some Kimchi from her source in Marzipan City."
"…continue." Prowl raised an optic ridge.
"Well, from the fan crap and cannon crap I can conjecture this- Time warps."
"Say what now, dawg?" Jazz also cocked a ridge.
"The allspark did this really dramatic crap where it was so amazed with your selfless sacrifice or whatever that a time warp thing happened. All it really needed was a jumpstart. It HAD all the other sparks, so when you added your energy it overloaded and created a tear in the space-time continuum so your conciousness was taken through said wormhole and came out through a similar tear when we came to this world, so it took the nearest doorway it saw and now you're here again, whoopee, Pen gets to be a proper fangirl, the fans are pleased, etcetera, etcetera-"
"Problem solved~!" Pen gave a thumbs-up.
"…that doesn't even make sense when I think about it but alright." Blurr sipped some of the oil they'd brought with them.
"This 'camping' thing is being very much fun, brother." Jetfire and Jetstorm fist-bumped. "We must be doing it again some time~!"
"Time travel? Seriously? What kind of dues-ex-machina bullcrappery is that?" Clive crossed his arms.
Pen coughed, sounding an awful lot like she was saying 'hypocrit.'
"…blimey, look at the time." Clive pulled back his sleeve to check his watch. "We've been out here for hours. It's WAY late. We should get ready to tuck in."
"Clive's right. We'll keep watch in case we do catch sight of the cons." Prowl stood up. "I'll take first watch with Jazz."
"You said it, dawg, we still got some catchin' up to do."
"I'm fellin' a bit bushwhacked myself." Pen yawned widely.
Bumblebee and Bulkhead transformed and let their human friends camp inside, getting ready to recharage themselves. Jetfire and Jetstorm just leaned themselves up against some trees and went right into sleep mode.
All was quitet.
SQUID
"Um, guys? I found the flamethrower!" Phantom looked around. Prowl held his finger to his lips for silence. "I missed the whole fight, didn't I?"
"'fraid so, dawg." Jazz replied. "Hey, Prowl?" He turned to his fellow Ninja-bot.
"What is it?"
"Y'all got some cool new friends."
"…they certainly are interesting."
PROWL EARNED THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP~!
"Who said that!" Jazz leaped up on guard, nunchucks ready.
AUTOBOTS AND TEAM PAPERWYNGZ EARNED THE POWER OF NEWFOUND MUTUAL RESPECT
"Dawg, you seriously not hearnin' that!"
Prowl sighed. "You'll get used to it in time."
THE END OF CHAPTER 3~!