Poof Chronicles 2 : The Dorkcepticons
Chapter 4: In Which We Have our First Total Rip-Off
What? What's THIS! A PARODY?
…
Yay~! Always loved Angry Beavers, always wanted to do this.
Megatron's frequency buzzed once again. The machinery was some sort of ancient slag, so he only recognized this line by the fact that it HAD little to no distinguishable frequency and had been buzzing in about every day for a few Deca-Cycles(a/n: hey, my first Author's note, too~! Anyway, I looked it up and Deca-Cycle seems close to a month)
"Yes? What is it? Who are you asking for THIS time? Seymour Butts or Ophelia Hiney? Oh, or possibly Hugh Jaft or your good friend I.P. Freeley?" He boomed into the receiver. "NONE OF THEM LIVE HERE, FOR THE THOUSANDTH TIME!"
The same female voice came out over the other end. "Oh, no, you must have me mistaken. You see, my name is Imma Surr-"
"Imma Surr WHO, dare I ask?"
"IMMA SURR glad I ain't YOU MOMMA!" And then the expected uproarious laughter came. The male voice he'd also often heard sounded as well.
"Oh, so BLOODY brilliant." Again, eyes could be heard rolling.
"Pen, get off the line!" The other female voice ended the call once again, leaving Lord Megatron to just sit and steam and wish he had them here to squeeze the spark out of.
Ratchet had his reading visor on, and carefully studied the large sheet of paper at his desk, picking through a box of materials with fine tweezers, a welding torch and electric socket wrench at his side. Pen, Clive, Phantom, Thing, Sari, and Bumblebee were animatedly playing some sort of video game on the big screen that probably didn't require NEAR as much shouting and whooping and hollering as they were doing while Kahemlion read her book with some Dr. Pepper.
The medic bot gumbled over his task. "Alright, insert part three A-" he looked at the piece he was currently holding under close scrutinty. "-guess so…into part ten-twenty six G." He raised his optic ridges and looked for the part he was missing. "One seventy-six E? Where is it? Where is it- SLAG IT, I NEED QUIET!"
All the teenagers' eyes and optics snapped immediately to his, some halting mid-yell.
The older mech sighed. "I'm trying to assemble this super-electro gizzer-blinkey-" He paused so Pen and Sari could have their own little snicker at the name. "-So I can say goodbye to cleaning up after the enormous messes you all leave behind."
"Sorry, we can't." Pen stated dutifully. "This is a very high-intensity game, focusing on lightning-fast reflexes, sharp focus, and to some extent teamwork. We have to keep on game and keep eachother on game." And so they turned back to the screen.
Ratchet got down from his seat. "And it ALL becomes clear now…Mario Party 20, one of the most co-operative, competitive-as well as time and attention consuming- game of this season, popular amongst large groups. Pardon me while I laugh up my sleeve at your protoformish behaviour."
"Huh?" Pen cocked an eyebrow back at him. Yes, she CAN play games without even looking at the SCREEN.
Optimus chose that moment to enter, with an air of urgency. "Autobots, we got a notice from…Setninel…" He sighed the name, shaking his head. "He's requested for us to meet with him at his ship."
"What does that gear-head want this time?" Ratchet removed his reading visor, also shaking his head.
"He said he wanted to discuss some important matter. He didn't say just WHAT matter, though." The younger mech replied, shrugging. "Knowing him, we'll likely be gone all day tomorrow listening to him shoot his mouth off." Optimus rolled his eyes.
"Don't worry, dude." Pen called over from the couch. "No one likes him in MY universe, either."
It was then Prowl entered the conversation. Don't ask when he entered the room, he's a ninja, he can do that kind of thing. "Who's going to watch the plant while we're off on our 'meeting?'"
Optimus scratched his head."Well, Sentinel would jump off a cliff and take us all down with him if he caught skin plate or helmet of an organic. They'd be staying behind anyway."
"Not a slagging chance!" Ratchet brought his fist down on his work table. "THOSE ones? In the plant ALONE? The place'll be blown sky-high, leveled, and UNDERWATER by the time we get back!"
Prowl held up his hands to signal for the medic to CALM the SLAG down. "We'll just have to leave them detailed instructions for what needs to be done and what must NOT be touched. They should be fine."
"Good." Ratchet crossed his arms. "Then YOU can be in charge of leaving the message for your little padawans over there."
"Fair enough." Optimus turned to face the ninja-bot. "Since our newest arrivals can't read Cybertronian, you may want to make a video or a recording telling them what to do."
"I'll help~!" Bumblebee called from the little game circle. THIS ought to be good.
It was nighttime at the plant. The two bots shuffled into Prowl's room after the attack of the zombie gelatin…yeah, don't ask.
"Come on, Bumblebee." Prowl called from his seat at the foot of his tree holding the script he'd hastily scrawled with the basics.
"Yeah yeah, cool your thrusters." The younger bot swaggered in, and accidentally bumped into the camera tripod, almost knocking it over and rushing to right it again. Prowl facepalmed.
"Anyway, I think we should make sure they know to do the basic things, like bringing in the paper and oil at least."
"Oh, yeah!" Bumblebee agreed. "OH! And while we're at it, let's have them water your plants, turn the lights on, and-OH! We can have them re-paint the plant~! I think yellow walls with black poka-dots…AND they could finish putting together Ratchet's super-electro gizzar-blinkey! Oh! And, and-" the bot just ran on and on. "here's a good one! They can hang that disco ball in the living room, and new bunk-berths made out of…of…CANDY-CORN!"
Oh, hold on, what is that red light on the camera? Do you think Bee could have accidentally pressed record? Hm? Do ya? Do ya do ya do ya do ya do ya?"
"And THEN they could put those little twinkly lights up all around the plant, and scrape the sludge out of Omega Supreme's tailpipe, and drain lake Michigan, strip mine the forest and make it a LAND-FILL SITE~!" he twitched he was getting so fragged."
Oh, wait…yes he has…this ought to turn out interesting.
"…They're JUST teen-age GIRLS a guy and two plushies!" Prowl called over to his deranged-for-a-minute comrade. "Why don't you have them raise the Titanic while you're at it?"
Bumblebee shot a smirk over his shoulder at the ninja-bot. "Don't be ridiculous. They're just teenagers and two plushies, Prowl. Even if you ARE teaching them your ninja-slag."
Prowl face-palmed. "Just…start the video…"
Bee pressed the record button (actually causing the video to STOP. Hehe.) and re-focused the lense. "Alright, Prowl, you're on."
The ninja cleared his vocalizer. "Hey, girls- and Clive and the minions. We'll be back sometimes at night, who knows when, so just bring in the paper and oil, put a little seed out for the birds, and water the plants, Oh! And DON'T-" he held up a finger to illustrate his point. "-eat too many snacks, and PLEASE don't touch the gizzar-blinkey."
"And don't open the door for strangers, even if you know them." Bumblebee cut in on screen.
"Sage advice, Bumblebee." Prowl patted the younger bot on the shoulder. "Now get the disk ready while I go get the students so we can start our night training session." And he left the room.
Bee walked up to the tripod. "And…eject." The disk SHOT out, crashing against the wall, causing a HUGE crack. Bumblebee just shrugged and walked out, taking the tripod. He rounded out of the door, down the hall, and into Sari's room, where the haywire sparkplugs were all sleeping-SEPARATE sleeping bags, mind you-and placed he disk on the nightstand, ruffling his favorite little organic Sari's hair on his way out. He saw Prowl rustling then all-minus Sari and Kahmelion- back awake.
"Come on, students."
"Sensei Prowl, can't night sessions wait until morning?" Pen rubbed her eyes and straightened out her Sonic the Hedgehog pajamas.
"Let's go, the well of knowledge waits for no bot…or organic."
The NEXT day…oh Primus.
Clive waved to Optimus as they all transformed and rolled out.
"Are you sure you'll be ok…and for Primus's sake, keep an eye on your friends especially?"
"Don't worry, Prime. We'll make sure to watch the video Prowl and Bee made, and follow it TO the LETTER, and I'll dial your frequency if anything gets out of hand." Clive's eye twitched. He wasn't TOO thrilled about being the official 'adult supervision.' He was really only 19.
"Alright. I don't really know HOW long Sentinel could keep us there, but I think we SHOULD be back around 'seven thirty' as your organics say."
And so they sped off.
Pen ran inside and vaulted over the back of the couch and plopped herself right now. "Phantom~!" She called over her shoulder. "You got the disk they left?"
"Right here, mistress." The plushie popped it in the DVD player while the others took their seat.
"They could have just left a note." Sari rested her head in her hands. "I could have translated the cybertronian for you.
"Yeah, you guys have fun with this." Kahmelion flipped to her place in her book. "I'm gonna go eat some food-NYAGH!" Ok, rule of thumb, never do what Clive just did and poke Kahmelion in the side. She will NINJA slap you upside the HEAD.
"AUGH!" Clive clutched the throbbing lump on the side of his head. "Ahem…what I was SAYING is: oh no you don't, you're sitting RIGHT down here and helping us with WHATEVER it is that needs to be done around her exactly."
"UUUuuuuuuuugh….." She rolled her eyes and sat down, arms crossed. The image flashed onto the screen, showing Bumblebee in all his glory.
"Paint the-plants-yellow with black poka dots."
The group paused.
"Sounds OK to me, guys~!" Pen hopped right too it.
The paint was easy to find. There were several barrels in Bulkhead's room, and the minions hefted them into Prowl's room, setting them down with an oof.
Kahmelion and Pen looked at eachother. "We got this one covered.
Sighing, Kahemlion picked up a large brush and deftly covered every leaf and crack in the bark of the tree, then got a tracing ring from Thing's head and used a smaller brush to do each dot with precision, a ruler to make them completely OCD-ly evenly spaced. She took her time to make every spot spot-on. "PEN! How're you doing down there?"
"Smashing~!" Her friend replied. Pen had gone RIGHT to work on the bonsais. She took a tarp, set them all on top, grabbed a bucket and splashed them all over. Next, she took another brush and slashed it all about like some sort of Harry Potter character's wand and gave them all a sweet splatter job. "There, you see? You just have to let your creative juices fuh-LOW~!"
"It looks rather like they FLOWED all over you." A chilling voice entered the room.
Pen forgot to look down at her totally paint-splattered shirt and instead stared at the red and black figure floating right in front of her.
Kahmelion snapped her head around. "REALA? Aw HECK no! Not THIS creeper!"
Pen instinctively reached for her paper, but then remembered she and Kahmelion were the only ones there and got into defensive position. "So, you FINALLY decide to show your pastey, messed-up, ugly ugly UGLY ugly face?"
"Oh, don't be like that, dear Pen." The nightmaren reached out to touch her face, and was kicked in the hand, following by a roundhouse kick to the jaw, sending him flying into the wall.
"I don't know karate, but I DO know crazy, and I WILL use it!" Pen got back into stance. "Prowl's been training me, so don't even THINK about it!"
He simply got up, spit out his tooth and laughed. "Well, you see, Pen, about that…I made a new friend."
Kahmelion paused…"What's that noise getting louder and louder?"
It's a jet engine, my dear, and it crashed into the ceiling at made Prowl's sky light that much bigger.
"YEAGH!" Kahemelion abandoned tree, and fell right onto the floor next to Pen and sprang back up. "What the shiznit?"
"Oh, holy beep on a beep sandwich with beep on top and a side order of beep…" Pen's eyes grew wide. "ANOTHER zombie in this fanfic…"
Ladies and gentlemen, Starscream the Decepticon~!
Fangirls cheering aside, back to the show.
"Hello there, little organic sprags." The flying bot smiked.
"Pen…" Kahmelion seethed. "WHO is THAT!"
"It's Starscream, but I thought he was DEAD! I SWEAR!"
"Yeah, well that didn't stop Samurai Jack or Speedey Gonzales Runs-his-mouth!"
"Are we REALLY going to talk about this NOW?"
"How did a decepticon even FIND the autobot base, man?"
"Oh, that was actually an easy one." Starscream put his hands on his hips. "You see, I just hacked into Megatron's frequency one day to see what the obsolete bucket of bolts was up to, and I started hearing your LOVELY prank calls. Great material, by the way. I've NEVER seen him so incredibly irritated, it's DELICIOUS~!"
"Thank you." Pen beamed, still in defensive position. Kahemelion elbowed her in the side…HARD.
"Anyway," The bot continued. "My good friend Reala here clued me in that the very users of the frequency had been so chummy with the autobots lately, so I decided I'd drop by."
"Ok, leaving the fact that Pen's prank calls I TOLD her NOT to make revealed the location of the autobots base to TWO maniacs for me to mash her potatoes over later," Kahmelion turned to face Reala. "How in the HELLO did you two meet and WHY the HELLO are you helping each other?"
Reala smirked. "He needed to be back online and get back at this 'Megatron' and these 'autobots' , I needed some way to get to my dear Pen here…everybody wins." He shrugged. "Now, I'm afraid, we'll be destroying this place." He finished with a smile.
The two girls looked at eachother. A hyperactive knuclehead ninja in-training(Naruto, PLEASE don't sue) and an angry Asian. NOT gonna happen.
Starscream and Reala's bound and gagged bodies hit the back of the closet and struggled to get onto their feet, only to have the door slammed in their faces. Pen lowered her kicking foot, and dusted off her hands. "Well, that takes care of them."
Kahemelion bonked her on the back of the head. "Are you out of your effing MIND?"
"99 percent of the time, yes."
"We have two VILLAINS in the plant! Two villains that YOU basically INVITED in, in the plant that OP trusted US to watch! Do you have ANY idea what mess you've caused?"
"Vaugely." The two walked back down the hall to the living room. "Look, we can't tell the guys, or they'll FREAK…also I don't want them to hit me…"
"You'll HAVE to tell them and face the music some time."
"Keep it shut and I'll buy you ten cases of Dr. Pepper and Ten new books to go with them."
"…WHAT decepticons?"
The rounded back into the living room and sat back down on the couch. Clive pressed play again on the DVD player. "Yeesh, what took you guys so long?"
The visual was a bit fuzzy, but the audio was fairly decent. "and put candy corn on-the disco ball~!" Paused.
The team looked at eachother. Sari spoke up finally. "O…k…that's a bit…odd. Why the heck would they want us to do THAT!"
"I dunno." Pen shrugged. "But if they want us to put candy corn the disco ball there must be a good reason….Phantom, you and Thing do it."
The two plushies made their way to Bumblebee's room and opened the storage closet. Sure enough, there it was….on the TOP shelf.
Phantom tried poofing up.
SQUID! "I got it, I got it~!"
"Good." Thing stood below, arms wide. "Now get down here with it so we can get it candy-corn'd."
"Alright, here I go-WHOAH!" The plushie tripped on some rags and went tumbling down, landing RIGHT on the face of his fellow minion. With the crash of countless useless stuff the bot kept in there falling all around them.
Thing poked his head up out of the debris, and pulled the disco ball out. "Well, THAT was nuts."
Phantom popped out of the pile as well. "Let's just get too it."
The two were about halfway done with the task.
"Uns uns uns un-un uns~!" Thing was getting' his groove on already.
Phantom looked up from the paste. "Thing, stop pinching all the candy corn. We won't have enough to finish."
"Hey," The other minion shrugged. "Mistress Pen LOVES candy corn, we should save her some. Besides, if we run out we can just get more from the machines out in the living room."
"Who puts CANDY CORN in VENDING MACHINES?"
Thing shrugged. "Someone."
"I hope the autobots are having as much fun as WE are." The little gothic rabbit-looking plushie rolled his button eye sarcastically.
"So, anyway, blah blah blah blah sightings blah blah blah blah impossible, how can it be explained blah blah blah blah Starscream blah blah blah blah zombie tech blah blah blah blah I'm awesome look at my chin blah blah blah blah OMG how the slag blah blah blah blah-" Sentinel droned on, and yes, that's basically all I hear when I listen to him talk, too.
Bumblebee rested his head on the table, bored out of his ever-lovin' mind. "This guy goes on FOREVER." He whispered up to Optimus.
"Hm…discussing matters at a discussion? Whoda thunk it?" he whispered sarcastically down to his underling.
"Not me."
The Prime facepalmed.
Phantom and Thing had finished pasting up the disco ball and poofed eachother up to hang it on the ceiling for some Friday night fever. They danced and jigged and whooped and hollered and junk like idiots.
"WHOO~! Boogey wonderland~!" Phantom got his groove on while Thing struck a pose. The two laughed and headed for the hallway. As they rounded out of the door into the hall , they heard a
THUD.
"Bro, you hear that?" Thing paused for a minute.
BANG!
"There it is again." Phantom turned around. "It's coming from the closet…"
THUD THUD!
Phantom and Thing gathered their courage and went up to the door. Something-or someone- was in there. "…you open it first."
"What!" Thing shoved his fellow minion. "YOU open it!"
"Why can't you!"
"Why can't YOU?"
Phantom swallowed-you'd wonder how he did that since he's a plushie- and slowly reached for the door handle, opened the door-
-and received a full blow in the face from it as it banged open and flung him against the wall.
"Ah, at LAST!" Starscream picked himself up and stood before the cowering little plushies. "Thanks to this effeminate one's precisely manicured nails we were able to escape!"
"HEY!" Reala floated up to his eye level. "Chicks DIG my nails! And I'm totally MASCULINE!"
"Well, PEN doesn't seem to like them." Starscream rolled his optics. "And maybe you should come out of the closet. I mean, we both LITERALLY just came out of a closet, it's the perfect opportunity and-"
"SILENCE! Just get on to the plant!...oh, wait, I think you stepped in something…"
The mech and the nightmaren looked down at just what was under Starscream's positively humongous high-heels.
"H…hey…" Phantom called weakly from under his trapped position. "Could you…get off my face?"
Reala tossed his head back and laughed like a snobby rich girl. "You little insignificant piece of crap! I can't BELIEVE my dear Pen hangs out with the likes of YOU!"
"I can't believe she EVER hung out with the likes of YOU!" Thing, in nothing flat, opened the drawstrings of his head, pulled out a CHAINSAW and leaped forward and kicked the nightmaren RIGHT in the chest, sending him reeling back to the opposite wall. Taking advantage of the confusion, Phantom poofed up with the sound of "SQUID!"-per usual- right up to Starscream's face, caught an aluminum baseball bat tossed to him by Thing and banged the decepticon right in the face, causing him great pain and a smashed-in face. As the jet clutched what would be his nose, Thing landed and revved up the chainsaw.
"Alright…BOTH of you freeze!"
Reala got up, staggering, and clutched his side, spitting out another tooth. He immediately received a menacing revv in the face.
"I SAID FREEZE, SPOOTERS!" Thing seethed like a madman. If he had saliva, he'd likely be foaming at the mouth.
The mech and the nightmaren stood in shock instantly. Phantom dispensed the bat back into Thing's head and took out a length of rope. In a few poofs they were bound, gagged, and hitting the back wall of the closet with the door slamming in their faces again. "Man…I think we learned more in Sensei Prowl's ninja training than Mistress did…"
Thing, breathing heavily, eventually calmed down and put the chainsaw back. "Did I just snap?"
"I DO believe so…" Phantom stared at the closet, then locked it to be sure. "Why were they even IN the closet to begin with?"
"Dunno…we can't tell Mistress Pen or the others, or they'll FREAK!"
"But we can't just hide them in the closet!"
Thing paused for a bit. "I have another idea…but I don't like it one bit…"
"What is it?"
gingerly, Thing lifted his comrade's ear and whispered something.
They finally got both of them into Thing's drawstring head. Hammer space is handy to have. Thing shuddered. "There are villains in my brains…"
"Hey, you suggested it. Besides, we couldn't leave them in the closet." Phantom tied up the drawstrings. "We can get rid of them later."
"…dude…never speak of this again…"
"Never, bro."
The two rounded into the living room to find the other chowing down. Pen called to them from the couch, "Mah minions~! What took y'all so long?"
"Yeah, we were able to order pizza while your were at it." Sari took a bite of some pepperoni. "Come on, we gotta see the next thing on the list."
Clive clicked the remote.
"Oh! Put the bunk berths-in the living room." Bumblebee was paused once more, and the group once again raised a collective eyebrow.
"They're HUGE!" Sari facepalmed. "How in the mother of Primus are we supposed to get THESE into the living room?" She and Clive looked up at the positively ginormous "beds" with awe.
Clive paused for a minute, and came up with a thought. "I think I've got something. You're somewhat super-strong, right?"
"To a degree. You have an idea?"
"Yep. Leave it all to me…"
And so that's how Sari ended up with two berths on her back, lifting and carrying them through the plant.
"Come on, Techy~!" Clive called from his seat atop the mass, feet dangling off the side. "Giddyup, mighty stallion~!"
"Ok, one more word and I'm coming right up there and CUTTING YOU LIKE A-"
As she was yelling at Clive and not paying attention really WHERE she was going-really, when you have a heavy load and know where your going, the only direction that matters is "forward"- she didn't notice as Pen-friggin' fatty- tossed her empty banana peel over her shoulder and right into her path. Sari's foot fell on the discarded fruit carcass and they spun out in a cliché antic of cartoonery.
Screaming, Sari slid straight forward as Clive hung on for dear sweet life up top. With the momentum and size and sheer weight of the bunkberths, they crashed RIGHT through the wall, rounded the corner in the next room and straight through another wall.
Sari hit the back of the couch and stopped, but Clive's berth flew right over and crashed in front-than goodness they hadn't moved the TV forward to change the wires out the other day, or it would've been a goner any farther from the wall. "Ergac…"
The limey man picked himself up and shuddered having barely avoided death. Sari shook her head as she flopped over the back of the couch in exhaustion. "I think ONE berth in here," she panted, "is ENOUGH."
Clive looked through the clear path they'd made through the walls. "Do you think the Autobots will notice we…crashed a few things?"
"Well…" she shrugged, "Optimus is pretty observant…and Ratchet…yeah, we're screwed…"
Pen surveyed the destruction… "Wow…I give you guys 8 out of 10, that was awesome~!"
Kahemlion elbowed her in the arm and pressed play on the remote again.
"And put together-the super-electro gizzar-blinkey-The super-electro gizzar-blinkey-the super-electro gizzar-blinkey-the super-electro-"
Sari glanced over the massive instruction sheet even SHE couldn't read. "Pen, turn off the TV, Bee's giving me a headache!"
The bespectacled brunette popped her head out the huge box she was rummaging around in and pressed pause on the remote, then went right back to digging with Kahmelion, Phantom, and Thing.
Clive looked over the techno-organic's shoulder. "So, how do we put together this thing?"
"Well, Clive, they're there for a reason, you have to LEWK at the instructions~!" She hopped down out of the box.
"But-" Kahemlion struggled a bit, but finally got down. "-we can't read Cybertronian!"
"Don't you know any-tang?" Pen took the booklet. "You don't need to read, I didn't SAY read, you have to LEWK. LEWK at them."
"Ok…" Clive glanced over the page. "I'm looking…"
"Just like my dad when he used to put my Christmas toys together…" Sari reflected. "You'd think he'd be better, being a robotics GENIOUS…but what he used to do was he'd stare at the intructions, then that little vein on his head would start popping out, and that's how I learned about bad words…"
Kahmelion glanced over the page. "Ok….I THINK I can feel my vein sticking out, this is GIBBERISH."
Pen glanced over her shoulder. "Pretty clear to me. Just put your left foot in and take your left foot out." She reached into Thing's head and pulled out a blowtorch. "Let's get to work~!"
SEVERAL HOURS LATER
"…That doesn't look like the picture…" Pen pointed out. "…at all…let's turn it on~!"
"I don't know." Clive paused. "Maybe we should just let Ratchet do that."
"Aw, come on, we should test it for him~!" Pen flicked the switch. The machine fizzeld to life.
"Well you found me. Was it worth it?"
"Pen, why does that thing look familiar?" Kahemlion grimaced. "As in a popular, very killy video-game character?"
"Well, I had it on the mind, so I may have fudged up some things."
Glados spoke again. "Wow…that is one of the biggest idiots I've ever seen…at least there seem to be no potatoes…"
"Um…cool…" Sari scratched the back of her head. "Yeah, cool…"
"Welcome to the Aperture Science Foundation. This is the part where I kill you. You may have feelings of fear and shock. These are quite normal in test subjects. I'll try to make this painless…just kidding. It's going to hurt a LOT."
Kahmelion turned to her friend…SLOWly. "Pen…what did you do?"
"Hey, don't blame me. I can't read cybertronian."
Clive smacked the girl in the back of the head, nearly causing her to lose her glasses. The machine, hanging down from the ceiling, snatched Thing up from the ground, and undid his drawstrings.
"Hey! WAIT! DON'T, THERE'S-"
"FREEEEEEEDOOOOOM~!" A voice we're really getting tired of hearing sprang forth from the plushie's head. The jet-former was followed out by a red and black figure we really get tired of SEEING. The two swooped down to the floor before the cowering teens.
Glados stared at the strange group. "To keep you tranquil even in the face of certain death, smooth jazz will be deployed in 3…2…1."
"What the H, man!" Pen smacked Phantom on the back of the head. "Why the heck were you guys carrying two psychopaths!"
"Oh, don't be a hypocrit, Pen!" Kahmelion smacked HER in the back of the head. "I told you we should have taken care of those two!"
Clive smacked them BOTH in the head. "WHY didn't any of you TELL us about this!"
Sari glared at all three of them, then glared at Thing sitting up in the robot's clutches. "You mean you not only knew that YOUR enemy AND my enemy were in the plant, and you didn't even SAY anything!"
"It was on my to-do list!" Pen caught Thing as the robot tossed him down like trash and drew a notebook out, forming a sledgehammer. "Let's take care of it NOW, I guess!"
Optimus finally stepped off the ship. "Alright. We'll certainly keep an optic out for anything. We're keeping on all-alert."
"Blah blah blah blah I'm better than you blah blah"
"I think they heard, Dawg." Jazz piped in, a good signal for his commanding officer to shut the slag up. "Y'all send a shout for me to Pen, a'ight?"
The jet twins raised their hands to wave them off. "Us too, Mr. Optimus Prime sir, please~!"
Optimus nodded. Now it was time for him and his team to get the matrix outta there. "Autobots, transform and roll out."
Pen hit the wall head-first with a loud SMACK, sliding down on her face. Phantom, Thing, Kahmelion, Sari, and Clive were soon to follow. "Ok, how did we beat them before again?"
"How did WE beat them?" Phantom raised his head from the dirt.
"Maybe it has something to do with the THIRD villain you brought in here?" Kahemlion called accusingly to her friend.
"Ok, let's bounce." Pen grabbed Phantom. "Let's get the spoot outta here, foo's!"
SQUID!
The group hit the ground running, rounding the street and almost running into the autobots.
"Oh hey guys done with the chores love to chat but gonna get some fresh air and a bite to eat now so bye~!"
The team transformed back into bot mode. Bumblebee stared after the odd little running group. "What's their malfunction?"
"Well," Optimus shook his head as they continued toward the plant. "With their case, I think it's better not to ask.
"Ten cases of High-grade says they wrecked the place." Ratchet grumbled as they enetered the garage door.
"Oh, good. You're back. Let's run some new tests, shall we? Any form of question is merely a common curtosy. You really have no choice."
"Prepare to DIE, autobot SCUM!"
"You have fun with this, I'm going to go follow the girl."
…
And they say they could hear Prime's voice all the way out to cybertron.
"PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!"
End chapter 4
Bumblebee sat on the couch with a large book in front of him. Here's a picture you'll likely never see again: Kahmelion and Clive playing Mario Kart while Bumblebee reading silently on a couch?
Pen strolled in at that moment, more like skipping along as if she were Pinky Pie. "Hallo, meine freunden~!" She jumped over the back of the couch and plopped herself down right next to Bee. "So, watchup?"
"Just playin' some games, mistress." Phantom replied. "what were you doing?"
"I had to fight of those cons. I didn't think the Peanut butter would come in that handy, but the trombone was CRUCIAL near the finishing blow. The Santa hats and king-size matresses turned out not to be so useful, but in the end it was all up to the Toilets~!"
The group looked back and cocked an eyebrow at her.
"Ok…so I DID have to resort to the Einstein hair…but other than that, it was entirely a pony-based attack plan."
Yeah, don't ask. Bumblebee flipped through the tome to the alphabetical "N" section, and paused. "…hello, what's this?"
"What's what? How did you get a hold of my Poofer's Atlas and Adventure Diary?" Pen looked over the bot's shoulder at the photo he was holding. "…You wouldn't dare."
"Oh, but I would." Bee smirked. "Hey everyone, check THIS out~!"
"NOOOOOOEZ!" Pen tackled him(surprising she could tackle something that big) and tried wrestling the article away from him. "I MEANT TO TORCH THAT PICTURE!"
"What is it?" Kahmelion tried to take the photo, but couldn't get close to the squabble. Finally, Bumblebee broke free of the tussle and sped down the hall.
"I'm gonna show everyone~!"
"YOU'D BETTER NOT!" Pen ran as fast as she could after him, which really wasn't that fast at all.
The bot reached Prowl's room, tried to stop but skidding out and crashed into the wall. Pen finally caught up to him this way, and jumped up while he held the photograph just out of reach. "SPOOT HEAD!"
"Slag breath~!" Bee smirked. "Gee, I wonder what Clive and Kahmelion will think. Hey Prowl, you gotta see this!"
The ninja bot was already standing right there, being disturbed from meditation by the crash. "See what?" the others had already paused and abandoned their game and caught up to the two haywire sparks.
"Come on, man! Nobody needs to see it!" The insane girl tried reasoning. The yellow autobot just smirked and held out the picture for them all.
"Well, look-y what I found."
Pen hid her face. It was an old picture, alright. An old picture of her and REALA.
"…What in the HEY-HEY is up with your HAIR?" Clive took the photo. "Is it SUPPOSED to resemble the color of a grape?"
"It was the style back then a few years ago!" Pen blushed. "A lot of people had discolored-haired anime personas!"
"So THAT'S why your eyes are golden instead of brown?"
"Ok, so I was more of a mary-sue too. At least I have a liscence now."
Sari gazed over the couple picture. "You're so…gothic…and that is WAY too much eye makeup."
"The villain thing was just a phaze!" Pen insisted, snatching the photo. " I THOUGHT I destroyed this already."
"Are you and that sociopath actually hugging?" Sari put her hands on her hips and smirked. "Why do you still have that if you hate him so much?"
"I said I THOGHT I DESTROYED it."
Prowl looked over her shoulder. "It's a nice photograph. Not my cup of energon, and certainly not my choice of characters, but definitely not a bad picture."
Pen stomped off down the hallway. "I am BURNING this…"
The others simply laughed their heads off.