Poof Chronicles 2: The Dorkcepticons
Chapter 5: New Friends, Old Foes, and a WHOLE Lot of Peanut Butter(The Musical)
Bulkhead dipped his "brush" of a mop into the paint barrel, and carefully applied the strokes onto the canvas. The piece was really coming together. He had the upper part of the canvas covered, while Pen went willy-nilly down below.
"Uh, Pen?" The large green autobot wiped yet another smattering of stray paint from his face. "You mind keeping it on the canvas?"
The teenager wiped her glasses and looked up at him. "Hey, that's the fun thing about painting. Your smock and the dropclothes are art in themselves~!" She set down the large paintbrush and reached for the medium-sized one for some of the details. "But, I WILL refrain from giving you a new paintjob."
The two artists had been toiling on that canvas all week. It was a beautiful collaboration. The rust-colored horizon faded to gold closer to the bottom, and reds swirled and faded in and out of vision. Silver was airbrushed along the edge, framing on the warm colors. A few black splatters made up the corner. Abstract, yes, but "A poem should not mean but be." And all that "palpable and mute as a globed fruit" Ars Poetica jazz.
The two stood back to admire their work.
Pen scratched the back of her head. "…something's missing…"
"What?" Bulkhead cocked his optic ridge at her. "What do you think it is?"
The teenager straighted up her glasses. "It needs a focal point…something that stands out to the eye…"
Bulkhead paused, studying the image. "I see…what do you suggest?"
"I've got it~!" She snapped her fingers, then grabbed the black paint bucket and a large brush. Running up to the piece, she manipulated the paper from her notebook(conveniently placed off to the side) to give her a boost. Dipping her brush in, she swooped it over the canvas, creating a black, dripping swirl towards the upper right corner and trailing down the canvas, but not quite to the bottom. It had the desired effect, and really stood out against the background.
"What do you think, big guy?"
He beamed. "Looks great! I like how it contrasts with the brighter colors, and it brings out the other red swirled effects."
"We make a great team, maboyo~!" Pen held out her fist for a fistbump.
Bulkhead returned the gesture, carefully as to not break her hand.
"Come on, dude~!" Pen held her arms out. "Hug time, mah brotha~!"
"Won't that crush you?"
"…oh yeah…."
"Hey, old fart~!" The two re-entered the living room, and Pen took up her usual habit of annoying the crap out of Ratchet.
"I TOLD you to stop CALLING me that!" The grumpy old medic-bot snapped in reply.
"Good evening to you too, old fart~!" The teenager and her oversize companion rounded the corner to where Kahemlion was whupping Clive's butt in video games. Bumblebee was already sulking in the corner from HIS defeat. Sari just watched and laughed her head off.
The dark-haired girl looked up from the screen. "Oh, hey Pen. You out for your date with 'Captain Hook?'" She smirked. She waited for the retaliation, but it didn't come. Pen just stared at her, dumbfounded, and cocked her head to the side like a dog.
"Say WHUT?"
"You know. Mr. Big scary-bounty-hunter crap-face."
"…not following…"
"Lockdown? That guy after your junk trunk?"
"Lockdown! Giiiiiiiiirl, what da fudge you talkin' 'bout?"
"Last chapter! We turned into robots and everything and it was revealed the only reason Ratchet was so angry with you was because he cared and didn't want you to get hurt and you and Bulhead were able to hug without you getting crushed and there was this thing with a bounty hunter that looked like a Frankenstein doll and Megatron almost blew up his own frequency to keep you from prank calling which you did for revenge and…Do you SERIOUSLY not have the SLIGHTEST idea what I'm talking about? It all happened like TWO DAYS AGO!"
Pen stared at her, and waited for it to click in her head. "…Nope, not the foggiest~!"
Kahemlion facepalmed. Phantom hopped up next to her and motioned for her to come closer, then whispered in her ear. "Mistress decided not to write that episode because it was so stupid and overly-dramatic and even too mary-sue-ish for even her."
"…so it never happened?"
"None of it."
"…thank…friggin…GAWD…"
Pen looked around in Thing's head for whatever the heck she needed at the moment. "You sure you have all the fliers and that roll of packing tape?"
The minion re-did his drawstrings. "One hundred and ten percent."
"Hey, Bulkhead~! Let's GO~!"
"What's up?" The big green guy walked over, a huge oil drum in hand.
"We've gotta put up all those 'missing' posters for Wasabi Ed, and then we have to put up the 'wanted' posters for Reala."
"Who and WHO now?"
Kahmelion got off the couch after finally crushing Clive in complete and utter defeat. "Yeah, we haven't seen EITHER of them in a WHILE now. I mean, we haven't SEEN or HEARD Wasabi Ed because we haven't had a musical number that required more than a guitar since chapter 2…and we got a TINEY bit of info alluding to Reala in chapter 3."
"Kahmelion~!" Pen's eyes got all huge and sparkly. "You DO give two craps~!"
"…Don't expect much more."
"Anyway, Bulkhead, can you be our ride?"
"Can't Phantom just warp you everywhere?"
"He can only go to places he's seen before." Pen picked up the little rabbit-lookin' thing. "And he hasn't seen ALL of future Detroit. We need someone who knows the lay of the land to take us everywhere that people might frequent. We've got my…dog?...cat…rabbit…lazer-farting…THING?…-to find and a super psycho-maniac with some sort of gothic glitter power to smoke out. Let's roll." The brunette took off her glasses and donned some ray-bans. "I'll be back." And then headed out the door, walking right into the doorframe.
"…I'm ok…"
Bulkhead gave her a hand up. "Maybe you should just make the references later."
"I can't see a thing~!"
LATER THAT EVENING
"Ok, so we had Fanzone put out and APB after filing the missing wierdos report for both of them." Kahmleion flipped through the book she was reading. What now?"
"I'm headed to ninja training."
"I'm sleeping for crap's sake…"
"I wonder what we're gonna do tomorrow…"
THE NEXT MORNING
"Hey, Kahmelion~! I know what we're gonna do today!"
"Hey, where the HECK is Perry?" Kahmelion slowly opened her eyes, so miffed at being woken up that she made the reference.
The brunette jumped out of her sleeping bag. "Movies from out time are like classics or something in THIS time, right?"
"Depends, I guess. Can I go back to sleep now?"
"So we have a bunch of rare and awesome movies in Thing's hammer-space head right now that many of Sari and crew haven't seen and would probably LOVE to see…"
"Of course not. WHY let me sleep a bit? I don't need 'sleep.'...uh, I mean, Yeah, guess so. Depends on the movie."
"So, you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"
Sari got up and stood over by them, the minions flung from Pen's sleeping bag also waking and catching on. "Movie night~!"
Pen opened Thing's head. "We gonna PAAAAAAARTYYYYYYYYY~!" She sang as she got the essentials out of the hammer space. "Got some chips, got some dip~!"
Phantom got the drinks. "Some call her cheap, bit of a freeloader, but she brought cups and some old-school soda~!"
"I don't mean to brag, I don't mean to boast," his mistress continued, "But I've got home-made hummus for these mini-toasts~!"
"Huuuuu-mus~!"
"Hummus~!"
The two joined together. "HUUUUUUU-MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUS~!"
"Why are you two yelling 'hummus!'" Ratchet, woken by the weirdo and one of her minions, lumbered into the room.
"Because I think this is our musical chapter~!" Pen jumped up, emanating pure happiness and rainbow barf. "Also, can we have a movie night?"
"No."
"Then it's settled~!" Pen got her minions together. "Guys, get your butts dressed and help me get stuff ready~!"
Well, they had to go about their normal day before that. Pen also had the missing wierdos matter to attend to. She munched her cereal and mulled over her thoughts while Bulkhead walked in.
"Mornin', Pen. You're having a movie night tonight?"
"Hm? Oh, yeah~!" She snapped back to attention. "We gotta do a few other things today, too, though. First I have to go and check if we have any messages from people who may have seen Wasabi Ed or Reala, and then there's ninja training with Prowl. After that, I need to head over to Shovel-Chin Prime's ship and invite Jazz and the twins over."
"You need a ride?"
"Nah, Phantom's seen the inside of the ship before. Thanks anyway, man." As she pulled out her laptop to check her email on the matter at hand, Prowl entered the room.
"PEN! KAHMELION!"
The two teens snapped their heads in his direction.
Kahmelion banged her head on the table. "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO LOUD!"
"I think I found one of your friends." He said irritably, holding up something familiar and green up by its tail.
"WASABI ED~!" Pen rushed forward, leaped, and glomped the little creature right out of the ninja-bot's grasp.
"He ate one of the birds…"
The teenager continued going on and on, barely noticing what the mech was saying.
He sighed, and simply dragged her and Clive(who was still in shock on the couch from his loss) to their ninja training.
Something was up…he paused. "Where is that music coming from?" Then he looked back at the creature Pen was holding, mouth open and tail cranking like an old-fashioned grammaphone. "What's up with him?"
Clive facepalmed. "I think you're about to experience yet another musical number."
Prowl looked at the two again. "…brilliant."
Pen, dressed in all-black, ran the obstacle course. "OH EM GEE~!(Clive[halfheartedly]: gee!)
You can't see me~! (me!)
I'm blendin' in just like a pine tree~!"
Clive paused before he continued his line and the course designed by 'sensei Prowl.' "…Tree!"
"I am unseen~!" Pen continued oblivious and blissfully. (seen!)
You can't see me 'cuz I'm a ninja!
Nin
Ninja~!
Ninja
Nin Ninja~!
Come on, sensei~!" Pen waved to her teacher. "Breakdance for the fangirls~! RAP TIME~!
Hey, can't see me~!
Am I a bird, or am I a tree?
High Flying, flow-flying in the air~!(air)
I'm a ninja don't stare~!(stare)
Fast as the witches blare~!"
"Pen, where did you get that broom?" Clive cocked an eyebrow. "Uh, I mean, blare?"
"Here I go, there I go, this is my song~!
Being ninja you gotta be strong~!
Got a teacher from Cybertron
His friends are automobiles, dum-dums~!
Learnin' how to use chopsticks~!
Makin' loud noises whenever we hit-HYAH!
Livin' on scenes so fast, so quitck!
I betcha wish you had all my ninja tricks.
OH EM GEE~! Be a ninja like me, just watch me now and you will see~!"
Phantom and Thing tag-team Jackie Chan/Bruce Lee'd their way through the obstacles while they sang in the chorus. "OH EM GEE(gee)
You can't see me~! (me)
I'm blendin' In just like a pine tree~!(tree?)
I am unseen! (seen)
You can't see me cuz I'm a ninja~!
Nin
Ninja
Ninja
Nin
Ninja~!"
Pen yanked Kahmelion up from her content position reading by the sidelines. "Hey, man, what the heck are ya-"
"This is YOUR time to shine~!
HEY we're dressed in black,
Just like emos except for the fact
We don't stab ourselves we stab your back
It's just the way to sneak attack~!
We see you coming 'cuz we have wall hacks.
Don't come near us or we'll give you a slap~!
Don't send anybody 'cuz we set up a trap~!
Here comes the slow motion-"
"C-C-C-CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAP-" She tried tackling Prowl in a cool slo-mo cut, but he easily dodged. Guess he's used to dealing with his FANGIRLS doing that.
She hopped back onto her feet. "Run like me, hide like me~!
Don't forget your fatalaty~!
Dance like a ninja in the club
-Even though you look just like a scrub-
read this fic, learn something rare(rare)
this move looks like a square(square)
just through your hands in the air (air)
Follow me do the ninja glare~!"
And the minions joined in again. "OH EM GEE(gee)
You can't see me (me)
I'm blendin' in just like a pine tree (tree)
I am unseen (seen)
You can't see me 'cuz I'm a ninja, nin, ninja~!
Ninja, nin, ninja~!"
And the music faded as Wasabi Ed ran and caught another bird, near choking on the feathers.
Prowl just glared himself, but it was a different kind of glare. He finally sighed. "Have you learned nothing?"
"Actually," Pen pushed up her glasses. "I've learned a lot. I just need humor and a good musical now and then."
…"WHY!"
"Because I'm weird. Besides, I figured if we're looking for Reala, it'd be the best planning strategy. Nobody ever dies in one of these comedy musicals~!"
The ninja mech paused. "…why don't you and your friends go out and do that? I have to meditate on the ever-strange mindsets of my students.."
"Alright~! If you need to, just hack my computer. Our last adventure should give you some insight." And so team PaperWyngz left him dumbfounded and staring at a macbook.
Now it was time to visit the sick bay. Not because someone was ill. Because they were about to make someone ill.
"Well, looks like that's ONE thing checked off our list." Kahmelion carried Wasabi Ed while she walked alongside Clive behind Pen and the minion's skipping merriment. "That and we all got kicked outta Mr. Emo's quarters and general perimeter."
"Surely he's harmless." Clive took the makeshift muzzle off of the creature. It opened it's mouth full of crooked teeth and let out a breath that smelled of a smelly smell of something that smelled. "…aaaaaand the rubber band goes back on…"
Ratchet toiled over the pile of scrap on his workbench, trying hard to make it seem like he didn't notice the insane, goofy teenager sitting across from him.
"Old Fart, I assure you she's the only one who's crazy." Kahmelion shut her mouth, shocked at the tune that had come out. She looked down at Wasabi Ed, who'd begun the music again. How did he get the rubber band off!
The medic bot facepalmed. "Are you still singing?" He had a surprisingly good voice for an old fart.
"Singing like a bird." Clive sighed.
"Hey old fart~!" Pen stood up on the work table, eyes all aglow, "It looks like we're doing this one together~!
Musical buddies~!"
Ratchet glared. "Still, decepticons aren't NEARLY as bad as her…" He turned to the girl. "Do you know how much you annoy me?"
Pen raised a hand and began to open her mouth, but he cut her off. "The answer is A LOT.
Should I list the reasons why?
Well I don't see why not." Wasabi Ed picked up the tempo while Kahmelion played the piano newly dispensed from Thing's head.
"It's your hair, huge nose, and goofy face, you always need a hug!
Not to mention all the endless Strawberry-banana SOBEs that you chug!
Why you treat me like your grandpa or something always confuses me,
And OH PRIMUS stop telling me about your nerdy fantasies!"
"Well," Pen pushed up her glasses. "I look up to you, man, you're cool for an old fart. And that was ONE time when you were eavesdropping while I was writing in my diary!"
Ratchet facepalmed at her always pushing of the blame off of herself. "See, protoform, that's the very thing you do that drives me up a tree!
No matter how much that I rant at you, you never let me be!
So now I'm stuck with all your daydreaming and crazy minion ones-
And it makes me SUICIDAL- and I'm not the only one-no I'm not the only one…"
Fanzone, how did you get here! "It started with collapsing buildings, the new fifty floors.
I felt a hatred as I'd never had for kids before.
So now I'll make her pay, each and every day.
'till her and her destructive friends are…no….more~!"
The spotlight clicked back to the worktable as the mech continued. "And now that is why I call you names like 'Starscream the second' and 'Conny-Sue'.
Don't forget 'insane little twerp' and also 'cain-raiser' and 'weirdo' too.
See, regardless of the names I pick, my feelings are quite clear-
You're a pain in every 'day' of every 'month' of every 'year.'"
Kahmelion used her own paper abilities to get up to the table and attempt to calm him the slag down. "Dr. Ratchet, I can see that you really are distressed, but there must be another option than to put her through another brainwave test."
"If you want to lower my spark pressure really, or save my vocal chords just relieve me of this Primus-forsaken pest!"
Pen got down from the table. "I guess I understand now that what old-fart's saying is-"
Kahmleion clamped a hand over her mouth. "Shut your CAKE HOLE Starscream the second, or I swear to GOD I'll shut it soon-"
Pen, eyes wide, gave a weak thumbs-up.
Ratchet sighed in relief and shook her hand. "Thanks, now please get out so I can finally have a quiet afternoon."
Team PaperWyngz stepped out of the Plant. Phantom got the list out of Thing's head. "Alright, Mistress. We're going to invite the three J's, and then-since we already have snacks for us- we need to pick up some oil or something for the autobots…anything else we need?"
"We already have all the DVDs." Kahmelion sipped some Dr. Pepper. "I say we need more junk food."
"Dully noted~!" Pen looked down the street. "We'll do all that shopping crap later after we pick up the guys. That way we won't have to carry anything~!"
"Hooray for giant robot pack-mules~!" Kahmelion got a book out of Thing's head.
Clive cocked an eyebrow. "Shouldn't you also be checking in on your Reala hunt?"
Pen just brushed it off. "We can deal with that later. If someone sees him, we'll check it out and kick his butt. That's how we found Wasabi Ed." She shrugged and got out a Moon Pie. "Ok, poof to the ship, get the guys, buy the stuff we need, get back to the plant and set up." She turned around
And ran straight into a colossal orange and smelly and very familiar Robot who hasn't gotten enough limelight in this fic. She shook her head to clear it. "…Ba-weep graanaaaah weep ni-ni bong~!"
"The universal greeting~! You ARE friendly~!" Wreck-Gar picked up the girl and brought her to eye-level. "I haven't see you since chapter 2~!"
"Me neither, dude~! You're just in time, too! It's the MUSICAL chapter."
"OOOOOooooooh…."
Kahmleion facepalmed. "Pen, WHAT did I tell you about breaking the fourth wall? It confuses Clive here." She jabbed her thumb at the cock-eyed British guy standing next to her carrying the insane green thing.
"Alright~! Pen rolled her eyes. "Let's poof to the ship. Wreck-Gar! Grab my minions~!"
ADVENTU-I mean, SQUID~!
They arrived outside of the ship and made Wreck-Gar wait outside with Wasabi Ed. Three organic life-forms would be enough to make Sentinel scream and jump up on the chair clutching his skirt like a little squeamish girly-girl. AND Pen's totally insane, and ONE insane brain is enough to weird them all out. 4 organics(two being batcrap crazy), a garbage robot(also being batcrap) and two living plushies would kill him.
Pen walked up to the door. Fortunately she'd talked Jazz into leaving the anti-organic shield down(and somehow keep it from Sentinel) so she didn't have to run repeatedly into an invisible wall until the security cameras picked it up. She would have, too. She banged a few times on the door.
"…They coming or what?" Kahmelion scratched her nose.
Pen tried again. "I called them earlier. It's not like they're not home."
"Knock again." Clive suggested.
"I just knocked!"
The garage-type door slowly rose. It revealed Jazz, making his way groggily towards them as if he'd just woken up from recharge. "MAAAaaan. Girl, didn't think you'd get here so EARLY."
"It's noon." Kahemlion stared at him. "She's already done with morning ninja training. If I remember when I eavesdropped on your conversation correctly, she said she'd be coming by right after that."
"A'ight, a'ight. Y'all come on in. I'll get 'Fire and 'Storm ready. Just sit in the bay, ya dig?"
"Groovy, man." Pen led her friends in after the mech, and the three of them sat down in the bay, waiting for the other three to get there.
Suddenly, a siren started blaring.
"WHAT THE BLOODY-!" Clive jumped, Khamleion just looked miffed as he knocked the book from her hands. "What's that!"
Pen scratched her head. "Jazz probably just forgot to leave the INNER anti-organic security off. Oh well" she shrugged.
Giant metal footsteps came rapidly, and got louder with every second. Soon, a giant blue chin busted down the door next to them. "FREEZE, ORGANIC SCUM!" He had his stupid-looking visor on and his lance and shield out at the ready. THEN the big tough guy looked down.
"EEYAUGH!" He jumped like a scared little kitten. "Ok, take it easy. No need to spit acid from your optics…just…get off the ship, and we'll all be just peachy…"
All three of them just cocked their heads to the side and gave a collective "Say WHUT now?"
Sentinel backed up and brandished his lance. "Ok, I don't wanna get this thing dirty, so just get out now before I have to use force!"
Pen sighed. "Yeah, right. Dude, that huge hippo-hindquarters you have attached to your FACE would be a much better weapon. Seriously, you look like the Tick from that cartoon of the same name."
Jazz and the twins ran up behind where the door used to be behind Sentinel.
"Yo, Sentinel, dawg, it's cool! We know these dudettes. It's all good."
"Oh, good, so YOU can explain why there's organic SCUM on my ship!"
Jetfire stepped forward. "Permission to speak, Sentinel Prime sir. Me and my brother are to be knowing these femmes. They are not being scum and in fact can to be acting very cool indeed, sir."
"You can remain silent, protoform!"
Jazz put a hand on his shoulder. "Look, dawg, these girls just invited us to Optimus's base to catch some creature features, ya dig?"
"I have NO idea what you're saying, man! Just get these pukes off of my ship!"
SQUID! And turning around, the OTHER Prime saw the organic female ON. His. Shoulder…he nearly leaked himself.
"Look, man." Pen scratched the back of her head. "I don't know who you think you are, and I frankly don't care. Also, I don't care what you seem to think about me. I'm 'bout to tell you something that Transformers fans have wanted to tell you for AGES now. Wasabi Ed, music, please."
"Wait, but he's outsi-" She turned to see the familiar creature once again playing music from it's open maw. "HOW THE HECK DOES HE DO THAT!"
Pen continued, using her paper abilities to keep her standing in the air.
"Gosh it really irks me to see you, Sentinel
with that separate zip-code on your face.
Everyone cringes when you speak, Sentinel
You make femmes want to carry mace.
There's no mech on the internet as despised as you
You're nobody's favorite guy.
Everyone's awed at how moronic you are
And it's not very hard to see why~!"
Kahmelion sighed. This was gonna take a while. Better just get some DR. Pepper, some popcorn, and watch.
"Noooooooooooo-
OOOOOOOONe-
Likes you Sentinel,
They think you bite, Sentinel.
No one's chin's as incredibly ginormous as Sentinel's~!
And there's no one as full of himself-
You must think your some kinda paragon~!
You can ask Jazz, Jetfire, or Jetstorm,
And they can give you a list of all the teams they'd prefer to be on~!"
The twins caught on, and each of them took a hold of one of Pen's hands(careful not to crush it) and swung her back and forth.
"NOOOOOOO-
OOOONE-
Gripes like Sentinel
Or epic fails at battle like Sentinel~!
Did we mention the colossal thing of the face of Setninel?"
"Hey! I'm an academy Prime, tenacious, tough, and intimidating!"
"Big whoope-ding-dong, we laugh in your face~!"
Pen continued on for a solo: "Sentinel is the drek of the drek of all the dreks~!"
The Prime paused. Not understanding in the slightest what the slag was going on but still realizing he was being insulted.
"NOOOOO-
OOOOONE-
Gripes like Sentinel or really bites like Sentinel
No one's ever been so bad in a fight like Sentinel!"
Sentinel stood over them, getting miffed and flustered. "When I was a protoform, I went to academy and trained there until I got large.
And now that I'm a mech I teach OTHER bots at boot camp-"
"And my chin is the size of a
~!"Pen cut in, earning countless snickers from the rest of the assembly.
"NOOOOO
OOOOOONE
Shoots first like Sentinel
Or causes disputes like Sentinel
Then goes tromping around in his huge metal boots like Setninel!"
"But I'm incredibly highly war-decorated-"
"WHO THE SLAG CARES~!
Sentinel~!"
The group landed right on their bums outside. It seemed team PaperWyngz was being kicked out of a lot of places today. The three mechs followed out soon. THEY certainly weren't gonna be in there with Sentinel when he was butt-hurt.
"…a'ight, girl. Whadda we do now?" Jazz turned to the teenager.
"Well-" she got the list from Thing's head, "we found Wasabi Ed, we're still looking for Reala, but that can wait. To get ready for movie night, we already got everyone invited, now we just need to get more junk food for the organics and some oil or something or whatever the heck you guys eat as snacks for the cybertronians.
"Okie for the dokie~!" Jetfire got ready to transform. "Brother, let us be helping friend Pen and friend Pen's friends to be getting ready for this 'movie night.'"
"Yes very much, brother~!"
"A'ight, let's get go-"
KABOOOOOOOM!
…
The smoke cleared as the last of the rubble fell. Pen got up, coughing, and looked over the edge of a massive crater in the middle of the road. At the center, a figure, fist to the ground he had just shattered, dressed in red and black, and a creepy smile on his face. His cold, ice-blue eyes locked onto hers, and his eerie grin widened.
"Hello, my dear." They'd just found the OTHER weirdo they were looking for. Pen slowly manipulated her paper from Thing's head into a sledgehammer behind her back, and got ready as Reala flew right at her, grabbing her by the friggin' FACE and flinging her past her comrades and into the wall of the building ten blocks away.
Pen picked herself up from the wreckage and ran through the double-doors and down the five blocks. Yep, adrenaline is some pretty jacked-up stuff, man. Trailing her hammer behind her and building momentum, then swinging it over her head she brought it crashing down on his face-or so she'd planned. Reala simply stopped the anvil with his hand, took a firm grip, and flung her back at top speeds.
Wreck-Gar reached and caught her before she hit the same building. "And he is OUTTA THERE~!" Where he found a giant baseball mitt, we'll never know.
"Thanks, mi hombre." She hopped down, and nearly collapsed to the ground. "…Somebody call Ratchet?"
Phantom and Thing rushed to her side. They knelt next to her, worried out of their minds. "Oh GOD O GOD!" Phantom poofed and brought back a plushie squid. For those of you who haven't ready Poof Chronicles 1, we introduce Cuddlemari.
He looked over the damage. "Alright, most of your bones are broken, and you have freely-bleeding cuts and scrapes. What the heck did you do this time, mistress?"
"I got thrown into a building and went through a wall." Pen replied with a COMPLETELY straight face.
After a few tentacle swipes she was all fixed up. "Don't call me again unless it's an emergency."
"What do you call THAT if it's not an emergency, dawg!" Jazz was taken aback by his nonchalant air.
"If you've known my mistress for as long as I have, you'd have seen WAY worse." And Phantom poofed him away.
The twins stood in front of their friend and doubled up into Safeguard mode. "You are 'big stupid head' friend Pen has told us about! Leave now or ve vill NOT hesitate to be pummeling you to dust!"
Jazz stood by them. "You dawg, you come in here bustin' up on a groovy girl like that, we gonna throw down!"
Wreck-Gar joined in: "Serious friendship-related speach~!"
Kahmelion and Clive sat on the sidewalk and made bets on who would get their tailpipes kicked first while they ate some popcorn and drank sodas.
"No friggin' way, guys." Pen re-formed her hammer. "This is MY psychotic evil ex boyfriend, so this is MY fight. A mary-sue's gotta take care of her OWN problems."
"GO, MISTRESS!" Phantom and Thing called from the sidewalk. The minions turned to face their other human friends. "So, you guys need anything else? 3d glasses? Skittles?"
"Nah, we're good." Kahmleion sipped her DR. Pepper. "Now quiet, we're gonna miss the fight!"
Jazz and Safeguard also sat themselves down.
"Sooooo….she is really being ok with this fighting of her evil ex-boyfriend?" The twins undoubled.
Jazz got himself an oil can. "Man, I was hopin' this wouldn't become a Scott Pilgrim rip-off too. Girl's groovy, she just takes too many other cats' ideas."
Pen stood her ground, in a ready stance. "Well, what the heck are you waiting for!"
"Hm? OH!" Reala laughed. "I was waiting to see if you really WERE going to do this without backup! You sure you can take me? I just threw you TWICE."
"I KNOW I can, man! You may be ten thousand times stronger, ten thousand times faster, and a heck of a lot smarter, but you're still a creep who leaves a trail of red and black GLITTER wherever he goes…"
"IT'S TWINKLE DUST!"
"Even the NAME of the stuff is a bit…nyeeeeeh…" she scratched the back of her head.
"IT MAKES ME ABLE TO PARALOOP THINGS INTO OBLIVION! It IS manly!" He snapped, and rushed at her. This time she was ready and hit him like an oncoming baseball.
As he crashed into another building, he laughed. Getting up slowly, he looked at her with his icy eyes and creepy grin. You know something Pen, we don't have to do all this. Why can't you just come back to nightmare and we can be like we were before?"
"NO…effing…WAY…"
The nightmaren sighed. "You know, it's not-
Easy having youself a good time…"
"Wasabi Ed!" Pen picked up and snuggled the little green thing. "You're back…wait…oh spoot, he is NOT gonna sing!"
He simply floated in front of her and continued. "Buttering up those deviantart betters, and watching out they don't four-letter.
Just wanna hug and kiss you both at the same time.
Smells like something I've forgotten.
Curled up, died, and now it's rotten.
I'm not a nightmaren prince tonight.
Don't wanna be the bad guy.
I'm just a loner, baby.
But you put your big head in the way."
Kahmelion was even MORE bored out of her mind. She wanted to see her friend rip this clown apart. Not that creep singing.
"I can't decide whether you should live or die.
Oh, you'll probably go to heaven-please don't hang your head and cry.
No wonder why my heart feels dead inside.
It's cold and hard and petrified."
Pen leaned against her hammer like she was just waiting for him to be done. "I'm lockin' my doors and shuttin' the blinds, ain't goin' with him for NO ride."
"TERRIBLE GRAMMER!" Clive the friggin' grammar Gestapo called from a mouthful of popcorn.
Reala continued his song like the primadonna he was. "It's just
CRAP convincing people to like you."
"Can't argue with that." Pen called from the ground.
"If I stop now, call me a quitter-"
"If lies were cats, you'd be a LITTER." She interrupted again. "Pleasing everyone isn't like you.
I'm the one dancing jigs until she's crippled.
I'm gonna get you a drink, but I hope you get pickled."
Ok, NOW he was miffed. "I've gotta hand it to you.
You've played by all the same rules.
It takes the truth to fool me,
And now you've made me angry.
I can't decide, whether you should live or die.
Oh, you'll probably go to heaven, please don't hang your head and cry.
No wonder why my heart is dead inside, cold and hard and petrified.
Lock your door and close your blinds, I'm gonna take you for a ride.
Oh I could throw you in the lake, or feed you poisoned birthday cake.
But I don't deny, I'd miss you too much when you were gone…
I could bury you alive, but you might crawl out with a knife
And get me while I'm sleeping(unlikely given your anti-kill disposition)
But still, that's why-
I can't decide whether you should live or die
Oh, you'll probably go to heaven, please don't hang your head and cry.
No wonder why my heart is dead inside
It's cold and hard and petrified."
"I'm lockin' my doors and closing my blinds, so I don't have to see the tunnel light…"
"ARE YOU HAPPY TO BE PUNCHING HIM ALL THE READY!" Jetfire called out from the sidelines. Jetstorm placed a hand on his brother's shoulder and leaned forward. "I am not knowing, brother. I am thinking maybe I am to be liking this. Looks interesting."
"SO BORED!" Kahmelion slammed her head into the sidewalk. "Wait…what's she doing now?"
Wasabi Ed switched tracks. Pen rushed while Reala was still being a diva during the instrumental part and knocked him out of the sky, pinning him to the ground. "Ok, let me tell YOU something! THING! PHANTOM! LICHT, BITTE!"
The music started. Clive cocked an eyebrow. "How is she doing that spotlight thing? We're outside during a sunny day."
"At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
Kept thinkin' I could never live without you by my side.
But then I spent so many nights thinkin' how you treated me wrong, and I grew strong.
Yeah, I learned how to get along-
So NOW you're back
From outer space.
I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face!
I should've changed that stupid lock, I shoulda made you leave your key,
If I'da known for just one second you'd be back to bother me!
Go on, now, GO!"
"HECK now." The nightmaren insisted.
"Walk out the door!"
"There's no DOOR out here!"
"Just turn AROUND, now!" She smacked him in the face when he got up. "'cuz you're not welcome anymore!
Weren't you the one who tried to break me at goodbye,
Ya think I'll crumble?
Ya think I'll lay down and die?
Oh no not I!
I will survive!
As long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive.
I got all my life to live, I got all my love to give,
And I'll survive~!
Hey-HEEEEEEY!" She barely dodged an energy blast. It grazed her face by inches as she leaped out of the way matrix-style and crashed into the building behind her.
"What the SPOOT, man!"
"You say you're gonna survive, dear? Survive THIS!" And then he rushed her. He attempted a paraloop but she slipped out of the ring at the last minute and attempted to give him a harsh blow to the head with her sledgehammer, but he blocked it against his gauntlets and kicked her in the gut. Doubled over like that, she was open to another energy blast attack, but as he was about to strike she shot out between his legs behind him and straightened up then elbowed him HARD in the back. When HE was doubled over and his butt sticking out, she took advantage of that opening and swung her hammer, hitting him RIGHT in his sparkly little rear and sending him spinning out until he ran out of momentum and hit the ground, causing a HUGE skid mark. And then-wait, she STILL isn't done singing?
"It took all the strength I had, but I never fell apart.
Didn't have any pieces to mend when it's not a broken heart.
I never spend any precious time feelin' sorry for myself.
I'll never cry.
I'll always hold my head up high!
Now you see me, somebody new.
I'm not that ridiculous little fangirl still in love with you."
He slowly got up, coughing, and spit his tooth out. "Well, you ARE still pretty ridiculous…"
"You just keep on droppin' in and expectin' me to be free,
but I'm gonna save my REAL love for someone who really loves me.
Go on now GO!
Walk out the door!" She struck again with a fist to the chest, and then walked away. He tried to rush her again from behind, but she blocked him by sticking up her fist over her shoulder to his face, not even looking at him or turning around.
"Just turn around now,
'cuz you're not welcome anymore.
Weren't you the one who tried to break me at goodbye? You think I'd crumble?
You think I'd lay down and die,
Oh NO not I!
I WILL survive!
As long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive.
I've got all my life to live, and I've got all my love to give, and I'll SURVIVE!
Yeah I'll SURVIVE!" And so she swung back and hit him in the face with her hammer sending him flinging into the stratospher."Blasting off again"
The bots(and humans and minions) on the sidewalk clapped and rushed to pat her on the back and other celebratory dude things….well, except for Kahmleion. She was so bored she fell asleep.
"Pen! You have been happy to be being kicking his sorry bumper into deep space!" Jetfire picked her up and tossed her, Jetfire catching her.
"He is even bigger weakling that you originally had been telling us!" He let her ride on his shoulder. "We are to be getting drinks for the celebrating?"
Jazz stepped up. "Prowl's been teachin' you, huh? He told me you were an ok student, but SLAAAAAAAAAAG, giiiiirl. Come on, let's pick up the rest of the stuff for the movie night. I'm buyin', dawgs."
"Sweet." Kahmelion sipped some Dr. Pepper. "Freeloading from autobots. Clive, mooching fistbump?"
"I'll pass, thank you." He straightened his tie. "Let's just get to the stores."
"Party pooper." Thing and Phantom retorted in unison.
Well, they'd finished getting everything they needed. No one had to carry anything, considering Thing's convenient hammer space.
They were almost to the plant and it was well into the afternoon. Two twins flew overhead while Kahmelion and Clive rode in Jazz's police car form and Pen, Phantom, and Thing trucked along inside Wreck-Gar.
Pen rolled down the window and leaned out as far as she could without falling. "HEY! JAZZ!"
"GIRL, WATCHU DOIN'! You wanna fall out and mess yourself up!"
She ignored that bit. "ROLL DOWN YOUR WINDOW!"
He simply did as she asked, and as soon as she did Kahmelion poked her head out. "WHAT THE SHIZNIT!"
Pen called back "I THINK THE GUYS AT THE PLANT MAY BE MAD AT ME!"
"YEAH! SO WHAT!"
"IT'S WEIRD. CLIVE GOT USED TO IT IN A LITTLE WHILE, AND HIS WORLD DOESN'T EVEN HAVE MUCH CRAZY CRAP, BUT THIS WORLD HAS TONS OF WIERDNESS OUT THE WAZOO AND THEY STILL TREAT ME LIKE A FREAK. ALSO AN INCREDIBLY ANNOYING LITTLE TURD."
"PEN, YOU ARE ANNOYING!"
"I KNOW! YOU THINK THEY WOULDN'T TAKE SO LONG TO FIGURE IT OUT!"
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT~!" Wreck-Gar swerved around on the turn, causing Pen to actually fall out and fly backwards, landing on Jazz's windshield.
"Howdy partner~!" She scratched the back of her head. "I'm just gonna ride on the hood, 'k?"
When they finally got to the plant, everyone skidded to a halt and transformed. Except for Wreck-Gar. His breaks malfunctioned and he crashed thorugh the wall. When he transformed, he and Pen and the minions(who'd somehow gotten back in along the way, probably due to Phantom's poofing abilities) laughed their heads off.
"Dude, we gotta do that AGAIN!" Pen hopped down. "GUYS~! We're BACK~!" She sang.
Bulkhead lumbered into the room. "Pen~! I was wondering when you'd get back! I tried your cell, but you left it here." He held up a mashed piece of scrap metal.
The group stared at him.
"I…uh…didn't see it, and I accidentally…sorta…stepped…on it…I'm sorry!"
"Ah, don't worry about it, Bulkhead. I can always get a new one cheap from Swindle."
"Are you sure you're not mad?"
"Nah, man. No harm, no foul." She hugged him as best she could with the size difference. "So~! Help me get ready for movie night? We've still gotta set up the screen and projector, figure out the lineup, and lay out all the snackage."
"Alright. Hey, PROWL! THEY'RE BACK!"
A crash was heard from somewhere far-off. Someone shouldn't have been meditating upside-down again. The ninja bot appeared shortly thereafter.
"Yes, what is i-JAZZ!"
"Prowl! Man, dawg, how's it hangin'?"
Prowl turned to his student Pen. "Why didn't you tell me he was coming?"
"Well, I told Bulkhead, but I wanted to surprise you guys. Especially Ratchet and Optimus. They can't necessarily say 'no' to me having friends over if they're already HERE." She shrugged.
The ninja bots got to socializing. Jazz put his arm around his friend and grinned audio sensor to audio sensor. "SLAAAAAAAAG, man, you sho' taught that girl! Girl be AMAZIN' out on the field."
Pen blushed. "Aw, shucks…"
"Well…thank you. It took ages trying to structure her. You should have seen her fight berserker-style." Prowl and Jazz left to catch up, and so the teens were left to set up movie night.
Pen dove head-first into Thing's drawstring head, down to her waist. "Alright, let's see…DVD player…check. Projector…check. Giant white bedsheet…check. Stuff to hang up the bedsheet on the wall…check. Snacks…checka-lecka-ding-dong~!" She emerged once again. "So, Bulkhead- can you set up the tech? I'll get the DVDs ready if Kahmelion and Clive help me, and um…Phantom, get the snacks ready?"
"I've got it covered~!" The giant green robot replied.
The little gothic rabbit-lookin' thing saluted. "Affirmative~!"
Kahmelion sat down on the couch. "You have fun. I'm gonna read while you do that."
"Clive?" Pen turned to older member of her team.
"Yeah, I'm kinda beat from watching you fight. Whatevs." He replied, and plopped right down on the couch next to Kahmelion.
"Dude, laziness fistbump." And so they did.
Ratchet chose that very moment to enter with Optimus. "You haywire sparkplugs! What the heck are you doin'!"
The simply ignored the fact he was even there.
Jetfire and Jetstorm were busy looking over Pen's shoulders to see what kind of movies she had.
"And THIS one is a REAL horror classic. It has GUTS in it~!" The brunette pushed up her glasses and held up a copy of the original 80s Jhonny Depp-debuing Nightmare of Elm Street
"COOOOOooooool…."
"I'M TALKIN' TO YOU!"
"Old fart~!" Pen ran to meet her 'grandpa,' and hugged him best she could. "Thank you SO much for letting us have a movie night even though you hate anything fun and get annoyed by loud noise. You're the best~!"
Optimus cocked an optic ridge at the medic bot. "You knew about this?"
"Er…well, I-I didn't give her PERMISSION in the first place! I-er…I just-she just-I mean-well-" He was flustered out of control.
"Why didn't you tell me sooner? I'd have gotten my old war films and some energon." The Prime walked over and joined in the fun, leaving the old fart with an organic teenager hanging on his leg and looking up at him with that doofy smile and puppy dog eyes.
"Er…well…erm…"
She kept lookin' at him.
"well…uh…" He sighed. "Alright…but JUST this once!"
"Thank you, old fart~!" She jumped up and gave him a peck on the cheek. "You won't regret this-hopefully- and I'm gonna make you WAFFLES in the mornin~!"
"I can't EAT waffles, numb-processor."
"All the same~!" And so she bounced off and joined her friends. "Hey, guys, you know something?" She addressed the autobots, humans, minions, and techno-organic that had gathered in the room. "I know I can be an EXTREMELY difficult little mary-sue of a goofball wingnut knucklehead McSpazitron to deal with-let alone LIVE with- so I wanna thank all y'all for bein' such good friends and welcoming me for so long. There's just ONE more musical number I wanna get in here before the day's out."
Wasabi Ed got the tune going. Khamleion facepalmed. "Just start the movie!"
"This is my JAM~!" Wreck-Gar bounced up and down where he was sitting, Bumblebee and Sari trapped under his arms in an unwilling group-hug.
Pen took the mike "Friday night I crashed your party,
Saturday I said I'm sorry,
Sunday came and trashed me out again.
I was only having fun!
Wasn't hurting anyone.
And we all enjoyed the weekend for a change."
The autobots(and Sari and Clive)could see her point. It certainly was never BORING when she was around. Then she grabbed Wreck-Gar by the hand(with both hands, otherwise she'd have absolutely NO grip) and brought him up in front.
"Aw, shucks, but I don't sing~!"
"You do now~!"
"I was stranded in the combat zone
I walked the Bedford stuy alone-
Even rode my motorcycle in the rain.
And you told me not to drive-
But I made it home alive!
And you said that only proves that I'm insane~!"
The two joined in together. "You may be right!
I may be crazy-
OH-but it just may be a LUNATIC you're lookin' for!
Turn out the lights.
Don't try to save me~!
You may be wrong, but for all I know it, you may be right~!"
Pen stood by Clive. Time to bug HIM~!
"Remember how I found you there-
ALONE in your electric chair.
I told you dirty jokes until ya smiled."
Wreck-Gar took his bespectacled, musical friend by the hand. "You were lonely for a man.
I said 'take me as I am~!'"
They both sang together again. "'cuz you might enjoy some madness for a while~!
Now think of all the years you tried to find someone to satisfy you.
I might be as crazy as you say…
If I'm crazy then it's true.
That it's ALL because of you-
And you wouldn't want me any other way~!"
True, they couldn't imagine the nutjobs being any different.
"You may be right.
I may be CRAZY.
OH- but it just may be a LUNATIC you're looking for.
It's too late to fight.
Too late to change me.
You may be wrong, but for all I know,
You may be right~!"
As the musical interloo went on, they danced like two perfect fools.
Phantom even broke out into the friggin' saxaphone! DANG that plushie was good.
"You may be right-
I MAY be crazy~!
But it just may be a lunatic you're lookin' for.
Turn out the lights.
Don't try to save me.
You may be wrong, but for all I know you may be right~!"
With the song over, Sari threw a pillow at her head. "Come on, Pen! Sit down and get the movie started!" She laughed.
"May be right?" Bulkhead raised an optic ridge. "I KNOW we're right. You're crazy as all get-out. And we WOULDN'T want you any other way."
They all got settled as the film started. Sari sat next to Bee who sat next to Bulkhead who sat next to Pen who sat next to Wreck-Gar who sat next to Phantom and Thing who sat next to Kahmelion who sat next to Clive who sat next to The twins who sat next to Jazz who sat next to Prowl who sat next to Optimus who sat next to Ratchet.
…
"Are we forgetting someone?" Pen looked over her shoulder just as a familiar Blue Autobot zipped in.
"perhaps that person would be me I can't believe you were going to start without me I most certainly wasn't late I mean maybe I was you should have given me a time to get here by when you called my com-link so what are we watching old earth films from your new friends of Team PaperWyngz's time should be fascinating to see what kind of special-effect technology they used 50 earth years ago and-"
"SSSSSSSSSSSSHHHH!"
Blurr sat down and shut up.
END OF CHAPTER 5
"Ah, another fine day…Hey, Optimus?" Pen called over to her favorite autobot leader.
"Hm?"
"I think a lot of the fans want you to sing something."
"…I don't sing."
"Oh, you don't have to SING. Just say words to music in tune~!"
"That's what singing IS, Pen." He sighed, face-servoing.
"Come on, please!"
"just ONE song?"
"I promise."
"What do I sing?"
"Well, Optimus, it's fair to say you're in charge around here? The boss-bot?"
"Absolutely."
"Ok. How's a day in the life of 'the boss?'"
You all know where this is headed. "Well the first thing I do is…
TALK TO SENTINEL-"
The minions joined in for respond. "LIKE A BAWSS"
"APPROVE PATROLS"
"Like a BAWSS"
"Lead a BATTLE!"
"Like a BAWSS"
"Remember CONSTRUCTION DATES"
"Like a BAWSS"
"Direct TEAMMATES"
"Like a BAWSS"
"My own BATHROOM"
"Like a BAWSS"
"MICROMANAGE!"
"Like a BAWSS"
"Promote SYNERGY!"
"Like a BAWSS"
"Hit on BLACK ARACHNIA!"
"Like a BAWSS"
"Get STUNG"
"Like a BAWSS?"
"Swallow SADNESS"
"Like a boss?"
"Send some COM SIGNALS"
"Like a BAWSS"
"Drink some OIL"
"Like a BAWSS"
"Get thrown into a BUILDING"
"Like a BAWSS"
"Crash in TRUCK FORM"
"Like a BAWSS?"
"Get some ENERGON"
"Like a BAWSS"
"Black out from an EMP GENERATOR"
"Like a BAWSS?"
"Turn into a TRUCK"
"Like a BAWSS"
"Attack the CONS!"
"Like a BAWSS"
"Crash into Megatron's SHIP"
"Like a BAWSS"
"Now I'm SLAGGED"
"Like a boss?"
Pen straightened her glasses. "…well…THIS is some new insight~! Thanks Prime, this has been eye-opening for me, and I think all the fans are rolling around on their floors laughing their tushies off."
"No Problem…wait, this is on the internet, isn't it?"
"Sho' is, hon."
"OH slag…"
"Like a BAWSS~!"
Thank you for reading our musical crap chapter.