Poof Chronicles 2: The Dorkcepticons
Chapter 6: In Which We Tie Up Loose Ends at Jurassic Frikkin' Park
Joey looked over the script in his hands in disbelief. "Are you effin' kiddin' me! Why do I have to be Jeff Goldblum!" his laughable accent took an edge off the angered tone.
"Look," Wonkey sighed, checking something off on his clipboard. "I don't write this stuff. Just go with it."
The red-and-black nightmaren floated his way through the cavern. His own light trail was the only illumination to make his way through. It'd been easy finding the place. Once he'd gotten a little TOO much "energon" or whatever they called it into that whining jet, the con had sung like a bird. Now, Reala was on his way to see someone with real power. Someone he could possibly have a harder time manipulating, but with FAR greater rewards to it. After all, they did have a common enemy in the way of whatever it was either of them wanted: the Autobots.
As he entered the room, lo and behold, the giant metal warlord was sitting right there with his high-and-mighty rear. Reala would later have to remind himself to enjoy GREATLY Megatron's face when that huge cannon was absolutely useless to him.
"I've heard much about you, little cretin."
The nightmaren floated to the monstrosity's eye-level, and offered a gentleman's bow(though it pained him to pay respects to such a thing). "And I you, Megatron."
A purple-and-green, hulking mass lumbered its way between them, it's cannon staring Reala in the face. "You will address the glorious leader as LORD Megatron, you insect! He who can turn you into a smudge on the floor deserves greater RESPECT! You should be on your KNEES facing the all-powerful-"
"ENOUGH, Lugnut." The warlord snapped harshly. "This…is my guest." He said it as if he half was truly interested in the proposition this individual had to offer, half sickened in giving any respect in any form to a lower life form to himself. "We have much business to discuss."
And so it all started a week or two ago.
Pen sprawled out on the couch, bored out of her mind after their most recent giant monster/decepticon/pixy-fairy-elf-gnome battle. She'd also just come back from the parlor. She'd cut her hair to a short, spikey bob with bangs that hid her forehead. Kahmelion came by and sat down too- right on her legs.
"Kahmelion? Kinda flopped here. You're pinning me."
"Yeah, I know." She got out a book and some Dr. Pepper. "No ninja training today?"
"Not 'till later~!" the artist's mood immediately brightened. "I have time until this afternoon to spend with you~!"
BRRRRRING!
The two teenagers looked up. Thing's head was buzzing.
BRRRRRRRRING!
Pen got up, knocking Kahmleion off the couch, and opened the drawstrings and pulled out he ancient phone. "Hello, thank you for calling the Team PaperWyngz hotline. This is Pen speaking, how may we help you?"
There was a pause. Someone's unintelligible garble was heard to all the rest of them in the room, but Pen grew angrier with each passing beat as she listened to the voice on the other end. "Joey, LEAVE ME ALONE!" And so she slammed the receiver back on the hook and tossed the mess back into Thing's head. In a huff she sat back down just as Kahmelion was getting back up.
"Yeesh. Bumblebee looked up from the porable game console. "What's YOUR damage?"
"I don't wanna talk about it." She took a moon pie out of Thing's head and chowed down.
"Pen and her boyfriend had a little spatz, now she won't speak to him." Khamelion filled the yellow bot in, not even looking up from her book.
"STOP TALKIIIIIIIING!" Pen fumed, then grumbled off in some direction. "I dumped that looser…" And walked STRAIGHT into Bulkhead.
"Oh! Hey, Pen. Didn't see ya comin' and-" He read her face as he helped her up. "…still mad with that 'Joey' guy?"
"Yeah…a little." She sighed. "It's really putting down my usual chipper idiot-ness. Look, my ahoge's even drooping!" She held up the floppy piece of hair. Even IT looked sad. "See?"
Just then, the ninja bot himself snuck into the room. He did this weird spy tiptoe tiptoe HIDE look around, slip out the door thing. Pen and Bulkhead stared on.
"Ok…that was even weirder than ME." Pen raised an eyebrow.
Prowl looked to make sure nobody was watching him, then transformed. Just before he pulled out cautiously into the streets-
"WATCHU DOIN'!" A brunette, bespectacled nerd dropped out of the sky and landed right on the seat.
"YEAGH!" The motorcycle mech almost shot out into the lane. "Pen!" He fumed in a hushed tone. "What the slag are you DOING here?"
"I saw you actin' all funky and stuff, so I decided to come along and see what's down."
"No. Way." He tilted himself to the side, almost causing her to fall off, but she was a geek and she hung on TIGHT to a character. After several failed attempts and wearing himself out-as well as rattling his own processor-he sighed. There was no way he was getting rid of her. "Alright." He whispered. "But you have to stay quiet and do as I say. We're about to go somewhere far more dangerous than me or Optimus has ever taken you."
"Prowl, I've been fighting on a rope bridge over an active volcano against a hoard of zombie ninja dragons from mars. I THINK I can handle whatever you can dish." She boasted.
They took off.
Only one of them came back.
A few days later, Prowl was found washed-up on the beach of lake Superior. He'd tried to swim with one leg torn completely off and worn himself out. In addition to his leg, his chassis was slashed across with what appeared to be claw marks, and his vocalizer was shot so he couldn't even tell them what happened until urgent repairs were made.
Pen was gone. She was back there. Lost, alone, just barely able to defend herself, God-knows in what part of the crawling growth on what was the Dinobot's island.
The wheeler kid snapped his head back up off of his desk as the end bell rang, ending his little nap. He ruffled his messy blonde hair and got his book bag, then headed out the door with his friends.
"So you see, friendship is the most awesomest chocolate coated force in the universe and it's great for us to have friends because-"
"Yeah yeah, that's great Tea." A vertically challenged main character spoke up, then went back to internal monologueing with the Pharoah he was forced to share a spirit with.
"I like pudding~!" Tristan spoke up. Not really relating to the conversation at all.
"So, Joey, how's the situation with Pen? You know, that girlfriend of yours that you chose over Mai Valentine for some stupid whatever reason we don't really know and she's a bombastic American and the only brunette American we've ever met in our series and is totally crazy and you had that FIGHT with and who dumped your sorry-"
"AS I was saying-" Joey began, eager to change the subject. "I think Tristan's making a valid point for once! Was the cafeteria food really pudding or the FUDGE that comes from 'around the corner?'"
The group of teenagers walked on as they all went home one by one along their usual after-school trail. Joey was the one left. It was starting to get dark.
"Nyeh…remind me WHY my friggin' parents bought a house on the other side o' town from where I got to nap-I mean, scool?"
He heard an engine roar getting closer behind him. When he looked back, he saw a yellow and black sports car. Kinda small. He continued on his path and thought nothing of it… until the car slowed down and was now two feet behind his pace. When he looked back again, it stopped and idled. "nyeh! That's CREEPY!" He started walking again, pretending he didn't notice the vehicle and turned the corner where he usually did. He didn't think it would follow him-until it was this time RIGHT beside him.
He made a run for it.
This time, the vehicle pulled right in front of him on the SIDEWALK before he could even get anywhere, and transformed.
"Sorry, kid." The bot held out a hand for him. "Joey Wheeler, right?"
"Nyeh, who wants to know?" He refused the hand and got up on his own.
"I'm Bumblebee. Fastest thing on wheels, and member of the autobots."
"…what do I look like, Shia LeBouf to you?"
"This is serious, Wheeler!" a red-haired girl with shocking blue eyes wearing a yellow dress walked around the corner to them. Now he was surrounded.
"Nyeh…if I'm Shia LeBouf I hope you're Megan Fox…" He observed her, to get a big smack in the face. "NYEH-WHAT WAS THAT FOR!"
"My name is Sari." She straightened herself. "We have something urgent we need to tell you.
Bumblebee transformed as Sari stepped into the driver's seat. "Get in."
"Where are we goin'?"
"Someplace where we can discuss this without prying eyes." She replied. "Come on."
"And why should I get in an alien robot car with a mysterious Indian girl and go with them to who-knows-where?"
Two familiar plushies hopped up from the back seat. "Because it involves someone you DO know, idiot!" They said in unison. "We'll explain on the way."
The group sped over the highway. "So…" Joey fumbled with the handle on his duffel bag. "You mind tellin' me what we stopped by my house so I could pack and leave a note for my parents for, Nyeh?"
Sari kept her hands on the wheel and her eyes forward to make it look like she was driving. "Joey, you're Pen's boyfriend, right?"
"Nyeeeeeeh-Ex, more likely." He scratched the back of his head. "Why?"
Phantom, in the Passenger seat, turned his head and stared him dead in the eye. "She's missing and could be dead at any moment."
"WHAT!" The teenager nearly jumped through the car roof. "What happened!" He asked, shaking all over.
Sari took a breath. "She and Prowl went to the Dinobot's Island about two weeks ago. Last week we found Prowl severely damaged on the shore of Lake Superior."
"Alright…so where's Pen?"
"That…we're still trying to find out. She could be ANYWHERE on the island, or she could be strewn out in pieces EVERYWHERE on the-"
"Stop, STOP!" He shouted. He didn't want to hear that possibility. "What…what can I do? I appreciate that you let me know I might need a black tux and flowers, but why do you need me to come with you?"
"Because." Sari said. "Pen often talked about you being a black belt in 'Brooklyn Rage,' and you watched the cartoon just as much as she had. If there's any plotholes or dramatic irony where the 'audience' knew something we didn't, we need to know to help us get around the island, get around the dinobots, and find her."
"What about Prowl? He went there LOADS of times in the first place."
"yes, but dramatic Irony's still a turd to deal with."
Phantom poofed them all to future Detroit.
MEANWHILE
Pen, scraggly, starving, hair a wreck, clothes a HUGE wreck, sweaty and dirty made her way to the top of the tree.
"Audio tape diary, day 9. I've had nothing to eat but a few berries I found, and thank God they weren't poisonous. I'm incredibly lucky to have found that clean water source running through the island. How, I have NO idea, but nothing really makes sense in these fanfictions so I'm sure gonna roll with it. It's getting increasingly more difficult to hide from the dinobots. Note, very good senses of smell for a bunch of robots. I try to keep myself hydrated just so I can still make it but don't have to go to the bathroom that much for fear they find my 'territory' if you will. Still no signs of rescue. Note to self: make a BIGGER fire signal on the shore tonight….is this thing working?" Pen looked down at the pinecone she was holding. "…note to self." She spoke into it. "Find an actual tape recorder." And then she chucked it clear across the island. She flopped back against a sturdy tree branch and rested, panting.
A few hours after Prowl and her had gotten to the island, they'd come across the Dinobots Prowl had hoped to meet up with. Something had gone sour. The Dinobots weren't acting like themselves. They were-in fact- acting like they had under Black Arachnia's rule. They'd attacked not ten minutes later, and sent the both of them running. Pen-being the idiot she was- had ended up running in a different direction and losing not only her persuers but also her mentor. She hadn't seen him since. Now she was just trying to survive. She slept in a different tree each night-never going back to the same place-dug her own urinals, drank at a different spot of the lake(the one inside the island, not the one surrounding it) each time, and using some of the water to dilute the scent from her trail. She ate whatever she could find available. A few times she'd had to trap a bird or a rabbit and felt terrible about it. She LOVED rabbits, but in this case it was either them or her. These were wild animals anyway, not the cuddly captive-bred ones. One of them might have given her RABIES for pete's sake.
A rumble shook her from her mental reiteration- and almost knocked her out of the tree. She hung on tight and looked down. There, not three feet from where she was perched was the giant, the powerful, the guy you REALLY don't want to P.O.
Grimlock.
The dinobot snorted. "Me, Grimlock smell tiny person…but me, Grimlock not SEE tiny person…"
Snarl simply snorted and sat his rear down. Swoop…well, swooped from the sky and landed in the tree. The SAME tree Pen was trying to rest in. She froze. Sweat rolled off of her in beads like rain.
"You, Grimlock is big stupid head. Me, Swoop hear of SEE things… but not SMELL things."
Grimlock shot a firey breath at the pteradon that Pen could feel nearly singe her eyebrows off. She tried desperately to hold her breath. That's right. Slag just got serious.
"You, Swoop is BIGGER stupid head! Grimlock mean…me, Grimlock not stupid! Grimlock head not stupid! Me, Grimlock smell tiny person! Tiny person close! Him, tiny person, be SLAG when me, Grimlock find!"
They still didn't notice her. Pen figured if she could just shimmy down the trunk, and if their fight kept them occupied, then she could make it crawling on her belly through the thick undergrowth and make a break for it as soon as she could, all with the use of her ninja stealth-ness.
They were shouting and carrying on at each other, not even looking. Now was her chance! Ok, she made it down the trunk.
Ok, now she was in the undergrowth.
Ok, now she was-SNAP!...stepping on a branch.
Three pairs of cold, hard, optics turned to her. Pen, for the first time, was frozen. No paper to use in a fight, no hammer space minion full of weapons, no poofing minion to make a getaway, and no backup. They stared her into the ground for a good, long time. It was fight or flight.
She took FLIGHT.
Rushing through the undergrowth with a hoard of angry dinobots rampaging after her.
Using whatever the heck she learned in that ninja class as well as the much-needed adrenaline boost, she thought and moved quickly. She ran in serpintine. Grimlock-big and bulky-was the first to get lost. She ducked under a thick web of tree branches. The T-Rex had tried to burn his way through, but that just gave him even MORE of a block. Snarl was able to duck under the branches(and plow thorugh some of the lower ones) and Swoop was able to sail above.
Speaking of Snarl, he was the next to go. Pen, at the speed she was going, used the ninja technique she'd learned from Prowl as she approached a rocky cliff. Dead end? Not if you turn around. She used her momentum and traction as she ran up the side and flipped off of it, landing right behind Snarl, who was running so fast he crashed into the rock side. Pen had taken off once again. Now, the only one behind her was Swoop. She was CONSTANTLY dodging his claws that would pick her up and dash her to the ground. And now, she was REALLY running out of road.
The forest gave way to rock. How the HECK was she coming up on a cliff! She didn't have a choice. She ran right up to it until she WAS out of placed to run. She skidded to a halt on the edge.
Swoop didn't. His momentum dive-bombed him right for her, knocked her off the edge. Pen wasn't going down without a fight. Maybe screaming her lungs out, but not without a fight. She grabbed onto his wing. Her weight threw him off, and messed up his flight, making him careen out of control and sink with her. They were headed right for the water. Then, black.
Pen got a rude awakakening when a giant foot stomped her in the chest, and water came gushing out of her mouth and nose. She coughed, gagged, sputtered, the whole deal. She looked up into the eyes of her savior…and screamed.
It was trapped in her mouth halfway when the dinobot(transformed into bot mode) clamped a clawed hand over her mouth. Well, one finger or two really sufficed given the size difference.
Pen finally got it off of her. She waited to be disemboweled or squashed underfoot or some other gruesome death. It never came. She just stared into the blue optics of the mech in front of her. "UH…hi." She meakly raised a hand to wave at him.
Seeing this, he perked up…and imitated the movement. "Hi."
"uh…Pen." She said, pointing her thumb to herself. "My name is Pen. Do you understand me?"
"…me Swoop." Came the short reply.
She nodded, and stared at him. "So…you're not going to fly me over to your buddies and have them rip me apart or toast me or whatever?"
The bot was silent.
"right…" She paused. "Um…sit?"
He obliged, with a look that clearly said he did NOT know what the heck was going on either.
"…really, why don't you just fly away?" Then she saw it. His left wing was torn and leaking fluid. It was also so crumpled she doubted he could even have flown if the wing WASN'T torn. She stared, not knowing what to do. She remembered she was still wearing a hoodie jacket. It was getting torn up anyway. She took it up and tore it into a long bandage strip, and approached.
Seeing this, he snarled at her. She stopped for a minute, but then gulped and kept going.
"I'm not going to hurt you. I wanna help."
Gingerly, he lowered the wing for her. It was PRETTY jacked up, alright.
Slowly, carefully, and trying desperately not to freak him out, she tied the jacket bandage around it to stop the leak. They looked at eachother for some time.
"…thank you, for saving my life."
"Thanks, you, Pen."
"…why DID you save my life?"
No answer.
A rumble signaled the approach of feet. One pair, one on all fours. Swoop snatched the human up and dashed off on foot, just as the others were nearing their landing site.
Swoop stood, back against a large tree, the human held close to him while he held her mouth shut. They hid from Grimlock and Snarl, holding their breath(or exhaust in one of their cases), a panicked look in both their eyes.
The minutes seemed like a million years until the two concluded they 'weren't there' and lumbered off to look elsewhere.
The bot and the human relaxed.
Pen looked up at the Pterodon mech. "thanks, man. But really…why? I'm a human. I drive cars that run on gas made of fossil fuel. You and your friends would be tearing me to shreds. Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but why?"
"…me Swoop not like him, Grimlock. Him Grimlock think him leader. Him boss us dinobots. You, Pen…" He looked down at his sorry little wing. "You, Pen, help me Swoop. Swoop help you, Pen."
"You don't owe me anything, man. You saved me from drowning. You don't have to do any of this."
He paused. Not knowing quite what to say. "You Pen need shut up and happy me Swoop your friend now….you Pen me Swoop's friend?"
The teenager paused, and straightened up her glasses(not sure HOW she'd been able to keep them on and not lose them by now)…and flopped right down into the dinobot's lap. "Well…this is FINE by me…and better than having to run from someone who flies faster than a jet…"
MEANWHILE
The boat finally left, with Joey, Kahmelion, Clive, Phantom, Thing Bulkhead, Bumblebee, and Ratchet on the shores of the island. Dare they go any furthur?
Joey stood in awe at the island, as did everyone else besides Bulkhead. None of them had been here before besides Optimus, Bulkhead, and Prowl(and Sentinel and the Jet Twins). None of them KNEW the Dinobots were even HERE besides those three(and Sentinel and the Jet Twins).
When they all reached the top of the cliff and overlooked the forest, there was even more awe to behold.
"So…Pen…is in THERE?" Joey pointed to the thick flora growth before them.
"Yes." Prowl spoke clearly from the com link in Thing's head so he could be on 'speaker phone' for everyone in the search party to hear. "Remember, don't draw too much attention to yourself, and don't disturb the natural surroundings. This will bring the Dinobots right to you. Even if they find you by the DUMBEST of luck, do NOT engage."
"Nyeh, and what if THEY engage US, huh?" Joey crossed his arms. "THEN what, smarty-pants ninja-bot?"
"They won't attack unless provoked."
"You sure? They did it SEVERAL times when I was watchin' this series. Seriously, your whole 'animal rights' stance is really backfiring. I mean, You're trying to to protect the dinobots from the people who might hurt them or something, but at the same time those dinobots are trying to hurt EVERYONE that you were protecting them from. Heck, they tried to kill YOU a handful of times. So…we're not supposed to take out the thing that's going to kill us?"
The ninja bot paused. "…just..when you find Pen, get her out of there right away…Prowl, out." And then the transmission cut off.
"Heh. The Brooklyn kid crossed his arms behind his head. "He knows I speak with infallible logic."
The team reached the bottom of the slope, and were trekking through the forest.
Bulkhead and Joey called out to the missing bat-crazy artist, but to no avail. Ratchet tried to block out the noise and scan the ground for any traces of her. Sari and Bumblebee drove through the growth to scout ahead for trouble. The minions stayed close to Kahmelion and Clive.
"Pen!" Joey cried for the umpteenth time. "PEEEEEEN! Nyeh, this is USELESS!" he threw his binoculars down in frustration. "She could be all the way across the island and we're wastin' our breath!"
"She might not even be ABLE to hear us" Clive checked his reference book on dinosaur behavior with Khamelion.
"…for more reason than one…" Ratchet sighed and shook his head.
"DON'T YOU DARE SAY THAT!" Five characters turned hotly on the medic bot.
Bulkhead, Joey, Kahmelion, and all the minions stared him into the ground with fire in their eyes.
"Pen is NOT dead! She CAN'T be! I don't care WHAT your med school and thousands of years of war experience says!" Joey kicked a tree…Brooklyn rage had no effect.
Bulkhead-in one of his rare moments- was truly fuming. "Pen is one of the best friends I've ever had! She's smart and brave and strong! She'd NEVER go down like this!"
"Yeah." Kahmelion put her hands on her hips. "I mean, she's battled lava pit snakes before. She can TAKE three dinobots. Those things are CREAM PUFFS compared to what she's faced." (Pen: THEN WHY THE HECK WOULD I BE RUNNING!)
"He has a point though." Clive scratched the back of his head. "She has NO paper with her, and neither of her minions to help her anyway."
Kahmelion slapped him across the face. He hit the ground with a shocked expression. NOW she was mad.
"Don't…you…ever…say…that…about…my…friend!" She seethed. He just stared at her. "Ok, so I actually DO care! Big woop!" She brushed her bangs out of her eyes.
"Besides." Phantom spoke up. "Mistress Pen created us. Our lives are linked. For us to be alive and talking to you right now, SHE needs to still be alive."
"Yeah." Thing pulled the drawstrings on his head extra tight. "She sure HASN'T gone down without a fight."
The medic bot sighed. "Well, we're not getting our hopes up…but we WILL keep looking, and bring her back…hopefully alive."
And thus the search continued.
Night fell and Pen was hunkered down under the cliff with they'd abandoned earlier with her new 'friend.' Swoop had started the fire and she huddled around it, trying to fend off the cold night air without the help of her jacket. She wished she had a guitar with her…better yet, some PAPER. If she'd thought to bring it along, she wouldn't be IN this MESS.
The dinobot sat next to her, staring at the strange little human. He did wonder why exactly he was helping this creature. The 'right' thing to do may have been to save her from drowning and protect her from the other dinobots, but the much 'smarter' thing to do would have been to leaver the little gas-user to choke and dry out on the beach and get to his friends for some real help with his wing.
"I can't thank you enough for getting me out of that jam." Pen finally spoke up. "You didn't have to stick your neck out for me, but you did. I'm grateful."
He just sat there silently.
"Well…um…" she continued. "If we both get out of this alive, just remember- you can always rely on me. For anything."
Still no answer. They just sat there in awkward silence for a while. The stars were starting to come out. The teenager stood up and looked to the sky. It was so beautiful when you got away from the city lights. You could see so much!
GRRRRRRRWwwwrrrlll
The dinobot jumped and stared at her, spooked by the noise that just erupted from the organic's abdomen.
"…Guess I'm a little hungry." She laughed. "It'll have to wait until I can find somethi-"
Swoop transformed, and with a small 'splash' he was in and out of the water with his beak of sorts, and in his maw he held a pretty good-sized fish.
"…thanks, man." She accepted the offer happily, found a stick of driftwood, and started roasting. "That's…what…three I owe ya?"
He just smiled.
As dinner cooked, she continued watching the skies. "Wow…Swoop, you ever take the time and just look at the stars? They're so beautiful, ya know?"
"Me swoop not have time for stars."
"We have time now, don't we? Come on, sit~!" She insisted, patting the rock surface next to her.
The dinobot lumbered over and sat down. Pen sneezed. Swoop put his good wing around her, to try and shield her from the wind blowing from across the water at least. He had to admit. Those little bright things floating in the sky he'd never known the name of before did have a certain air to them. "You Pen know names of stars?"
"Some of them." She shrugged. "The ones that make up pictures. Over there is Orion's belt, which is part of Orion, the warrior." she pointed somewhere above them. "And over THERE is signus. Then THERE'S the big dipper-also called the great bear- and if you follow the handle, there's the LITTLE dipper-or little bear."
He only half payed attention. He just liked the pretty lights.
Wait…why were some of them flashing? It was like a dark shape was flying over them. A dark, familiar shape…oh slag.
"GET DOWN!" Swoop tucked the organic teenager close to him, covering her with his good wing, and pressed themselves close to the rock wall. He kicked sand onto the fire to put it out. Pen's stomach grumbled even more looking at the ruined fish. Thinking it was her MOUTH growling, Swoop once again clamped his hand over her mouth. The waited, still as statues while the figure passed over. It became clear it wasn't going away any time soon. On the contrary, it turned on hi-beams to them. Swoop tucked the organic behind him. "Stay down." He whispered, as the character landed in front of him.
"Zzpider bot call meeting, beazztbot." The voice of a certain green maniac buzzed. "Why beazztbot not show up?"
"Me, Swoop wing damaged when pursuing her, organic."
"Did beazztbot DEzZTROY organic?" Waspinator crossed his arms.
"Me Swoop rip her organic into chunks and toss into lake."
Pen chewed on her own tongue to keep herself quiet. She was holding her breath.
"Beazztbot get to meeting. Zzpider bot awaitzz." And so the green techno-organic flew off.
When he was sure the other had gone, Swoop stood back up normally, but he kept Pen tucked under his good wing, and made his way around the cliff to the forest.
"What's going on?" Pen whispered to the dinobot.
"You Pen come along, but you Pen do as me, Swoop say. You Pen stay down and keep quiet."
She zipped her yap.
MEANWHILE
When the team was setting up THEIR camp.
Kahmelion roasted a s'more over the open flame. It was really quiet without Pen here to muck things up. Joey was playing cards(big surprise) with Bulkhead and the minions. Bumblebee and Sari were searching for more firewood, and Ratchet went over the scans he'd taken of the ground for the umpteenth time, trying to find ANY trace he'd missed before. There was only a few scraps of fabric from her clothes he'd randomly found, but they never were in any specific trail. They'd combed half of the island that day. They were starting to get discouraged…again.
Clive sat down next to Kahmelion. "Hey…you ok?"
She didn't look up from the fire. "Yeah. I'm fine. I'm just…"
"Starting to get a little worried?"
"Yeah. She's the main character, there's no DOUBT in my mind that she'll make it through to the end of the story, but we have no idea what she's going through right now. She could be being tortured or maimed. All we have to go on is Phantom and Thing to make sure she's not dead or whatever…or, she could be doing a 'How To Train Your Dragon' rip-off as we speak in this 'Jurassic Park' rip-off."
He sighed. "Yeah. Pass me the back of marshmallows?"
"Get them yourself." She got a book out. "By the way, I'm sorry for slapping you, 'k?"
"Sure…I guess." He got his marshmallow and blushed.
A rumbling was heard. Several thuds of footfall sounded, and were getting closer.
All of them stopped what they were doing and froze in defensive stance.
Phantom and Thing cowered behind Khamelion's legs as she got some paper and wielded it into a sword. Clive drew out his lance, and Sari her energon blades. Bulkhead's wrecking-ball, Ratchet's electro-magnets, and Bumblebee's stingers were at the ready. Joey…he picked up a large rock.
A loud roar shot through the night. Two sets of feet-one bipedal and one quadroped- trampled into their campsite.
"Hah! Me Grimlock head not stupid! Me Grimlock KNEW there was tiny people!"
Snarl just roared in their faces, hot exhaust blowing their hair back. Clive had to hang on to his hat.
The dinobots stared down the humans.
Sari whispered over her shoulder. "What…the SLAG…do we do now?"
"My suggestion?" Bumblebee transformed. "RUN!" and rolled out.
A new chase was on.
Pen hung on tight as Swoop walked through the forest and reached the abandoned laboratory and went in. She couldn't believe her little fangirl eyes.
She would be SO geeking out right now if she wasn't in TRUE mortal peril for the first time in her adventures. They made their way down the halls, and she recognized EVERYTHING. Everything, even-
The tall, dark, and very emo and bratty spider femme standing, waiting for them in the laboratory while a green, buzzing robotic wasp flew past them and landed by her, transforming into a tencho-organic mech that we all recognize.
"So." She smirked. "Finally decide to show up, have we? And WHERE are the OTHER ones?"
"Wazzpinator find otherzz. Beazztbotz zzay Beazzt botzz are on Beazztbotzz' way. Wazzpinator find THIZZ beazztbot by shore. Beazztbot zzaid beazztbot dezztroy organic."
"Organic?" She raised and optic ridge. "What organic?"
"Beazztbotzz tell Wazzpinator organic wazz on island with ninja bot. Ninja bot wazz gone, organic wazz not."
"Perfect…" She facepalmed. "Well, at least you're SURE she's gone NOW, whoever she was…what's that?" She pointed to the crippled wing, or rather, the thing wrapped around it.
"…Me Swoop use organic jacket wrap wing when damaged. Her not need it anymore."
Nice save. Black Arachnia seemed to buy it, and she went back to the machinery she was working on. Waspinator helped her fix some wires. "I'm THIS close to unlocking the secret to turning me back! I can just FEEL it!" She hissed through clenched teeth. I've spent a stellarcycle reverse-engineering the effects from the last turn…but there's ONE thing I'm missing." She went over a pile of schematics papers and threw them aside in a rage, clutching her head on the desk. "This is getting hopeless." She turned to Swoop, a sultry look in her eyes. "Oh, Swoop…would you be a dear and volunteer to be another test subject? It'd be REALLY great if I could study YOUR schematics."
Great. Thought Pen. He's FALLIN' for the skankity skank-skank. And she facepalmed. Screw keeping down! The dinobot was already stepping towards the machine. She was going to repay him like this. She grabbed onto his arm, swung out from under the wing, and kicked him in his own hand.
"Do NOT go in there! It'll be worse than going in a porta-john!" She yelled, getting onto his shoulders. He looked at her, wide-eyed like she was crazy(and she was.)
"What you Pen doing! GET DOWN!" He tried to hide her under his wing again.
"THE ORGANIC!" Waspinator lunged at them. Pen managed to jump off just as the two collided and hit the floor, wrestling in a heap of metal.
"SWOOP!" Pen called out. "Ok…I AM an idiot…" And dashed over to Black Arachnia with a kick to her scrawny, high-heeled leg, sending her toppling onto her huge spider butt. "YOU EVIL ENCHANTRESS! I will end your reign of terror over these gentle giants!"
"Who the slag ARE you, you little insect!"
"Look who's talkin' man!" Pen took defensive stance(thought she really had NO way to defend herself right now).
Just then, two characters who are really starting to tick us off came running into the room. Carried either in their maws or on their backs…were the very ones sent to rescue Pen in the first place. The teenager rushed to her friends as they were haphazardly dropped onto the cold floor. Thank the Lord they were still alive.
"Khamelion!" She knelt by her friend. "What happened?"
"We nearly got ourselves killed making sure YOU were still alive." She coughed. "Somebody wanna tell me how TWO dinobots totally trashed three bots, a techno-organic, three humans, and two super-powered plushies?"
"Wait…THREE humans?" Pen looked at the people pile-up. The only humans with her were Kahmelion and Clive, who was the third? "JOEY!" She rushed over to him, as he was laying on top of Bulkhead. The giant wrecking-ball autobot sat up and helped him down. "Thanks, Bulkster. Thank goodness you're both alright." She hugged The autobot's forearm, and then embraced the boy. "Joey, why did you come here?"
"I had ta help ya, babe. I was worried."
"Joey…even with your monster cards useless in this universe?"
"Hey, I had Brooklyn rage. You didn't have ANYTHING."
"Well, I wouldn't say that…"
Swoop was flung across the room and crashed into the same pile as the rest of Pen's friends. She got some paper out and wielded it into a hammer. They were all regrouping as they were surrounded by two very angry dinobots and two very angry bug bots. One of which had a very personal vendetta.
"HELLO Bumblebot…" he hissed, hate in his optics.
The team stood back to back. They were all ready to hit somebody(except Black Arachnia, she was apparently hot stuff or whatever.) It was all about to go down. Just when they were ready to fire(literally in the dinobots' case)-
"Wait!" Pen stopped. "What the heck are we doing?"
"What the heck are YOU doing?" Bumblebee looked over his shoulder at her, not taking his stingers off target. ""Cuz right now, I'm all for NOT GOING OFFLINE!"
"Is there NO reason we can't just talk this out?" She put down her weapon and raised her hands in the universal gesture of 'I'm not carrying anything deadly don't shoot me.' "Just think about it for a sec, how STUPID is this?"
"I think it's slagging stupid what you're doing right NOW!" Ratchet barked at her.
"Let me finish, please." Pen broke from the circle. "Look, the dinobots may be deadly killing machines, but the ONLY attack if provoked(or just peeved or confused). We know why they're attacking us. Skankitty Skank Skank over here has them wrapped around her little finger because she's HAWT or something."
"Hey!" She glared, drawing her spikes. "You wanna go, kid? Don't blame this whole thing on ME!"
"As I said, let me finish. Skankitty skank skank over HERE is only being a bratty emo evil enchantress-"
"Hold on!" Kahmelion cut in. "You're not quoting 'My Little Pony' again, are you?"
"But it makes sense! Wasabi Ed, bongos~!
She's an evil enchantress, she does evil dances
If you look into her eyes, she will put you in TRANCES.
So what'll she do? She'll mix up a BREW!
And she'll gobble you up in a big tasty stew-
So WATCH OUT!"
The group stared at here, waiting for the point.
"And," She continued. "She's only being that way because she's discussed with herself because of a circumstance she couldn't control. And she shouldn't be! Techno-organicism is TOTALLY acceptable. Just take a look at Sari, for instance. You see, she just fails to realize that this ISN'T the only option for her, and there are people that WILL accept her-coughOptimuscough- and you don't need to change. She's just confused." She shrugged, jumped up, and patted the femme on the head like little kidergartener.
The femme seethed in the corner…but had to admit the organic had a point. This realization just made her even MORE t'ed-off.
"And Wasp." She turned to one of her favorite characters in the entire continuity. "What can I say that hasn't already been said? Another victem of the 'evil enchantress's call for help(not to mention Shockwave jerky jerk face), and hopelessly maddened because he did time for a crime that he HIMSELF did not commit."
"WAZPINATOR NEVER FORGIVE! Never forget! Wazpinator do nothing wrong…"
"Well, that's not entirely true. Yes, the autobots were slagging 'tards because they somehow failed to realized that if information continued to be leaked AFTER the 'spy' was apprehended, then that bot, by just plain LOGIC, would therefore not be the spy. I mean, HOW in the HECK does a guy who's in jail even GET to info like that? Maybe you should have-OH, I dunno, checked up on the actual INTEL DEPARTMENT? Who had access to all the info that the cons were getting? Hel-LOOOO. Anybody home?"
"Wow…" Kahmelion looked up at Ratchet. "When someone like PEN calls your bullcrap on logic, you KNOW you've been a real 'tard."
"As I was saying," Pen continued. "So he was kept in a stockade against his will. You may say that he was mean to Bumblebee and Bulkhead, and a nasty lightle blighter, never WAS a good bot, but still. NOBODY deserves to have all their friends, their hopes and dreams, their life, and HUMANITY stripped from them because of a crime they didn't commit."
"Ok, we GOT that." Bumblebee snapped. "We've apologized SEVERAL times!"
"I'm not done makin' you feel bad, Bee, so shut it. He went stark, raving, MAD. He needs a BIT more than sorry. However…" She turned to the green thing. "The whole plot where you assaulted Bee and took over his persona wasn't entirely justified. JUST when they were trying to HELP you, man? NOT cool." She crossed her arms. Waspinator just glared. "Don't look at me like that." She said. "This isn't your fault entirely, but it isn't NOT your fault entirely"
"Your grammer is atrocious, Pen." Clive called from their little huddle.
The teenager surveyed the team. "That aside, follow me so far? Basically, it's not a question of 'point A person that led to point B that led to C screwing up D and the whole thing falling to crap', it's a circle of huge misunderstanding and 'tardedness. You guys just need to reach a closure, and let bygones be bygones. Turn over a new leaf, and forgive eachother for crap's sake, 'cuz all this mess is just plain self-destructive to BOTH sides."
The dinobots paused and looked at eachother. The autobots did the same.
"Well, even if we DID do all that namby-pamby forgive and forget scrap and be happy, smiling bots holding hands and singing our precious little vocalizers out in a field of flowers, what the HECK does it fix? Some things you just CAN'T do away. Time does NOT heal all wounds." Black Arachnia put her hands on her hips.
"I'm aware of that, thank you." Pen straightened her glasses. "And I'm sure our friend Wasp here shares that felling and wants to rip Bumblebee's circuitry out right now, am I right?"
"NOT HELPING!" Bee panicked, raising his stingers higher.
"Anyway, you have the machine. That turned him techno-organic, right?"
"yes." Black Arachnia sighed, and facepalmed. "But it's taking ages to reverse-engineer and figure out the schematics of –babble babble science bable bable science bable-"
"Alright, you're making it WAY too difficult. WAY More difficult than it needs to be. Just throw it in REVERSE, ok?"
"Ha!" Waspinator tossed his head back. "Machinezz izz not zzo zzimple! Organic cannot zzimply attach car tranzzmizzion to machinezz juzzt like THAT!...can she?"
They stared at eachother.
OUT ON THE STREETS OF DETROIT
"Yeah, I KNOW!" A man wearing a snazzy sweater vest walked out of the store, talking on his cell phone. "It's the best car I've ever bought! And SO cheap, too! I was able to get it FULLY insured. Even if someone just went in and stole the transmisson and stick shift out of it, I'd STILL be covered-not that I'd NEED it~!" The man laughed as he neered the red vehicle parked on the curb. He got in and started the engine…and started to drift back. "What the-!" He slammed the break. "what it the-" he went to put the car out of the reverse it seemed to be going in, but the stick was gone.
…not taking his foot off of the break, he once again took out his phone. "Hello, Allstate? Yeah, I'll hold…"
BACK TO JURRASIC PARK-I mean, DINOBOT ISLAND
"Alright, it's all hooked up." Ratchet finished the wiring, and the machines were now linked.
"Ok…" Pen paused, pulling down a pair of heavy-duty goggles. "Everyone, put on your goggles. We need a volunteer. Who's it gonna be?"
Black Arachnia stepped back. "Waspinator? Be a darling and-"
"Yezz, Zzpider lady!" And the poor sap was right into the chamber.
"Ok…" Pen went to the gear shifter. "It worked on Johnny Test…"
"PEN! You're using a cartoon to base serious science off of!" Khamelion bopped her in the back of the head.
"Well, this IS a cartoon itself, isn't it? Besides, It's Transformers. There's TONS of Deus-Ex-Machina bull-crappery."
"…continue." She said, putting on her goggles and sipping a Dr. Pepper.
"Alright. May I do the honors?" She put her hand on the shift, pulled it back to line up with the 'R', and stepped back, giving a signal to Sari, who pushed the proverbial 'big red button.'
There was a flash of light, and tortured screams from within. They could see the poor soul's hands clawing the glass window….then slowly stop squirming. The smoke released from the cracks with a pnumatic hiss, and filled the room.
When the smoke cleared, the lot of them got up, coughing their lungs(or exhaust) out. Pen got up and walked to the machine. "Oh, geez! PLEASE don't be dead or horribly disfigured! Oh spoot…" She struggled with the hatch. "Bulkhead, give me a hand with this door!"
"I can take care of it!" An accented voice 'nyeh'ed', then a kick precision-aimed for the edge of the door caused the chamber to pop RIGHT open.
"…Thanks, Joey…" Pen looked at her 'ex' admirably.
"Hey, there isn't ANYTHING I can't or won't do for you."
A scraping sound was heard as the figure inside got up. The bot rose, trying to wave away the smoke still lingering in the pod to see himself.
"How Wazzpinator look? Wazzpinator bot again!"
No answer. Everyone's jaw just dropped.
"What izz it? Wazzpinator ugly, izzn't Wazzpinator!" he looked down at his hands, and was so shocked he nearly fell back down. He stepped out of the pod. " Let Wazzpinator zzee!"
Pen slowly, not taking her eyes off of him, went to Thing, and undid his drawstring head, drawing out a long, large mirror. She held it out and up to him as she approached. "Well, I can't do anything about your brains, but…this you might like."
He looked into the mirror…and got the shock of his life.
He was WASP again.
"I don't BELIVE it!" Ratchet tossed his hands up in euphoria. "That slag actually WORKED!" he laughed, and friendly punched Bumblebee in the arm. "C'mere, you little nut and bolt case!" he said, grabbing Pen and noogying her.
"Black Arachnia, are you READEH~?" She jumped down in front of the spider lady.
"Are you seriously ASKING me that!" She pushed her aside and got into the chamber. "Pull that thing NOW."
"Yeesh…" Pen picked herself up. "Push-y! Nevertheless, let's resolve an unresolved plot point, people~!"
And so the whole mad science was repeated.
That morning, the whole dang assortment stood on the beach, watching the waves crash and waiting for the boat to come.
Pen and Swoop shared their last few hugs. "Dude…" she sighed. "It's been a heck of a time. Thank you for helping me back there."
"Me Swoop thank you Pen. You Pen Swoop REAL friend. Thank You Pen friend Him Ratchet also for wing." He raised the once-crumpled limb, now fully repaired. "you friend Pen visit sometime?"
The organic teenager hugged him once more. "Yes, me friend Pen visit sometime." She walked over to the shore.
"Hey, Jo-Jo?"
"Nyeh? Uh, yeah Pen?" He turned around to face her.
"I'm…I'm sorry I called you stupid bombastic weakling and said you acted like a ten-year-old and told you you needed a haircut…"
"Hey, baby, I'm sorry I cracked that joke about your weight and said your haircut looked scraggly…I like you just the way you are…and I LOVE your new haircut. It's sassy, just like you."
"Aw, shut up, Joey! You talk too much!" And so she gave him a big, spine-crushing hug.
"Alright, break it up you kids." Ratchet set a hand on Pen's shoulder. "Look, Pen, I wanna tell you something…something I didn't stop thinking of when we were all worried sick you could be dead…"
"Wait…ALL of you?" She raised an eyebrow at the medic.
"Look, Pen, you know I'm a grumpy old fart…but I'm only like that because I CARE about all my teammates. I don't want to see any of them hurt."
"Wait." She beamed. "…does this mean…"
"Yeah. What's the use, Pen? You and Team PaperWyngz…welcome to the Autobots."
"THANKYOUOLDFART~! And to think it only took 6 chapters~!" She hugged the medic-bot, only to have him peel her off of himself.
"Don't push it." He growled.
Kahmelion handed the binoculars to Clive. "The boat's here. We should be headed back to the plant in a bit."
"Remember how Pen chowed down like she had two hollow legs last night?" Clive remarked as he looked out over the water.
"She probably did after going two weeks on two or three berries a day." She replied.
Clive looked over to where Pen and Joey sat, arms around each other, on Bulkhead's shoulder. Next, he looked over and saw Sari and Bee enjoying each other's company as well. "Hey…Kahmleion?"
"No friggin' way, limey."
"Right, I'll be quiet…"
The ship finally got to the beach, and Prowl and Optimus stepped off. Optimus had to help Prowl, since the ninja bot had to use a cane while he repairs got broken-in. (haha I'm SO ripping off Jurrasic Park stuff XD)
Then, he saw HER.
The leader rushed off the boat to meet the femme. "Eileta-One? Is that…really you!"
The femme stepped forward. "Yes, Optimus." She smiled. "It's me…finally.
"How…how-!"
"The little brunette nuts and bolts case over on the big green one's shoulder." She pointed her thumb over at the group sitting on the shore. "She a friend of yours?"
"Y…yes…SHE fixed you?"
"It involved mad science, but yes." She sighed, and patted Snarl on the head. "I'm…ALMOST me again…"
"Wow…" the Autobot leader was taken aback, and completely overjoyed. He took her by the hands. "You HAVE to come back to the plant with us! You can stay with us, we can tell Sentinel you're alright- get you back through to Cybertron to get redrafted-"
"I don't THINK so." She took back her hands. "Optimus…I'm staying here."
"But…why?"
"I...I still have some things to work out. I may LOOK like the old Eileta-One," She looked down. "But I'm not sure how to BE Eileta-One again. And Dinobots have been taking care of me, and now I want to take care of them." She said, matter-of-factly.
"Wazzp izz almost better too~!" The green guy smiled. "Bumblebot…forgive Wazzp for real?"
"Only if you forgive me, dude."
"…zzweet."
"Wasp!" Optimus raised an optic ridge.
"It's complicated, I guess." Pen shrugged "Deal with it." She slid down some sunglasses over her regular glasses.
"Wazzp stay here to and help Zzpider..I mean…pretty Eileta lady.
Eileta-One blushed. "Thanks, 'Wasp.'"
"Thank BOTH of you." Prowl hobbled off of the boat with his cane. "This place needs to remain secret. The Dinobots need the ABSENCE of outsiders to survive, but I know I can't come here every day. Someone needs to keep an eye on them and make sure no one comes here to provoke more chaos. Someone who KNOWS and UNDERSTANDS them."
"Uh…what?" Kahmleion scratched her head. "Pen, stop ripping off Jurrasic Park ! You even included the stupid, illogical, unintelligible dramatic ending speech by the scientist with the cane!"
"LOL." The teenager shrugged. "We were never logical to begin with."
"You sure you'll be ok?" Optimus looked back at Eileta-One.
"Positive. Get outta here, you!" She smiled, and waved as they all boarded the boat.
Prowl smiled. "It's good to know you're alright, Pen."
"You too, man. Dude, you got MESSED. UP." She said, looking him up and down as she boarded. "I'm DEFINITELY taking paper next time I go…" She turned and leaned over the side of the boat. The foghorn sounded and the barge started to pull off. "BYE, SWOOP! I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU! WASP, GET SOME THERAPY and EILITA-ONE, GET A GRIP~!" She smiled as she and the rest of the team waved. The minions shortly glomped their mistress, still not over the fact that she'd been away from them for two weeks.
The dinobots and their new 'caretakers' waved from the shore. Both parties shared farewell until they could no longer see each other for the distance. It'd been once heck of a dramatic, mary-sue chapter. They'd done a lot, and now they were dog tired. Pen fell asleep on the boat ride home in Joey's arms, the adrenaline-fueled lack of sleep finally catching up to her. There was a smile on her face as her minions huddled up to her and they all floated back to the shore and transformed and rolled out back to Detroit.
DRAMATIC END CHAPTER 6!
Get ready for the birthday of your life, Clive.
Next, on an all-new chapter of Poof Chronicles 2: the Dorkcepticons:
It's Clive's birthday, and Team PaperWyngz and the Autbots are abuzz in preparations. However, they're not the only ones.
With Megatron and Reala working together, you just KNOW it's bad news. Soon, Pen finds herself alone and in true mortal peril once again, but she's proven she can take care of herself…right?
Can she work her mary-sue main character magic, or will she be offed-or worse, handed over to her evil ex!
Why the heck am I asking YOU all this?
Coming Soon:
Poof Chronciles 2: The Dorkcepticons: Grand Finale
Race for the Finish