Poof Chronicles: The Dorkcepticons
Chapter 8: Race for the Finish Part 2
"Yo!" the teenager called from in her cage. "Is it too much to ask for some Chinese takeout or something!" She punched the shockwall with her left hand(carefull not to damage her right hand) and got quite the painful shock. She was getting numb to it. "WE'RE STARVING IN HERE!"
"WHAT is it!" Slipstream yelled as she entered. "Can't you stay quiet for TEN CLICKS?"
"Nope~!" She smiled. "Look, can you get us something to eat? I mean, even ALKATRAZ gave their prisoners food."
"Alka-what now?"
"Nevermind. Look, can you just get us something to eat?" Pen scratched her nose. "Oh, and I think Skywarp's a little fragged. He's been sitting there in the corner rocking back and forth in fetal position all morning."
Skywarp stormed out of the room. The NERVE of that little squishy flesh-bag!
"…so that's a NO to any breakfast, then? Can we at least get some clean water?"
The NERVE!
Pen drew with her finger in the dirt on the walls. "So…three days of this…starting today…unless the autobots come and save us. Gosh, I don't know what's worse. Being alone on Dinobot island in mortal peril without means to defend myself, or being with a frog and a squirrely robot in a cell in the Decepticons' base without means to defend myself…" She slumped back. "hey Kero?"
"Hm?"
"You wanna try faking sick, so when they let up the shield we make a run for it?"
"That sick prisoner routine still works here? 'Cuz back on Keron it's getting up to DEAD prisoner routine being hard to pull off."
"…how would you know that?" Skywarp looked at the little green thing with the regular terrified look. Then, he glanced over to Pen's wall-art. "What are you drawing?"
"Just doodling…I think they're rabbits."
"…when the Autobots get there, you're not going to…t-turn me IN are you!"
"Depends."
"Meep!"
Blitzwing walked in with a small box and a plastic bottle. "I believe you have requested zis?" he glared into the cell.
"Ah! Hey, thanks man." Pen caught the items as they were thrown carelessly in. "You got any soy sauce?"
"ZTOP BEING ZO COCKY, YOU LEETLE ORGANIC PROTOFORM!" He shouted into Pen's face.
"Yeesh…no soy sauce, alright. Hey, you ever try Lo-Mein before?"
"I'm a giant cybertronian robot. I don't eat."
"Yeah, well, technically you don't sweat either, but you STILL manage to put off some SERIOUS B-O, mister." She held her nose. "Seriously, when was the last time you went through the car wash?"
"Oh, only eight hundred yearz~! AHAHAHAHAHAHA~!" he switched back to icy mode. "If I'm SO filthy, vhy don't you vipe ze dirt from my bootz yourzelf?"
"Sure, why not?"
"…excuze me?"
"Just give me some soapy water, a mop or two, some rags, some sponges….MAYBE a scrub brush, and heck, you'll be shining like new." She wolfed down some noodles and half the water in the bottle, and then handed it to Keroro.
"…o..k…excuze me for a zec." (random) Blitzwing cracked up and left the room.
"…weirdo." Pen continued drawing on the wall.
Kahmelion, Clive, and the minions rode inside Bulkhead's carriage. Optimus and the other autobots raced with them to Sentinel's ship. They'd already had Fanzone put out an APB for Pen. They had also met Wreck-Gar on the street to tell him the bad news. Now they had to inform Sentinel.
"MAYBE he'll give a slag." Sari rode inside Bumblebee. "He doesn't like any of US very much. No promises he'll even LISTEN to us about your friend."
"It's not Sentinel so much we're worried about!" Optimus and Kahmleion called to her in unison.
The Autobot leader spoke first. "Jazz and the Jet twins are still our allies."
"AND friends of Pen" Kahmelion added. "So, if we can tell them-"
"-We at least have ¾ of the team on our side."
"Wow…"Clive remarked. "I still can't believe you're doing all this for one of US."
"You guys aren't just our allies!" Bulkhead responded. "You guys are our friends. Besides, it's not like we're actually going to race the Decepticons in ANY of their schemes."
"What!" Bumblebee snapped. "NO RACE!" Everyone glared at him. "Oh…uh…right. NO race. Mary-Sue's more important.
"I can only imagine what kind of torture she's going through…" Prowl reflected.
"WE DON'T WANNA HEAR IT!" Bulkhead and ALL his passengers shouted.
"You SAW how she looked on the video!" Ratchet said. Could it be he was actually WORRIED about her? TWICE in the same fanfiction?
"DON'T WANNA HEAR IT!" They called again.
Sari leaned out the window. "You know…with Pen, I'm honestly almost sorry for the decepticons…"
"THERE GOES JOHN JACOB DINGLEHEIMERSCHIDT, DA DA DA DA DA DA DA!"
The three sang out, Skywarp timidly clapping his hands in time, trying to get comfortable with a loud organic in the same cell. He wasn't even supposed to BE here!
Reala floated in. "Be a dear and SHUT UP!" He stepped aside as Megatron entered.
"Everyone. All together now~!" Pen and Keroro linked arms. "DUMB DUMB DUMB DUMB Du-DUMB, DUMB DU-DUMB~!
MEG-A-TRONG is DUMB, DUMB, DU-DUMB~!"
"SILENCE!" It was only a night and a morning, and he was already getting fed up with these cretins. Skywarp was edged into the corner with a pitiful look that said 'I'm not with them!' "It has come to my attention that you are displeased with the cleanliness of my troops?" His optic twitched.
"Pft." Pen sat down. "Spoot YEAH. You guys are completely FILTHY. Your joints are rusty, your faces and guns are smudged with soot from firing at Autobots, and you have sludge all down the fronts of you from not wiping after drinking oil! While I'm at it, this place is pretty messy as well. WHEN exactly was the last time you dusted your computers or cleaned that throne?"
Ignoring the fact it was a death wish to be seated in front of him, not standing or bowing or anything, Megatron smirked at her.
"Well, if it's such a FILTHY abode, and if we're such FILTHY hosts, why don't YOU do the cleaning, little slave?"
"…On second though, I think I can live with it…"
"No, I INSIST." Megatron stood back as Shockwave deactivated the wall and snatched Pen and Keroro up, attaching leashes to them. He didn't have to do anything about Skywarp. He just cowered in the corner.
"THIS will be your punishment." The warlord exited the room into the tunnels, his friggin' lapdog Shockwave leading two t'ed-off organics behind him on a leash, IF you could call it that. Pen simply crossed her arms and was dragged back on her bum through the dirt. Keroro was dragged on his face.
The teenager surveyed the lineup. Megatron sat on his throne with Reala, looking quite smug. Pen mentally noted to herself to restrain herself if she got her hands on a blowtorch.
"Ok…which of you has gone the LONGEST since your last bath?"
The cons all looked at eachother.
"I just had one yesterday~!" Ramjet declared.
"I don't think we've had one at all…" Slipstream checked over her fellow clones. "The idiot just sort of made us and…well, we haven't really had TIME for a wash…"
"Ok." Pen checked over their feet until she found the dullest, dingiest one. "What about you, Lugnut?"
"I spend far too much precious time aiding the glorious Lord Megatron in-"
"Ok, Ok, heard enough." She cut him off right there. "Blitzy's gone 800 years…I'm NOT going to clean Shockwave even if you PAID me…well, warmonger?" She snapped at the 'mighty, glorious leader.'
He glared daggers at her. "I'm not letting you little scums NEAR my person."
"Alright, BE grossly disgusting and disgustingly gross. Where are the cleaning supplies and who goes first?"
Blitzwing set down a large bucket of soapy water(seriously it was the size of a small pool), a pair of pushbrooms, a pair of mops, and a pair of sponges.
"Ok, good…." She looked around. "Who wants to get squeaky clean first~?" She beamed.
Nobody stepped forward. They all looked at the organics with cocked optic ridges like they were wondering just what the heck she was talking about.
Megatron sighed. "If nobody steps forward…cowards…"he hissed. "I'll have to volunteer somebody myself."
And so, Pen found herself on Skywarp's shaking shoulders.
"Alright, man, would you PLEASE try to relax?"
"wh…what are you going to do!"
"Give you a good cleaning….AUGH!" Pen held her nose, dropping the bush-broom. "What is that SMELL!
Keroro caught on. "It's like rancid yak butter, gero!"
"Smell?" Skywarp spoke to them, spraying him with his rank breath.
"Blegh…well, looks like we know our first order of buisnes~!" Pen picked up her push broom/scrub brush, dunked it in the soapy water, and shoved it RIGHT in his mouth.
"whahelu dehlng?" he squeaked thorugh a mouthful of suds.
"Don't talk, it'll mess us up." The girl scrubbed like a thorough toothbrushing. She started at the back of the throat, causing him to gag a little, then worked her way up through the sides and on the 'tongue.' "Lift your tongue, please?"
The decepticon squirmed in his seat. There was an ORGANIC scrubbing in his MOUTH. He never thought he'd ever have to come NEAR an organic! Much less have one craw on him and wash him over. When she was done he spat.
"Eew…." He shuddered. "GROSS!"
"Don't be such a protoform~!" Pen offered a friendly smile-something nobody else ever had to HIM before. "I'll be done quickly and efficiently. Any other problem areas?"
"Well…there's that spot between my wings that I can't reach when I have an itch…"
"Taken care of~!" She hopped up with her froggy friend and started scrubbing.
"You know… I never thought I'd be a slave to the Decepticons…it sucks…" Keroro pouted.
"I never thought I'd be getting a wash from organics…let along anyone talking TO me instead of DOWN at me." Skywarp's face fell.
"Oh, I know. Other guys bully you?" Pen went to the shoulders to continue scrubbing there so she could talk to him. "Been there, done that."
"Yeah…but I…I just…" He got into fetal position.
"I know how you feel." Pen continued washing. "Lift your arm please? Thank you. Anyway-I got scared sometimes at school because…well, I was bullied a lot up until…late middle school."
"Why? You're…nice." The con looked at her, raising an optic ridge.
"It's not that simple for people to like you. I'm the WEIRD, CRAZY one. I was also 'the fat kid' a lot. People made fun of my looks."
"People make fun of my…well…you know…"
"Flight over fight?" She slid down his arm. "Well, the bullies sometimes made me so angry I got sad or so sad I got angry. I wanted to either fight OR flight…either take down the problem or run away from it…something inside me stopped me. I figured- hey, this is how I am. If you don't like it, that's YOUR problem and you can just walk away like I'll walk away from you. Even if I only have ONE friend that outweighs a MILLION people that may make themselves me enemies. I found other ways of venting my emotions and focused on being good on the inside…not just being acceptable to the outside…I'm sorry, I'm rambling~!" She went to the other arm.
"that…that's nice." Skywarp twitched a little. The little green keronian wasn't even paying attention to the conversation. "You…you're really brave, you know?"
"Eh?" She turned around and faced him while she continued scrubbing. "What do you mean?"
"Well, you went through a lot of people bullying you…and you're sorta being bullied right now. You're completely surrounded by a hord of deadly, terrifying…TERRYfying…" he snapped out of his own trembling fit. "Decepticons! You haven't so much as flinched for as long as you've been here. At first I thought you were CRAZY but…"
"You were probably right~!" She danced down and started scrubbing his legs.
"But you're actually…brave…brave like I wish I could be…"
The teenager paused for a minute, goofy smile on her face. "…well, thanks Skywarp~!" She went back to cleaning. "You know…I don't think you're a huge chicken…I think you're adorable and sweet~!"
"Well…thanks…"
"You know…you don't have to be a superhero or something to stand up for yourself." Pen continued. "Why DO you stay here and let Megatron beat you around?"
"He…he…" The decepticon shook once again, causing Keroro to slip and slide off, falling and hitting the floor.
"g…gero…" He rubbed his injured bum.
Pen held her broom out in his face. "LOOK man. This is the life lesson part of the fanfiction. You don't HAVE to do this if you realy don't want to. Do you WANT to live in fear and stay a coward and a whipping boy?"
"It….it's all I know." He shrugged lamely.
She just shoved her push broom-already outstretched- in his face and scrubbed it extra hard.
"Spoot head."
"So much for 'adorable and sweet,' gero?" Keroro smirked at her.
Pen and Keroro stepped out first.
"Now, presenting to y-!" Pen gagged a little as she tried to go farther than her leash would reach. Looking around the corner, she tugged it. "Oh, come on, man! Get out here!"
Skywarp timidly peeked out from the tunnel.
"LITTLE more. You look GREAT." She said. "Now, I present to you: SKYWARP, femmes and mechs~!"
The seeker stepped into the dim light. Even THAT reflected off of him brighter than a 300-watt.
"He's been scrubbed completely and thoroughly inside AND out, as well as double-waxed." Pen patted his leg.
"I did that last part, Gero~!" Keroro spoke up. The two beamed at their work.
"Well…that certainly is a great difference…" Shockwave looked up.
"You NEXT, Rudolph the two-faced reindeer?" Pen regarded with acid dripping from her voice. Forgetting the fact he attempted to murder one of her favorite characters, she snapped back to her doofus expression. "Seriously, though. Are those antlers?"
"Clearly MY cleanliness is of higher priority." Thundercracker stepped forward. "I'M next."
"But I'M the one who's gone a good 800 stellar cycles~!" Blitzwing raised his hand.
"Oh, and that proves you care about higiene SO much." Slipstream rolled her optics.
"ALL of you! Stop your prattling and bickering at once!" Megatron's voice boomed over them. "You will go in the order I decide. Lugnut, you may go first so I don't have to put up with your offensive stench for so long-"
"YES brilliant Megatron!"
"The seekers will go next in REVERSE ALPHABETICAL order, THEN Blitzwing, Lockdown, Swindle, Shockwave, and lastly myself."
The decepticons all grumbled a bit, but didn't dare argue with him.
"Good…" the warlord looked over to the new pets/slaves "you two get after it. Shockwave, get Skywarp back into the cell."
"Yes, my liege."
"Yes mai leej…" Pen stuck out her lip and mocked him.
"So." Pen started scrubbing on his head. "You're pretty much the big boss man's dog?"
"It is an HONOR to work closely with the glorious leader!" Lugnut responded with a huff. "YOU ought to be more respectful when regarding Lord Megatron! Are you not OVERJOYED you get the duty of cleaning even the glorious Megatron's feet!"
"Megatron, megatron, megatron…BLARDY blardy BLARG." She flapped her hand in the 'blah blah blah' motion. "He ALL you ever think about? OH! Lift your arm, please."
"Lord Megatron is the most amazing-"
"overgrown, bombastic tin-can I've ever seen." Pen cut him off. "Seriously, man, you have a friggin' FALCON PAWNCH! You could even beat HIM hands-down."
"Are…" He looked at her with that shocked, flabbergasted expression. "Are you suggesting I would BETRAY our glorious leader!"
"I ain't sayin' that. I'm just saying you're a bit of a bumper-kissing patsy and with your skills you have a MUCH wider choice of careers….well, obviously not in THIS dimension, because you're a Decepticon, but other dimensions should be wide-open."
He almost picked her up and threw her against the wall right then and there. "I LIVE to serve Lord Megatron! He is all that we could ever desire!"
"Alright, alright." The teenager rolled her eyes and continued scrubbing. "Can you just use some other word than 'desire?' It makes it sound weird, big guy."
"Be sure to scrub THOROUGHLY, but don't scratch the paint job!" Thundercracker sat down on the unofficially designated 'salon chair.'
Pen sighed and dunked her push-broom in the bucket, getting started.
"Geeeerooooo….." Keroro seethed, his knuckles turning white as he gripped the broom handle.
"Ich weiss, ich mag ihn auch nicht." Pen continued scrubbing, but you could tell it was hard for her to keep her cool.
"Der kerl ist ein bombasticher Schwein."
"Hey!" She snapped at the Keronian. "Das ist eine Möglichkeit mehr schwere Beleidigung in dieser Sprache, als es in Englisch ist."
"WHAT are you saying?" Thundercracker picked the teenager up by her collar. "WHAT did you two low-lives just call me!"
"Uh…" Pen looked over her shoulder with shifty eyes. "Um…Schwein…he called you Schwein."
"WHAT does that mean?"
"Um…" She bit her own tongue for lying. "It…it means 'great, valiant, powerful warrior.'" She smiled nervously.
"Oh…well then…I must truly be the greatest 'schwein' in the universe." Thundercracker set her back down to continue scrubbing. "Finally, a little repect." He crossed his arms behind his head and leaned back. "Like I said, make sure you insects don't scratch the paint."
"…Sollten wir ihm sagen, wir sind mit dem gleichen Pinsel wir nir auf Lugnut verwendet?" Keroro whispered to her.
"…er ist besser auf wissen nicht."
Blitzwing fell over himself laughing, standing outside the door.
"What?" Thundercracker demanded.
And here is the time ellapse because the writer was too lazy to do a scene for Sunstreaker. PS: There's not going to be one for Ramjet either.
"Alright, Slipstream~! Any specific problem areas?"
"Not really." She sighed. "Just get this sludge off." She waved the organic forward.
Pen wasn't sure she liked her. She was acting like some cross between a punk and a valley girl. Either way, she seemed to have a bad attitude every time she saw her. Nevertheless, she needed a good wash.
"So…um…Starscream's clone?" The teenager got to scrubbing. "…what part exactly-"
"I don't want to talk about it." The femme snapped.
"Someone's got a short temper…" Keroro mumbled.
"You wanna go, you little insect!" Slipstream almost got up and slagged the little slagger right there.
Pen dropped her broom. "Wait! Don't mind him!"
Slipstream raised and optic ridge.
"He's…he's just a BOY." Pen rolled her eyes. "They don't understand anything." Nice save.
"Ugh. TELL me about it." Slipstream rolled her optics. "Everyday it's the same thing. Earth Football is on tv, they sit on their afts and chug oil nonstop and leave ME to do all the work."
"I KNOW…by the way, you actually don't have much filth…" Pen remarked.
"That's because I'M the only one who takes care of herself around here. The others just let themselves go to the scraps."
"Well, that's because they just don't see the importance of cleanliness as much…among OTHER things." The teenager reflected back to the piles of dirty laundry in Clive's room back home.
"Yeah, I mean…" Slipstream scoffed. "It's like I'm the only COMPETENT one here! I mean, HOW hard is it to THINK about your attack? You ever wonder who has make most of the calls so they can get their scrap together and do something useful during a battle?" She pointed both thumbs at herself.
"Well, it WAS a scientific study that female brains develope and mature faster than male brains. I guess the same holds true for processors."
"Mature?" Slipstream reflected. "That's one word that's definitely NOT in their vocabulary. Last week, do you know what I caught Swindle with?"
"Oh my gawsh…" Pen stopped scrubbing for a sec and leaned in closer. "What was it?" She giggled.
"Some weird anime slag full of all these high-school femmes."
"…no way…" Pen tried to hold in her laughter.
"WAY."
"Oh my GAWD, you're kidding!"
"Seriously! And THEN he tried to tell me they were for a client!" Slipstream burst out laughing.
"Wait! You know Bumblebee, the guy on my team?"
"Yeah, what about that little scrap?"
"Well…" Pen made sure no one was looking and listening. "A few weeks ago, he SAID he was out for a drive around the town…"
"What?" Slipstream leaned in, interested.
"Sari found out he was going to see this Ferari downtown. She was SO ticked."
The girls broke out again in laughter. Keroro seemed to be the only one still cleaning.
"Yeesh…" The keronian mumbled again under his breath. "It's like a salon. Super over-estrogenized crap. There's a woman talking in a language you don't understand-reference Thundercracker- but keeps making conversation with you anyway, a 'makeover' with all cleaning junk, and these jerks are sitting back in a chair while we wait on them hand and foot. The only thing left is to actually-"
"Oh my gawsh, Slipstream!" Pen looked at the femme's hand. "You have GOT to let me do your nails~! I'm a MEAN artist, I can give you some great decal art."
"…and THERE we go, Gero."
"Blitzwing~!" Pen jumped up and glomped the decepticon. "How's my favorite D-con?"
He switched to random mode. "Filthy, sludge-covered, and a very pretty pony~!"
"Alirghty then~! Grab a seat, and we'll begin." Pen got her push broom. "So, any place particularly mucked up?"
"My processor~!"
The two laughed. "Alright, man….SHOOOOO-WEEEE!" She exclaimed. "You sure weren't kidding…" She laughed. "At least I can keep track of where I have and haven't scrubbed better."
"Hey, there ARE upsides to being incredibly filthy!" Blitzwing realized. "Hey, would you sing me a song while the scrubbing goes on?"
"Well, if you'll sing with me~!" Pen thought. "Ah…what's a good one…Here we go!" She snapped. "You know Tutti Frutti?"
"Vunabar!" Blitzwing cleared his vocalizer. "Bebobalubabalabamboo-
I gotta girl named Daisy~!" They sang.
"She almost drives me crazy~!
I gotta girl named Daisy~! She almost drives me crazy.
She knows how to love me, yes indeed~!
Boy, ya don't know what she do to me-"
"I'm a GIRL." Pen cut in.
"And I'm a Blitzwing~!"
The two laughed.
"Dude, you have GOT to join me and my friends for video games next weekend!"
"Ah, vill do…hey, you're an artist, right?"
"Heck YEAH she is." Keroro scrubbed the Decepticon's foot.
"You don't zuppoze you could do zome flame decalz?"
"Fire? More like bunny-rabbit snowmen ON fire."
"…Hold on a click…" Blitzwing paused. "Favorite pony:" He prompted
"Pinky Pie."
"Favorite kind of unconventional sandwich?"
"Cheese and jelly."
"Favorite time?"
"Tea time without actually drinking tea."
The two paused.
"Did we just become best friends?" Pen stood there, incredulous.
"You know vhat zis meanz~!" Blitzwing took the organic's hands in his, then they both threw them up.
"GERMAN SPARKLE PARTY~!"
"Alright, Lockdown, are you ready?" Pen shook a little. Something about this guy was seriously off-putting. Was it the fact he was a ruthless bounty hunter that took anyone dead or alive for a quick buck? Was it the fact he'd killed Yoketron, one of the greatest cyber ninja senseis? Maybe it was the fact that he was the one who'd dragged her here into the Decepticon base full of characters that should either be in the stockade or DEAD.
"Yeah…Hey, be sure to polish the hook when you're done. Also, would you mind retouching this scratch on my face? I like to look good for the lady quarries."
Pen rolled her eyes and got to scrubbing. "You want fries with that?"
"I'd like some fries with that shake." He remarked. She smacked him in the face, only ending up hurting her hand.
"Aw, spoot!" She clutched her righty. "Man, I need this hand to draw with!"
"Should've thoughta that, then." He remarked coolly, getting out a newspaper and started reading it.
"Can we see the funnies when you're done with that, Gero?" Keroro looked over the top of the page at him.
"It's not the Sunday times. This is the bounty roster."
"So…like a bulletin as to who's got what on their head and why?" Pen scrubbed his shoulder. "Can you lift your arm, please?"
"You catch on fast." He grinned.
"Uh…yeah." She continued scrubbing, trying not to look him in the optics.
Keroro hummed his own theme song while he continued with the boots. "…why are you two different shoe sizes, gero?"
"Keroro!" Pen hissed, indicating she did NOT want to go into this discussion. Lockdown, however, wouldn't miss an opportunity to brag.
"Well, if you must know." He started. "You know I'm a top bounty hunter, right?"
"Yes, Pen told me."
"Well, here's the deal. I have to upgrade myself for new quarry so I can STAY the top bounty hunter. I take the best mods from the bots I capture and graft them onto myself." He held up his hook.
"…so why the hook? If you're supposed to be bettering yourself, isn't that a bit counter-intuitive?"
"Oh, would you look at that!" Pen interrupted. "We're low on suds! Keroro, would you mind going and asking for some more soap for the water?"
"Why can't you-"
Her stare indicated it was time for him to shut up and go.
"…I'll get right on that, gero." And so he flopped out of the room.
Lockdown looked over his shoulder at the organic teen now scrubbing his back. "Well, if you wanted to be alone you could've just asked."
"…I'm going to ignore that because I don't want to risk breaking my hand." She glared daggers at him. The Decepticon just laughed.
"I'm just messin' with ya." He chuckled. "I must say, you're one of the feistiest quarries I've ever had."
"Do you really mean that, or are you just flirting?"
"Can't I do both?"
She sighed. "Shut up and read your paper." She scrubbed him hard in the face….gosh, that sounded so weak…
He laughed. "Don't forget the hook and the scratch."
"Swindle~!" Pen shook the decepticon's hand. "You know, we have GOT to stop meeting under these kind of circumstances."
He sat down in the chair. "Pen, one of my best connections! Don't know how I'd get across dimensions for the kind of business you and your acquaintances give me otherwise."
"Oh, stop." She blushed. "So, any specific areas you want me to get? I also do paint job touch-ups and decals."
"OOoooh." The arms dealer thought a bit. "Nah, I'll just go with a regular cleaning. I can't have a specific decal to point me out to the cops."
"Alright." She soaked her push broom/ scrub brush. "So, looks like my small debt on my last shipment of moon pies can be waved?"
"What? Sorry, can't hear you." He turned up the radio station he had playing on his com link.
"…spoothead."
"Am not."
"So you CAN hear me?"
"What?"
…
Pen gritted her teeth and clutched the handle of her broom so tightly her knuckles turned white. Through a twisted half-smile half-grimace, voice desperately trying to put forth the usual enthusiasm and happy crap, she spoke up. "Shockwave...so NICE to see you…"
"yes…quite." He acted as if he hardly noticed the two of them in the room. His voice sounded as if he was saying 'oh, were you talking?' and his eye looked as if he was bored out of his mind.
Pen dropped her broom and rushed him, only to be caught in the back of her shirt by Keroro.
"m…maybe I should do the greeting, gero."
Pen stopped, took a deep breath, and counted to ten. "Ok…no, I'm fine…I can do this…So~!" She turned once again to Shockwave. Her voice said sunshine and lollipops, but her twitching eyes said 'I'm gonna tear your face off.' "What can I do for you? Problem areas? Paint jobs touch-ups, paint decals?" Gosh…look at her FACE. This is the scariest she's ever been…thinking back to it, I'd never seen myself like this before…
"Just make sure to watch the prongs." He pointed at his antlers. Pen made a mental note to scratch and ding those things as much as humanly possible.
"…this isn't going to end well, gero…" Keroro got to scrubbing.
Pen wiped the sweat from her brow. "Well, that took a bit longer than expected, but it looks like everyone's finally clean~!" She put her broom back into the basin of soapy water and dusted off her hands, now covered in calluses. "The double-wax did wonders too. Y'all look great, if I do say so myself."
Truth be told, they did. For one thing, you could actually see what color their paint jobs was supposed to be. For two, the dim light bounced off of them and made it a whole lot brighter in the mines.
"I personally like the new flames~!" Blitzwing showed them all his new 'tattoo.' It was on his upper arms, and when he transformed it would be either on the sides of his tank form or the wings of his jet form.
"I must say…" Lockdown studied his hook. "Not one nick or scrape or anything. You did a good job, little missy." He eyed her cheekily.
Shockwave sat in the corner, reading the paper-more so hiding his face. "…you lot don't WANT to see it…"
Megatron eyed his men -and Slipstream- and was actually quite pleased. Apart from Shockwave, she and her little green friend had done an excellent job quickly and efficiently. The day was starting to wear into the evening, and he was –frankly- tired of smelling his OWN offensive odors.
"You! Human!" he boomed.
Pen didn't turn around to look at the warlord. She didn't even flinch. "NOT MY NAME~!" She sang, scratching her nose. "Address me properly, please."
"Get your bumper over here and get you and your idiotic friend with your cleaning supplies and maybe I won't destroy you." He sang in return. "How was THAT for addressing you, insect?"
Pen shook her head and sighed. "I suppose we'll work on that." She turned and got her broom. "Alright, get your bumper into the chair so we can clean, I guess."
Megatron's patience was wearing incredibly thin with this organic. She never addressed him with even the LEAST bit of respect, let alone showing the slightest amount of fear. Worst of all, he hated how she made him look in front of his mechs. As he was walking, leading her and the Keronian on the leashes back to the room, he could hear them all trying desperately to repress their laughter. Of all the organics on this miserable planet, this one teenager was the one he wanted to waste the most.
"Alright, Megatron-"
"LORD Megatron." He corrected her.
"Out of your GOURD(if you think I'm going to call you that) Megatron." She began again. "So, anywhere you need me to get specifically? I can also give you a pretty mean decal on your canon…OH! Some purple flame that gradually transformed into a dragon's head would look KILLER on you…"
"Just…clean…the armor…" He glared daggers at her, signally her to shut up. Naturally, Pen failed to take the hint.
"Man, what is WRONG with you." She started scrubbing. "I mean, you're always so death and despair and skulls and killy and junk. Lighten up, losen up, man. Oh, lift your arm, please. Anyway, why do you have to be so uptight? I mean, you're not a freedom fighter at all, you're a friggin' gloom and doom dictator."
"You know nothing of our glorious cause."
"I know enough. Now, y'all have your own right to break away from the Cybertronian government if you don't agree with it and form your OWN government, but that DOESN'T excuse cold-blooded killings and just plain evil. I mean, is this even ABOUT politics?"
"What do YOU understand about politics, young femme?"
"…ok, sexism aside, I'm just sayin'." She continued scrubbing. "It just seems a little…you know…what's the word?...ah, I'll think of it later. Seriously, though, man. What's the problem?"
"Will you SHUT UP! WORTHLESS piece of organic scrap…"
"…is there something you want to talk about?"
"Shut up."
"No, seriously, I'm askin' this." The organic continued. "Sometimes someone to talk to is all ya need."
"SHUT UP. For Primus sake, SHUT UP!"
"The doc is in~!" She sang. Just when the great, evil Decepticon leader seemed he was ready to blow every single fuse he had….
"…when I was 16 I had braces…"
"Good!" Pen patted him on the shoulder. "Just let it ALL out. You're in good hands."
The Decepticons just shot crap in the main room. Reala sat on the arm of Megatron's colossal throne, waiting for it to be over.
He sighed. He seriously hoped Pen didn't annoy the warlord TOO much. After all, if they were to win the race, he was to win her. That wouldn't have much of a point if she ended up a greasy scorch mark on the ground. Once again he thought to the girl's gothic phase, which had lead into a villainess phase which had eventually lead to HIM. Ah, memories. A shame she had to be Christian…but honestly it made her all the better to him. He couldn't wait to collect his prize after the events FINALLY were over with and 'slag' that idiot Megatron and ALL of those Autobots.
Loud, booming footfalls came from down the tunnel, shaking him from his thoughts. Pen's own footfalls spooked him-being a Nightmaren and therefore living in a realm where people's feel didn't HAVE to touch the ground, but these giant robots just irritated him to no end. Sutpid 'LORD.' He was a PRINCE, thank you very much.
The warlord said nothing. He just…stared, blankly, as if he wasn't looking at anything…just…himself, at a distance. He held the leashes of the organics out, to no one in particular, not saying anything. The Decepticons fell silent.
"Well, how did I do with the cleaning?" She said, not getting the tension in the air. "I even got that dent out in his kneecap, and retouched that nasty scratch on his left butt cheek~!"
The all turned their gaze from Megatron and stared at her….um, yeah. Ya just made it MORE awkward. But, in truth, she was just diverting the attention from the Warlord. She didn't like evil guys, but she wasn't heartless and she could tell he needed some time and some space.
Swindle took the leashes and lead the organics back to the holding block.
The organic looked over her shoulder to make sure nobody else was in the room.
"Hey, Swindle?"
"Hm?"
"How'd you like a 'salad' with thousand-island dressing?"
"Eh, no thanks."
"Make that TWO thousand-island dressing?"
"…getting warmer."
"ok, I'll double that. Just get me outta here!"
"4 thousand-island?...make it 5 thousand and you've got a deal. What do you need?"
"I need an escape, if you didn't pick that up!" She whispered.
"Aw, and just when we were all getting so comfortable with eachother…honestly, I've never seen any organic have a different effect than repulsion with these guys…"
"Joking aside, how do you think we can bust me and my friends out of here!"
"Well, I could always just hide you inside in SUV mode, and say I'm going to meet a client. They wouldn't suspect a thing."
"Until they look in my cell while you're out and see that me and my friends aren't there, and put two and two together. I already did that to Skywarp, and I don't want to do it again."
"Alright…I could always sell you this new number I got:" he looked into his storage unit and pulled out what looked like a rifle.
"…ok, what does it do, gero?" Keroro asked, studying the weapon. Even Skywarp was leaning in, getting interested.
"This, my dear frog, has a long, science-babbly name and description that none of you will understand or care to try and remember. Basically, you fire it, and it blasts a hole into whatever's in your way."
"How far?" Pen asked, remembering the walls were a mile thick of dirt and rock.
"It can burn through about 300 feet of matter in one shot." He winked. "That should put a sizable dent in what you need to do."
Skywarp did the math quickly. "…you'd have to fire about 18 times. How many shots does it have?"
"This baby can hold about 30 before needing a reload. I just reloaded it this morning. I had a feeling you'd be ready to make a business proposition like this…however, I'm afraid the hole isn't that big…"
"What do you mean?"
"It was meant to waste bots, not clear paths." Swindle clarified. The hole it blasts would be big enough for you and the frog no sweat…but Skywarp here is up a creek."
Pen looked over her shoulder at her new friend. "I…I can't do that to you…"
"Yes, you can." Skywarp gulped. "I…I-I'll be fine. Y…you just get out. You don't belong here."
"I haven't been here that long, but I can tell YOU don't either!"
"j…just go! You won't get another opportunity like this!" He snapped.
The teenager stared into his optics. "…I'll come back for you. I promise." She turned back to Swindle. "I'll pay you full price when I can contact you again, and I'll mortgage part of Glow Forest if I have to to pay off the rest of my debts to you."
"It's a deal." They shook on it. "If anyone catches you, I had no part in this."
"I found it on the floor in the tunnel randomly." She nodded. "Got it."
The Decepticon lead her back into her cell and shut the shock wall behind her.
Pen took one long, last look at her Decepticon friend, took Keroro by the hand and cocked the rifle…blasty…thingy…
Then, she aimed for the back wall and open fired.
The alarm went off in the main room.
"ALERT. ALERT. PERIMETER BREACH. PEREMITER BREACH!" The voice repeated.
"Are we being attacked!" Slipstream jumped to action.
"Those SLAGGING Autobots found us!" Rage Blitzwing also sprang into action.
Shockwave checked the monitors. "No, it's not THAT. The breach isn't coming in, it's going out!"
"What!" Megatron stomped over to the monitors. "What's happening?"
Then he saw the surveillance video of the holding block.
Swindle came in the room at that moment. "What's going on? I heard the alarm."
"The prisoner's escaping, THAT'S what's going on!" Slipstream cursed herself for trusting the organic, then ran for the holding block with the others.
Pen had blasted twice through the walls already. She spent most of the time running, the blaring alarm pumping adrenaline through her veins. The only time she stopped was to blast again, and she waited until the very end to save shots.
Now was the third. If she and Keroro could just get out of there alive, they may be able to hide in the forest and make it back to the city by morning. She was so glad that the hole was too small for the undesirable Decepticons, but she was worried at the same time since they could STILL fire their cannons through there, and Reala was DEFINITELY able to fly right through and reach her in no time. Also, who KNOWS what they might do to Skywarp.
Keroro kept tripping, his shorter, stubbier legs not being able to keep up with her longer strides. She stopped for a sec and hefted him onto her back. He wasn't that heavy at all, only being a little over a foot tall.
They could no longer hear the alarm and the shouting, they were getting so far away. She fired the fourth blast, and kept running, not wanting to risk stopping for ANY reason. They were a four point fifth of the way there, so they knew they'd better make some serious tracks. The adrenaline was starting to wear off as she reached her fifth blast, though. By the 9th, she was running on near-empty. She came to a halt, finally, and collapsed. She couldn't believe she'd run all that distance. She was a TERRIBLE runner(and not the kind of body for running anyway, either.)
"Are…are you ok, Gero?" Keroro nudged his human friend.
Pen, panting, still feeling the hurt, struggled to get up and kept on going in a staggering walk, blasting as she slowly reached the tenth wall.
"I'm…" She panted. "tipping the halfway point…we can…make it…" She kept on walking.
A red and black flash shot out in front of them.
Reala was right on top of them. He knocked Keroro to the floor and grabbed Pen in a flash around her waist and clamped a hand over her mouth.
"Well, out for a little night air, are we?"
Her eyes burned like an animals. She grabbed onto the arm over her mouth and wrestled with him, the other hand lifted the blaster, shoving the barrel into his face. With an energy blast, it was also knocked from her hand. She struggled with him, and another, more concentrated blast knocked her out.
Keroro jumped at the Nightmaren, only to be blasted himself and knocked unconscious.
Smiling, icy blue eyes glowing like a demon's, Reala grabbed both of the unconscious forms by the arms and took off back into the direction they'd just come.
Pen woke up to red glittery crap in her face. She was bound at the wrists with both hands behind her back and her ankles together. When she looked, Keroro and Skywarp were bound in similar fashion. Skywarp just had chains instead of rope(stronger hold for a stronger life form.)
Megatron barked at the Decepticon. "YOU IMCOMPETENT FOOL! Even when she's RIGHT THERE you can't stop her! WHY didn't you even call for US to stop her at the very least?"
"m-master, I'm sorry, please, I-"
"You've grown SOFTER than I thought possible for YOU! SLAG, you HELPED her! You wouldn't move out of the SLAGGING WAY!" He boomed, then he saw Pen's stirring out of the corner of his optic.
"Ah, and so the little princess finally wakes up." He spat. "Enjoy our little excursion!"
"Yeah. You should come with sometimes." She retorted. "Then again, you don't need the exercise. Your femme hips are nicely toned enough." (author's note: if you've seen G1 Megatron walking, you'll know what I mean XD dude's hips don't lie)
He turned red as the Decepticons behind him laughed. It was the first time they weren't looking at Pen with pity since she just woke up. Now it was like 'and THAT is one slagging idiot, and THAT's why I'm likin' her.'
"You….you…I have BETTER matters to deal with right now than YOU." He spat. "My team needs to get ready for the race…and our only COMPETENT member REALA here needs to get ready for when he takes YOU home." He smiled. "I hope you enjoy the new arrangements, annoying pest."
"If I'm so annoying, why don't you do the smart thing and just bound my mouth?" She recalled Lockdown's 'escorting' her here.
"I want to hear you scream out in agony as you fester here."
"Don't hold your breath. You should have caught on by now, I'm not afraid of you. The friggin' CARE BEARS are scarier than you."
He slapped her, which -the size difference being what it was- ended up knocking her across the cell and hitting the wall, bouncing off it and hitting the floor. If Skywarp wasn't already close to tears, he was really welling up now. The oil leaks made it hard for him to see, and he wasn't sure he could watch anyway as the only being who'd shown ANY kindness to him was brutally tossed around like a rag doll and all HE could do was sit there and watch. Not making a stand for himself. Not even making a stand for HER. "I'll have Shockwave deal a suitable punishment for you all tomorrow."
Pen, herself, looked up into Reala's eyes as all the robots left.
"You…"
He laughed. "Sorry, my dear. I can't have you running away. It's a shame you have to keep getting yourself damaged like this. Don't you want to look good for our wedding?"
"Ok…one: you already tried that in Poof Chronicles 1, it DIDN'T work. Two: do you ENJOY seeing me suffer!"
He paused, taken aback by her question.
"Do you get your kicks out of me being miserable?"
Still no answer.
"If so…you don't really care about me. Don't even PRETEND that you ever did. You only ever cared about yourself."
The Nightmaren growled at her and stormed out in a huff.
All was silent. Skywarp and Keroro looked over to where Pen was laying in the dirt. With a blank expression, she turned herself so that she was facing the wall, and lay still.
Keroro turned himself to the other wall in similar fashion. Skywarp turned to face the fall and leaned forward, head resting against it. "P-Pen?"
"Yeah, Skywarp?"
"A….a-aren't you scared?"
"…no. I'm not afraid of that overgrown tuna can." She snapped.
"I…I wish I could be brave like you….I…I'm sorry I couldn't hold them off longer… Reala dashed right past me…"
"You did that….for me?" She tried to look over her shoulder at him.
"And…I-I'm sorry for not standing up for you back there….when…h-he…he HIT you…"
The human smiled. "You did your best, Skywarp."
"That's just it! I DIDN'T do my best! I-I…I'm a weakling…a gutless coward…"
"That's not true." She said. "That's not what I see, at least."
The paused, Keroro already fallen asleep.
"P-p-pen?"
"Yeah, Skywarp?"
"I really AM scared…d-do you organics have any way to calm down before going into recharge?"
"Well…sometimes we listen to music-younger ones having their mothers sing to them…and there are bedtime stories."
"I…I think I'd like to hear a story."
Pen layed back down, thinking of the ones she knew. "How's 'The Frog Prince' sound to you?"
"Fine…i-it sounds…nice."
She began. "Ok, so you've got to give me some artistic liscence here…
Once upon a time, there was a regal prince. He lived lavishly, surrounded by luxury. There was only one thing missing from his life. He had nobody to love. No friends, just servants. Nobody every approached him. He was a pathetic man and nobody ever looked at him without laughing.
He became so desperate he saught out the help of a powerful witch. She had nothing to help him, though, but a few words of advice. She said "You don't MAKE friends, friends just happen. They can come at any time from the most unexpected places, under the strangest of circumstances." The Prince was outraged. He had no idea what to make of her ramblings.
So, the witch became furious with him. She cursed him, turning into a frog. Only a kiss from a Princess could break the spell, and she tossed him out of the window.
Many years passed. The Prince was even more disheartened. What kind of Princess could bring herself to stoop and kiss a slimy, sickly little frog?
One day, a ramshackle coach stopped by the pond. The horses and the people inside were in need of water. At that moment, who should the frog see step out but a lovely princess. He could tell she was not from a wealthy country, dressed in rags, and only her golden heart giving her away.
The princess stooped down on the water's edge to drink, when the frog prince hopped over to the lilly pad closest to her, and croaked loudly for her to hear. The princess was startled at first, but she smiled, and picked up he little creature, warts and all. "Well, aren't you the cutest thing I've ever seen?" she said.
Now was his chance. "Oh, please, kind maiden! Please, kiss me and break the witch's horrid spell!" he pleaded with her. "I'll give your kingdom handsome wealth and make sure you never have to wear such rags or travel so cheaply!"
The princess was taken aback for a moment. But, nevertheless, she took pity for him. "You poor, poor man. Of course I'll break the spell for you. Free of charge."
"You want nothing in return?" He asked, puzzled.
"No." She smiled. "I just want to help a friend in need." And so, she leaned forward, puckered, and kissed that slimy little frog.
Then, the marvelous thing happened. The spell was broken, and the Prince stood before her. He knelt down, taking the Princess's hand and thanking her a thousand times for her kindness and selflessness. He insisted that she marry him, and that her and her family live with him comfortably for the rest of their days.
And so, his greatest friend HAD come at the strangest time in the strangest place, and under the strangest circumstances. The Prince and the Princess lived happily ever after, and all was well. The…end…" Pen yawned and dozed off.
Skywarp stared at the ceiling. After a while, he used his finger to etch the image of a frog into the dirt wall. It was hard to draw from memory, considering he'd only seen a frog once before. The Decepticon looked over at the sleeping organic. He got himself closer to her, shielding her from the terrible draft in the mines. Soon, he too fell asleep, forgetting the danger awaiting him in the morning.
TO BE CONTINUED
END CHAPTER 8
Crap just got real.