Title: Hear Me Weep
Author: gddg3696
Disclaimer: I own nothing Switched at Birth
AN: I want everyone to know, that I only read or write well written, well plotted stories. I hate when people write just what they wish would happen, disregarding what the actual characters and situations might actually do and turn out. For all you Demmet fans, you're welcome, but I'm sorry. And to all you Bemmet fans, sorry, but hang in there. Also, I know you think it doesn't help, but reviews actually really inspire me to continue writing, so send me one? Even if you hate it, I'd like to know how to improve. Thanks readers!
"Alright, Emmett, I'm coming over." I texted Emmett. I had practice in an hour, but it was on the way anyway. I asked him what was wrong last week before he jetted off for lunch, and he said he was upset about his parents divorce. That he really didn't want to talk to anyone. I could respect that.
But it has been a long while, and I really wanted him to feel better, to talk to him.
"No, I'm going to come over, okay?" I smiled a little. It's felt like an eternity since I've talked to this boy.
"Alright, perfect. See you soon!".
I was nothing but grateful after John and I had talked with Regina. The only thing we all wanted at this point was to move on. The lost time with Daphne was now being made up.
At first it was difficult. Imagining myself in her position. Surely I would have tried to find my biological daughter and get in touch with her, but I knew I couldn't have it both ways. I've loved Bay her whole life. And as much as I love Daphne, how could I claim her?
Does blood give one the immediate jumpstart to the heart? You must include them in your family, love and cherish them? Is Daphne my own daughter more than Bay? Is Daphne really my own daughter at all?
I knew the answer. The answer was, Bay was my daughter, and Daphne was my daughter by blood. I didn't raise her, but I did want to get to know her. I wanted her. I wanted both of them. But I couldn't have both of them, could I? If I was reserving the rights to Daphne, then Regina was easily reserving the rights to Bay. At three years old, my little daughter, finger painting on the walls, almost all her teeth grown in, screaming random words just to erupt in a fit of giggles.
Had Regina shown up on my doorstep, Daphne in tow, and demanded I handed over Bay for Daphne, I would have slammed the door in her face and hidden Bay with me under the covers in my bed. "Like a cave, mom?" Bay had asked me when Toby hid under during a game of hide and sneak.
John and I had spent this entire time, these last few months, trying to cram in 16 years of bonding time with Daphne. The more I thought about it, the more I felt as if Bay was being neglected. It's not as if we don't love her as much as we always have. I figured, however, that Bay's biological parents would bathe Bay in undivided attention as well. Since day one, all Regina had done to Bay, was lie.
I understood what Regina had decided for us all 13 years ago. But that didn't mean I liked it.
"Kathryn!" John yelled from his office upstairs. "I'm on the office line, but the home phone is ringing, could you-"
"I've got it!" I yelled. "Hello?" There's nothing but a little static. "Hello? You can talk." I sigh. Probably one of Toby's friends trying to…
"Hello?" But it's much deeper, the voice. Very Baritone and full.
"May I help you?"
"Yes, I was wondering if… Bay Kennish, was there?"
Bay was actually out in her garage. But I was curious as to who was trying to reach her. Anyone she directly knew contacted her through her cellphone, unless it was school, or…
Or reporters. The media circus had died down drastically since the benefit and the article, but the hospital now knew Regina had a genetics test years ago and didn't take any action. So all the bad publicity we were causing them, mudslinging a hospital's reputation, they could now redirect towards Regina. My daughter's biological mother.
"No, she's not home right now, can I take a message, Mr.…?" I wait for him to hang up on me or come clean.
"No name, ma'am. Thank you for your time."
This could be a death trap, actually. I had barely seen either girl in weeks and was about to face them at the same time on their own turf.
But I'd had worse odds. Again and again, I'd repeated what Bay'd signed to me in my room and again and again I carefully rethought my choices. I was with Bay first. I had to pick her right?
But I wasn't really with her first, was I? Technically, I'd been 'with' Daphne since we were children. And as much as I wanted to disregard everything Bay had said to me, the truth was, it did make a difference. It did matter. I really like Bay. But I've loved Daphne my whole life.
Granted, I wasn't sure if it was a romantic kind of love. But I had to find out. I had to, before I pursued anything with Bay any further.
Daphne was already outside when I arrived.
"Hey, I signed. "Sorry I've been so… distant lately."
"No, I understand. What's going on with your parents is tough." I took a deep breath. Making up an excuse like that to earn sympathy points so she'd leave me alone was weak.
"Daphne, I'm sorry, but I lied to you." Daphne frowns. "I wasn't… avoiding you because of my parents. I was avoiding you because I was thinking a lot about something Bay told me. Something about you… and me." Daphne suddenly blushes, and it's very lovely.
"Is this about me… liking you?" I put a hand on her shoulder.
"Yeah. Bay told me that you told her, and Daphne, the truth is, our whole childhood together, everyone knew I had a crush on you. I followed you around like a lovesick puppy" We both laughed at this. "But you never looked at me the same way, more as a brother, and so I started to, burry it, hide it, anything to get over it. Especially when you started dating." Daphne shakes her head at the memories of Liam, and Wilke. "And I mostly had it suffocated, the feelings for you."
"Oh." She says. I grab her hands.
"But there's still a little there. We can try things out. Start out slowly. You're my best friend, Daphne, and if this doesn't work out, I wouldn't want to lose our friendship."
"Why wouldn't it work out?" she whispers as she signs. I quickly glance at Bay's garage, and shake my head.
"For whatever reason. Either way, I want to just… try things out. We don't have to tell our families, we can just try to be together, and if things are going great, and we're happy in a few weeks, we can celebrate, and tell everyone. But if not, then our friendship isn't ruined, and we can always be here for each other, just in a different way." Daphne steps back, as if to study me.
"Wow Emmett. I'm really impressed, that's so mature of you." We laugh, and it feels very, very familiar. "It's a good idea Emmett. We'll start out slow, and if it works out, great. If not, I'll always be your best friend."
"Perfect." I sign. And I stare at her lips, lips I've always had an excuse to look at because of her mouthing words, but in reality, lips I've always stared at wondering if they felt as soft as they looked.
I'd always been pretty good at the arts of deception. Maybe it's an inherited trait from my mother. But the lies were flowing so easily, effortlessly it was scary. It was like I almost believed them myself.
"Sweetie, we're going out for dinner, are you ready?"
"No, mom, I'm not feeling up to it." Seeing my tearstained face, she would ask.
"What's wrong, Bay?"
"Nothing mom, just upset about Regina."
Or Ty. Or school. I had a million reasons to be upset, a million lies.
But none of them rang true. They were out often, my family, my parents out handling legal things after the reveal of Regina's façade, and Toby with Wilke about a new gig. Regina, even, was often at work, or trying to talk to me. I couldn't talk to anyone.
I could, actually, talk to one person. But he hadn't tried to reach out to me in the last week. Hadn't sent so much as a text. I made my feelings clear. And in his unresponsive behaviour, he made his, as well. He hadn't talked to Daphne, though. I knew because just yesterday, at dinner, she asked me if I knew what was up with Emmett. Maybe it's possible that…
"Don't set your self up for disappointment, I whispered to myself. "If he were to choose you, and not Daphne, you would have heard of him by now."
And as if fate had heard me whisper, a motorcycle revved outside.
I quickly start running around as fast as I can, taking off my apron, dusting off my clothes. I tie up my hair as pretty as I can manage and wipe the paint off my face. I take a deep breath, and step out of the garage.
It's a little funny, actually. If I wasn't deaf- and I'm sure I wasn't- then I should have been able to hear my heart shatter.
But it was quiet, the breaking. Which felt a little worse. I was nauseous, watching Emmett kiss Daphne. Oh, no, they hadn't seen me, or heard me, obviously. So I just watched silently, as they kept making out in my driveway.
Is that how it looked like, when I kissed him? Is this how Daphne felt, when I told her to end it with Liam? Am I ever going to be able to feel my legs again and move back inside? They start to pull away, and I turn around just in time to slam the door and lock it.
I lay down on the couch. I take a deep breath. And then I cry. I sob, and wail like a little child, because I know that no matter how loud I am, I can't taint their happiness. They can't hear me weep.
"I obviously can't call him… I contemplate to myself. "I could always drop by?" Oh don't kid yourself, Toby. I can sign maybe two things, one of them my name, and I don't have the balls to turn up at his door. I hadn't seen the guy since the party, and he normally stopped by at least once a day, every other day. To drop off Daphne, or Bay. Both of them had cars now.
But they were all friends so he should have turned up. There are 5 and a half weeks until the Saks gig, and Wilke was getting antsy. While I'm waiting, (delaying) I might as well hang up the last 37 posters I had left.
I got in my car to see a motorbike square in the middle of the driveway. Well isn't that convenience at its best. I stroll towards the bike and put the flyers in my sack when I see Emmett strutting out of the guesthouse.
"Hey!" I wave, and mouth. Emmett nods at me. "Look, Emmett… I want you to know, I'm really… sorry," I sign, "for how I was really judgemental towards you, and your culture. I was condescending. I think it's a Kennish thing." I joke. Emmett signs a bunch of things, but I don't understand a thing. Then he rubs his fingers to his thumb like counting bills, like money.
"Or a rich thing, yeah." I laugh some more. "And then during the poker thing... Well we all know that turned out into a catastrophe" He only raises and lowers his shoulder. "You've been an awesome friend to both my sisters," for some reason he cringes at this, "and you really helped me and Wilke," major cringe at Wilke. It doesn't make what I have to ask from him next very easy. "during the performance at the benefit." Emmett nods and offers me his hand. I take it, but continue.
"You helped us out so much, that Rick Saks, the boss of the East West Festival in St. Louis, hired us for a 15 minute slot." Emmett slides his hand back and gives me a knowing, 'I knew there was a catch' look.
"I understand I haven't been as understanding and mature as I could have been, alright dude? I get it. And I totally get that you're one to stick with your pride." Emmett nodded and crossed his arms. He hadn't hopped on the bike yet, so…
"So I told Wilke that the only way I'm asking you to do this," Here goes nothing. Hit or miss… "is if you stay on the band permanently."
"Really? Not at all? Not even a bit?" I motioned quickly for the girls to run 12 laps as they started leaking out from the girls' change room. John turns to me.
"Well, why should it? You- not just you, but the entire deaf community- is always talking about equality. About how we're not better than you. And it's true, we're not. But if we're all equal, then what's the issue with deaf/hearing relationships. Daphne interacts great with me and Kathryn, Toby and Bay. Regina, as well, of course. No problem." I smiled as he signed, and corrected his 'problem' motion. He smiled gratefully, but prattled on as Kennishes do.
"And sure, Daphne and Liam didn't work out. But that was mostly because he was Bay's ex boyfriend, not because of the actual deaf/hearing relationship." I shake my head.
"It complicates things! Being deaf, it's different than being hearing. You don't understand the way we perceive things." He narrows his eyes at me.
"Blind people perceive the world differently. Paralyzed people from the waist-down perceive the world differently. Me and Kathryn even perceive the world differently, but that doesn't mean that we can't work." He calls the girls in, and I don't know what else to say.
"Why didn't you ask me before offering that!" I can practically hear Toby rolling his eyes as he scoffs.
"You didn't ask me before accepting the offer with Saks."
"That's because I thought for sure you'd say yes!" I argue.
"Well so did I. You said so yourself that you like Emmett." I go over to my laptop and start working out the numbers, finances in my head with another member to the band.
"We needed a drummer. Clark's out, auditions would take forever, and Emmett's better than anyone else we've ever had."
"Yeah, I get all that Toby, but how would we practice? Teach him our music?" I shake my head.
"We did a spontaneous, last-minute show, Wilke, come on, don't you think you can handle it?" I straighten my back.
"It's not about me. What about him! Look, as much as I think he's all that and a bag of chips, the guy kind of… well he kind of caught me making out with your sister…" I was very glad actually, that I was informing Toby of this over the phone. I was debating whether to bring it to his attention at all, but, desperate times and all that.
"You made out with Bay?" I immediately opened my mouth to tell him otherwise, but first swiftly weighed the pros and cons of choosing which sister would cause the least damage. Then I remembered how lying turned out for me last time with the tests.
"No, Daphne." I said. Toby sighs, and I can tell he's less upset. But not by much. "Toby? You there?"
"Look, Wilke. I get that you've got some unresolved issues with Emmett, but he's already said yes." I groan. "Don't worry, though, Wilke," Toby says, all chipper. "it's nothing personal. Just show business. How badly do you want it?" Dial tone.
"Try play number 4 again." I sign, as the girls go ahead. Melody turns to me, and signs a bunch. All I understand is practice.
"I've been practicing, yeah." She smiles.
"That doesn't change things. Even if you learn sign language, you can never really…" I scoff
"What, understand? You'd so confident about your point of view on this, but the truth is, you're a hypocrite." Melody raises her eyebrows at me, hands on her hips. "Your best friend is Regina! You get along great. And she is hearing. You coach with me! And I sign worse than anyone!" She looks floored as she hesitates to defend herself.
"That's different!" I shake my head.
"It's not that different. Relationships are hard. There are obstacles. But the point of being a couple is… is… to be able to face them together."
"They would never understand, the will never be able to see things the same." I mouth quickly before the girls approach, signing what I can to prove my point.
"Everyone has a different prescription. Doesn't mean we have to share glasses."
Deep breaths. You can do this. I knock on the door. I hear shuffling from the other side and a dry voice, "Come in." I open the door and am greeted with my daughter's back. Bay then turns to me, and even though she sounds tired, her voice is icy sharp.
"Never mind. You obviously know where the door is, see you in never." I sigh.
"Bay, look, I was wondering if we could talk…" She continues to paint, as if I'm not even worth looking at.
"Okay, let's talk about how you chose Daphne over me." Her voice is too calme, serene.
"Let's talk about how you stalked me, followed me and still didn't want me". Bay moves so quickly, fluidly it's like one big motion. Bay chucks something beside her. The next thing I know, the jar of water she had next to her easel is shattered against the far wall of the room. I gasp. Her voice crescendos.
"Let's talk, about how you knew me, you knew where I was, that I was with a family that I didn't belong in, and you left me there anyway." Bay picks up a stack of paintbrushes and chucks them in the sink.
"Let's talk about how you deprived me of a father. He knew Daphne wasn't his, and you didn't want him to know about me, too?" She's speaking so fast, moving so fast forward that I'm barely processing what's happening. I can only stand and watch.
"Let's talk. About how my whole life, I felt like I didn't belong. But I didn't know why, and I thought it was my fault." I walk over to her, and somehow find my voice.
"Bay, you love your family, you lived here, I wanted what was best for you, with Kathryn and John. They were your parents by then. Do you really wish I'd ripped you away from them?" Bay snaps out from whatever thinking she was in and kicks the table over.
"The money. The education. The clothes, the paintbrushes, the food and the cars, I would have traded it, given it all back without a single tear just to know and believe that you loved and wanted me." I was sobbing harder than Bay at this point. I uselessly tried to defend myself.
"Of course I love you Bay! I've always loved you! All 9 months, and all 13 years I've known you, I loved you." She shakes her head. It's not enough. I know it's not enough, but it's all I have.
"When we first arranged this… My parents were so excited. Desperate to get a chance to connect with Daphne. To get to know her. They're suing a hospital, for causing them to lose time with their precious daughter. And you… you knew where I was, you saw me from afar, and you still didn't want me! Not enough to talk to my parents! Even now, you couldn't even… pretend to want to care about me! To pretend to be sad about missing out on my life!" Bay's body wracks with sobs, and she lies defeated on the floor.
"My parents don't say it. But I can tell the way they light up when they see Daphne. She's their own flesh and blood." She shakes her head, and all I can do is stand and weep for my beautiful, lost, broken daughter. "And every time they see, I can tell they remember she's their daughter, not me. I'm not theirs. I'm yours." The way she says yours reminds me of the taste of a straight shot of tequila. Burning, dry, heated. "A mother's love is supposed to unconditional. But my mom's not my mom. I feel like everyday I'm competing with Daphne, everyday, I have to try and earn my family's love. Because the second they realize Daphne is a much better trade in than me I'd be living in my car."
"Bay…" I say quietly. But she doesn't say anything. "Bay, I know it's not enough, but I love you. I loved you, even when you were young, but I loved Daphne, too. You know your parents love you Bay. You don't have to earn love from me, or John, or Kathryn or Toby. We are your family." I approach her and put a hand on her shoulder.
"I loved you so much Bay, that I didn't want to take you away from your family." She turns slowly to me.
"And now? How come now you didn't want to get to know me? My parents showered Daphne with attention. And all you did was give her more of the spotlight too."
"I… didn't want them to take Daphne away. Just like your parents didn't want me to take you." Bay's phone chimes, and it's as if a spell's broken. We're done talking.
"I hate you."
Blue Suitcase… Red Dog Carrier… Black Suitcase… Black Suitcase… Blue Purse… Green Duffel. There. "Excuse me, sir." I bump through a couple people to reach for it. "Ah, there we go." Now that I look back on it, I really didn't need half this stuff. They mostly supply you everything you need. Clothing, food, toiletries. Anything else, you don't really need.
I knew my parents were working. Who could I call? I smile, and flip open the small journal I'd taken with me. (619)-283-1774. I walk towards the nearest payphone and dial. It's been 6 rings, I'm about to hang up, when-
"Hello?" She sounds as if she's sick. Perfect excuse to see her, right?
"Is this Bay?" She sniffles.
"Yeah, unfortunately."
"Hey. It's Ty."
AN: Keep reading, because trust me, I know what I'm doing ;) SHOOT me a review! Thoughts, predictions, criticism, praise, I read it all! Hope I'm taking this in the right direction for all of yous! I know I'm making Bay intense, maybe a little OOC. But I'll try to fix it in the next chapter? I'll try to upload it by tomorrow, but no promises.