For this idea, I give full credit to iTorchic, who inspired me with her fiction '333 and More Way to Get Kicked Out of HQ'. This is the number/way that inspired me to enhance and extend on it.
"452. Change a serious moment into a completely random one
When discussing the Ishbal war, it somehow led to there being an over-the-top musical moment of 'Everyone's a Little bit Racist' including Ling and Scar who happened to walk by at the most opportune moment."
And thus... this was born. :D
Here's a link (Well... kinda...) to her story! .net/s/5762238/1/333_and_More_Ways_to_Get_Kicked_Out_of_HQ - Just paste this up top and read away! It's AMAZING and HILARIOUS!
Disclaimers- I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist, the song, 'Everyone's a Little Bit Racist', or even this idea... I own nothing
Thanks!
~Hawky
It was a fine morning at the office...
You know, before the usual happens.
Edward sat on Roy's couch, watching him do paperwork. He had been at it for a few hours, when a question poped into his head.
"Hey, Colonel, can I ask you a question?
Roy looked up from his work for a second, before returning to it, "Sure."
Ed hesitated for a heartbeat before, "Well, you know General Feril upstairs?"
Not looking up, Roy replied, "Uh huh..."
'Well, he's Xingense... And you look Xingense..."
"...Right..?"
"You're both Xingense looking."
"Yeah."
"Well, are you two related?"
Roy sputttered and glared at his suborbinate, "What! Fullmetal, I'm surpirsed at you! I find that racist!"
Ed had no idea where this was going..." Well, I'm sorry! I was just asking..!"
"Well! It's a touchy subject. No, not all Xingense looking people are related! What are you trying to say, huh? That we all look that same to you? Huh, huh, HUH?" Roy held up two fingers for emphasis.
'Holy shit! I never knew he was so fricking touchy!' " No! Not at all!" Ed replied, not wanting to get singed. What came out his mouth next surpirsed even him, "Well, I'm sorry, I guess that was a little bit racist."
Roy huffed and sat back in his chair, "I should say so. You should be much more careful when taking about the sensitve subject of race, Fullmetal."
Ed was suddenly irritated with this entire situation, "Well look who's talking!"
Roy narrowed his eyes at the younger, "What do you mean...?"
"What about that Xingense school you told me about?"
"What about it?"
"Well, could someone like me go there?"
"No, we don't want people like you-"
Ed broke out cackling when he made his point, "You see?"
And then... they broke out into SONG...
Ed stood from the couch, pointing at Roy, "You're a little bit racist."
Roy stood and pointed as well, "Well, you're a little bit too!"
"I guess we're both a little bit racist!" Ed sung while shrugging.
"Admitting it is not an easy thing to do!"
"But I guess it's true!"
"Between me and you, I think-!"
Then they harmonized...
"Everone's a little bit racist, sometimes!" They stood back to back, singing, and quite well I might add. " Doesn't mean we go around commiting, hate crimes!"
"Look around and you will find! No one's really color blind! Maybe it's a fact we all should face!" They threw their hands up into the air with this note, " Everyone makes judgements-" A short pause, "-Based on race!"
They faced eachother again, and resumed talking... somewhat...
Ed rolled his eyes as he spoke, "No, not big judments, like who to hire or who to buy a newspaper from."
Roy narrowed his eyes teasingly, "No!"
"No just little judgments like thinking that Cretan busboys should learn to speak god damn Amestrian!"
"Right!" Roy held out that 'r' a second longer than the rest...Then they resumed singing together.
It's pretty obvious right about now that they are on something...
" Everyone's a little bit racist, today! So, everyone's a little bit racist. Okay! Ethnic jokes may be uncouth, but you laugh because their based on truth! Don't take them as personal attacks! Everyone enjoys them-" A short pause, " -So relax!"
Both came back to talking again, Ed starting, "Alright, so stop me if you've heard this one!"
"Ok!"
"Alright, so there's a plane going down. There's only one paracute. And there's a homunculus, a priest-"
"And a Ishballen!" Roy interuppted, reconising the joke.
And then, at seemingly an uncanny time, Scar walked by. He stopped as soon as he heard this, "What are you talking about, Flame!"
"Uhhh..."
"You we're telling an Ishballen joke!"
Ed cut in before this could get violent, "Well, sure, Scar, but lots of people tell Ishballen jokes."
Scar huffed and shifter his weight to one side, crossing his arms, "I don't"
" Well, of course you don't, you're Ishballen!" Thinking for a moment, Ed added, "But I bet you tell Aergoian jokes, right?"
Scar chuckled a bit, "Well, sure I do. Those stupid Aergoians!" He then almost doubled over, remembering a certain joke that was hilarious.
Ed smirked and narrowed his eyes, "Now don't you think that's a little racist?"
Scar stopped laughing, "Well, damn... I guess you're right!"
And the signing resumed...!
What? Signing? No! Roy would never stop doing something so utterly stupid to go back to paperwork!
Singing! They started singing again!
"You're a little bit racist!" Roy sung, playfully pointing a finger at Scar.
"Well, you're a little bit too!" Scar pointed back.
"We're all a little bit racist!" Ed came between them and folded his arms around their shoulders in a friendly way.
Scar turned his head to the young alchemist and smiled, "I think that I would have to agree with you!"
"We're glad you do!" Roy and Ed sung together.
"It's sad, but true!" Scar broke away and started to sing more... joyfully...
Ok, it's official. They all split crack together...
"Everyone's a little bit racist- alright!
"Alright!"
"Alright!"
"Alright! Bigotry has never been exlusively white!"
Singing together, they acually sounded half good... "If we all could just admit, that we are racist a little bit! Even though we all know that's it's wrong! Maybe it would help us- " A short pause, "Get along!"
Completely out of the blue, (and character, I might add.) Ed started talking again, "Oh, Christ, do I feel good."
"Now there was a fine, upstanding Ishballen man!"
A little confused, Ed asked, "Who?"
"Jesus Christ."
Even Roy looked confused, "But, Scar, Jesus was Amestrian..."
"No, Jesus was Ishballen."
"No, Jesus was Amestian."
Scar narrowed his eye, "No, I'm pretty sure Jesus was Ishbal-"
"Guys guys!" Ed interjected, keeping the peace again. "Jesus... was Jewish!"
They all cracked up laughing, falling to the floor!
And then Ling walked by...
"Hey guys! What are laughing about!"
"Racism!"
"Cool!"
Then, the voice of Lan Fan was heard, "LING! Come back here! You take out lecycuraburs!"
Ed raised one eyebrow, "What's that mean?"
"Um, recyclables."
And the laughing continued!
"Hey!" Ling shouted, offended, "Don't laugh at her! How many languages do you speak!"
Roy, wiping a few tears from his eyes, waved a hand at the Xingense prince, "Oh, come off it Ling!"
More singing...!
"Everyone's a little bit racist!"
"I'm not!"
Ed's eyebrow was rasied again, skeptically, "Oh no?"
"Nope!" Ling stated, "How many Mixed wives have you got?" (1)
"WHAT! LING!"
"Ling, buddy, where you been? The term is Xing - Amestrian!"
Lan Fan stepped out from behind the wall, "I know you no intendeding to be-!" She narrowed her eyes at Ling, "But calling me Mixed- offensive to me!"
Ling looked truly sorry, "I'm sorry, Lan Fan! .. I love you..?"(2)
" And I love you.."
"But you're racist, too!"
"Yeah I know." Lan Fan stood back and sung with power and volume that not even the Fullmetal Alchemist could reach on a short rant, "The Jews have all the money and the whites have all the power! And I'm always in taxi-cab with driver who no shower!"
"Me too!"
"Me too!"
"I can't even get a taxi!" Scar screeched rather impressively.
Only when they joined in a long line, joint by arms over eachother's shoulders, kicking up in a showtune way, did everybody know that they we're all wasted.
"Everyone's a little bit racist, it's true! But everyone's just about as racist as you! If we all could just admit, that we are racist a little bit-" They sped up a bit, "- And everyone stopped being so PC!" (3) "May-be we could live in-" The very last short pause, "Harmony!" They held that impressively...
Then Lan Fan broke away from the line and said, "Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist!"
And they all struck poses.
"All right! That's a wrap!" Some guy from a little ways away could be heard and bell went off. Everyone broke their poses, gasping slightly.
"Well, that was enteraining!" Ed said, taking a water bottle out of a hiding place behind the couch.
"Yeah, I wonder what's next." Roy said with enthusiasum.
So, readers, what is next?
After hearing this song, I HAD to do this. Just HAD to... Sorry!
Notes-
(1) The orginal term is Oriental. Since I had no deisire to use that, I simply used Mixed. Oriental, I'm assuming, is a mix between Asian and American. So this was a mix between Xingense and Amestrian- hense- 'Mixed'.
(2) Yay for the Lan FanxLing! It was tottally unintended at first, but then I just went with it...
(3) PC means Politicially Correct, I found, after some research. (AKA- many many Youtube comment replys to that comment...)
OH! Yeah, BTW! This might have been crossing many lines... Racist stories... I think I went too far... ^.^" I honestly did not mean to offened any races, languages, or regligions. Honestly. Sorry! Ehehehehe...
Yeah, review please! LOL!