Hey all: Just thought I'd let you know that this is where we step into some AU and OOC moments from both Eric and Hyde. I hope you enjoy. And a song that goes perfect with this story is "Hush, Hush, Hush" by Paula Cole; so beautiful. I listen to it nonstop while writing this story.
One week.
Eric had one week to figure out where he stood. Each night, the worry for Steven Hyde that lay in the back of his mind would result in his happiest dreams. It had been one week since he found out his best friend had cancer. But most of all, it had been one week since he had even seen Hyde.
Long absences were normal for Hyde, Eric knew that. Yet they were only a couple of days at the most. Not to mention that when he and his mother left the hospital seven days ago, Hyde hadn't been with them. He hadn't seen him since he decided to run like hell.
His absence hadn't gone unnoticed, either. Everyday after school his mom would ask him if Hyde was coming over. And he couldn't ignore the empty lawn chair that had been Hyde's permanent spot since he could remember.
Even their friends had asked. Of course, Kelso and Fez at first were upset because they all lacked the supply of herb. Yet after three days, they started asking where Eric where he was. As if he was supposed to know Hyde's every move. He was the one who should have all the answers, but he wasn't. Except there was someone who did.
Which is where he was now; sitting in his basement exactly one week later with none other than Donna. Hyde's other best friend.
He had been avoiding the girl as much as possible; which probably worried Donna. He felt bad about that, yet he had to put distance between them. He didn't want to lead her on any longer than he already did. He did love her, just not in the way she wanted.
"Eric, I really don't know where he is..." she told him for the fourth time that night. Yet he didn't fully believe her. The two had a special connection, a connection that Eric was envious of. "I haven't seen him since Friday." Eric sighed heavily and nodded. So he had been the last person to see him after all.
"Well do you know what's going on?" He asked. Donna bit her bottom lip and shrugged. He took that as a yes.
So Hyde had the nerve to tell Donna about his cancer, but didn't mention it to him? Why didn't Hyde trust him? They were supposed to be best friends. Eric told him everything but got nothing in return. And the hot red head had all that he wanted; of course.
"Not exactly..." she trailed off, keeping her eyes focused everywhere else except in his direction. Eric held back his scoff as he looked toward her.
"Can you tell me how long he's had it?" Donna sighed as she hung her head. She didn't want to break Hyde's trust but she was about to burst with all of the information she withheld. Eric could tell by her diverted eyes and uneasy expression on her face.
"Since he was fifteen..." she finally mumbled weakly. "And his mom didn't even do anything until your mom saw-"
"Wait- my mom? She knew two years ago?" Eric cried angrily, fists clenched so tight that his nails dug into the palm of his hand. "How come no one thought to tell me?" Donna's eyes were pained as she gazed at the shouting boy.
"I... I don't know." The defeat that tightened her voice told him she had rehearsed her answer. Why would it be hard to lie to him now if she had been for two years? "She only found out when I told her he had been sick for awhile. That was a year ago." Donna attempted to reassure him, yet her words made everything worse. A whole year they had kept this secret. A whole year of lying and forced fun. Why hadn't they just told him?
"Eric, you need to talk to him, ask him these questions yourself. I can't tell you, it's not for me to talk about." Eric nodded slowly, feeling his blood boil with a sudden burst of fury.
"So what?" He snapped, "are you and Hyde a thing now?" Where he the hell did that come from? He knew this was his hurt and jealousy causing him to act and talk like this. He just needed to shut up. He knew Hyde and Donna were close; closer than they were to him, sometimes. But still, he wanted answers, and he wanted Hyde's trust. He had never done anything to lose any trust between them in the first place.
Donna laughed out loud at his accusation, much to Eric's surprise. She shook her head and gazed at him with amused eyes.
"No, Eric, no way," she reassured him in between chuckles. "We joked around and talked about it but I'm not his type, and he's not mine." Eric smiled at that; but which answer relieved him? "Eric, don't worry about Hyde and I; we're like siblings. You're the guy I want." Eric laughed nervously and tensed when feeling her arm wrap around him. He'd be the girl in this relationship; why not be the girl in all?
"I'm sorry, Donna..." he murmured, apologizing for all he had put her through, today and forever. "I'm such a jerk." He couldn't hurt her any more right now; he had already done enough damage for one night. "Of course you're not his type, he likes the easy ones." Donna chuckled with a grin on her face before mumbling to herself. Eric raised an eyebrow in confusion before continuing. "he'll come around, right?"
Donna nodded and smiled sweetly at him as she reassuringly squeezed his hand. He felt his fingers twitch as he attempted to squeeze back.
"He always does," she mumbled vacantly, with a distant look written in her eyes. A look he knew all too well.
Eric sighed heavily as he closed the door to his bedroom door two hours later. His finger flicked the light switch on before he pulled off his polo t-shirt.
He felt dirty. He realized what he was and he couldn't keep stringing Donna along. She deserved so much better than being his cover story. Eric would have to tell her they couldn't be anything else but friends tomorrow, he just had to. He couldn't continue to let her suffer. It wasn't right.
Her kisses were sweet yet they just felt like lips. There was no emotion or passion, not that she wasn't a bad kisser, yet they didn't have the spark. He wanted the spark. Eric just hoped to God that he wouldn't extinguish her embers.
Eric shook his head and shifted his eyes away from the window. He hated being alone. Solitude caused him to think, and right now thinking was the last thing he wanted to do. His mind was like a car in overdrive, with the pedal to the metal on the interstate, pushing the limits of the engine, motor, and himself. He was just waiting to crash and burn.
He curled his hand into a fist and curled his arm back. His emotions were currently uncontrollable, racing through his mind, twisting his common sense into hallucination, it seemed. Everything felt like it was a dream, yet he couldn't pinch himself to wake up. This was as real as it would get.
He hissed as his fist smashed into the painted wall in his room, his knuckles ached as the skin barely tore, leaving tiny blood drops to squeeze out from the scrapes. This was too much for him to take.
His mom and Donna had known that Hyde had cancer at least a year ago. He had been dealing with this for two years and wore a fake smirk every damn day to let people know he wasn't suffering. Eric knew it was just a facade but it was a lot stronger than he ever imagined. He was practically a stone. He just didn't know how the women could keep it a secret for that long.
Yet if Hyde had cancer and was going through treatment, why was he not bald? Why wasn't he exhausted every night, or throwing up? Granted, he probably hadn't seen him after his chemotherapy. It did explain the baggy clothes he once owned that had fit just right at the time of purchase, though.
Eric pulled on a pair of pajama pants, staying shirtless in lack of motivation to search through his drawers. He tossed his clothes in a pile in the back left corner of his room and flopped onto his bed with a soft "fwoomp" from the mattress. He slowly pulled himself up to his pillow and folded his arms across his chest, eyes staring above.
The monster in his mind was slowly coming out of its cage. The creature that convinced him that he wasn't normal, that he... didn't like girls. The monster tried to make him see his true self, yet failed every single time. He couldn't look in a mirror without seeing its judging eyes glaring back at him.
He wished this situation could be a situation that he could run and hide from. He wished that he could just toss it to the back of his mind and forget about it in a couple hours. But when he tried to toss it, it burrowed and made a home. It lived comfortably as it waited to be released from its strong confinement.
Eric groaned angrily and closed his eyes, feeling them sting with anger and disgust. He was appalled by himself, and there wasn't anything that would ever change that. He was grey in a world of black and white. He stuck out like a sore thumb and he was tired of it.
As he threw his head back on the pillow in anger, a loud crunch was heard under the weight from his head. He slowly turned his head left and right and heard the very same crinkle. Sluggishly, he lifted himself up and turned around.
His eyes caught sight of a folded piece of notebook paper that read "Eric." Curiosity struck him and his piano fingers slowly unfolded the neatly creased paper.
Inside, a familiar scrawl filled the lined paper. The pen used had been pressed lightly against the paper, as the author always did. The capital letters were slightly slanted to the left in a way that immediately told Eric who had written the note without even looked at the closing.
Eric,
You know where to find me.
I'll be waiting.
Hyde.
Eric's hands trembled nervously as he gently folded the short not back to how he had originally found it. The fact that Hyde had somehow gotten in his room (unnoticed) only freaked Eric out a little bit. What worried the seventeen year old was that he knew exactly where to find him.
'Should I just stay here?' Eric asked himself doubtingly. Yet he seemed to subconsciously listen to his heart and gut. He was already on his feet and walking to his dresser when he finally answered his own question.
He knew Hyde. He never passed notes or told people where he'd be. He would just disappear for days on end and come back like he hadn't been gone a single second. It seemed to Eric that he wanted to talk, that he wanted to trust him. Or at least some reassurance.
Eric quickly zipped the jeans he had worn earlier and slipped on his shoes quickly, forgetting socks. He bolted to the door and quickly ran down the hall. Never before had he been so anxious to see someone; especially Hyde. He had to be silent, however, as his parents were already in their room, hopefully sleeping.
Cautiously, he placed his toes and the balls of his feet on the first stair, testing out the creaky steps. He had spent all last summer trying to memorize which spots would creak on the carpeted stairs in case he ever sneaked out of the house. Like he was now.
Once he was down stairs, he had more confidence. Although Red had ears like a wolf, he had learned from Donna and Hyde how to creep out of the house undetected, from every exit; including his window. By now he could walk around downstairs without making a sound.
Eric ran on tip toes to the sliding glass door, grabbing his keys off of their small hanger next to the door in the process. He pushed open the door and ran out into the bitter November night air.
Gently, he pulled open the driver's side door, hearing a creak of the hinges as he did so. Eric sighed softly and sat on the cloth seat, swinging his legs into the car and stretched them out in the large space provided from the seat to the pedals. In hopes that his car would start with nothing but a purr, Eric turned the ignition. He winced when the engine rattled to life, occasionally spluttering as if it were going to shut off in a moment.
Before his parents had any time to think it was his son, he turned off the headlights and quickly pulled his Vista Cruiser out of the driveway, before high tailing it down the road. He didn't want to imagine what would happen if he was caught.
Once Eric was two blocks away from his house, he slowed down to a sluggish twenty miles an hour with dim lights to show him what was right in front of the car.
Point Place was quiet, almost dead at one in the morning. That surprised Eric. He knew there were bars that closed at one, and teens hung out down the alleys and streets until the early hours of the morning. But in the freezing November night air, not a soul was wandering around. Except two.
He hated the Wisconsin autumns and winters. Every year starting in October the temperature dropped so low he felt almost hot. Even in his car with the heat blasting as high and hot as it could, he could still see his breath. Frost covered his car and the roads; surprisingly it wasn't snow. They also reminded him of the dead months. The leaves would fall and animals would go into hibernation while people and animals would die from the treacherous roads and... illness. Only he had spring and summer to look forward to. They didn't.
Eric pressed the gas pedal harder as he neared the outskirts of town. On the western border of Point Place was where he would find his destination, and Hyde. Quickly turning down 7th Avenue, his car loudly hummed as it glided at thirty-five miles per hour.
This was the side of town that Eric didn't like. Where the houses were shabby and the people were even shabbier. While Point Place wasn't big, in fact it had less than ten thousand people, there was still a slight caste system put in place. The wealthy had the northeastern end of town, that's where the Burkharts, Macys, and Petersons lived. Then there was the average families who lived throughout the town, about in the middle; where he, Donna, Kelso, and Fez's host parents lived. Then there was the western side of town. That side was for the lower class families on the verge of poverty. Eric only knew one person who lived there.
And these were his streets. Hyde had made it his duty to completely vandalize the entire western side of Point Place. Whether it was the occasional TP'd house or spray painted stop signs, everywhere Eric looked there was a little bit of Hyde's mark. Especially outside of his own house. Every time he pulled in the driveway he avoided looking at the dark red stain on their rotting front porch.
Tearing himself away from that thought, Eric slowed to a halt at the parking lot. The heavy thicket of trees caused a heavy rustle and howl with the leaves. The air was bitter with mist and fog, which caused Eric to shiver with both cold and and fear.
Closing the door to his car, Eric walked calmly onto the grass. When he saw Hyde, what was he going to say? Was he going to scream at him and ask what the hell his problem was? Or was he going to cry and tell him that he'd always be there for him? He was clueless and nervous; he had no idea what to expect.
Eric sighed heavily as he stepped onto the first metal bar. The iron stung his fingers from the cold. He hated the climb up the ladder, yet the view and solitude was worth it.
Up on the water tower there was no one else. There was nobody to yell or push him around. He stood on top of the world, knowing all of Point Place continued on their merrily two-sided lives, oblivious of being observed. It was as if he were completely invisible. It was Hyde's favorite place.
Eric finally reached the last bar and hopped on to the water tower. He saw a silhouette sitting on the edge, arms resting on the railing. Eric tensed suddenly; what was he supposed to say?
"Hey." The voice was familiar, yet quiet and low in the dark. Eric slowly stepped closer, no able to see Hyde in a short sleeved shirt and tattered jeans; in the middle of November.
Eric hesitantly sat down. His eyes caught sight of the reddish glow from the cigarette in Hyde's hand. Taking a deep breath, he turned to Hyde.
"Where have you been?" Eric couldn't stop himself from asking the question. He had too many and he didn't want to deal with any of Hyde's nonchalant attitude.
Yet he heard a chuckle from his friend. As if this entire situation was funny. As if Eric was out of his mind and he had been with them the whole time and Eric just didn't see him.
"And there's your first lesson."
Eric raised his eyebrows in confusion. What did he mean? How the hell did Hyde teach him something by being gone? He was so confusing sometimes... most of the time.
"What?" Eric asked incredulously. "No, you can't do that! You asked me to come up here.I want answers, Hyde! Where have you been?" Eric snapped, on the verge of tears as he gazed at the man in question. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asked much softer. Hyde sighed heavily, exhaling smoke in the process.
"Would you laugh if I told you 'picking out my casket?'" Eric felt his throat tighten. Was that supposed to be a joke? Hyde's smirk faded after asking his question. "I take that as a 'no.' Forman, I was around, okay? You don't need to know-"
"If you're gone a whole damn week after I see you in the hospital, then yeah, I do!" Eric cried angrily. He watched Hyde wince as he slowly took in a deep breath. "Hyde, I'm sorry but finding out my friend is dying and then not seeing him for a week freaked me out. And finding out you knew for two years and my own mother knew before me, that just pissed me off! Why couldn't you tell me? I can keep a secret, man. I mean, come on, Donna?" Eric was yelling now. And he didn't know why. Once he started, he couldn't stop, and Hyde didn't look about ready to end it for him, either. He just stared at him with an ashen face, waiting for the next word.
"Listen, I just-"
"No, you listen to me!" Eric shouted, hoping Hyde would punch him. "We've been best friends since we were two years old! You know every damn thing about me because I trust you! And you can't tell me something so important as to you DYING? That's fucking important! If we were at least friends you'd tell me that. You wouldn't let me find out you have cancer from finding you in a hospital room then talking to Donna and-"
"Cancer?" Hyde asked curiously. Eric felt his face heat in anger.
"Yes, Hyde, you have fucking cancer! Don't try to deny-" He was interrupted by a laugh. It was a mixture of amused and sad and Eric felt about ready to push his friend off. But that would only result in a closer death.
"Eric, I don't have cancer." Hyde's soft words were like a slap in the face. "I didn't tell you... because of that reason. I was going to tell you but I couldn't. Donna and your mom only know because Donna was sick of seeing me pass out-"
"Wait, Hyde-"
"Don't, let me talk. You wanted answers? I asked you here for that. After you showed up to the hospital room I knew I was royally fucked. I couldn't keep convincing myself that this was a dream and I'd wake up in a couple hours. It's been two years and right now I'm down to less than six months, so I've got to stop telling myself I'm fine. Eric, when we were talking in your room, I tried telling you. You just didn't get it. I didn't think you did. I'm dying." The blunt honesty of Hyde's words felt like stone crushing Eric's body, heart, and soul. His eyes felt wet when hearing the other teen's voice break. He couldn't listen to this, but he had to. He forced himself to stay seated, to look at the suffering teen who kept calling him "Eric."
"Hyde, I... what do you have, if you don't have cancer?" Hyde scoffed in anger.
"The funny thing is I don't fucking know. They keep telling me it's a bunch of diseases because my immune system has gone to shit. My T cell count is under two hundred and, well, because of that I can get any disease until it kills me. I guess you may be right about me having cancer though; they found something in my brain on Wednesday; they just have to find out if it's benign or a cancerous tumor. I can't do any more treatment, though. I'm tired."
Eric sat in shock as he listened to Hyde speak. In fact, he seemed to be pouring out his every thought as he himself tried to understand what was going on with him. He didn't know. The doctors didn't know, they were all guaranteed that what he had was terminal, though. While he had wanted to know what was wrong with Hyde, he didn't want to hear this. To hear everything he has gone through, and then he's going to end up with more. It didn't seem fair.
But he had to act like it didn't bother him. He had to be there, be strong for his friend. He'd have his time to suffer and grieve; Hyde wouldn't.
"So... they don't know? Isn't it their job to know?" Hyde laughed and nodded.
"That's what I said. Your mom looked into it a lot, though. She takes my blood all the time, for this damn study they're doing. Like I'm some fucking statistic. I'm a fucking rat."
"That's not true, Hyde." He rolled his eyes.
"In the sense of a lab rat, Eric." Hyde mumbled with an amused tone in his voice. Eric glanced at Hyde momentarily, and caught his dull gaze staring back. They both smiled at each other, and Eric couldn't help it.
Laughter suddenly ripped from inside of him. His nerves were a mess and he had no clue what else to do. His laughter was quiet but contagious, as Hyde started to crack up, too. Soon both boys were sitting on the railing, freezing their asses off as they laughed uncontrollably. There was nothing else they could do.
"I was afraid to tell you, man." Hyde finally mumbled, his voice hinted with his ceased laughter. "I wanted to, but I couldn't find the right time until you saw me. I was scared. I didn't know what you'd think. I didn't know if you'd cry and act like a baby or say "that sucks, lets do something fun while we can." Or if you'd be scared or grossed out." Hyde paused, fumbling with his fingers as he forced himself to speak. Eric could tell he was physically pushing himself to continue this speech. "I didn't tell you, not because I don't trust you... but because I trust you too much, we're too close.
This week was a test, I decided that I'd pull it off. I didn't tell anyone where I'd be or what I was doing. I couldn't see what was going on, yet I figured it would be a short amount of time for you to all get used to my absence, because... I'm not gonna be here for much longer. And you have to get used to that."
Eric felt his mouth gape open and shut multiple times as he processed what Hyde had just said. He trusted him too much? He barely told Eric anything at all!
"But I don't want to get used to you not being around!" Eric blurted the rest of his thoughts suddenly. A blush crept onto his face as Hyde turned to him with raised eyebrows. "I mean, you're my best friend. You've been there since before I can even remember and we're supposed to grow up together, get old and sit on a front porch yelling at kids to get off our lawns while drinking beer and reminiscing. Who else can I do that with? No one else knows me like you, man. I don't want to think about life without-"
Eric was silenced by a pair of lips slowly, carefully brushing against his. Eric's eyes widened as he realized what was happening, yet he didn't pull away. To his horror, to his... amazement, he felt his own lips move tenderly against Hyde's. He was... he was kissing his best friend. And to make it worse he was liking it.
Hyde's lips felt surprisingly smooth with a hint of cigarettes and alcohol lingering. It was a strong comparison to the roughness of his cheek. Eric was cupping his cheek... when had he done that? When did he start to lose the feeling in his own lips?
The kiss was shocking. It was soft yet full of passion Eric didn't know Hyde was capable of. It was the best kiss Eric had ever had; because it was alive. His heart swelled in his chest as Hyde slowly pulled away away, his own eyes vulnerable and scared.
"Uh..." Eric mumbled, finding it so hard to speak.
How long had it been since he had wanted to do that?
Hyde chuckled softly and bit his lower lip, eyes shifting back and forth between the metal base of the water tower and Eric. This was the Hyde Eric wanted to see but never had the chance to. There was no zen or guard; instead it was replaced with a sense of fear and defenseless.
This wasn't even Hyde. It was Steven.
Eric glanced up to the blue eyed boy and felt his breath hitch in his throat. Hyde wouldn't look his way as the tears began to well in his aqua pools, causing Eric to almost shake with sadness and nervousness. He hadn't wanted any of this to happen, he just wanted to get answers and go home. Eric didn't want to see Hyde's shell completely crumble in front of him, because of him. It broke his heart.
"It's okay..." Eric whispered, outstretching his arm against his will. Hyde wiped his eyes and suppressed the soft sob in his throat. His shoulders quivered as he slowly scooted into the space below Eric's arm. "It's okay, Steven..." For some reason, Eric felt that saying his first name would somehow help.
He didn't know what else to do. Eric kept his arm against Steven, letting him know he was there. He kept whispering the two words occasionally, in hopes that Steven and him would somehow believe them. Never before had Eric thought he'd ever be in this position. He never thought he'd be trying to comfort Steven. Who was breaking down right before him, into him.
He never had the chance before.
Eric knew that, it wouldn't be acceptable for Steven to abandon his facade and let people know he was terrified. His guard was permanently up until he breathed his last breath. His friends would laugh and adults would be worried. He was strong and tough; emotions didn't get to him.
Because of this, Eric was practically speechless. He was used to giving words of advice to Kelso and Fez and even Jackie. But not Steven. He gave the advice, he didn't need to be told what was right and what was wrong and how to do things. He took care of himself and never expected anything from anyone. Until now.
Eric realized it was just a cry for help, a cry for someone to see that he really did need someone to lean on. Especially since the weight was too much for him to carry. And Eric would make sure he held on strong until he fought his strongest fight.
But they didn't have to fight right now. Instead Eric whispered him words of encouragement, taken with a shuddering breath and blood-shot eyes. For now, Steven just had to know someone out there heard him and cared. Right now, Eric couldn't stop himself from pressing his lips to his temple. For now he just had to hold on.
Right now all Eric had to do was hold him.