If I could just have one last dance with you...

Disclaimer: I do not own Queer as Folk or any of the characters, they belong to Showtime and Cowlip.

Warnings: Slash, some strong language, homophobia

Okay, so, third chapter now up, bit of a long one. I would like to thank all of the people who have reviewed and supported me so far, it keeps me writing x Reviews much appreciated x

Chapter 3: Spiralled down into nothing

Ripped harshly back into reality, Justin Taylor gasped loudly as he was greeted by the confusing blur that was the world. He breathed very heavily as things began to come back into focus.

"Brian..." he choked out softly, wincing at his sore throat, he coughed to make his voice stronger.

"Brian?" He shouted as loud as his voice would let him. "Brian?" He screamed desperately again, his voice disturbing the eerie silence in the unfamiliar white room. Justin looked around wildly, completely disorientated. His head was throbbing and he had no idea where he was, his vision was still blurry around the edges but he was in a room, a white room, and it was dark, and quiet and he was alone. The last thing Justin remembered was being in Babylon. Yes, Babylon, and he was talking to...Brian.

Oh God, where's Brian? Justin thought desperately, he needed Brian, to tell him everything was gonna be okay, to rap his strong arms around him and make him safe again. The tears began falling down Justin's cheeks as he began to shake uncontrollably. "BRIAN?"

...

Brian and Jennifer were sat in the hospital cafeteria, nursing strong coffee's, Brian's eyes stung and Jennifer could barely keep here eyes open.

"You should try and get some sleep." Brian told her.

"So should you." Jennifer half-smiled.

Brian grinned slightly in response. "Touchè."

Jennifer took a sip from her coffee and was glad for the strength.

"So, how did you and Justin meet?" She asked, Brian and Jennifer had talked about many aspects of each others lives, but they had barely spoken about Brian and Justin.

"On a street, at night." Said Brian. "Under a lamp post in the middle of liberty avenue-" he smiled at the memory. "I remember- he pretended to know so much, I knew he was lying, but- he was just so cute...and nervous!" Brian laughed, and Jennifer smiled.

"He...he wouldn't stop going on about...about being allergic to Tylenol, and cheerios and being ambidextrous, " Brian sighed and smiled sadly. "He wouldn't shut up, but I guess deep down inside I didn't want him to stop talking, and every time he blushed it was the most adorable thing I'd ever seen in my life."

Jennifer laughed. "Yeah, I haver to agree with you on that one."

"So-" began Brian, "how did you find out Justin was gay?"

Jennifer sighed. "Well, I suppose I'd always had a sneaking suspicion, what with him being, you 'no, different, sensitive, artistic...not that I think every gay person is like that!" She quickly clarified.

"Don't worry." Brian laughed. "I understand what you mean."

"But I suppose what clinched it was the nude drawings of men in his sketchpad..."

"Yeah, that might have given it away." Brian and Jennifer shared a laugh.

"He probably wouldn't want me telling you this-" Jennifer continued, "but he had your name scribbled all over his sketchpad."

Brian raised his eyebrows. "Really?"

Jennifer nodded, smiling. Brian ran a hand through his dark hair.

"I was so horrible to him, I can't believe I treated him the way that I did."

"Well-" began Jennifer, "for someone who was "so horrible" to Justin, you seem to have a good memory of the night you met."

"A lot of life-changing stuff happened that night." Brian admitted. In more ways than you previously thought, Mr. Kinney.

"That was the night my son was born."

Jennifer looked up to Brian, surprised. "You have a son?"

"To a lesbian couple, actually." Said Brian, "but I'll always be his father and I'll always be a part of his life."

"I think I may have seriously misjudged you, Brian Kinney." Jennifer smiled. "What's his name?"

"Gus," said Brian proudly, "in fact, Justin was the one who decided."

Jennifer's eyes widened. "Oh! I've met him!"

"You have?" Asked Brian, shocked.

"Yeah, it was one of Justin's art shows, I think that was when I saw you for the first time."

"I'm sorry didn't introduce myself." Said Brian earnestly.

Jennifer smiled. "You 'no, Gus was Justin's Teddy bears' name."

"Really?" Asked Brian. "He probably wouldn't like you telling me that either." Brian pointed out, grinning.

"Ah, well-" began Jennifer, "what's he gonna do about it?"

The truth of Jennifer's words suddenly hit Brian. They both fell silent again.

"It's been two weeks, Jen." Said Brian softly.

"I know-" Jennifer agreed, and she nearly broke down into tears. Brian reached across the table and took her hand, she squeezed his hand tightly.

"What are we gonna do if he never wakes up?"

Brian's reply was cut off by the desperate cry that reverberated distantly through the hospital.

"BRIAN?"

"That's Justin!" Said Brian almost immediately, his wide eyes met Jennifer's wide eyes and the pair bounded out of the room leaving two scattered coffee cups behind them.

Brian and Jennifer raced through the hospital that they only managed to survive by Brian stopping Jennifer before she hit the open door and Jennifer pulling Brian out of the way of the cleaning trolley.

They both stopped dead as they ran into Justin's hospital room. Justin was sat bolt upright, sheer terror in his eyes but very, very much alive.

Brian and Jennifer both broke out into smiles of relief and pure elation, almost enough to match Sunshine. But as this point this just confused Justin more.

"Why are you smiling?" Asked Justin desperately, "where the fuck am I?" The smiles left Brian and Jennifer's faces and Jennifer looked worriedly towards her son.

"Don't...don't you remember?"

"I remember being at Babylon-" said Justin, voice shaking and breathing heavily, "and then I woke up here, and why does my hand hurt?"

"Oh my God." Said Brian softly, "he doesn't remember anything."

Justin whimpered softly, the fear still fresh in his eyes and Brian felt as though burning knives were carving the words this is your fault deep into his heart.

"Brian," Justin begged helplessly, weakly holding out his arms to him. Brian immediately encased Justin's weak body in his strong arms, protecting him from the world. He held onto Justin tightly, but not so much that it would hurt him.

Justin was alive, Justin was gonna live. What have I done in my life to deserve this?

"Brian, I'm so scared," Justin whimpered, clutching tightly onto Brian, and even though it was true, Justin felt so immediately safe with Brian's arms around him, he somehow felt like Brian would always protect him, even though Justin was pretty sure Brian would just let him die. But he didn't care, he just loved Brian so much...

"You don't have to be afraid," Brian whispered. "I'm here, I'm always gonna be here," he said, pouring his heart into every word. "I'm never gonna let you go, Sunshine," Said Brian desperately. "I'm never gonna let you go."

...

"I was...I was attacked?" Said Justin disbelievingly, still sat in the hospital bed with his mothers arms rapped tightly around him.

The Doctor nodded. "Christopher Hobbs hit you over the head with a baseball bat at your prom, after seeing you dance with Mr. Kinney."

Justin looked up to Brian, who was standing at the far side of the room.

"You came? You actually came?"

"Of course-" began Brian, "you wanted me there, didn't you?"

Justin flashed his sunshine smile at Brian and Brian nearly died right there and then, too long had he gone without seeing that smile.

"Justin-" began the Doctor. "What is the last thing you remember?"

"I was at a night club called "Babylon" ," Began Justin, "I was talking to Brian, and he said that he wouldn't come to my prom..." Brian hung his head. "I remember feeling really disappointed and then I woke up here," Justin looked up at the Doctor and shrugged slightly, "I don't remember anything else."

The Doctor nodded slowly. "You appear to be suffering from short term memory loss,2 the Doctor informed him, "you should have your memory back soon enough."

Justin nodded slowly, trying to soak it all in. Brian couldn't get over how vulnerable Justin looked, and how much he wanted to sweep Justin up in his arms and hide him from the rest of the world, where nothing else could hurt him.

The Doctor wrote something down on his clipboard, "Mrs. Taylor, if I could speak to you in private?"

Jennifer looked reluctant to let Justin out of her sight, but she knew Brian was there and that was good enough for her, she slowly eased her hands from around Justin.

"I'll be right back, baby." Justin nodded.

"Okay, Mom." Jennifer smiled as she left the room with the Doctor, leaving Brian and Justin alone for the first time since they'd been standing together in that parking lot.

They both looked around awkwardly for a minute.

"How did I get to the hospital?" Justin asked tentatively.

"I was with you," said Brian. "When you got bashed, that is, I chased Hobbs away and held you until the ambulance came."

"Really?" Asked Justin softly, Brian nodded.

"Thank you." Said Justin.

"Anything," Said Brian quietly without thinking.

Justin tentatively looked up at Brian. "I, um, I'm a bit surprised that you're here."

Brian looked confusedly down at Justin. "Why?"

"Because I've been nothing but a burden on your life." Said Justin slowly, like he was stating the obvious.

"And now that I'm broken..."

"You are not broken." Brian interrupted immediately, causing Justin to be a little taken aback. "You will never be broken." Brian went on. "You will always be perfect."

"What?" Asked Justin, surprised.

Brian could feel his walls coming down. "I was, so fucking scared." Said Brian. "I sat here for three days waiting to see of you were gonna live or die, I can't get the images of that night out of my head..." Brian slowly crossed the room and knelt down gently by the side of Sunshine's bed, so now they were at the same height.

Justin hadn't been able to take his eyes off of Brian ever since he'd woken up, even though for him it had been a matter of seconds since he'd last seen Brian, Justin felt like they'd been separated for so long, and his memories couldn't do Brian justice. The worst part had been seeing Brian's large, familiar eyes filled with such hurt that Justin had just wanted to put his arms around him and kiss away the pain. Brian was so close to him now, Justin closed the distance and put a hand on Brian's cheek, feeling the familiar warmth he emitted and satisfying Justin's need to touch his lover, his soul mate.

Brian's eyes fluttered slightly at Justin's touch, God how he'd missed it.

"I love you, Sunshine, more than I've ever loved anyone," Justin's eyes melted.

"I thought you didn't believe in love?" He whispered.

"I was wrong," said Brian. "I was so wrong and I should have never treated you the way I did, and I'm just, so sorry it took a bat to the head for me to see that, I'm so sorry..." Brian's voice began to shake as the tears fell down his face. Justin had never seen Brian cry before, and it was the single most upsetting thing he had ever seen in his life.

"Hey," said Justin, wiping away Brian's tears with his fingers, "this is not your fault."

Brian wiped his own eyes and looked at Justin. "Do you think you could ever forgive me for the way I treated you?"

"There's nothing to forgive," said Justin softly, "I fell in love with you, remember?"

"Do you still love me?" Brian asked softly.

Justin looked over the face he knew so well. "I don't think that I could ever stop loving you."

"Will you stay with me?" Brian asked in a whisper.

Justin laughed slightly, "what part of our relationship so far made you think I was ever gonna leave?"

Brian looked into Justin's eyes and told him in a voice so soft it was barely audible. "I thought you were going to leave me forever, I though I was gonna lose you."

Brian stared at the floor as Justin looked at him with pure love in his eyes. "I love you so much," began Justin tenderly, "I never want to let you go."

Brian looked up and met Justin's eyes, catching Justin off-guard, Brian captured Justin's lips with his own. Brian let out a moan as he kissed Justin, something that, two weeks ago, he would have given his life to do. Brian had thought he would never taste Justin's lips again, or feel them moving against his own, and he cherished every single second. Brian was kissing Justin passionately but gently, Justin immediately knotted a weak hand into Brian's hair, kissing him back with all the strength he could muster. As Justin kissed Brian almost desperately, it became clear to him how much he needed Brian in order to survive. When the kiss ended, bot Brian and Justin brushed their noses together with their eyes closed, breathing in each others familiar scent, both realising just how much they missed it.

...

When Jennifer and the Doctor walked back in, Brian was sitting next to Justin's bed and was holding his hand tightly. Brian and Justin both looked up and realised that Justin's mother was crying.

"Mom...?"

"Jennifer...?"

"Justin, I am so sorry..." Jennifer choked out.

"What is it?" Asked Justin, confused.

"Justin-" began the Doctor, "I want you to realise just how lucky you are, if Chris Hobbs had hit you only slightly harder, you would have most likely been dead." Justin nodded slowly and Brian listened carefully.

"It's going to take a long time for the motor functions in your hand-" the Doctor continued, gesturing to the hand that Brian wasn't holding, "-to heal and work properly again, you will need to undergo a course at rehab."

Still confused, Justin again looked at his mother. "So...what's the problem?"

"I'm so sorry-" the Doctor began, "but we don't think you will ever be able to draw again."

Justin met Brian's beautiful hazel orbs, now very wide as he was again met with the fear that there was absolutely nothing he could do, and Justin's bright blue eyes that Brian had so longed to see shine with light now shone with an anguish Brian had never seen before.

They stared into each others eyes in grief as Justin's whole world spiralled down into nothing.