If I could just have one last dance with you...
Disclaimer: I do not own Queer as Folk or any of the characters, they belong to Showtime and Cowlip.
Warnings: Slash, some strong language, homophobia
Chapter 4! Again, just amazingly grateful for all the support I've had after writing for such a short time, love you all! Reviews much appreciated x
Chapter 4: Always be strong enough
Justin unwillingly knocked the tennis ball off of the table for the umpteenth time.
"I can't do it!" He shouted frustratedly.
Brian reached over and gently took Justin's wrist in his hand and massaged his hand slowly.
"Calm down." Brian said softly. Justin began to calm his breathing as he realised that he couldn't really concentrate on anything but Brian's fingers. That feels so good.
"I never knew you could be so gentle." Justin admitted.
"Well, I'm just full of surprises." Said Brian, causing Justin to smile.
He'd really missed Brian, even though they hadn't been apart.
Justin looked over Brian's calm and patient form treating his injured wrist with such tenderness.
"I'm sorry for being so angry." Justin apologised.
"It's okay," said Brian, looking up at Sunshine and smiling slightly. "I understand."
Justin smiled in return. "I just, really want to prove the Doctor wrong, I just know I'm gonna draw again."
"You will," Brian assured him, "but right now you need to concentrate on getting your hand moving again." He gave Justin's hand a gentle kiss and handed him back the tennis ball.
"Thank you, for helping me, you could have just not bothered."
"Anything," Brian repeated, "I'll do anything."
Justin smiled. "You 'no...everyone said that our dance was amazing."
Brian laughed. "Yeah, it was. We must have freaked everyone out."
Justin snorted. "Yeah, one person in particular." He said ruefully.
Brian sighed. "You're gonna have to put that behind you one day and move on." He told Justin knowingly. Justin sighed, he knew Brian was right, but he just couldn't seem to get what wasn't there out of his head.
"It would...just be easier to forget, if I could remember it."
Brian tenderly rubbed the back of Justin's neck. "You will, someday." Said Brian softly. "I just wish I could forget." Justin stroked Brian's cheek with his good hand. Brian smiled weakly up at Justin, then he nodded towards the tennis ball. Grinning, Justin tried again to grip the ball with his bad hand, but with no joy. Brian couldn't help but smile at Justin's concentration face. Justin was so busy for a while that he didn't really notice Brian, but when his concentration began to fall, he suddenly realised that Brian was leaning on his arm and staring intently at him.
Justin did a double take and an adorable blush worked it's way across his cheeks. "What...are you looking at?" He grinned, slightly embarrassed.
"You," said Brian bluntly. "You are so beautiful." He continued softly. Justin's blush deepened.
Suddenly, Jennifer decided to walk into the room.
"How are my two favourite sons?" She asked cheerily.
"Hey." Said Brian, standing up and hugging Jennifer while Justin raised an eyebrow. Jennifer bent down and hugged Justin.
"Hows progress?" Jennifer asked. Justin mimicked a plane crashing with his good hand.
"It's just a matter of time, sweetheart." Jennifer told him, "but you will get there, nothing can stop you when you see what you want."
"Tell me about it." Said Brian, rolling his eyes. Justin grinned.
"I'm sorry I'm late-" Jennifer continued, "-work was being work and traffic was being traffic."
"It's okay," Brian smiled, "I was looking after him."
"I know you were." Jennifer smiled softly.
"I'm gonna get a drink," she said, "you two want one?"
"Sure." Said Brian and Justin in unison.
"Okay, be right back!" She called, leaving the room.
Justin immediately looked at Brian with a furrowed brow. "Since when were you and my Mom such good friends?"
"When you were...asleep, we spent a lot of time together," Brian let out a breath, "you 'no, both drowning in the same fantasy that one day you might regain consciousness and make our lives worth living again."
Justin was caught off-guard. "Wait, say that again?"
Brian looked up at Justin innocently. "I...just said, your Mom and I..."
"No,no,no-" Justin cut him off, "-if I hadn't off woken up, your life wouldn't have been worth living?"
Brian looked into Justin's eyes. "I guess not," he said softly, "you are my Sunshine."
As touched as Justin was by Brian's words, there was still something niggling at the back of his brain.
"That makes me really upset." He admitted.
This took Brian aback. "Why?"
"Because you are the most amazing, incredible person I have ever met in my life," Justin told him, and as he looked into the eyes of the man he loved, he meant every single word that he said next; "I don't care what happens to me, all I care about is that your life has to go on."
Brian was completely silent and stared at Justin for a very long moment. The conversation ended when Jennifer walked back into the room.
1 WEEK LATER
"This is completely pointless," Justin told his mother, looking away from the table of things he was supposed to be moving around.
"It is not pointless, Justin." Jennifer told her son. "You can even pick things up now!"
"Yeah, paper clips. Go me." Said Justin sarcastically.
Jennifer sighed. "Okay," she said. "Why don't we talk about something else?"
"How come you like Brian now?" Justin asked. Jennifer was actually surprised that this question hadn't come sooner.
"We've been a great help to each other over this hard time," Jennifer told Justin truthfully. "When I...when I first saw him here, he was so helpless and scared, I suppose my motherly instinct just kicked in, but-" she looked at her son, "-he's a good man."
Justin smiled up at his mother. "I know."
Jennifer smiled back. "Sweetheart, I'm just going to talk to the Doctor for a minute, are you gonna be okay?"
"Of course I am." Justin smiled, Jennifer got up and left the room.
...
"He doesn't like the Rehab clinic," Jennifer told the Doctor. "I think he's just getting bored with that same room-"
"Maybe." The Doctor reasoned. "But I think I know the root cause, have you noticed how frustrated Justin gets when Brian isn't around?"
Jennifer let out a long breath. "Yeah, that too."
...
Brian ran into the room and as soon as Justin saw him, a million watt smile broke out across his face.
"Good morning, Sunshine." Brian grinned. "I'm really sorry I'm late..."
"I think I can guess why." Justin grinned suggestively. Brian took off his coat.
"what?" He asked, oblivious.
"Tricking." Said Justin obviously.
"Oh," said Brian, looking down. "No, it wasn't that."
Surprised, Justin asked; "when was the last time you were with someone?"
"Before you were bashed," said Brian, "and I intend to keep it that way."
Justin couldn't help but smile. He'd really do that for me...?
There were no words.
Thinking about it, it hadn't actually occurred to Brian to trick, and now that he thought about it, he had no desire to, Sunshine was all he wanted, all he needed. What an easy habit to kick.
"So," asked Brian, sitting down and gesturing to the tennis ball, "have you been playing with your ball?" He smiled a cocky grin.
Justin smiled in happiness at this, even though this new Brian was amazing, he was glad that Brian was still the man he knew and fell in love with. Justin knew that he never wanted the unforgiving, insubordinate Brian to go away.
1 MONTH LATER
Justin was sat on the cold floor, clutching his knees to his chest and crying his eyes out. Chris Hobbs should have just fucking killed me!
Justin looked up as Brian ran into the bathroom, worry etched across his face. He sighed in relief when he saw Justin.
"Sunshine-" he began, "thank God I found you..." Justin stood up immediately, pure anger in his puffy red eyes, startling Brian.
"Stay the fuck away from me, Brian." Justin told his boyfriend.
"What?" Brian asked, shocked and confused.
"I DON'T WANT YOU ANYWHERE NEAR ME!" Justin screamed. As he continued to cry, Justin ran straight past a very confused Brian and out of the bathroom.
"Justin...!" Brian called, running after him. Brian chased Justin down the corridor until they ended up in Justin's room in the Rehab clinic. Seizing his advantage, Brian quickly blocked the door with his body.
"Get out of my way, Brian."
"Why did you run off?" Brian demanded.
"I don't want anything to do with you! I was trying to get away from you!"
"Sunshine, what did I do?" Asked Brian desperately.
"You promised me, that I would be okay, that I'd be able to use my hand again, you made me think that there was hope! You lied!"
"I would never lie to you." Said Brian confidently. "There is hope."
"Why should I believe you?" Said Justin desperately, "you've lied to me in the past, why should now be any different?"
Brian walked slowly up to Justin and put his hands on Justin's cheeks, Justin didn't resist him, he just stared helplessly into Brian's eyes.
"Because I am holding my whole world in my hands right now," said Brian passionately, "and I would do anything, anything! You either believe me or you don't, but it's true. I may be a lot of things Justin, but I am not a liar."
The tears fell freely down Justin's face as he stared into Brian's liquid eyes."I'm...so...so sorry..." Justin choked out, "I'll, I'll do anything, anything, I'm just so...so...sor..." as Justin babbled on, a weak mess in Brian's arms, Brian slowly removed a hand from Justin's cheek and picked up the nearby tennis ball. He slowly pushed the tennis ball into Justin's palm.
"Take it for me, Sunshine." Brian whispered.
Still a whimpering mess, and without even realising what he was doing, Justin held the tennis ball loosely in his hand. Brian then enclosed his own strong hand around Justin's and applied the slightest bit of pressure. As Justin gripped the tennis ball for the first time in two months, he looked up at Brian and his eyes went wide. They both smiled at each other as Justin felt Brian's warm hand that was holding his own, that was holding the tennis ball; helping him, guiding him, supporting him and keeping him firmly in place.
They stared into each others eyes, passing on unspoken words, an unsaid message;
Brian would always be strong enough for them both.