If I could just have one last dance with you...

Disclaimer: I do not own Queer as Folk or any of the characters, they belong to Showtime and Cowlip, I also do not own the Drifters or their song "Save the last dance for me".

Warnings: Slash, some strong language, homophobia, and for this chapter, some minor adult themes.

I cannot express just how grateful for all of the inspiring reviews I have gotten and all of the support, it really does keep me writing. Hope you all enjoy chapter 5! x

Chapter 5: Trust in Brian's love

Brian noticed Justin's knuckles go white as he gripped onto the car seat of his Jeep.

"Are you okay?" Brian asked Justin.

Justin smiled nervously. "Of course I am," he said, "I can't be afraid of the outside forever."

Brian smiled briefly. "Are you sure you're ready to do this?"

"I think so." Justin admitted.

"Okay," said Brian finally, "but you have to promise me that if you feel uncomfortable at any time, then you'll tell me, and we'll leave."

"I promise." Said Justin, smiling. "I love you."

Brian smiled as he looked down at Sunshine. "I love you, too."

...

Brian held onto Justin as they walked carefully into the Liberty Diner, Justin was glad for the support. As soon as Debbie Novotny saw them, a relieved smile broke out across her kind face.

"Sunshine!"

"Hey, Deb." Said Justin, grinning. Debbie walked out from behind the counter.

"I have prayed, for this day." She said. "To see you standing there, and to know you're all right." When she hugged Justin, she noticed Brian's unease to relinquish his very protective hold on him. I knew it, Sweetheart, you're biggest organ is your heart.

"Baaaby!" Emmett screeched from the table he and Michael were sitting at. He bounded over and enveloped Justin into a warm hug. When they broke apart, Emmett was crying.

"Oh, honey..." he cried, "I'm just so glad to know you're all right."

Brian held a tissue out to Emmett, Emmett was momentarily caught off-guard by this simplest of gestures, he tentatively took the tissue. Was Brian Kinney being kind to him?

"Hey, Justin." Said Michael, smiling softly. He and Justin hugged slightly awkwardly.

"I'm glad you're okay." Said Michael sincerely.

"I'm glad you feel that way." Replied Justin.

"So, how have you been?" Asked Emmett, "have you been okay?"

"I've been okay," Justin smiled. "I've had Brian to look after me."

Brian smiled. "Always will."

Michael and Emmett shared a look.

"Hey, Sunshine!" Called Debbie. "Come over here and say hi to Uncle Vic!"

Justin grinned. "Be right back." He said to Brian. As Justin went to walk away, Brian reached out and grabbed his hand, getting his attention. "Love you." Said Brian.

Justin grinned widely. "Love you, too," he answered, leaning and kissing Brian, as Justin walked away Brian watched him go. When his eyes drifted back to where he was, he suddenly realised that Michael and Emmett were both staring at him.

"What?" He asked defensively.

"Have you finally done it?" Asked Emmett, "grown a heart?"

Brian laughed humourlessly. "Well, I guess a bat to the head can really jog your senses."

Michael got up and put his arms around Brian protectively.

"I'm just glad you're all right." He said softly to his best friend. Brian hugged Michael back and couldn't bring himself to tell his best friend the truth. Yeah, he thought, lets go with that.

...

It was night time and Brian was sat in his bed in the loft, happily flicking through a magazine. He looked up when Justin got into the bed, holding his hand towards his body. Brian felt a twinge of pain on his already beaten heart.

"It feels really good to be back here." Justin told Brian.

"Home," said Brian.

"Really?" Asked Justin, surprised.

"You belong with me," said Brian, "in my heart. That is, if you want to."

Justin presented Brian with his famous Sunshine smile and Brian took that as a "yes".

Brian noticed that Justin was sitting at the far side of the bed. "What...are you doing all the way over there?" He asked tentatively. "Come closer." Justin edged closer down the bed towards Brian and Brian closed the rest of the distance. Brian looked into Justin's eyes and tentatively leant forward and touched Justin's lips with his own. Justin began to kiss Brian back and they revelled in the taste of each other for a few minutes, until Brian began to kiss slowly and seductively down the sensitive side of Justin's neck, an area that Brian knew well. Justin was lost in Brian for a few moments until his hand began to stroke slowly down Sunshine's back...

"Stop!" Said Justin suddenly, pulling Brian out of the moment. Justin sighed sadly and moved away, back facing Brian with his head buried in his hands. "I can't." He said miserably, defeated.

"What's wrong?" Asked Brian softly, tentatively, gently.

"It's not because I don't trust you, because I do." Said Justin hollowly, "I just don't think I'm ready."

Brian ran a hand through his hair. "It's okay." He said soothingly.

"It's not okay!" Justin shouted,angry at himself. Brian began to ponder what to do.

...

"So, Justin won't let anyone touch him?" Asked the Doctor.

"Yeah-" said Brian, running a hand through his hair and messing it up slightly. "I mean-" Brian continued, "he's okay with hugs and holding hands and stuff, but I tried to kiss him, to...to make love with him, but he just froze."

"Brian-" began the Doctor, "Justin is still thoroughly disturbed by all the things he can't remember."

Brian immediately looked up at the Doctor. "You said his memory would come back."

"I think in this case, Justin's memory needs to be unlocked."

"How?" Asked Brian, "how do I do that?"

"Brian, there is no simple answer..."

"Doctor, please," Brian interrupted, swallowing his own pride for the sake of Sunshine for a moment. "I...need your help. Justin is screaming on the inside I can feel it, now what can I do to make that stop? What can I do to make him remember?"

The Doctor sighed and caved at the desperate look in Brian's eyes. Brian's desperation seemed more serious as it was so contrasted with his usual confident disposition.

"Brian, you need to show him. You're the only one he trusts."

...

"What are we doing here?" Asked Justin nervously. Brian hopped out of the Jeep and onto St. James' parking lot and Justin followed suit, the worry and confusion evident in his eyes.

"I'm trying to help you remember what happened," Brian told Justin. "Your Doctor said it would help if I showed you some triggers."

"Okay..." Said Justin, slowly walking out in front of Brian and further down the parking lot. Unsure.

"I dragged you out into the parking lot-" began Brian, "-we were singing and dancing. We got to my Jeep and I kissed you, and you went to walk away..." Brian screwed up his eyes, grateful Sunshine wasn't looking at him.

"I saw Hobbs come after you, and I tried to run and stop him, but he was moving too fast and you were too far away..." As Brian said the words, Justin didn't feel like these things had happened to him, he felt like they'd happened to someone else.

"...then he swung, and you hit the ground, and you...your blood..." Justin winced as he heard what had happened to him, but he couldn't feel it.

"Don't...don't you remember anything?" Asked Brian desperately. Justin didn't answer.

Against his will, Brian whimpered in pain. Justin immediately turned to see Brian staring at the ground but not seeing anything, and even though Justin had been smashed over the head by a baseball bat, he was more hurt by Brian's pain. Justin slowly walked up to Brian and put his hands on him, desperate for the contact.

"I...want to remember." Said Justin, Brian met Justin's eyes and laughed shallowly.

"I don't."

...

"Did we really dance like this?" Asked Justin, as he and Brian danced around Brian's loft to no music. It had been more of a spur of the moment thing to Brian, any excuse to hold Sunshine in his arms.

"Of course we did." Brian grinned.

"I never expected you to ballroom dance," Justin told him, "like something out of an old movie."

"I liked to think of it as ridiculously romantic." Brian informed Justin playfully.

Justin sighed, "I still can't remember anything."

"Don't try," Brian soothed, pulling Justin against his chest. "Just dance, let the memories flow." Justin breathed in Brian's scent as they danced intimately for a few more minutes, then Brian leant down and kissed Justin softly.

"What was that for?" Asked Justin, slightly breathless.

"Trying to get you to remember." Brian answered easily.

"Wait," said Justin, coming to a halt, "you mean, you kissed me? In front of everybody?" He asked, nervous and pleased and a little gooey.

"Yeah-" said Brian softly, stroking Justin's cheek, "-you should have been there."

...

"There's no point in putting the radio on," Justin told Daphne, "they've just been playing old stuff all day."

"Better than nothing," Daphne shrugged, turning the radio on anyway. Justin wasn't particularly listening so it explained why the next few minutes of his life were pain free.

"So, how are you doing?" Daphne asked her best friend.

"Not so great," Justin admitted, "I can't remember a God damn thing."

"Well," Daphne laughed, trying to brighten the mood. "At least you have a gorgeous boyfriend." Justin and Daphne began to laugh for a long moment, and when it died down, Justin suddenly became aware of what song was playing. It was a song he had never heard before in his life, but had the most significance in the world.

So don't forget who's takin' you home, and in who's arms you're gonna be. So darlin', save the last dance for me...

Justin's mind was suddenly bombarded with images of him and Brian dancing together in a dark room, Justin could see them in suits, and a silk scarf...they were standing in a parking lot, Brian was calling his name and Justin was being hit with a sharp, blinding pain...

Justin's eyes began to flutter uncontrollably as the flashbacks began to overwhelm him. Daphne's eyes widened as she realised her best friend was freaking out.

"BRIAN!" She called without thinking. Brian ran in from the next room with Jennifer on his tail, both wide eyed.

"Justin..." began Jennifer helplessly.

Brian saw the state Justin was in and immediately understood, because that was the face Brian made every time he remembered Justin's bashing too. Brian encased Justin in his strong arms and held Justin whilst the young, blonde ray of sunshine sobbed hysterically into his chest.

"It's all gonna be okay, Sunshine." Brian told Justin soothingly, as Daphne and Jennifer watched on, helpless.

"Don't let him hurt me, Brian," begged Justin, still very much inside his own head. "Please don't let him hurt me!"

"I promise, Sunshine," Brian promised with every fibre of his being, "I promise with my life."

...

Justin was sat on Brian's bed in the loft watching Brian turn all the lights out. Justin watched Brian with pure love as he thought about how brave Brian was, and how much he wanted to be just like him. Brian walked into the bedroom and saw that Justin was watching him.

"Better now?" He asked.

Justin nodded and Brian sat down on the bed. "You really freaked me out," Brian admitted, "it was like you got hit all over again." Justin smiled sadly and stroked Brian's cheek softly. It seemed he couldn't go five minutes without touching Brian in some way.

"You called my name," Said Justin, "you tried to save me, you never told me about that."

"Must of forgotten." Brian shrugged, causing Justin to laugh.

"I'm jut glad you remembered," Brian continued, "maybe now you can start to get on with your life."

Justin looked into Brian's eyes. "You do know I trust you, don't you?" Justin asked, "you're probably the only person I trust."

"Yeah, I know." Said Brain, scratching his elbow and looking down, he looked back up to Sunshine. "It was just hard not being able to touch you."

"I've wanted you for so long, Brian." Said Justin, he slid closer to Brian on the bed. "Make love to me." He whispered.

It took Brian's brain a few moments to process Justin's words. "Are you sure?"

"I've never been more sure about anything in my entire life." Justin told Brian honestly. "I need you, I trust you." Brian ran a hand through Justin's golden hair and they met in a gentle kiss;

and as Brian tenderly made love to Justin for the first time in too long, Justin was overwhelmed with happiness at the realisation that he hadn't lost the one thing that would have destroyed him beyond anything else, even more than not being able to draw again;

he hadn't lost his trust in Brian's love, and his love for Brian.