~(kiss four)~

I gave up all I had for
something that never brought me any comfort

You lean against the cold stone wall on the seventh floor for the last time (you finally graduate tomorrow). You've asked him to meet you here like so many times before, but you know this time will be different and that leaves your stomach in a knot. It would be so much easier for you just to leave before he arrives, but you won't – you owe him the truth. It's the least you can give him after all he's given you (his time, his friendship, his love).

Your eyes move to the end of the corridor where a familiar face appears and you just wish that he wasn't smiling, that you didn't have to do this (and even that you had never started this in the first place).

He pulls you into the room and pushes you against the wall, pinning you there with his hands on either side of you. His face shows his hunger for love as he kisses you roughly, first your lips and then trailing across your cheekbone to your neck. Fighting off the desire to let him have you and then just talk later, you steady your voice as well as you can and choke out, "I – I have to tell you something…"

"Can't it wait?" He bites his lower lip and smiles as he leans forward to reclaim your lips.

You move your face sideward and his lips collide with your cheek. "No." He gives you a strange look but complies. You duck underneath his arm and take a few steps from him – you don't really know if you could say this to his face. But he follows you and reaches out, taking hold of your wrist. "I've been recruited…by You-Know-Who."

You breathe in deeply and slowly turn around to look at him. His face is blank, his lips pursed, his heart trembling. "Please say something," you whisper, your voice choked.

His fingers close around your wrist tightly as the realization of your words hit him. "You don't have to…"

If only it were that easy (just saying "no" to the Dark Lord). It comes with a price, a price you're not quite willing to pay. You realized a long time ago that your life would never be that easy or that simple – not when it's already planned out for you (and James never really belonged in those plans). "I do – I don't have a choice."

You can see confusion flicker across his handsome face because he doesn't know what it's like – he doesn't understand what your blood-ties mean for you. All he knows is that fighting for the right side is the only option, no matter what. And all he says is "Why?" because he wants to understand, because he wants to save you, because he won't let you go Dark without a fight.

"If I refuse him, my brother will be in danger…maybe even my parents, too…"

"But Andromeda…"

"Was never recruited," you finish for him. You look at him somberly because you know even James Potter won't be able to find a loophole in this terrible (deadly) mess. You unwrap his fingers from your wrist and move to sit down, a sick feeling running through you.

"Your brother is just a Death Eater… He isn't worth it…"

You look up at him standing a few feet away and just shake your head. His words do not upset you because, to James, you know all Rodolphus is is just a Death Eater. "It doesn't make him any less of a brother, though."

He just stands there, a pained look upon his face as he looks down on you but not saying anything else (maybe he's realized there's nothing he can do to change your mind). You feel as you did back when he said that the kiss you two shared was nothing and it kills you inside (the sadness, the thought of him leaving). Because all that you know right now is that, despite your new title, you would still be with him if that's what he wants (but you would also leave if that's what he wants).

You bring your eyes up to meet his and you can tell he knows what's on your mind (he always seems to know). You cover your face with a hand as you bow your head (the disappointment in his eyes is just too much for you to bear). With a deep breath in and a feeling of dread filling your stomach, you finally ask the question that's been haunting you: "Do you still want me?"

He kneels down in front of you and tilts your chin up, kissing away the single tear that escaped. His hand cups your cheek and your eyes meet once again. Without a word, he lightly presses his lips against yours and you understand all too well. He rises to his feet and leaves (along with your heart).

The lyrics at the beginning are from Scary Kids Scaring Kids' song "Empty Glasses."

*le sigh* I'm sad that there's only one more chapter left to this story.

:'(

Thanks mew for betaing!