Okay, I was listening to this song awhile ago and I immediately thought about Lavi. So here goes something. Warning: Contains Lenalee bashing. I do not own -man or "A History Lesson". "A History Lesson" is owned by Stephen Lynch.
Chapter Two
One day at the Black Order HQ, Allen, Kanda, Lavi, Lenalee, and Krory were sitting around bored out of their minds. Then, Lavi spoke up.
"How about I show you some of what I learned as an apprentice Bookman?"
"Not interested." the raven-haired samurai man said.
"Oh Kanda, you don't know, this could be fun!" Lenalee said in a happy tone. Oh how Kanda wanted to run Mugen right across her skinny little neck.
"Yeah, go ahead Lavi!" Allen shouted.
"Fine." grumbled Kanda, "Let's hear it."
"Okay," Lavi began,
"Ben Franklin went out one night,
Tied a key to the end of a kite,
Electricity struck so bright
Write it down mother-fuckers!"
"Why you bastard!!" Kanda screamed and lunged forward, unsheathing Mugen as he did so. However, his attack was interrupted by Allen and Lenalee holding his arms and attempting to pin them behind his back.
"Why did you call us mother-fuckers Lavi? That's not nice!!" Lenalee said. Lavi looked at her and, wanting to put her in her place said:
"Because, some of you are mother-fuckers!"
"Tell us another one!" Krory said, delighted by the concept of learning something new.
"Yeah BakaUsagi," Kanda said, "Let's hear one about science."
"Alright...
"Isaac Newton sat under a tree
An apple hit him in the head so he
Said 'Holy shit that's gravity'
Write it down mother-fuckers!!"
"Is that how gravity was discovered?" Krory asked naively.
"No, Krory, it isnt." Lenalee said.
Krory looked at her and thought, If only Eliade were here... she'd kill Lenalee in a heartbeat.
"Please continue Lavi." Lenalee said.
"Yeah Lavi, give us one about the Pilgrims!" Krory shouted.
"Okay hey now and...
"Pilgrims raced against the clock
Lookin for a place to dock
They said 'fuck it here's Plymouth Rock'
Write it down mother-fuckers!!!"
"Hey what're you guys doing?" Miranda asked as she tripped over her own feet and fell face first onto the floor.
"We're getting history lessons from Lavi." Krory said.
"Oh that sounds fun. May I join?"
"Sure," Lenalee said, "We could use the company."
Miranda looked at Lenalee and thought If I wasn't so clutzy I'd kill her myself, but for now, I'll just let the samurai do it.
"Alright Lavie, may I suggest you do one on slavery?" she asked quietly.
They all looked at her in shock and she shrank back in fear.
"There is nothing funny about slavery Miranda!" Lavi shouted, "But I will tell you about it anyway...
"Abe Lincoln led the nation
Freed slaves from the plantation
Emanci-mother-fuckin' proclaimation
Write it down nemenemops!!"
"What the hell's a nemenemop?" Kanda saked.
"I don't know," Miranda said, "But it sounds insulting, so I'm just gonna go kill myself now." and she walked out of the room.
"She'll be back." Lavi said," How about another one?"
"The Wright Brothers!" said Komui who emerged from around the corner.
"Good idea onii-san!" Lenalee said.
Komui looked at her and thought: If anyone here touches my baby sister then everyone in this room except for her is dead!
"Alright... uh...
"A dude named Orville Wright
Told his bro let's invent flight
So Wilbur said a'ight
Write it down mother-fuckers!!!"
"That's a mockery of history!" Komui exclaimed, "But I'm too tired to do anything. I'm gonna take a nap. Reever, would you take over for me?"
Reever came out of the shadows and sat down next to Lenalee.
He looked at her and thought: What the hell does Bak Chan see in her?! If she says one word about friendship I'm gonna stab her with a pencil in the boob.
"How about Gandhi?" Allen asked.
"That's a dumb idea Allen! It's obvious that Lavi doesn't know anything about that!" Lenalee scolded.
And Allen looked at her and immediately turned into Black Allen and thought: Hehehe... I think I'll sneak into her room tonight and cut off those little pigtails of hers. MWHAHAHAHA!!!
"I did not have a Gandhi one..." Lavi said regretfully, "But hey, I'll make something up!"
" Gandhi is what you said
An Indian with a bald head
And he was a bit underfed
Write it down mother-fuckers!!!"
And then everyone broke out of their social restraints and violently beat Lenalee to death.
Fin
About the Lenalee thing, yeah, I don't like her so much, so I killed her off because it was random and fun ^__^ Rate and review.