Originally, this was going to be my first chapter, however, I decided that it'd be better to use a shorter chapter as the first chapter. Anywho, I was listening to this song awhile ago and thought of Allen's poker playing. Somehow, if you combine that thought with extreme amounts of boredom on a Sunday afternoon, you get this strange story. Contains LavixKandaxAllen and some major misunderstandings as well as some Lenalee bashing. By the way, I do not own the series or anything related to it other than this fanfic. I also don't own the song used, it's owned by Bob Dylan. Enjoy!

Chapter Four

It was Monday afternoon and the Black Order Tavern was packed. Komui, the owner and bartender of the place, was conveniently absent from work, so Kanda had to pull his shift. Sadly for him, there were many customers to tend to so he missed his lunch of soba and soba cakes with soba flavored soda and was now extremely pissed off. He decided that the next person who walked through the front door was dead.

Black Jack Davey come a-ridin' on by

Whistlin' a-loud and weary.

- - -

Meanwhile, Allen Walker, the best gambler in the country, had just come back from a black jack tournament from two towns over. He was tired and thirsty, but he still managed to whistle loudly and smile somewhat happily. It was then that he stumbled upon a small town.

"I wonder if anybody would take me in for a bit, I'm very tired and I've come a long way." He said to himself.

So he rode into town and came upon the Black Order Tavern.

"Finally! Something to drink!" He exclaimed and walked through the front door.

Made the woods around him ring

And he charmed the heart of a lady

Charmed the heart of a lady.

- - -

Kanda had been watching the entrance to the tavern all afternoon, waiting for someone to walk in. Finally, someone did. It was a teenage boy with pale skin, white hair, silver eyes, and a scar across his left eye. Kanda also noticed that his left arm was deformed.

What the hell's a kid doin' in here? Kanda thought to himself. Then he thought, Damn, he's a frickin' cripple! Oh well, the world needs less of 'em anyway.

So, Kanda attacked. He lunged from the bar and drew his sword, Mugen. He prepaired to swing it at the kid when the kid said:

"How old are you my pretty little miss

How old are you my honey?"

- - -

Allen didn't know what hit him. No, literally, he didn't know if what tackled him to the ground was a very feminine-looking man or a very masculine-looking woman! He looked the person up and down quickly. His attacker had long, jet-black hair and dark blue eyes, a very slim build, and a big, pissed off look on their face.

So, assuming it was a very masculine-looking woman, he asked her how old she was. After all, she looked about 18 and too young to be working the bar.

- - -

"I'm not a girl you... you... Moyashi!!" Kanda screamed.

"What the hell's a moyashi?" the kid asked.

"It's Japanese for bean sprout."

"Okay, I'm not that short! Now how old are you?"

"I should be asking you the same thing! You look too young to enter a tavern."

She answered him with a lovin' smile

"I'll be sixteen come Sunday

Be sixteen come Sunday."

"Right. Just get the hell outta here before I get fired." Kanda said.

Then, out of nowhere, the tavern's manager, Reever Wenham, appeared and said: "What the hell's a kid doing in here Kanda?"

"I didn't let him in. Maybe you shouldn't hire a blind guy as your bouncer." Kanda said, referring to Marie, who, although he was a nice guy, he was unfit for the job of bouncer.

"Nice try Kanda, blaming the blind. You're fired!"

"Damn it! This is all your fault Moyashi!" Kanda said as Reever disappeared.

"It is not BaKanda! And would you stop callin' me that! The name's Allen!"

"You'll always be a Moyashi to me because I don't care."

"Hey, I have an idea!" Allen said and then proceeded to tell it to Kanda.

"Come and go with me my pretty little miss

Come and go with me my honey.

Take you where the grass grows green

You never will want the money

Never will want the money."

"Why the hell wouldn't I want money?" Kanda exclaimed as soon as the white-haired teen was finished.

"Because it corrupts the mind and the soul." Allen explained.

"Whatever."

"I wasn't finished either." So Allen began explaining the rest of his plan.

"Pull off, pull off them high-heeled shoes

All made of Spanish leather

Get behind me on my horse

And we'll ride off together.

We'll both go off together."

"Okay, first of all, I'm not gonna walk around barefoot like some smelly hippie. Secondly, where the hell did you get a horse?"

"It was the one good thing that my master left me. It's name is Timcampy."

"What the hell kinda name is that?"

"I didn't name him okay! So just shut up and get on the damn horse!" Said Allen, temporarily reverting to the side of him known as Black Allen.

"Fine! But do I have to take off my boots?"

"Yes."

Well she pulled of them high-heeled boots

All made of Spanish leather

Got behind him on his horse

And they rode off together.

They both rode off together.

- - -

Meanwhile, back in town, Lavi, the adopted grandson of the town's mayor, Bookman, had just arrived home from his long tedious journey.

At night the boss came home

Inquiring about his lady.

Now, everyone in the town knew that Lavi had the hots for a certain long-haired samurai substitute bartender. So, he went to the tavern to see if Kanda was there and see if he could do a little flirting.

Well, he found out that Kanda wasn't there, so he asked the owner's sister, Lenalee, who was also the waitress there.

The servant spoke before she thought

"She's been with Black Jack Davey.

Rode off with Black Jack Davey."

"What?!" Lavi exclaimed.

"He's been with Allen Walker." Lenalee said calmly, "He got fired today and just up-and left."

"What?!" Lavi shouted again, "Yu's a guy?!"

Lenalee looked surprised at this comment. "Yeah," the Chinese girl said, "Kanda's a guy. You didn't know that?"

"So I've been hitting on a guy?!"

"Yes, and now he's with Allen Walker and their probably down by the river."

"Regardless of the fact that Yu's a man," Lavi said, only half listening to Lenalee, "I still want him and will do anything to have him! I'm so pissed off right now, I could just kill someone!"

So, with that and for no reason whatsoever, Lavi went bat-shit crazy and slammed his hammer on Lenalee's head, killing her instantly.

So then, Lavi went back to his house and told his stable boy, Daisya:

"Well saddle for me my coal-black stud

He's speedier than the gray.

I rode all day and I'll ride all night

And I'll overtake my lady.

I'll bring back my lady."

So, Daisya, knowing what horrors that Lavi could do to him, saddled his coal-black hammer, even though it didn't need one, and even gave him a horse's blanket to keep it warm. All the while, he thought that his master had gone out of his mind.

"Extend!" Lavi shouted once the unnecessary preparations were made, and he was off.

Well he rode all night 'till the broad daylight

'Till he came to a river raging.

And there he spied his darling bride

In the arms of Black Jack Davey

Wrapped up in Black Jack Davey.

Lavi stepped off his hammer and put it in it's place by his leg. He walked to the treeline and hid behind a bush to see what he could see.

"I don't believe it!" Lavi said to himself as he surveyed the scene, "They're sleeping together under the stars like lovers! I gotta do someting!"

So he trudged off toward the two.

- - -

In actuality, Allen and Kanda had been fighting the whole night about where they'd go next when they fell asleep. In their sleep, Allen just happened to roll over and wrap his arm around Kanda's shoulders. That's when Lavi came barreling down the hill toward them like a maniac and woke them up with his outrages.

"You bastard," the red-head screamed at Allen, "You think you cam take Yu away from me?!"

"What?" Allen asked, still not quite awake.

"And you!" Lavi directed his attention to Kanda, "You didn't tell me you were a guy! You cross-dressing bastard!"

"What the hell are you talking about BakaUsagi?!" Kanda yelled.

"I saw you two sleeping together under the stars like lovers! Yu, you were wrapped up in that silver-haired bastard's arms!"

"WHAT?!!?!" they both exclaimed.

"Yu, please come back to town with me." Lavi begged.

"I'd rather go five years without soba. Why the hell does it have to be with you anyway? I can make it back to town on my own thank you."

"What if I made you an offer you couldn't refuse."

"Try me."

So, Lavi made Kanda his offer.

"Pull off, pull off them long blue gloves

All made of the finest leather,

Give to me your lily-white hand

And we'll go home together

We'll both go home together."

"What the... I don't wear gloves!!"

"Well, will you at least give me your hand so we can go home?"

"I don't want to go home with you, you sick bastard!"

"Well then..." Lavi said, giving a mischievous grin.

He grabbed Kanda around the waist and threw him onto his hammer.

Well she pulled off them long blue gloves

All made of the finest leather

Gave to him her lily white hand

And said goodbye forever

Bid farewell forever.

"Extend!" Lavi said, and he and Kanda shot off into the distance.

They arrived at Lavi's place and Lavi grabbed Kanda by the wrist and dashed up to his room. He shut the door and turned the lock, trapping Kanda inside with him.

"You're mine now Yu!"

"Great," Kanda griped, "I'm stuck here with BakaUsagi. I think I'd rather be stuck with Moyashi than this."

"Don't worry about Allen, he won't be interfering anymore. He can't even get in!" With that, Lavi gave a maliciously evil laugh.

"What do we do now?" Kanda asked.

"We go to bed because it's dark out and after that long ride, I'm beat."

"Fine."

Would you forsake your house and home

Would you forsake your baby?

Would you forsake your husband too

To go with Black Jack Davey?

Ride off with Black Jack Davey?

Kanda knew it was his conscience talking to him, so he yelled back.

"Okay, firstly, this isn't my house. Secondly, I'm a guy and I don't have a baby. Thirdly, Lavi's not my husband. And fourthly, I'd rather die than go off with Allen!"

"That can be arranged," said a voice that was certainly not his conscience.

He turned around in his dream and saw the form of Tyki Mikk, the Noah of Pleasure.

"Okay, I don't wanna die that bad." Kanda said, "So..."

"Yes I'll forsake my house and home

And I'll forsake my baby.

And I'll forsake my husband too

For the love of Black Jack Davey.

Love my Black Jack Davey."

"Dammit!" Tyki yelled as Kanda awoke.

Wait, Kanda thought, Did I just say I loved Moyashi? Crap in a hat.

He got up, unsheathed Mugen, and broke a hole in the window. Surprisingly, Lavi didn't wake up, so Kanda jumped recklessly off the window sill, which was on the third storey.

As he ran off into the night, he thought to himself:

Last night I lay in a feather bed

Between my husband and baby

Tonight I lay on the river banks

In the arms of Black Jack Davey.

Love my Black Jack Davey.

- - -

Meanwhile, Allen was still standing by the riverbank wondering what the hell had just happened. Suddenly, as the sun rose over the sky, he saw the tall, slender figure of Kanda running towards him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Allen asked him.

"Just shut up and get on the damn horse and lets get outta here!" Kanda yelled.

"What? Why?"

"Because BakaUsagi is bound to wake up and find that I'm not in his bed."

"You slept in his bed?!"

"It's not like it was of my own free will!"

"Whatever, let's go."

"Wait, Moyashi..."

"What?"

And that's when Kanda grabbed Allen's face and pulled it close to his in a hot smooch.

"What the hell!" Allen screamed.

"What do you mean?" Kanda asked, "My lips ain't good enough for you?"

"Why the hell did you kiss me!? You know I'm no gay right?!"

Shut the hell up and get on the stupid horse."

"Fine!"

And they rode off into the sunrise.

The End

Wow... That was a long one. But it's finally out there and I'm happy with it. Remember to rate and review and thanks for reading. :D