I know I said that I was going to study... But I gave up, threw the textbook back in my bag, decided that I have all weekend, stomped upstairs because studying was making me angry and began to write about my favorite captain ever! Which actually made me feel better... I'll try studying tonight.
So, thanks to all you reviewers, and special thinks to Silver-Wolf-Gurl, Ablast4, Dirtyspots, and MJLCoyoteStarrk, who sent questions. Yay! =)
Special, special thanks to Ablast4 for the guest appearance, although you didn't know about it until just now... =)
Also, I know I forgot to do the disclaimer last time, but I'm too lazy to do two this time... If I owned Bleach there would be a White Hair Club. Is there a White Hair Club? No. Does Stormy own Bleach? No.
Hitsugaya Toshiro, definitely the cutest captain the Seireitei, walked purposefully through his squad barracks, heading for the office that he and his Vice Captain Matsumoto shared. As he neared the door he heard voices inside- one was his overenthusiastic Vice Captain, the other was somebody who sounded familiar but he couldn't quite place. With a sigh of frustration the small captain opened the door, frowning. He must have told Matsumoto a thousand times- don't socialize when there's work to be done! Sometimes he felt like he was the adult, even though he still looked like a grade-schooler.
When Hitsugaya saw who was speaking with Matsumoto, he groaned softly. "Not you again," He growled at Seru. "Go away. We have work to do." Seru grinned at him innocently.
"Actually, I can't go away," she informed him. "It's your turn to be interviewed." His turquoise eyes narrowed in anger as he stifled another groan. He really didn't need this.
"I'm busy," he told Seru stiffly, sitting down at his desk and beginning his paperwork. She ignored him and pulled a chair out to the other side of his desk.
"Let's begin then!" she exclaimed brightly. "First question. Can I call you Shiro-kun?"
"No, and I already told you, I'm busy. Go away."
"Alright Shiro-kun," Seru continued, ignoring the white-haired captain. "Second question. Why are you so short?"
"I'm not short!" Hitsugaya began, and Matsumoto instantly put her hands over her ears. Unfortunately for Seru, she didn't notice. "and IT'S CAPTAIN HITSUGAYA!" Seru winced.
"Yeah, you are short Shiro-kun."
"Don't call me that," Toshiro growled angrily.
Once again, Seru pretended not to hear him. "Third question. Are you waiting for a growth spurt?" Hitsugaya glared at her and refused to answer. After making sure that she got the point, he went back to his paperwork, fixedly ignoring the bubbly girl in front of him.
"Fourth question," Seru continued, unperturbed. "Are you upset that you're shorter than Soi Fon?" It was becoming harder and harder to ignore Seru.
"Fifth question. Are you concerned that people view you as short?" It took all of the small captain's strength to keep him from jumping over the desk and strangling the girl in front of him.
"Sixth question. Do you think that the other captain's look down on you?" The height cracks were getting old very fast. The next person who called him short was going to get it, and if it was Seru, all the better.
"Seventh question. Do you have issues with self image? Like not being tall enough to see in the bathroom mirror?" That was it. He was done.
"Shut up and leave me alone!" Hitsugaya shouted. "I'm trying to work!" Seru smiled at him.
"I'll leave you alone when we're finished the interview Shiro-kun." She told him. "But for every question you don't answer, I'm going to add another one on. And I'm going to just sit here and bother you all day… But if you answer…"
"Fine." Hitsugaya growled, wishing that she would just go away.
"Eighth question. If Mayuri offered to make you taller would you accept?"
"No," Hitsugaya replied sullenly.
"See, was that so hard?" Toshiro frowned across the desk at Seru, and didn't answer. That one didn't actually count as one of his interview questions- did it?
"Ninth question Shiro-kun," Seru began.
"I already told you, it's Captain Hitsugaya!"
"How many times a day do you have to tell people to call you Captain Hitsugaya?"
"At least ten. Usually more."
"Tenth question," Seru continued. Behind her the door opened and Rukia walked in carrying a stack of paperwork. "On a scale from one to ten, ten being the best, one being the worst, what would you rate Rukia's drawings. Rukia looked at him expectantly. Oh shit. If he was honest and said one, she would beat the crap out of him. But if he lied and said ten, she would go around telling everybody that Captain Hitsugaya liked her drawings so ha. Either way he was screwed.
"Five." He decided. It seemed like a safe bet.
"Why five?" Rukia demanded from the doorway.
"Because they're pretty good," he heard Matsumoto snort in the background and just knew that he would never live this down, "but there's always room from improvement."
"So you think you can draw better?" Rukia asked, taking a step towards him. Okay, maybe it wasn't such a safe bet after all.
"No," he admitted honestly. "I doubt that very many people in the Seireitei can." Which was true. Nobody in the Seireitei could draw very well, so it was a safe bet. Rukia seemed to accept this, for which Hitsugaya was grateful. He could keep his whole body intact, and his pride. Good job, he told himself.
"Captain Ukitake told me to give these to you," she said, giving him the towering pile of paperwork. Hitsugaya stared at it, before looking up at Matsumoto. "You better get to work," he told her.
"Yes Captain," she replied.
"Smooth," Seru told him once Rukia had left.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Hitsugaya replied calmly.
"Sure… Eleventh question. Who do you like better, Momo or Karin?"
Crap. Why did she have to ask the one question which he definitely couldn't decide the answer to, although he had thought about it a lot. He squirmed uncomfortably in his seat, and glanced over at the Maneru brothers, who were manning the cameras. Oh, this really sucked.
"Well?" Seru asked. She seemed to be enjoying his misery. Sadist, Hitsugaya thought. Matsumoto was also listening, watching Hitsugaya with a look that meant that the second he answered she was going to tell the whole Seireitei. There was no way out. Hitsugaya squirmed again, and then decided to borrow a page from Byakuya's book.
Putting on his coldest, most aloof expression Hitsugaya replied "No answer." He tried to put as much disdain in his voice as he could manage.
"Fine." Seru replied grumpily, and grinned evilly. She had another torturous one for him. "Twelfth question. Do you think you'll go through puberty before Justin Beiber?" (A/N If you don't know who J.B is, I'm going to get Ablast4 to come over there and poke you!)
"…" Hitsugaya stared at Seru. "Who's Justin Beiber?" he asked slowly. There was a sudden blur as Ablast4 ran through the door of the office, poked him hard, jumped out the window and ran away. "What?" he asked, sounding confused. Matsumoto was making a valiant effort not to laugh.
"Here," she told her captain. "I'll show you." She whipped out her soul pager (A/N the cell phone thingy… I think I got the name right), and within seconds had a picture of Justin Beiber on the screen, and the sound of him singing (if it can be called singing) rang out of the speakers. Hitsugaya went pale.
"Ew…" he whispered, suddenly feeling nauseous. Quickly he covered his ears with his hands, and was surprised to realize that they weren't bleeding. "Turn it off!" Matsumoto complied.
"Isn't it awful?" Seru asked. Hitsugaya nodded.
"I think I'm scarred for life thanks to you," he informed the two women. Matsumoto laughed. Seru giggled.
"Sorry," she told him. "But you needed to know."
"Thirteenth question. Will you join Ukitake's white hair club?"
"No," Hitsugaya replied.
"Aw, I bet he'll be so disappointed!" she leaned forwards conspiratorially. "I hear that he got Near from Death Note to join."
"Really?" Matsumoto squealed. "How'd he manage that?"
"He offered him another toy robot," Seru replied. "I bet you and Near could be best friends! You're both midget child prodigies!"
"I'm not a midget!" Hitsugaya exclaimed, "and I'm not a kid!" Seru just ignored the outburst.
"He's trying to get Zero from Vampire Knight and Bakura from Yu-Gi-Oh to join, but so far he isn't having too much luck."
"I'm not joining," Hitsugaya informed Seru grumpily. "Are we finished yet?"
"Nope! Fourteenth question. What do you do with all the candy that Ukitake gives you?"
"I give it to Yachiru."
"What, you don't eat it?"
"No."
"You are so unfun!"
"Unfun isn't a word," Hitsugaya told Seru. He was beginning to wonder at her IQ.
"Fifteenth question. Which Captain do you respect the most?"
"Captain Kuchiki."
"Why?"
"He does his paperwork, he's respectful, he doesn't bother me, he doesn't call me short, and he doesn't treat me like a kid even though I'm not.
"Sixteenth question. Does Unohana still use that little kid ruler with the dinosaurs to measure you when you go in for checkups?" Hitsugaya scowled.
"I already told you, I'm not a kid!" Matsumoto giggled.
"You keep telling yourself that Shiro-kun."
"That's Captain Hitsugaya to you!"
"Yeah, yeah. Seventeenth question. What's your most embarrassing moment?"
"Next question."
"Aw, come on Shiro-kun!"
"Next. Question."
"You're no fun! Eighteenth question. Do you have a crush on Karin?"
"No, of course I don't!"
"It seems like it. Come on Shiru-kun, fess up."
"Yeah," Matsumoto chimed in. "Everybody knows anyways."
"I don't!"
"Well there's your confession, right there," Matsumoto smirked. Seru nodded her agreement. Hitsugaya glared daggers at both of them.
"Nineteenth question!"
"This had better be the last one," Hitsugaya growled.
"Fine," Seru sighed discontentedly. "Party pooper."
"What did you call me?"
"Nothing. Nineteenth question. Why are you so grumpy?"
"I'm not grumpy. It just seems that way because some people won't leave me alone and pay me the respect I deserve!"
"You are grumpy. Is it time for your afternoon nap?" Seru asked.
Matsumoto looked up at the clock. "No, but it's time for his morning nap." Hitsugaya scowled at both of them. Seru wisely decided to get out while she still could and retreated to the couch, where she and Matsumoto chatted until Hitsugaya called her away to do more paperwork. By the end of the day Hitsugaya wished that he'd never heard of anyone named Seru, and was beginning to consider asking Head Captain Yamamoto for a new Vice Captain. Maybe he could switch with the Eighth Division. Their Vice Captain was amazing. And she didn't talk too much.
Seru and the Maneru brothers were the last ones into the secret room. The door swung open silently to reveal complete and utter chaos. Yachiru was biting Ikkaku's head again, Ikkaku was running around in circles swearing and trying to pull the small girl off and Yumichika had retreated to a corner- probably trying to avoid getting bruised by either Ikkaku's flailing arms, or Yachiru's feet. He looked up tiredly at Seru and the Maneru brothers when they entered.
"They've been at it for the last hour," he informed them crisply.
"A whole hour?" Seru asked, incredulous. "I didn't think that Yachiru had an attention span that could last that long?"
"Neither did I," Yumichika replied, "until now."
"Alright you two, break it up!" Seru called. Her words had no effect.
"If you don't stop I'm going to kick you out and you'll never get to see what Hitsugaya does in his spare time!" This got through to the fighting pair. Yachiru launched herself off of Ikkaku's head and ran over to Seru.
"I wanna see what Hitsu-chan does in his spare time!" she exclaimed. Ikkaku scowled, rubbing his head.
"This is not fair," he muttered ill-temperedly.
"Life isn't fair," Yumichika informed him gently.
"But technically I'm dead," Ikkaku pointed out.
"True," Yumichika agreed. Seru ignored their philosophical conversation and turned on the screens. Ikkaku and Yumichika fell silent, staring.
"Holy shit," Ikkaku began, "he's got a lot of toys."
"He's like Near except not!" Seru exclaimed shrilly. Ikkaku and Yumichika winced and put their hands over their ears. "Look, he's even got a toy robot!"
"And a dice castle!" Yachiru pointed.
"And a blank puzzle!"
"And a toothpick tower!"
"And a train set!"
"That's just creepy," Ikkaku muttered to Yumichika. The other man nodded.
"And so unbeautiful," he agreed.
"Look at all the toy cars!" Seru pointed.
"Wow, Hitsu-chan really likes toy cars," Yachiru agreed. Said white haired midget captain walked into his room and plopped down on the floor. He picked up one of the cars and began to drive it around, making the racecar sounds. He had the car jump over the toy robot and then crawled around, pushing it around an imaginary racetrack.
"And Hitsugaya wins by a landslide!" he exclaimed happily as he crossed the 'finish line'.
"Aww!" Seru exclaimed. "That's so cute!"
Toshiro, apparently bored with his race cars moved on to his robot. He walked it around the room, and up the walls, talking to himself as he did so.
"Cranky, the most powerful robot in the world was going on a quest to save his master," he began cheerfully. "He walked for a very long time. He climbed tall mountains, and swam oceans, searching for his beloved master. Finally, after days of endless travel he arrived at a humongous fortress!" Hitsugaya stopped at his bed. "There was no entrance! The walls were so steep and so high that Cranky couldn't climb them. It was so wide that it would take years to walk around looking for a door. There was only one option. Cranky strapped his jet packs to his feet and soared up thousands of kilometres to the only window on the fortress." Here Toshiro lifted 'Cranky' to the top of the bed. "He broke the bars off of the window and jumped in. He was in a prison cell!" Toshiro put 'Cranky' on the bed next to a cardboard cut-0ut of Bruce Wayne.
"Batman now?" Ikkaku asked, sounding shocked.
"It was his master!" Toshiro exclaimed, oblivious to the people watching. "Cranky went to his master. 'We must get out of here quickly!' he told him. But just then the door burst open," Toshiro knocked down the pillow that was behind Bruce Wayne and the robot, "and in burst the master's enemy, Nemesis, riding on his pet chimera!" Toshiro made a stuffed tiger walk into the 'room'. On its back was a Joker action figure. " 'You shall not escape!' Nemesis exclaimed. Quickly Cranky jumped in front of his master." Toshiro made Cranky jump over Bruce Wayne and stand protectively in front of him. " 'You shall die Nemesis,' Cranky said. 'Is that so?' Nemesis asked, cackling evilly. Cranky raised an arm," Toshiro lifted 'Cranky's' arm to point at the Joker, "and shot a laser at his enemy! Nemesis and his pet chimera flew out of the room!" Toshiro picked up the Joker and the stuffed tiger and threw them across the bed. They hit the wall and fell dejectedly onto Toshiro's Spiderman quilt. "Cranky had saved the day, yet again! His master was safe! They flew back to the lab," Toshiro picked up the Bruce Wayne cut out and his robot and carried them back across the room, "and went back to ensuring the safety of the world!"
"That was adorable," Seru gushed.
"I used to respect that kid?" Ikkaku sounded amazed. "Wow…"
Toshiro dumped Bruce Wayne and Cranky on the floor and began to play with a Spiderman action figure, making it climb up the walls, fly around and basically just save random people.
Eventually he tired of this and began to play with his puzzle, lying on his stomach on the floor. Within ten minutes he was sound asleep, head on the puzzle as though it were a pillow, clutching his Spiderman action figure tightly in one hand.
"Awww," Seru whispered.
"Hitsu-chan's like a little kid!" Yachiru exclaimed gleefully.
Yumichika and Ikkaku shared a look. Neither of them was convinced that somebody who played with toys and talked to himself should be a captain. Of course, that would bring up whether or not somebody who talked to their cat, or somebody who jumped into piles of Yoruichi plushies, or somebody who got drunk on a daily basis, or somebody who had hate lists should be a captain. Really, they were kind of frightened for the future of the Seireitei. It was beginning to seem as though they were the only normal ones.
Yeah... Thanks again to reviewers, questioners (? does that sound right?) and Ablast4 for poking Toshiro.
...
...
Should I even be thanking you for getting the honor of poking Toshiro? Oh well...
Rukia's next, so questions for her please! =) I really appreciate it!
... I suppose I should study now. I don't want to, but I really should. *sighs* Only one to go though!