Thank you to all reviewers! Special thanks to Abby-Flourite, Draco Libro, Shandar1, bleach-otaku, Dirtyspots, Thunderwolf66, Ablast4, kurakaji and Silver-Wolf-Gurl. Wow. The amount of people actually sending in questions has like... doubled in the last two chapters! Thank you so much!
Also, introducing the new OC, Mizuiro! She is basically Ablast4 except she does more than poke people. Tell me what you think!
If I owned Bleach NanaoxShunsui would be more canon than it already is. Meaning, I'm looking for the kiss people!
So sorry for the long update! *hangs head in shame* I really have no excuse. I'm just really lazy. Forgive me?
Nanao wasn't quite sure what she'd done to deserve this. First her role model figure died on her. Then she was saddled with an irresponsible drunkard of a captain, who shoved all of the division's work onto her while he went off and had fun. Said irresponsible drunkard captain also insisted upon flirting with her endlessly, and she wasn't sure whether he meant it, or if he was just having fun at her expense. She wasn't quite sure which was worse. And then, as if it weren't all bad enough already, she was beginning to have… feelings for her captain. Feelings that definitely were not proper in a captain vice-captain relationship. And now, to top it all off, she had this crew standing in front of her.
This crew included Seru- that annoying woman who had gotten Captain Kyoraku drunk, again (not that he needed any help in that matter), and her camera crew, the Maneru brothers. They also had a new addition to the team, as Seru was announcing to the cameras.
"And this, our faithful and oh so patient viewers, (yes, I'm talking to all you =) Thanks again for waiting) is Mizuiro, our new question writer and chooser (awful title, I know, and I'm sorry. I can't think of anything else however. Anybody have any suggestions? Cuz if you don't, we're sticking with QWAC. Yeah I know… Quack)." Mizuiro was a young woman with light blue hair pulled up in high pigtails, brown eyes, and pale skin. She was also vertically challenged, but since many people in the Seireitei were, (Toshiro, Momo, Rukia… need I go on?) Nanao had long before decided that it was the tall ones who were out of place. "Mizuiro will be accepting and choosing the questions from viewers like you. So that's right, send in your questions to give to your favourite Shinigami!" Nanao just had to interrupt at this point.
"I thought you weren't airing the episodes until it's all done," she pointed out.
"We are in the human world."
"… So they all know about us. Why are we keeping our presence secret then?"
"Only the smart ones know about us."
"Ah…"
"I know. Some humans, mainly the ones who don't know who Hitsugaya Toshiro or Byakuya Kuchiki or Yamamoto are, are really stupid."
"Can I get back to work now?" Nanao asked, thinking, So… you're human then?
"Yeesh, what is with you people? Work, work, work, that's all you talk about! Byakuya, Hitsugaya, Mayuri, and now you! Come on! Lighten up! Have some fun! Go party with your captain sometime!"
"Unlikely."
"Alright. Please, please, please, just answer the questions!"
"If I do will you leave me alone?"
"… Mostly."
Sensing that that was the best she was going to get, Nanao led the way to her desk and sat down. "Ask away," she muttered resignedly.
"First question!" Seru began. Does every sentence that comes out of her mouth end with an exclamation point? Nanao wondered grumpily. She really did have a lot of work to do, and because of Seru, she'd have to work through her lunch break to get everything done by the end of the day. "What's in that book that you carry around all the time?"
Although inside she was screaming, (the book was full of poetry that Shunsui had sent to her) Nanao kept a straight face. She was so glad she'd forgotten her book at home today. If she had been carrying it Seru would have wanted to look inside and then… Nanao didn't want to think about what would happen then. "It's a kido textbook," she told the woman. It wasn't a total lie at least. The cover had been taken from Nanao's old kido textbook. It was just that the content wasn't even close to being about kido.
"Oh…" Seru seemed disappointed. "Well that's boring." Nanao just watched her with cold blue eyes.
"Second question!" Seru exclaimed, getting over her disappointment easily. She looked down at the list of questions in front of her, which were ordered. "This is nice," she commented to Mizuiro. "I used to just pick the questions at random." (I still just pick the questions at random… They're all good, so… there's no need to have to worry about filtering out the bad ones) "Anyways," she continued, turning her attention back to Nanao. "Is that book your zanpaku-to?"
"Well since I obviously don't have it with me, was that question really necessary?"
Seru looked hurt. "I thought it was. You never use your zanpaku-to anyways, so it's possible that you just left it at home today."
"No. My zanpaku-to's hidden up my sleeve."
"Along with all of your tricks?" Seru asked, and then burst out laughing. "I am so funny!"
"…?" Nanao stared at the woman having hysterics on the floor, and then looked up at her companions. "Is she always like this?" she asked. The Maneru brothers nodded, Mizuiro shrugged.
"I wouldn't know," she replied. "I haven't been here long. She looked down at Seru. "Do you suppose we ought to call a therapist?"
Nanao nodded. "I think we probably should."
"Don't bother," one of the Maneru brothers said, and then they both blushed when Mizuiro and Nanao stared at them.
"She'll get over it quickly enough," the other continued, since the one who had spoken up first seemed to be unable to continue.
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"HAHAHAHA! Along with your tricks! I am sooooo funny!"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"Don't you just love me! HAHAHAHAHA!"
"…?"
"I think we might want to back away slowly, and come back later…" Nanao suggested. Quietly, the four of them left the room.
One very awkward, very silent fifteen minutes in the hall later, Nanao was once again seated at her desk with Seru sitting across from her. Mizuiro was wisely keeping her distance from Seru, and the Maneru brothers were once again as quiet as ever. Not that they'd really been loud before but…
"Third question!" Seru continued, as though nothing had happened. "Is kido your preferred method of fighting?"
"Yes."
"Fourth question! Why?"
"Because I'm not very good at swordplay."
"Fifth question! Coke or Pepsi?"
"… What?"
"Coke or Pepsi? Which do you prefer?"
"I've never had either…"
"You're missing out! Show her Mizuiro!"
For some odd reason that Nanao couldn't figure out, Mizuiro had somehow hidden a can of 'Pepsi' and a can of 'Coke' in her pockets. She had to have defied the rules of physics to do that, and it was beginning to scare Nanao. Clearly this girl had some kind of powerful skill. Why she was hanging around crazy Seru, Nanao had no clue.
"Try them!" Seru urged. Thinking that if she did as Seru asked, the annoying woman would be gone faster, Nanao took a sip of each. "Well?" Seru asked excitedly. "Which did you like better?"
"They tasted the same to me," Nanao replied.
"You're no fun."
"I've heard."
"Sixth question! Do you only carry around that book to hit people?"
"No."
"Why do you carry it around then?"
"Because if I need to reference something, it's right there." Because Kyoraku's poems make me happy.
"… That's really boring."
"Next question."
"Seventh question! What's your opinion on Squad Four?"
"They're a good squad. I like Captain Unohana, and Isane, and they're always there whenever somebody needs them. They also do a lot of the dirty work, which, in my opinion, is more honourable than fighting all the time."
"Eight question! What's your opinion on Squad Eleven?"
Nanao made a face. "They're mostly uncultured brutes who just like swinging a sword around because they think it makes them better than everybody else. Yachiru's cute though, and Yumichika's alright when you don't catch him in one of his 'I'm so pretty' phases. He also helps out a lot at Squad Four in his spare time, which is cool. Ikkaku's okay too. He looks out for his friends. But the rest of them…" She scowled.
"Ninth question! What do you like in guys?"
"What?" Nanao practically yelled it, pushing down the urge to strangle Seru. "What type of question is that?" she sputtered. "I refuse to answer it." Leaning back, Nanao crossed her arms. "Next question."
"Aw, come on! It's not that unreasonable!"
"Next question."
"Please," Seru begged. Nanao's fingers twitched, heading for her glasses.
"Next. Question." She sounded murderous, even to her own ears. Good, she thought spitefully. That'll teach her not to ask me questions like that. Another, mutinous part of her mind answered the question. I only like Kyoraku. All the other men can go straight to hell for all I care.
Seru relented. "Fine." She said sulkily. "Tenth question." Nanao noticed the lack of exclamation point and swallowed a smile. Nanao- one. Seru- zero. "Have you ever been… 'intimate' with Kyoraku?"
"I'm not answering any more of these questions!" she declared, standing up and stamping towards the door. Mizuiro dragged her back.
"Humour her. Please." Nanao sat grumpily.
"So… have you?" Seru persisted. Nanao almost got up again, but she figured that she owed Mizuiro that much. After all, she and the Maneru brothers did have to deal with Seru after Nanao had gone back to her normal life. Still, Nanao wasn't answering the question.
"Next question."
"Eleventh question. What's the best cure for hangovers? You must know since you spend so much time with Shunsui."
"I am perfectly content to let him suffer. He, however, seems to think that the best cure for a hangover is more alcohol. That and doing absolutely nothing of value for the division."
"Ouch. Twelfth question!" It seemed that Seru was finished sulking. "Would you trade captains?"
"Maybe. It depends on how lazy Captain Kyoraku's being."
"Thirteenth question! Who would you trade with?"
"I'd say that I'd trade with Rangiku, since Captain Hitsugaya is responsible, and actually does some of the work, but the Eighth Division would go to ruins within a week. I might consider trading with Renji though, he seems responsible enough to look after it. Or Omaeda, because I like Captain Soi Fon. However, the Eighth Division would be ruined then anyways."
"Fourteenth question! In a contest of seriousness between you and Byakuya, who do you think would win?"
"… Why does that really matter?"
"It's interesting. Please answer the question."
"… Byakuya probably would. He never relaxes."
"Neither do you!"
"I do more than he does."
"Uh huh. Fifteenth question! Do you think Yachiru's cute, or just annoying?"
"A bit of both."
"Sixteenth question! Are you ever not so strict?"
"When people start listening to what I say, and do what they're supposed to do, I'll stop being strict."
"So in other words… It's never going to happen?"
"Precisely."
"Seventeenth question! Are you afraid of ghosts?"
"Technically I am a ghost. Why would I be afraid of myself?"
"True… Eighteenth question! Are you afraid of Mayuri?"
"No. He's a pussy. All I have to do is glare at him and he nearly pisses his pants. He's scared of all women except for Nemu."
"That's probably a good thing," Seru said contemplatively. "Could you imagine how horrible it would be if he actually reproduced?"
Nanao shuddered. "I don't even want to think about how horribly mistreated that child would be."
"… I wasn't thinking about the child's treatment… I was thinking about how monstrous it would be!" Noticing Nanao's scowl, and deciding that she'd better change the subject, fast, Seru continued quickly. "Nineteenth question! Where are Kyoraku's favourite nap spots?"
"The roof and the floor in his office mainly."
"Twentieth question. Why is everybody scared when you take off your glasses?"
"Do you really want to find out?" she asked, her fingers once again going for her glasses.
"Yes."
Shunsui Kyoraku was wandering the hallways, looking for his beautiful Nanao-chan when there was a scream and a crash from her office. Startled into something resembling soberness, Shunsui sprinted to her office, expecting the worst. When he got there however, Nanao was perfectly fine. She was sitting quietly at her desk, doing paper work. A small girl with light blue hair stood staring in between her, and the woman who was currently lying on the ground in a dead faint.
"What happened?" Shunsui asked. "What did do?"
"Only what she asked me to." Nanao answered calmly. "If you have time to ask stupid questions, surely you have enough time to do the paperwork sitting on your desk."
"What did she do?" Shunsui asked the blue haired girl, figuring that was as much an answer as he was going to get from Nanao.
"She took her glasses off." The girl sighed. "I suppose that calls an end to this interview."
"Please." Nanao agreed.
"In her defence, Seru asked for it. Literally," the girl told Shunsui.
One of the Maneru brothers picked Seru up off of the floor, and the four of them left, leaving Shunsui to Nanao's mercy.
"Paperwork captain. I know you can do it."
Shunsui sighed. He really hated paperwork.
Seru was still not fully recovered from Nanao's glasses-less glare when they met up in the secret room. She was still shaking in fear. Mizuiro and the Maneru brothers had little sympathy for her.
"You did ask for it," Mizuiro pointed out.
"I didn't expect it to be that bad!" Seru argued.
"You should've trusted everybody who says that it is," Ikkaku suggested. "If you had, you wouldn't have this problem now.
"I would never do anything as ugly as make Nanao mad," Yumichika agreed snobbishly. He seemed to have recovered from the… incident the day before.
Ikkaku shuddered. "She's almost as scary as Unohana!"
"Equally as scary," Yumichika corrected. "Unohana can be nice… occasionally. Nanao's scary all the time!"
"Equally as scary then," Ikkaku agreed.
"If she sings…" Seru began.
"I doubt it. Nanao hardly seems to be the singing type." Mizuiro pointed out.
"Neither did Unohana," Ikkaku said. "And we all found out that she is the singing type in the worst way possible."
"Maybe we should just leave this one alone," Seru suggested. There was a murmur of agreement, but Mizuiro ignored them.
"You're all big sissies," she said, turning on the screens. Everybody winced automatically, but nothing happened. "See!" Mizuiro said. "Nothing exploded, nobody died, your eardrums aren't ruptured! She's just sitting there quietly playing… What is she playing? I can't tell."
"Whatever it is, it's on DS," Seru said.
"What's a Dee Ess?" Yachiru asked.
"A hand held gaming system from the human world," Yumichika replied.
"They're actually pretty amusing," Ikkaku added.
"What game is that though?" Mizuiro asked. "Can anybody see?"
Everybody else struggled to see the screen of the DS, but it was a futile effort. So they just began naming off random DS games.
"Legend of Zelda," Seru suggested.
"Which one?" Ikkaku asked.
"Either."
Yachiru had stolen a computer from… somewhere and stashed it in the room. Now she pulled it out and started looking at the DS games.
"Nintendogs!" She suggested.
"… I can't actually see Nanao playing that…"
"Nintendogs two!"
"Did you even hear what I just said?"
"Shut up baldy!"
"What did you just call me?"
"Final Fantasy," Mizuiro suggested quickly, to stop the impending argument.
"… What?"
"Final Fantasy. It wasn't originally a DS game, but there are a few DS versions."
"Oh…"
"Or it could be-" Seru was cut off by an unknowing Nanao, who had just started screaming at the game.
"Die you ugly lizard dragon boss monster thing! Die, die, die, die!
"… What game has an ugly lizard dragon boss monster thing?" Seru asked.
"Die! Die! Die! Die! Die! Why the hell aren't you dying you stupid thing!"
"That doesn't die," Seru added, after some thought.
"DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!"
"That's so ugly!"
"I thought you called things unbeautiful…" Seru commented.
"That was last week. It would be ugly to call ugly things by the same name all the time. After all, there are so many different words to describe beauty."
"DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!"
"Like aesthetically pleasing, pretty," Yumichika began.
"You just had to get him going, didn't you?" Ikkaku asked with a sigh.
"DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!"
"… Sorry."
"Gorgeous, stunning, attractive," he continued, ignoring Nanao's screams and Ikkaku and Seru's conversation.
"That's right bitch. You have been defeated by the great Nanao Ise!"
"Striking, lovely,"
"I WIN! That's right, who's the best. I am! Not some stupid ugly lizard dragon boss monster thing! No stupid ugly lizard dragon boss monster thing has ever been able to beat me!"
"Good-looking, nice, pleasing to the eye, exquisite,"
"He can go on like this all night!"
"I am starting to see that."
"Hah! After that stupid ugly lizard dragon boss monster thing, you, ugly yellow lump in a cloud throwing spiky things, are no match for me!"
"Fine, superb, delicate,"
"Should we just leave?" Mizuiro suggested, eying Yumichika with apprehension.
"Wonderful,"
"He'll just follow us," Yachiru told her.
"We've honestly never found a way to shut him up." Ikkaku sighed. An evil gleam appeared in Mizuiro's eyes.
"I think I have a way," she said, grinning wickedly.
"Die bitch! Die! Die! Die! Yes! You have been defeated!"
"Pleasant, remarka- ow! What was that for!" Yumichika exclaimed as Mizuiro poked him in the ribcage.
"For not knowing who Justin Beiber is."
"But I know who he is! He's the ugliest thing since… ugly! And his singing voice is so ugly!"
"Hey! I killed you! Stay dead dammit!"
"Oh… well in that case, it's for being annoying."
"I wasn't being annoying. I was merely listing off all of the different adjectives used to describe beauty!"
"You were being annoying." Seru said bluntly."
"Oh hey! I can ride in a cloud! Look at me all of you ignorant ugly mushrooms and turtles down there! I can fly in a cloud! Wait no! Don't drop me now Mr. Cloud! I don't wanna die!"
"She uses 'ugly' more than you Yumichika," Ikkaku pointed out.
"I do not play whatever game she is playing," Yumichika told him stiffly. "I wouldn't play a game if everything in it was ugly."
"Well fuck you." Nanao told the game, sounding annoyed. "I'm not playing anymore!" And with that she threw the DS down on the couch, and stamped out of the room. She entered her bedroom. Ikkaku looked as though he were going to start his ordinary chant of 'strip, strip, strip!', looked over at Yumichika, and seemed to think better of it.
Nanao crawled into bed, still muttering about the 'stupid flying clouds with the happy faces that were really, really mean'. Ikkaku, Yumichika, Mizuiro, Seru and Yachiru all shared a look.
"Looks like the show's over!" Seru said.
"Yep." Ikkaku stretched. "I need to hit something," he said, with a cheerfulness that conflicted with his words. "Wanna come spar with me Yumichika?"
"Of course," Yumichika agreed. The two of them left.
"I'm gonna go watch!" Yachiru exclaimed, and followed them out.
"So…" Seru began. "Do you want to see where your bedroom is going to be?"
"Sure," Mizuiro agreed. The two of them left the room. The Maneru brothers followed them, shutting the door quietly behind them.
Crappy ending, I know... Sorry...
Anyways, anybody who guesses what game Nanao was playing gets a prize! I'm not actually sure what the prize is but... You'll get one! And if anybody has any ideas for prizes you can give out while on FanFiction, I'll be happy to take your idea into consideration XD
I am currently taking commissions. The rules and stuff are on my profile.
Next is the wonderful, Shuhei! He's the guy with 69 on his cheek. I am looking forwards to bugging him about that.
Sorry again that it took so long!