Ben reached his car shortly after April reached Andy's. He tried not to watch them kiss lovingly but he couldn't help it. A part of him wanted to be able to kiss April that way but the circumstances that surrounded that privileged didn't seem preferable - or feasible - to him. He checked his phone and read the dozens of messages from Leslie reading "hey," "what's up?" "where are you?" "still on for dinner?" et cetera.
He considered ignoring her but knew it'd do no good. Ben sent a text confirming dinner and an apology that he wouldn't be able to stay any later because he was behind on sleep (only a partial lie.) Spending normal amounts of time with his girlfriend so as she doesn't suspect anything? Seemed reasonable.
Dinner with Leslie was normal and he barely broke a sweat when she brought up what had happened earlier with April's panties.
"How do you think Jerry got them?"
Ben probably took too long to decide how he'd answer.
"Probably broke into her room in the middle of the night," he joked.
"You and Andy really need to watch after her better!" Leslie joked along.
Andy's useless, Ben felt like saying but decided against it. According to Leslie, Ben had no reason to dislike Andy. And in reality, if Ben did hold any distaste for Andy it was because he got in the way of fucking April. Ben put on his best fake smile and pretended he wanted to be there with Leslie.
And on his drive home he felt like the world's worst boyfriend - because he was. He didn't have a good reason to leave Leslie that evening. They could've had sex - he had nothing else planned. Andy was home that night, he wouldn't even be able to talk to April.
When he walked through the front door and saw what was standing before him, he nearly passed out. Filling up the contents of the entire living room was various band equipment and scraggly men who looked like they had no direction in life. So this was Mouse Rat? He'd heard so much but had never had the pleasure of seeing them in person. April was sitting on the couch in the living room, preparing to watch he husband's band rehearse. Andy was bent down near an amp, plugging some cords in.
"Um Andy," Ben said. The room diverted their attention to him and Ben became nervous as a dozen beady eyes waited for him to continue speaking. "What's exactly going on?"
"Mouse Rat rehearsal!" Andy sprung from his seated position and picked up his guitar. "Care to watch, Benjamin?"
"No, no. I'm fine. What happened to Big Jim's house? Don't you rehearse there?"
"If you're referring to Lil Johnny," Andy gestured to a thin man on to his right, holding a bass. "then yes, we do usually rehearse there but... his house burned down so..."
"Oh my god that's awful," Ben said, looking at the man who's face failed to show any emotion. "Um... so this is going to be a regular thing?" Ben desperately hoped the answer would be no.
"Yeah probably. Enjoy it, man! One day we'll be famous and you'll get to tell people that Mouse Rat rehearsed in the house that you lived in."
"Or I could tell them that I lived in the same house as the lead singer," Ben said, knowing that this simple form of intellect was way beyond them.
"Good point!" Andy said, and turned his back to Ben to continue the set up of the make shift stage which was now filling up the entire living room.
Ben grabbed a beer from the fridge and walked to his room. Another night lonely and drunk? Sounded good.
Mouse Rat started up and his head felt like it'd explode. He needed to get out of there. Drive around the town in circles. Go to Leslie's. Anything. Absolutely anything to get out of the house.
He left his room in a hurry, as if sneak past the group without being seen. Like that mattered for some reason. He froze when he noticed eyes on him and shot his gaze directly to April. She grinned at him and took a sip from her beer. She was eye-fucking him. In front of Andy.
And suddenly he didn't really want to leave anymore. He looked around nervously and the only thing he could think to do was go to the fridge and grab another beer even though he hadn't finished his first one. So he did. He took it, spared a quick look at April (who's eyes were still watching him) and returned to his room.
Again he found himself with the dilemma of not knowing what to do but was comforted by the thought of how horny April probably was for him. He chugged his first beer and opened the second. He found himself wandering through the connecting bathroom and then into April and Andy's room, a place he never went. It was a mess. Clothes and discarded pizza boxes littered the floor. The bed wasn't made, all the surfaces were crowded with papers and various dollar bills and coins. He spotted April's blue thong on the floor and laughed to himself wondering if she'd ever wear it again.
The song Mouse Rat had been playing ended and Ben froze hoping no one would enter the bedroom. He was looking for his t-shirt, it got mixed up in the wash. A new song soon started and Ben began making his way over to the crowded armoir. He looked at his reflection in a dusty mirror and spotted April's glasses on top of a stack of papers. He picked them up and smiled, he loved her in those glasses and he wished she wore them more often. As he moved the glasses aside a few papers shifted and he noticed beneath them was a notebook. He couldn't resist. The outside cover read in April's messy scroll "go the fuck away" in an ominous black sharpie. This was going to be good.
It was her diary and the first entry was from a little less than year ago. Boring stuff. He flicked through the pages scanning only the dates. She had meticulously written at least a page a day for months. And sometimes the entries were in Spanish which Ben guessed was from her time spent in Venezuela. And then the day came when she married Andy. Ben stopped on the page and read it. The entry went on for pages and pages.

So, I guess I'm going to marry Andy. It was his idea but I agreed. Kinda. I don't know why I did. It just seems like a good idea, you know? And it's not like I'm gonna ever find someone better. Andy loves me and no one else ever really has or probably ever will so like I guess that means I have to marry him. I'm sort of freaking out. Like I don't know if it's the right thing to do. Or if I'll regret it and have to divorce him. I don't want to be stuck with him and like a thousand half-Andy babies running around. He's a loser but I sort of am too kind of sometimes so I guess it's okay. Asking for someone who isn't a loser would be like asking for too much so I'll just stick with loser Andy for now. Or forever.

Ben stopped reading and scanned the rest. He'd known that almost no thought had gone into their wedding but he hadn't realized that April had actually had doubts. She had seemed so full throttle on it but there were pages after pages of her diary filled with "should I or shouldn't I" rambling. He felt sympathy for her, realizing how hard it must be to be that young and devoted to one man for the rest of your life. If he'd married at twenty-one he'd be absolutely miserable. Even more miserable than he currently was. Unfathomably miserable.
He flicked to the next entry and read the date.
"Fuck," he muttered allowed and almost shut the book. The date was from just last Saturday, the day after they'd first fucked. April wrote religiously in her diary for nearly a year, stopped after she was married and started again after she had sex with Ben. He couldn't help but read it, he had to. It was about him. Finally an insight into the mysterious brain of April Ludgate.

I did something really bad last night. Like the worst. I don't know if I should even talk about it. Andy and I got in a fight which I guess is like normal or something for married couples but I didn't think about it at the time so I went to the Snakehole and Ben was there like alone and being a loser like he always is. But then he kissed me because he was really drunk and so was I but not as drunk as him I just pretended to be so it wouldn't be weird. And then we like did it, like we have sex. Ew. I can't even believe I did that. But like I wanted to and I guess I started it kind of and I hate to say it but I actually liked it. Like, I know that's gross and I'm married to Andy. But I haven't slept with like a thousand guys or anything but Andy just isn't very good in bed and I know I fucked Ben on the toilet but like he's so much better than Andy. Ew. I can't believe I'm writing this down. Ok. I was drunk and I'm never talking about it again and I'm never talking to Ben again.

Ben laughed. Obviously something had gone wrong there. He flicked to the next entry which was dated as Sunday, just two days ago.

So I had sex with Ben again. But this time it was his fault. Like he basically attacked me in the shower but it was good so I'm not complaining. Except I have bruises and hopefully Andy won't notice. I guess I can tell him I fell down or something. He's stupid so he'll believe it. But seriously serious seriously I'm not talking to him ever now. Like this entire day. I swear to God I'm not going to talk to him today or tomorrow or have sex with him ever ever again because that's gross and he's not like hot or anything. Except I guess he is a little hot. Hotter than Andy. But it doesn't matter because I'm married to Andy because he loves me and not to Ben cause he's just some weird rapist nympho or something. I don't know. He probably never gets laid. Actually, I thought he was gay before he kissed me. Maybe he's just exploring his sexuality.

Ben laughed aloud again. Gay? Really? She'd called him gay but he didn't know she actually seriously thought that he was gay. He wasn't sure if he wanted to read any more. It was more insulting him than anything with a few sparse comments of confidence boosting sex compliments. She thought he was good in bed... or good in wherever they happened to have sex.
The next few entries went on the same as the others - revolving around Ben, their sex and her scattered and confused feelings for him. She didn't like him, not really, but she didn't not like him and she sure liked what he had to offer. It was sort of the same way he felt about her, so he was glad they were on the same page.
He tucked the diary back to where he'd found it so as not to raise any suspicion. It was a good advantage to know of the diary's existence - he'd be able to keep track of April's feelings for him since she was so poor at revealing them through any other method.
Satisfied but not entirely, he returned to his room to finish his beer and desperately wish that he didn't have to walk past people in order to get another one. The sound of Mouse Rat thumped in his ears and made his stomach sick but April's written words about him had an even greater presence over his consciousness.
She wrote about me. She continued her ritualistic writing to talk about me. That's got to mean something!
And if he had a list of all the things he wanted more than anything else, he'd move this one to that top: that April would actually tell him that she liked him and wanted to spend time with him and have endless amounts of sex that meant nothing and everything at the same time.
Ben plopped onto his bed and opened up a book that he'd read a thousand times but hadn't opened in years. He was just starting to get into it - the characters and plot were coming back to him and he remembered that he hated it the first time he read it - when his door opened partially and April's thin frame slipped into his room. He pretended not to care and looked up after he finished the page he was on.
"Oh, hello!" he said, cheerier than he'd wanted to be.
She sighed loudly and sat on his bed near his feet. "Mouse Rat's boring," she said as she fell back, lying across his bed horizontally, her black hair sprawled out like a halo around her rounded face. Ben sat up and sat cross legged, smiling at how beautiful she looked from his angle. Why he was feeling this sudden compassion for her, he couldn't tell. "Stop smiling, it's creepy," she said and Ben smiled even wider.
"I'm serious!" she said louder, but accidentally slipped out a grin herself. "You're so creepy, Ben!"
"Am not," he teased and lay down beside her.
There was an elongated silence that arose between them - something that'd never happened before. It wasn't entirely awkward - aside from Ben's internal monologue trying to decide if he should hold her hand or start making out with her. Her body language told him to do neither. She fiddled with her thumbs and crossed and uncrossed and recrossed her legs.
"So, uhhhhh..." Ben had thought he'd had something to say but apparently didn't.
"Can you stop being so lame?" April said and rolled to her side and cuddled up against Ben. He placed his arm around her and sighed. He liked this. A bit too much.
April didn't speak for a while, and it was very odd for Ben. She didn't move or anything. She just closed her eyes and he thought for a minute that she'd fallen asleep. He tried to think of some excuse to tell Andy if he walked in and April was asleep in his arms. He couldn't come up with anything and decided for ten seconds just to forget about Andy while he was with April.
"Come out with me," she demanded, breaking the silence and ending the brief tender moment. She sat up but Ben stayed still, wishing she hadn't. "Come on. You can't sit alone in your room all night. Come watch Mouse Rat with me."
"April," he began sitting up and straightening his wrinkled shirt. "I hate Mouse Rat."
"So do I." Ben was shocked. "But Andy's my husband and I don't hate him so... come out with me."
Ben shook his head and laughed. "I'll get you for this."
"Nope," she said teasingly as she stood up and danced towards the door. "This is me getting you back for what you did earlier." She held out her hand and stared at Ben, waiting for him for join her. He stood slowly and dragged his feet over to April. He took his hand in hers but she quickly let go, placed her hands on either side of his face and pulled him in for a hard kiss. Ben tried to enjoy it; he pulled her in and tried to make it romantic. She dug her nails into his scalp.
"Ow," he attempted to call out with her mouth still latched onto his. "Ow, ow. April. Ow."
She pulled back and grimaced at him. "Loser." And left his room.
Ben didn't really want to follow her but he knew that she wanted him to follow her. So he did.
He followed shortly behind and by the time they reached the living room the song had stopped.
"Ben! You've come to watch!" Andy had the same spirit as a toddler.
"Uhh y-yes. Upon you're erm, uh April's request." April rolled her eyes and Andy either seemed not to notice or not to care.
"Awesome sauce!" The pair slumped down into the couch which had been rotated to face the new center piece of the room, Andy.
The next song was one that Ben actually recognized (and wanted to hit himself in the head for knowing) and April knew all the words to. Sex hair. The words were unintelligible to Ben, he only understood "sex hair" and kept unconsciously smoothing his hair, fearing it'd been too messed up from the elevator earlier. April looked at him smiling, nearly laughing, and his ridiculous self-conscious hair flattening. She lifted her arm slowly and hesitantly and ran her fingers through Ben's hair. His eyes widened and heart pounded and his gaze shot immediately to Andy. He wasn't paying attention. April fluffed his hair up to something that probably resembled his hair after sex. It didn't really matter if Andy saw them, it was very April to mess with Ben, fuck-buddies or not.
The song ended and April and Ben erupted in uproarious applause and laughter which verged on complete and utter mockery. Andy grinned, oblivious, though Ben could've sworn he saw Andy's eyes shift slightly towards him, like he knew something was up. But he couldn't be positive.