"Ben Wyatt!"

Chris Fuckhead Traeger. "Hey."

"Are you growing a beard?"

"Um…" Self-consciously feeling his face had turned into something he couldn't stop doing whenever someone asked him that question. "No." He would have to shave this weekend.

"Ah." Chris looked back down to his desk but Ben could tell he wasn't done talking to him. "You don't have anything planned for tonight, do you?"

Besides fucking April? "No, no I don't think so. Are you asking me out on a date?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact! I have literally found the perfect woman for you. We're going on a double date tonight."

"So you set me up on another date without asking me first?"

"Yes Ben but you do not understand. She is just your type. I am going out with my old friend and she asked me if I knew anyone for her friend, Ingrid. She's smart, pretty, tall, brunette."

"Chris we went over the 'tall, brunette' thing already."

"Ben Wyatt," he smiled as if Ben had no choice but to say yes. "You know it'll be good for you to go out. It's Friday night, have some fun. One little date won't hurt you."

It'd be so much easier to tell Chris that he was already dating someone. Or it would be easy if Chris weren't so nosey and wouldn't want to know everything about her.

"Fine. One date. I'm not paying."

"Fair enough," Chris grinned and went back to his work. Ben groaned and hoped Chris wouldn't bring this up in front of anyone.

"Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben!" People just really liked saying his name, didn't they?

"Oh hey, Leslie." She walked further into his office, Ben checked to see if Chris was gone.

"So," she smiled at him, cute as ever. "What're we doing tonight?"

"Um… well I've actually got this thing with Chris." He didn't need to lie to her, but he'd gotten so in the habit of doing it. It would've been so much easier to explain Chris' stupid double date idea to her and why he had to go and how much he'd make up for it when he got back that evening. But it was too late, he couldn't stop himself from lying. "Meeting up with old friends from Indianapolis. I'd invite you but it's a little-"

"No, no I understand. Maybe tomorrow night then?"

"Yeah? Yeah! Okay, cool," he smiled and nodded his head, probably looking stupid but he was too happy he'd actually gotten away with lying to Leslie again.

"Oh, shit," he muttered under his breath. His head began to ache. He clutched the welt on the top of his head and winced for a minute in pain.

"W-what is it?"

"Oh, nothing. I uh bumped my head last night and I think the pain meds are wearing off."

"Is it that bad?"

"I might've fallen slightly out of consciousness."

"Jesus Christ, Ben!" Leslie rushed over to his side and tried to examine the injury. "Do you have a concussion or something? Do you want me to get Ann in here?"

"N-n-no, that's fine. I'm fine. I just need to see April really quick." Oops.

"April? Why April?"

Ben froze, making whatever may have been not obvious at all suddenly totally obvious. "They're her pills. Er... um she was holding on to them for me. Because you know we live together and uh she gave me the pills after I uh hit my head. And she still has them… so uh, uh yeah."

Leslie laughed. "That's funny. Does April take the pills for anything?"

"I uh uh how should I know? I'm not her-her-her pharmacist or anything."

"Calm down Ben, it was just a question."

"Right, right." He stood up and left as if he was trying to be as awkward as physically possible, but really he was just being himself.

"April," he said when he approached her desk, panting and sweating, his head throbbing with pain. He thought it would explode.

"Oh my god what's wrong with you?" He couldn't tell if she was genuinely concerned or just insulting him for the sake of insulting him.

"I-I need more - can I uh um uh - the pills?" His winced trying to not to focus on the pain.

"Oh!" She let out a quick laugh. "Did your meds wear off? I told you those were strong. Here," she produced the small orange canister from her purse and handed him two pills. He popped them into his mouth without hesitation.

"You know you need water or something to take those?" her eyes widened at him. He didn't swallow.

The two pills sat on his tongue as he spoke. He knew he had a hard time getting pills down. "Duh, I've taken pills before."

"Here, idiot," she handed him the water bottle. It took him a few tries but eventually he was able to swallow them both. He even left a little bit of water for April.

"So are we fucking tonight?" she said under her breath. No one was really around to hear her.

"Only if your asshole husband isn't around and you don't try to knock me unconscious again."

"Try? I'm pretty sure I succeeded."

"Well try not to totally kill me this time." Ben smiled at her. He couldn't help it. He loved whatever fucked up relationship they had together so much. He wasn't even as awkward around her as he was with nearly everyone else on the planet.

"So you're little Benji Wyatt?" Why did every first date seem to start this way? It wasn't like he even told people about it. They just somehow always managed to figure it out.

"Um, yep."

Chris was already all over his girl, Jennifer something. Ben was stuck with the "lovely" – and by lovely he meant the absolute opposite of lovely – Ingrid Jacobs. She wasn't what Ben would call any of the things Chris had used to describe her. Pretty? Sure, if she were standing in a group of ugly hookers. Smart – that one was still up for debate; she'd just told him this story about the time she misplaced her Great Dane. Brunette, yes, but with hideous randomly arrayed blonde highlights. Tall - she was maybe 5'4'' with heels on. But he didn't care much for tall girls recently anyways.

"Oh my gosh, I remember hearing about you when I was in grade school! Me and all my friends thought you were so cute. My best friend's boyfriend dressed up as you for Halloween. You were sort of like a town hero."

"Are you from Partridge?" Surely someone who knew this much about him had to be from his hometown.

"Nope. Jackson, Mississippi." The thought of having a small fan club in Mississippi gave Ben the chills.

"Huh."

Ben sat in silence far too often for being engaged in a conversation. Ingrid talked almost incessantly. And of course Chris was in his own little world with Jennifer the bleach blonde beauty-school student who was at least ten-times a better catch than Ingrid. Chris knew how to keep the good ones for himself.

"So like you work in politics, right? Are you going to be the president some day?"

"Um, probably not."

"You should be… then you could give me a tour of the White House."

"You know, you could actually go to DC any day of the year and get a tour of the White House."

She laughed one of those semi-forced-bimbo laughs. "You're so funny!"

Was this a nightmare?

The end of the date came much later than Ben had wanted it to. He stole a few extra glasses of wine and at one point in the evening when a very slight headache came along he popped in one of April's pain pills. He had an excuse –the bump of his head was developing into a very large and painful bruise. Also, Ingrid was fucking annoying.

"So, what are you doing tonight?" Ingrid nuzzled next to him on the bench of the booth and Adam wished he could be absolutely anywhere in the world other than in that restaurant. Preferably April's bed.

"Um… after this? I'm going home to… watch television."

"Ooo… sounds sexy."

"Um actually no. The exact opposite of, really."

She did the wannabe Julia Roberts laugh again. "You're sooooo funny." Was she on drugs? Seriously. Was Chris paying her to act this way? Or did people like this actually exist.

"Ben, Ingrid, if you don't mind," Chris began. "Jennifer and I are going out for a drive." That was Chris talk for we're going back to my place to fuck. Ingrid smiled and giggled with her friend.

"You two have any plans?" Jennifer joked. Ben began to open his mouth but Ingrid beat him to it.

"Actually, Ben and I were just talking about going back to his place afterwards."

"Wait, uh n-" He was interrupted by more obnoxious female giggles. Chris gave Ben this look that said You might as well go for it, who knows the next time you'll get laid. But he was getting laid!

The four walked to the parking lot together. They said their goodbyes and while both girls were preoccupied Chris whispered to Ben.

"Ben, don't screw this up! You're a lucky guy to get Ingrid. She really likes you, you know."

"Chris, she's a complete idiot."

"She graduated top of her class."

"She's from Mississippi." Ben actually didn't know any stereotypes about people from Mississippi being stupid. It just seemed to fit with Ingrid.

"Give her a chance. Take her home. See what happens." He patted him on the back and walked with his arm around Ingrid to his car.

"Oooh Benji! Where's your car, it's so cold outside."

When they pulled into the driveway, Andy's car was already there. Shit. He'd figured he could weasel his way around April but not with both April and Andy. There'd be no way this could go well. On the bright side: he wouldn't have to sleep with Ingrid.

"Do you live with someone else, Benji?" She'd called him nothing but Benji the entire evening.

"Yeah. Just a uh roommate. Should leave us alone…" He'd mumbled and she hadn't really understood what he said.

They approached the front door, Ingrid's arm wrapped around Ben's waist and Ben's hands shaking.

The house was dark when they stepped inside, aside from the flashing light from the television.

"Loser are you home!" called April from the couch. Shit.

"Benji?" Ingrid muttered.

April turned around, her eyes bulging at the sight of what looked sort of like a hooker at his side. She didn't speak. She simply stood from the couch and sauntered slowly towards him. She wore nothing but a very short silk bathrobe which he'd only seen her wear over pajamas in the early morning before. She must've really intended on sleeping with him that night.

"And who is this Ben?" she said folding her arms and tapping her foot lightly. He knew what she was doing immediately and he wasn't sure he agreed that it was the best choice.

"Um… Ingrid… Ingrid Jacobs."

"And who the hell is this, Ben?" Ingrid was angry. She was shooting darts at April with her eyes.

"The name's April. April Wyatt. I'm Ben's fucking wife. Who the hell are you?" She held out her hand to show the simple gold wedding band Andy had given her. Shit. He didn't think she'd go this far.

"Wife? What the hell Ben?"

"Sh-she uhhh… I um…"

"Oh shut up Ben! Is this another hooker of yours? That's the fourth one this month!" April was having a bit too much fun with this.

"N-n-n-n-no! I-" Ben was shaking. He wanted to get rid of Ingrid so bad but this was almost humiliating.

"I'm not a hooker, you whore! How old are you? Sixteen? I could tell you were a pedophile, Ben!" Ingrid lingered around for a moment longer.

"Should I uh call a cab for you?" Ben offered awkwardly. He met eyes with April and she grinned.

"Make sure she gets her whore money back."

Ingrid all but lunged at April. April stood smirking, taunting her with a small half smile.

"Fuck you both. This marriage won't last longer than a year. You're both horrible fucking people!" Neither of them were affected by this insult. It was more of a blatant fact than anything hurtful.

Ingrid hobbled to the door on her stripper heels, pulling her cellphone from her pocket. She was probably texting Jennifer about the disaster. Chris would hear about this, Ben knew it. He'd deal with it when he had to.

"Care to explain?" April said through a laugh. Ben couldn't help but laugh along.

"Chris has a very distorted view on what I find attractive in a woman."

"I don't know, she kind of reminded me of Leslie."

"Oh shut up," Ben moved in and kissed her. "Andy?" he whispered.

"Sleeping, we just have to be quiet."

April dropped her bathrobe to the ground quicker than Ben could mentally prepare himself for what was to happen next. She stood stark naked before him and he tried to suppress his eyes from bulging. He grinned and she got mad he wasn't taking his clothes off quick enough. April opened her mouth to say something witty and sarcastic but Ben had already moved in to kiss her. He felt her mouth slide into a grin against his skin as if she wasn't trying to hide that faint smile any more. He lifted her up slightly from the ground and she squealed and then covered it up with a giggle remembering not to wake her snoring husband in the next room.

"Shut the fuck up," he mumbled, laughing into her mouth. They were acting much gigglier than he recalled ever acting together before.

"Make me." She faked a blank expression but broke with laughter immediately. She wrapped her legs around his back, waiting for him to do something. He just wanted to stand there and kiss her, take it slow for once. Not that he wasn't incredibly horny, because he definitely was, but something about this evening just felt more sentimental. Maybe it was the comparison of going from Ingrid to April. He didn't even want to think that he had considered for a second sleeping with Ingrid. He had April and Leslie, he didn't need to please anyone else.

Ben carried her over to the couch, only bumping into one wall on his journey there. The house was completely dark and the only sounds came from the refrigerator and Andy. Ben had April pinned to the couch as he removed his clothes and she struggled, trying to decide if she should be acting giggly, sexy or nonchalant. It wasn't until Ben and April had succeeded at removing all of Ben's clothes did she speak.

"So when are we going to talk about you bringing home a hooker?"

"Ugh! Shut up, please." He leaned down and kissed her neck. "Chris set me up on a date with her."

April snorted out a laugh. "Two girls isn't enough?" It was the most cynical thing she'd said all evening and he didn't seem to care.

"Shh," he attempted to shush through another uncontrollable wave of laughter. She was smiling at him so wide. He couldn't figure out why but he couldn't think of anything better in the world - just that she was beautiful and she was happy with him. When he pushed into her she wailed softly, not expecting it at first but enjoying it immediately. He shushed her again, placing his hand lightly over her mouth. She pushed it away and held her lips together tight as their hips rocked together in sync. Andy let out a booming snore from the other room that they tried to ignore but were glad to hear; it meant he was still sleeping. The worst possible outcome would be for him to walk in on them like this, especially when it was going so well.

Everything between them was going well. If it had been anything close to a real relationship, they'd probably be very close to becoming quite serious. They'd had arguments before and everything, it was like they were a real couple only burdened by a marriage and another office affair.

They seemed to gasp for breath in unison and their hips rocked together less out of sync than usual. When April's nails dug into Ben's shoulder blades he didn't curse her, verbally or mentally, because he now understood that that meant she liked it not that she was trying to torture him – though the two somehow seemed synonymous.

"Ben," she whimpered softly into his ear as she linked her feet around his lower back. When she arched her back, ready to come, Ben pushed into her deeper and faster. It took every ounce of control for her not to cry out. Although she'd done all she could to forget her sleeping husband in the next room she couldn't let anything too loud slip from her mouth.

Ben rolled to April's side when he'd finished and allowed her to nuzzle into his chest for a moment. He made the mistake of speaking.

"That was fun."

"You're lame," she said not making eye contact with him. Something in her demeanor had changed in the last few moments. She didn't seem so interested in him anymore and she certainly didn't seem so keen on cuddling. She wiped her hand across her mouth and looked up at him threw squinted eyes. He waited for her to speak because he certainly didn't know what to say after being called lame after having amazing sex. He wanted some sort of hint that what she was feeling about their relationship – or whatever it was – was somewhat similar to his. That she also sensed that things were changing between them and would continue to change if they continued sleeping together. It was becoming evident that no matter how much they never intended to form any sort feelings for one another, feelings were arising at least within Ben. He found it hard to believe April didn't have any feelings for him., too

"Are you… alright?" It was a horrible question, he had to say something. She closed her eyes for a moment and then looked at him. He could've sworn for a moment that he noticed a glimmer of a tear in one of her eyes but he couldn't be certain. "April?"

She opened her mouth to speak but before any words left her mouth a loud snore from down the hall startled them both. She sat up quickly and stood to retrieve her silk robe. "I'm tired. Pick up your clothes off the ground or I'll tell Andy you're bringing hookers into the house."

"Would he even care?" He had so many other things he could say to her, but this one seemed like the least emotionally charged question. April slipped her robe over her shadowed naked frame and slid into her bedroom to lie next to her husband for the remainder of the evening.

Ben felt like he was going to be sick. He didn't want to move but realized how awkward it would be when Andy came out to the living room in the early afternoon to find Ben passed out naked on the couch as April whispered in his ear "I think he had a hooker here last night."

He couldn't find it in himself to move, though. He lowered his hand to feel the warm spot where April had lain beside him and tried to imagine she was still there. He was cold and wanted to be under the covers in his room but didn't want to retire to an empty bed. It was incredible how difficult this was becoming. How it now physically ached to be in the same household as April and Andy. How he couldn't even sleep that night because he couldn't decide if he wanted to let the tears welling in his eyes flow freely or stay pooled in his eyelids. And how the seemingly never ending snores were a not-so friendly reminder that he had to share the only woman he cared about and how he kept forgetting that the woman he was supposed to care about unknowingly had to share him.