Sorry it took so long to update this chapter. Being a mommy takes up a lot of time. Anyways always many thanks to my wonderful betas. And of course, anything you recognize belongs to Jo Rowling. Enjoy =)
James:
They had made their way from Lily's house to a Chippy a few blocks called Barney's Fish and Chips that James didn't think looked too promising. When they ordered their food at the counter Lily led him inside to a small booth toward the back, she looked at him with a sheepish grin.
"I'm sorry, I've had this craving for a few days now." She confessed.
"It looks really good." He chuckled.
"Don't tease, I've been coming to this place since I was a kid." she laughed. "By the way, I'm sorry for snapping at you. I'm just really stressed out." She confessed.
"That's alright. I understand." he said gently. "Actually, I really can't understand. It must be really difficult. Your whole life is going to change." He continued.
"Well, actually we're giving the baby up for adoption." She confessed.
"We?" He asked
Lily gave him a resigned look and took a deep breath. "Ok look, I'm going to tell you the whole story. But you have to swear to me that you're not going to breathe a word of it to anybody. Anybody! Do you understand?" She said fixing him with a serious and pleading look.
"I already promised you I wouldn't say anything." He said.
"I know, but I need to know you mean it James!" She said desperately.
It was the first time she called him by his first name and he wished she hadn't sounded so anxious.
"I swear Lily." he said with as much conviction and sincerity as he could gather.
"Ok, you know that Severus and I have been very good friends for a long time?" She asked him.
His heart sank as he realized that what he suspected earlier must have been true. Snivellus must be the father of Lily Evans's baby. Severus he corrected himself in his head. Lily cared about the git, and he cared about Lily.
"Well, I got caught up in the moment one night and it just sort of happened. He had taken me out for lunch on a Hogsmeade weekend and everything was so wonderful and when we got back to the castle he kissed me and I just didn't want it to end. So I didn't end it…and then this happened. I had only told him a few days before we had taken our O.W.L.s. He went with me to tell Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledore and he sat with me while we told my parents as well. Honestly he's been so great through everything. I think I've realized through all this that he really is the greatest friend I could ever ask for."
He listened to her whole confession without interruption. When she was finished he sat back and let what she had said sink in. He noticed that she seemed more sad than she had been moments before.
"So are you two together now?" He asked trying to make it sound as casual as possible.
"No, not really." She said.
"What does that even mean?" he asked chuckling.
"It means…I don't know, I mean, I love him so much. Really I do, but he's been my best friend for six years. If this were to end badly I could loose him forever. And besides you've seen what he's like at school. How can I be in a relationship with him? I know that sounds shallow but-"
"Well he really isn't exactly a ray of sunshine Evans." James cut her off.
"Exactly…I just feel so guilty. Like I've lead him on or something." She said.
"What do you mean? What did he say when you told him you were pregnant?" He asked.
She gave a sad little sigh. "Well, he kind of asked me to marry him." She said and then seeing the shocked look on his face continued swiftly "Only because I told him I wanted to give the baby up for adoption and I wanted to be married when I decided to have children and everything."
He was still shocked at her confession. "Wow. I didn't realize, I mean I knew Snape had the hots for you, but I had no idea it was that serious. Has he told you he loves you?" he asked.
She avoided his gaze and he noticed a delicate blush rise to her cheeks.
"Yes." She confessed. "I mean I knew he did, I've known for a while. That's why I feel so guilty about it all. I knew the way he felt about me and I knew that I didn't feel the same way and I let it happen anyways. This whole situation has gotten so out of hand, and it's all my fault." She started crying now.
James felt like he was in over his head. He wasn't really used to crying females, but he felt the need to comfort Lily. He got up and sat beside her and put his arm around her shoulder. "Look, if you've told him you don't feel the same way about him there's really nothing more you can do Evans. He'll get over it. And if he's sticking around and supporting you through your pregnancy and everything, then it sounds like he really cares about you and he values your friendship. I'm sure it will all work out exactly how you want it to." He told her.
"Really you think so?" She asked looking hopeful.
"Absolutely." He said and he was amazed that he actually hoped it was true if only for Lily's sake. "So, when is the big day?" He asked.
Lily:
She breathed a little sigh of relief at the topic switching from her and Severus to the baby.
She was vaguely aware that Potter hadn't removed his arm from around her shoulders, but he wasn't making her feel uncomfortable so she decided not to mention it. "December 21st." she replied then added "That's why I'm able to come back to Hogwarts after the Christmas Holidays."
Lily was surprised how easy it was to just sit here and talk to James Potter. Away from his group of friends he seemed less egotistical. She assumed that had something to do with Sirius Black and the way James always seemed to be trying to impress his best friend.
She found it even more surprising that as time went on she actually wanted to be sitting here talking to James. She had had very little company since summer started. Only her parents and Severus and while she enjoyed her comfortable relationship with her best friend, there was something different about sitting here with someone outside her situation and it was refreshing that James wasn't judging her. In fact, he wasn't even judging Severus. He was just listening and offering comfort, and advice.
It was already late afternoon when they finished their fish and chips and made the short walk back to her house. Lily invited James to come inside but he refused politely.
"I have to get back home, Sirius is probably driving my mum up the wall by now." He answered.
"Alright, I'll see you some other time then." She said turning to head back into her house.
"Wait, Lily" He said reaching for her hand. "Sorry, um…I don't know if I'm going to get another chance to visit before I go back to Hogwarts. I'm going on vacation with my parents., but can I write you? I would really like to keep in touch, especially since you're not coming back until after Christmas." He said.
Lily was surprised by how nervous he sounded while mumbling out the question.
"Sure, that would be fine." she said with a warm smile she was sure she'd never graced James Potter with before.
"Will you write me back?" He asked shyly.
"No Potter, I'm just going to let your letters pile up and go unanswered for months." She said sarcastically. Then she added laughing "Yes I'll write back you nitwit."
He beamed at her and tried to make it look like he wasn't too excited at the thought of her writing him back. She thought it was rather charming that James Potter was here nearly making a fool of himself over her. And then she thought of Severus and a pang of guilt shot through her seeming to come from the very baby in her womb.
"Ok then Evans. You'll hear from me soon." He said fixing her with an overly formal nod.
"Good night Potter." she laughed in reply walking back into the house.
"Lily! Is that you?" Her mum called from the kitchen.
"Yes mum." she said walking to the kitchen.
"So, how did it go?" her mum asked.
"Ok I guess, we just went to get some fish and ships and talk." Lily answered.
"Why did I get the feeling that you weren't very happy to see James when he got here?" Lily's mum asked fixing her with a quizzical look.
Lily let out a soft chuckle as she answered "Well I really wasn't now that you mention it mum."
"Why ever not?"
"We're not exactly friends at school, well we weren't before. James and his friends are big prats who go around bullying other kids, including Severus." Lily answered.
"Ah, I see. You are very protective of him." He mum observed.
"Yes I suppose I am." Lily answered "Though, away from his friends James is different. Quieter, and a little more modest." Lily mused.
"Well that's good. Is Sev coming for dinner tonight?" Her mum asked.
"Um, I'm not sure. I guess I'll call. I did tell him I would on the note I left him." She said heading toward the phone on the counter.
Nervousness set upon her as she reached for the phone. Because of Tobias Snape's unstable temper, Lily never knew when it was ok to phone the Snape house. At the beginning of summer Severus had given Lily the phone number for emergencies, but the few times she had called, Severus's father had been severely annoyed and had taken it out on his son. Since then they had worked out a system, if Severus was expecting Lily to call, he would listen carefully for the phone to ring. One ring meant I'm available call me back. Two meant there's an emergency. Severus would then wait to make sure his father was either passed out drunk or at least took no notice of the phone and would then call Lily back. Lily hated this system because Severus's father could still become annoyed at the phone ringing and take it out of Severus and she would have no way of knowing.
As she dialed his number and let the phone ring once before hanging back up, she decided to look into some other form of communication. Perhaps some sort of enchanted coin or something. The phone rang and Lily was relieved. He called back right away which meant that his father was either not home, too drunk to hear the phone, or otherwise unconcerned with the phone ringing.
"Hello." She answered.
"Hi," Severus replied.
"My mum wanted me to ask you if you're going to come over for dinner tonight." Lily informed him.
"I was going to, but I'm with my mum right now. She isn't feeling well. I don't want to leave her." Severus answered. "I'm sorry. I'll be over tomorrow though." He continued.
"Ok then. I'll see you tomorrow." said Lily.
"Ok. Tell your mum thank you for inviting me and I'll see her tomorrow instead."
"I will Sev." Lily assured him.
"Goodnight." He replied.
"Goodnight." She answered before hanging up. "Sev's not coming mum. But he said thank you for inviting him and that he will see you tomorrow instead." Lily informed her mother.
"Ok love. Why don't you set the table for me yourself and your father then." Her mother smiled.
Sev:
He woke up at six forty five like he usually did. He sighed in frustration. He would love nothing more than to roll over and try to get another few hours of sleep, but he knew it was useless to try. He would only manage to toss and turn for an hour or so before giving up. Instead he made his way down stairs to the kitchen to make some tea and toast.
As he sat down for his breakfast his mind wandered to the day before. He replayed the puzzling meeting he had had with Lucius in his mind and he was thankful not for the first time that his mother had given him many of her magical books from when she was a student at Hogwarts and after that. Among them, he had had found a few volumes on Legilimency and Occlumency. He was equally grateful that he had been practicing both for the past few years on his own. If he was going to have to sit an audience with Voldemort he was going to try his defenses. If he could manage to keep details about Lily from Voldemort it might be easier to actually protect her, and the baby for that matter.
He finished his breakfast and made his way upstairs to shower and get ready for the day.
When he was fully showered and dressed he made his way to Lily's house. It was only eight fifteen, but he knew that Lily's mum was already up and Lily most likely would be as well. He enjoyed mornings with the Evans women.
As he made the short fifteen minute walk, he wondered how much of his meeting with Lucius he should reveal to Lily. He knew she was going to ask, and she would know if he was lying. She always knew. He decided that he was going to have to learn to master his features from now on. His emotions were always betraying him in his face and for some reason he felt this was something he couldn't afford any longer.
He rang the doorbell and Lily's mother answered with a smile. "Good morning Severus, come on in." She said stepping aside so he could enter.
"Good morning Mrs. Evans. How is she this morning?" he asked. Lily had been struggling with the usual nausea that came with morning sickness off and on for the past few weeks.
"Actually she isn't doing well this morning. I tried to get her to eat some dry toast a few minutes ago and she ran to the bathroom just before you rang the doorbell." Her explanation was interrupted at the sound of Lily retching in the bathroom down the hall.
"I'll go to her." Severus said.
"Are you sure Severus? You don't have to." Her mother replied.
"No, really, I like to be there for her. Even when she shouts at me." He chuckled. Lily would often yell at him to leave her alone as she emptied the contents of her stomach but he never did. He always knelt beside her with a glass of ice water and held her hand or her hair and placed a cool towel behind her neck.
He went to the kitchen to get her a glass of water with ice and went to the bathroom and knocked on the door.
"Go away Sev!" Came Lily's voice from behind the door.
"You know I'm not going to. Why don't you just unlock the door for me?" He replied with a smirk. H knew she would let him in. She always did.
The sound of the door unlocking reached his ears followed by the sound of her retching again. He open the door placed the glass of water on the counter, then grabbed a face towel and ran it under the cold water before kneeling beside her and placing the towel on her neck and holding her hair away from her face.
When she had finished being sick he reached over and flushed the toilet.
"Feeling better?" he asked. Handing her the glass of water.
"Yes. Much better. Thank you." she said rinsing her mouth out and brushing her teeth before drinking the rest of the ice water. "You know, you really don't have to do that."
"I know I don't have to, but I want to." He replied with an exasperated sigh.
"Why on earth would you want to though?" She asked?
"Because you're having a miserable time getting sick and it's just as much my fault as it is yours and if I can't do anything for you but hold your hand through it all, or hold your hair, or bring you a glass of water or whatever else there is to do, I'll do it. I care about you, and I want you to know that I'm in this." He replied.
"I know you are Sev. Thank you." she responded with a tired smile. "Good morning." she said a little belatedly.
He smirked at her "Good morning."
"I'm going to jump in the shower and get dressed will you be alright with my mum?" She asked.
"Of course I will." He replied pretending to be affronted.
"Ok good, because I want to talk to you before we go to the doctor's this afternoon. I'll be back in a few minutes." She yelled back at him as she made her way up the stairs.
Severus laughed to himself, she always felt the need to make sure that if she went upstairs to change or whatever that he wouldn't get freaked out by being with her mum or dad for a few minutes. Like he would leave or something. Truthfully even if he did feel uncomfortable with her parents, which he certainly did not, he wouldn't leave.
He made his way to the kitchen and found lily's mum enjoying her morning tea and reading a newspaper.
"How is she?" She asked him.
"She's good. Better. She's going to take a shower and get dressed." He answered.
"Would you like some tea dear? Are you hungry at all?" Lily's mum asked him. He smiled up at her, he had come to love letting the woman mother him. Partly because he knew she genuinely cared about him, and partly because no one else did.
"Yes ma'am tea would be fine." He replied
"Are you sure? I can make you some eggs and bacon or sausage. Whatever you'd like." She insisted.
"No really Mrs. Evans, I had some toast this morning, I'm not that hungry." He assured her.
"Ok then," She replied setting his tea before him. He noticed she prepared it just the way he liked. No one did things like that for him. No one paid attention to him that much, except for Lily, and now her mum.
They spent the next half hour talking about Lily and the baby and the doctor's appointment, as well as the first meeting with potential adoptive parents. Severus found himself slightly nervous at the prospect of meeting the future parents of his unborn child. He was grateful that his mother had bought him some decent muggle clothes at the beginning of the summer, as well as a few sets of decent wizarding robes. He suspected that had a lot to do with the fact that he had grown several inches since last summer. When he got home his mother looked up at him in confusion. Where he stood only five foot last September first, he was nearly five foot eleven inches now. His mother couldn't deny that he was desperately in need of new clothes this time. There simply weren't any hand me downs that would be appropriate any longer.
Mrs. Evans finished her tea and went out to work in her garden as she usually did. Most mornings Severus would join her if Lily wasn't awake yet or getting ready upstairs, but he had heard her get out of the shower and heard to her room about ten minutes before that.
Just as he suspected she would, Lily wandered into the kitchen a minute after her mother went outside.
"Tea?" he asked her.
"O god no. I doubt I can keep anything down right now." She replied plopping down in the chair across from him.
"So, what happened with Lucius yesterday?" she asked him seriously.
Though Severus had been expecting her to ask him this question he had not anticipated her asking him right away. He hoped he had managed to keep his face impassive at her inquiry and debated on whether he should tell her the whole story or not. He took a deep breath before answering, "Well, Lucius asked for my help on something." He replied.
"On what?" She asked raising an eyebrow suspiciously.
"On a project of sorts." He answered evasively.
"You mean on something to do with Death Eaters and Dark Lords?" She retorted.
"Lily, I can't really talk about it." He sighed and shrugged his shoulder in a defeated manner giving up all pretense.
"Well what did you tell him?" She pressed.
"I said I would think about it." He responded avoiding her gaze.
"You're lying." She challenged.
He looked up wounded at her accusation. Yes, technically he was lying, but he was doing so to protect her and he had to make her believe him. "Look, I told him I would think about it only to get him to leave us alone."
"Ha!" she replied skeptically.
"No really Lils, don't you trust me?" He pleaded.
"What do you mean leave us alone?" she asked her eyes narrowed with suspicion.
"You know how those people are Lily. I'm afraid if I offend them somehow they might target me and now that Lucius is aware that I you and I maintain a friendship, you. " he said. It was true enough and he willed her to believe him.
She sighed and relented with a nod of her head, "Ok Sev, just be careful. You aren't meeting with him again any time soon are you?" she asked.
He made sure to fix his face as impassive before replying, "No." He lied easily and was pleased when she didn't accuse him of lying to her again. It was the first time he was actually able to lie to Lily and get away with it.
She fixed him with a smile. "Good, now, let's talk about the doctor's appointment." she said.
"Are you sure you don't want to see a Healer that specializes in Birthing?" He asked anxiously. They had discussed this topic over and over in the past few weeks and Lily had admitted that she would like to at least explore that option, but had been discouraged by her parents.
"Look, Sev, women have been giving birth in the muggle world relatively safely for a long time. Hospitals are safe, doctors are safe, my mum would feel safer if I were monitored by a healthcare professional. I trust my mums judgement. She gave birth twice in a muggle hospital and she's absolutely fine." Lily said trying to calm him.
"I don't know Lily, what if something goes wrong?" He asked his face no longer the stoic mask and instead full of concern.
"Look, we'll talk to my parents again. Would that make you feel better?" She asked.
"Maybe." he replied.
"Oh, I almost forgot!" She exclaimed.
"What?" he asked curiously.
"We have a meeting with the first set of parents tomorrow morning at eleven thirty." she stated. "And then another one with a second set at four in the afternoon." she added.
"Ok then." He said as he felt a slight panic rise.
"Oh my gosh Sev are you nervous?" She teased.
"A little." he admitted blushing slightly.
"Whatever for? We're the ones choosing them to be the parents of our child. They should be the nervous ones." she laughed.
"I know," he said managing to chuckle at himself. "I dunno, I'm just nervous. They get to choose their child based on the birth parents, meaning us. What if they hate me?" he asked.
"Sev, I think you're being a bit irrational." she said unable to contain her laughter now.
He chuckled again "I guess you're right." he said. "Hey, how was yesterday by the way?" he asked suddenly remembering that she had left before he came back from his meeting with Lucius yesterday.
"It was fine." she answered quickly. Maybe a little too quickly.
"Who did you meet up with?" he asked wondering what it was she was trying to hide from him and why.
"O just some friends." she said. "Let's go for a walk." she added quickly trying to change the subject.
"What friends?" He asked raising a skeptical eyebrow now fully curious.
"Why the interrogation?" she asked heatedly.
"Lil, I'm only curious, and you're getting a bit unnecessarily defensive." he said exasperatedly.
"Just a friend Sev, that's all." she replied.
"Just a minute ago you said some friends," he pointed out. "Besides, I thought you didn't want anyone to know about the baby.?" he inquired.
She sighed and let her shoulders drop in defeat "Ok look, I only didn't tell you 'cause I didn't want you to get upset over nothing." she started
"Go on.." he replied
"James Potter came by-" she stated
"WHAT?" he exclaimed in outrage.
"Sev! Will you let me finish?"
"What did he want?" he demanded.
"I'm getting to that, honestly Severus stop interrupting me!" she chided.
"I'm sorry." He relented feeling slightly abashed. He tried to remember that Lily wasn't his girlfriend and he had no right to tell her whom she could and could not associate with, even if she was pregnant with his child. Then again even if she was his girlfriend he doubted he would be able to tell what she could and could not do.
"He just showed up, I had not control over the situation. I answered the door and there he was and he seen this-" she said gesturing to her now almost five month baby bump, "And we just went to grab something to eat and talk about things."
"Talk about what? And what was he doing here in the first place?" he asked, still suspicious as to Potter's intentions.
"I don't really know what he was doing here in the first place, he said he happened to be in the neighborhood and just wanted to say hi." She said.
"O bollocks." he interjected not buying one word of Potter's reason for visiting Lily.
"Then after he seen the fact that I am pregnant I decided I should fill him in and swear him to secrecy." she continued ignoring his outburst.
"Why couldn't you talk here?" he asked, still a little resentful of the fact that Lily had spent the greater part of the afternoon in James sodding Potter's company.
She gave a small exasperated sigh and said "Because Sev I knew you would react like this" she said gesturing to his still furious disposition, "and I didn't want you and James Potter having a row on my front lawn over nothing. He showed up, we went somewhere else to talk that was it. Ok? Besides I didn't think I had to answer to you about who I talk to." she added irritably.
"I'm sorry, you're right. I didn't mean to yell at you." he said softly.
Lily:
"It's alright I get it, you can't stand him." she replied pulling him into a hug. She regretted it immediately. She knew it would mean something different to him than it did to her. To her she was comforting her best friend after the fight. To him they were making up. They were the same thing, but they were also different.
She broke their embrace and reached in her pocket "By the way, I'm not calling your house anymore, I makes me too nervous." she said as she placed a seemingly common galleon in his hand.
"Oh come on, our system is fool proof." he chuckled.
"It most definitely is not! I never know if you're going to get beat because I called!" she exclaimed.
"Alright, alright. What's this then?" he asked picking up the galleon in his hand.
"It's a charmed coin. I have the other." she said pulling hers out of her pocket. "All you have to do, it touch your wand to it and say, or think what you want to say and I'll get the message here around the edge of mine." she said demonstrating how it worked she touched her wand to her galleon, "It will light up and become warm when you have received a message." she continued as Severus's coin started to glow and became warm in his palm.
He looked down at the message: "Cool huh?" was formed in tiny letters around the edge of his galleon.
He tried his out. "It's brilliant." he sent her back. She beamed up at him.
"Thank you." she replied, a delicate blush touching her cheeks.
"No really Lily, that's amazing. How did you do that?" he asked awed by her talent.
"I just used a Protean Charm. We learned about them last term." she replied.
"I think I remember." he replied.
"Well, I think I'm hungry now. Let's go grab something to eat real quick before we have to leave for the doctor's" she suggested before yelling to her mum that they'd be back in an hour.
He smirked at her enthusiasm. "What were you thinking?" he asked as they made their way out the front door.
"Oh, I don't know, I've been having a terrible craving for fish and chips lately." she replied smiling back at him.
"Fish and chips?" he asked with a pretend scowl.
"Yes! I need some right now, and you do not want to make me wait Severus!" she teased.
"Ok then," he relented. "Fish and chips it is."
*a/n: For the sake of this story, let's just say that the ministry of magic is not as strict when it comes to the use of underage magic back in the day. Speaking of which, it's not really that far fetched to believe that Lily might have created an enchanted galleon to communicate with Severus is it? I mean, I actually believe that one of the reasons he can't stand Hermione is because she reminds him so much of Lily. And the enchanted galleon is too clever to be something Lily would never think of. What do you guys think? Review, review, review ^_^