Disclaimer: I do not own Covert Affairs...I could only BE so fortunate as to create such fabulous characters!
Author's Note: Here's the next installment. :) We've got 2 chapters left, I think.
Song: The Fray – Never Say Never
Chapter 6: Never Say Never
Two Weeks Later...Five Weeks Since Afghanistan
Walking away is easy. You put one foot in front of the other until all you can see is the whole world in front of you. Letting go. Now, that was a whole different story. Danielle marveled at Annie's ability to start over in a new town, make new friends, and thrive every single time their father moved the family. The trick was to grieve. To place all of the important memories in a box and bury it in the back yard before venturing out into the unknown. It was cathartic. She cried. She got angry. She promised that she'd write. Her friends promised the same. Yet in the end the memories faded, buried like the tiny shoebox that contained the essence of the relationships she had forged. One could argue that Annie accepted the inevitable at the tender age of 5, then 8, then 12, then 15, then 17, and then again when she was 18. As she flipped open her cell phone she ran her thumb across one of her favorite pictures. It was her first mission. She and Auggie stood proudly in front of the medical examiner's office and he swore that she couldn't use a Listerine breath strip to lift the thumb print of the ME to gain them access. Oh, it wasn't the first time he'd underestimated her abilities and wouldn't be the last. It's what made their friendship so strong. They complimented each other. She pressed the top button on her phone and stared at the screen. Do you wish to delete? Yes. No. At age 30, Annie Walker found it infinitely more difficult to let go of a relationship she'd grown to value and love.
Annie pulled open the door to Dr. Weiss' office, her body language resigned as she walked to the receptionist's desk and pulled out her identification card. The young officer looked up at her and smiled brilliantly, his chocolate eyes only serving to remind her why she was upset in the first place. Forcing a smile, she turned on her heel and made her way to a chair in the corner. The medical facility was state of the art, but it still held one foot firmly in the past with distinct Cold War decorating.
"Dr. Weiss is ready for you Agent Walker."
Annie looked up and nodded, slowly rising to her feet. In the five weeks she'd been in Landstuhl she had been poked, prodded, and forced into numerous stretches in an attempt to strengthen her ribs, lungs, and the muscles in her abdomen. She'd decided upon the first physical therapy session that she hated doctors and questioned her sanity for ever dating Dr. Scott. The irony that he shared the same last name as her therapist was not lost on her and served as one more reminder of just how far things had come. The quicker she moved through these mandated therapy sessions, the quicker she would be released to come home. She reached for the doorknob gingerly, the memory of the last session haunting her as she fought to stamp down the guilt. He was gone. She couldn't change that.
"Annie!" the cheerful voice of Lieutenant Abigail Weiss found its way to her ears, causing an involuntary shudder to wash over Annie's body.
"Dr. Weiss," Annie nodded as she dutifully took her chair opposite the good doctor.
"So," Dr. Weiss smiled as she regarded the younger woman before her, noticing immediately that something appeared to be terribly wrong, "How are you?"
Annie regarded her warily and seemed to be calculating whether she should simply just give in and be honest or opt for the sarcastic route, "I'm fine."
Dr. Weiss smirked and shook her head, "You've come to my office three times a week for five weeks, now. I know when you're lying to me, Annie."
Annie closed her eyes as the unbidden tears once again threatened to spill. She hated being so emotional. She hated feeling so out of control. She hated feeling like the rug was about to be pulled out from underneath her. She hated feeling like a pawn and she hated that the one person she would lay her life down for was getting mixed up in Ben Mercer's CIA soap opera. Leaning against the cool pane of her hospital room window, Annie looked out over the campus and thought about all of the military personnel to cross the threshold. Flipping her cellphone over and over in her hand, Annie Walker was forced with the reality that she was just damned good at running away. It was the 15th session yesterday that opened Pandora's Box and no amount of running away would change the pink elephant in the room.
Dr. Weiss pulled her chair forward until she was sitting directly across from Annie, her eyes piercing into hers, "What happened to Agent Anderson? He's been surprisingly absent from your therapy these last few weeks. Your PT says he's been absent from your sessions as well, but you give vague responses when confronted."
Annie stiffened and the unbidden tears burned her vision, "He was recalled to Washington."
Dr. Weiss nodded slowly, internally hopeful that they would finally be able to get to the root of Annie's mental state, "That must be difficult for you. He'd been with you for much of the painful aspects of your recovery. How long has he been gone?"
Annie shifted in her seat, swallowing the lump in her throat as she regarded the woman with suspicion, "He was. You know as well as I do that he left two weeks ago."
Dr. Weiss smiled warmly and patted Annie on the hand before turning back to her folder, "Two weeks is a long time. You're heading back to Washington tomorrow according to my notes. This will be our last session, Annie, before the Agency-appointed liaison resumes your care at Walter Reed."
Annie's eyes followed the doctor's hand and nodded slowly, "That's right."
"Annie," Dr. Weiss shifted in her chair, her eyes full of concern as she leaned forward, "Tell me about what happened in the gym."
Annie frowned and cocked her head to one side, "Stretches mostly-"
"Annie," Dr. Weiss warned as she leaned back in her chair, "Don't mistake me for a fool."
Annie sighed heavily and ran a hand through her hair, closing her eyes in the process as though that would protect her from what came next, "I knew he'd been there when Ben kissed me. He was more distant after that. In the gym, he was hitting the heavy bag. I watched him with his former unit. I remembered when they'd first arrived. I pulled my side, I fell to the ground, he was there like he always is. I got angry. Said some things. He left. When he came to my room later he said he was recalled to Washington. End of story."
"Have you spoken to him since he left?"
Annie's gaze shifted to another part of the room as she blinked away tears, "No."
Dwelling on the past serves no purpose. She'd spent nearly two years in a fog after Ben Mercer unceremoniously left her alone on a deserted island. She'd pined for him and wondered if he would ever return to her life. The truth is complicated. If she had only truly understood what those words meant she would have stayed as far away from Langley as possible. Turning on her cellphone she ran her index finger over the contact list, pausing briefly over Auggie's name and moving on down the list until she found the number she was looking for then hit send.
"Smithsonian Institution, how may I direct your call?" a familiar baritone answered and immediately Annie did the only sensible thing she could think of; she hung up the phone.
"What am I four?" Annie hissed as she picked up the phone and hit send once again.
"Smithsonian Institution, how may I direct your call?" the baritone voice once again answered, only this time his tone was infinitely more clipped.
"I need to speak with the Head of Acquisitions," Annie responded evenly, knowing that he would certainly recognize her voice.
"Of course," he responded in a tone matching her own, "One moment."
When dealing with a particularly wild animal, the smart thing to do would be to back away slowly and leave it to its own devices. Should one have to interact, it was best to come bearing a peace offering of some kind. For lions and tigers, well, anything raw would suffice. Bears might actually enjoy salmon. For the cantankerous Head of Tech Ops the only peace offering was a nice, strong cup of coffee.
"Coffee at your 11 o'clock, Auggie," Stu announced as he brushed his right hand against Auggie's to signal his presence.
"Stu!" Auggie smiled as he pulled off his headphones, his hand reaching for the coffee, "You are a God's send!"
"Figured you'd need it. You were here most of the night," Stu chuckled nonchalantly as he made is way back to his desk.
"The code was particularly difficult to break. I didn't want to leave until it was done," he replied tersely as he sipped the ambrosia tentatively to test its heat.
"Yeah, it was a bear. Did we get anything?" Stu simply chose to acknowledge the lie by perpetrating it because everyone in the DPD knew that Auggie stayed late for only one reason.
Auggie frowned as the phone to his right rang, a ring tone specifically designed to alert him to Annie's cover line, "That's the Smithsonian line."
Stu couldn't hide his surprise, "Answer it!"
"Smithsonian Institution, how may I direct your call?" Auggie answered as he hit a button on the phone.
There was a 5 second pause, then Auggie slammed the phone back into its cradle. Stu immediately wished that he had somewhere else to be. A briefing. Cambodia? Maybe even the Jersey Shore.
"What is she four?" Auggie remarked as he threw his hands up in the air as the phone began to ring again and this time his tone was less than hospitable, "Smithsonian Institution, how many I direct your call?"
"I need to speak with the Head of Acquisitions," her voice filled his mind for the first time in weeks and it sounded empty, hollow.
"Of course," he responded flatly, reminding himself of good intentions as he fought the desire to talk to her, "One moment."
Good intentions. Right. To hell with good intentions.
Joan Campbell pinched the bridge of her nose and attempted to clear her mind before picking up the phone to speak with her wayward agent. Her behavior in recent weeks had surprised everyone, though in
"Joan."
"Annie. This is a surprise," Joan kept her tone even despite her internal desire to chastise the younger agent.
"I've been preoccupied," Annie responded flatly, no venom in her voice only resignation.
"Yes, I imagine you would be," Joan remarked with a slight bite to her words.
"I'll be arriving in DC tonight," Annie explained, deciding that the best thing for this situation would be to rip the band-aid off completely, "I'm being assigned to Walter Reed for the next two weeks at which point I will be reassessed."
Joan flinched slightly at her words and frowned, "You're what?"
"My flight leaves in three hours."
"I can have someone at the airport-"
"No!" Annie interrupted, her voice slightly panicked, "I can manage the airport on my own."
"That isn't the point, Annie," Joan narrowed her eyes as she looked out over the bullpen and into Tech Ops where Auggie was once again immersed in his spycraft.
"I am informing you as my employer. The Agency monitors my movements and I thought it best to explain otherwise I'm certain I'd find myself in another compromising situation."
"Don't do this Annie!" Joan warned, shaking her head as though the woman was in the same room.
"I will report to Langley in two weeks-"
"What will you do when he finds you that you're in DC?"
"Joan-"
"No Annie!" Joan snapped, her eyes flaring as she slammed her hand on the desk, "No! He doesn't deserve this. He will find out. What do you think it will do to him then?"
The only sound on the other end of the phone is the sound of Annie's slight breathing, "I'll notify you when I land in DC."
"Annie," Joan sighed as she closed her eyes, "you will regret this. Please think this through."
Annie felt the tear slide down her cheek, "Thank you Joan."
In the two years she'd spent at Langley, Annie was never out of contact with Auggie for more than a day at a time. These last two weeks were miserable. It was like all of the laughter and the light was sucked out of her very existence. She had to remind herself to wake up in the morning, to brush her teeth, and to comb her hair. Everything was a chore. Dr. Weiss explained that she suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and that those feelings were natural, but could be managed with time. She wanted to crawl into bed for the next two weeks and disappear. Of course the Agency would never just allow that to happen. After all, Ben Mercer tried and look at the fiasco that created for her. She wished that she'd never met that blue-eyed devil and she further wished that she'd let him die Guam. Closing her eyes once again she allowed the coolness of the window in her room pull her once again into her own thoughts.
"Tell me about your relationship with Agent Anderson," Dr. Weiss demanded boldly, her pen tapping noisily against her clipboard.
"All you need to know about him is in that file, Dr. Weiss," Annie told her frankly and folded her arms across her chest.
"I'm trying to help you, Annie," Dr. Weiss sighed as she handed over the manila folder, "Why don't you tell me what's not in here."
Annie took the folder reluctantly and opened it to the operative data sheet. She felt the air rush out of her lungs in a way that was unexpected the moment her eyes fell upon his picture. Auggie. She felt the lump begin in her throat as the tremors began in the tips of her fingers. Then her teeth began to chatter loudly, her eyes frozen forward as her mind slowly began to go in a direction that she certainly didn't want to go.
"What is it about this picture that haunts you?" Dr. Weiss asked as she once again took Annie's hands in hers.
"I'm sorry?" Annie blinked, pulled from her moment of panic.
"What are you not telling me, Annie?" she asked quietly as she closed the folder then placed it on her desk.
"It was all an elaborate scheme, or so I'm told. The intel came from inside the Agency. The set up wasn't just for me or for Ben, it was for Auggie too," she whispered, her eyes wide with horror.
"What do you mean?"
"They sent me to Afghanistan to draw Ben out. He has a knack for running from the Agency and they think that I will drop everything—well, I did. I proved them right by just jumping in with both feet. Do you know how that makes me feel?" Annie's eyes sparked in anger as she pulled away from the doctor and rose to her feet.
"Tell me."
"I am expendable to them. A pawn. Ben Mercer is their precious Golden Boy who knew too much and they don't care who they destroy in the process!" she yelled as she threw her hands up on the air.
"What does that have to do with Agent Anderson?"
"They knew about our friendship. How close we were. They purposefully didn't read him in Dr. Weiss. I knew it was wrong when they told me, but good ol' Annie listened anyway," she hissed as she folded her arms across her chest, "Good ol' Annie. God and country. Naïve."
"You placed your trust in them."
"Yeah, well look where it got me!" Annie fumed as she turned to face one of the numerous pictures in the office, "Damn near got me killed and could have gotten him killed too."
"Agent Anderson tracked down Ben Mercer in Montreal but my understanding is that no one was hurt."
Annie turned towards the doctor slowly, her face a mask of emotions, "It was a set up. Someone wanted to send a message."
"To whom?"
"They placed me in his unit," Annie stammered nervously, changing subject momentarily as she swallowed the lump in her throat, "Do you know that they came to see how I was doing? He never expected to see them, you know? I'll never forget the look on his face."
"Tell me."
"He looked terrified and elated and haunted all in the span of 30 seconds. I wanted-" Annie stared off into space as she recounted her feelings easily and then just as quickly became quiet.
"Go on."
Annie shook her head slowly, her eyes slowly dimming as she sank back to her chair once again folded her hands in her lap, "There really isn't anything else."
"You wanted to protect him," Dr. Weiss pushed as she placed a firm hand on Annie's and patted gently, "Just like you wanted to protect him from the pain of losing you. Just like you're trying to protect him now by pretending you don't know what happened shortly before your extraction."
Annie pulled back quickly and blinked, "Wha-"
"I watched you both interact from your first day here. He was patient and he didn't push you at first, but he saw through the lie. You remembered. I've heard the exchange. He could have easily played it for you, but he knew because he'd been exactly where you are Annie. I doubt he thought anything of your exchange with Mercer – at least not regarding you. He tried to get you to tell the truth the night before, didn't he? He pushed you to tell him the truth. His frustration was palpable," Dr. Weiss interrupted as she stood from her chair and crossed over to her desk to pick up a new pen.
"You've been spying on us?" Annie sneered, her eyes flashing dangerously.
"Have you ever asked yourself why Agent Anderson stayed behind when the others – Joan and even Ben – left? Of course Mr. Mercer returned albeit for questionable motives."
"Auggie is my best friend," Annie mumbled as she clenched her fists so tightly that her knuckles turned white.
"He's your handler, Annie," Dr. Weiss continued clinically as she reclaimed her seat in front of the blonde, "Yet, in the time that you've known him has he ever shown the devotion to other operatives that he has to you?"
Annie felt her breathing increase, the feeling of panic rising in her chest, "Auggie has never lost an operative-"
"No, but he did decide to take matters into his own hands when he thought he lost you," Dr. Weiss remarked softly, "Who are you trying to protect, Annie? Him? Or you?"
"It was a message for me! A reminder that I had to do exactly as they wanted me to do or those around me would be hurt. He could have gotten himself killed!" Annie snapped as she rose from her chair so quickly that it fell to the ground with a loud thud, "I didn't ask for that! I don't want him to be hurt any more than he already is! He had to deal with this! Coming here! Seeing them! All I'll have is a scar!"
Dr. Weiss smiled sadly, glad that finally they were getting somewhere, "Yes, and he lost his vision."
"It's not fair!" Annie wailed as she paced the room, her eyes wild as she placed her hands on her hips, "Every minute here was a reminder for him! He didn't say it, but I knew it. He forgets that I can see it in his face. I know him so well that it hurts! I did this to him! I did."
"No, Afran Falat Khani is the man responsible for the loss of August Anderson's sight," Dr. Weiss corrected as her eyes followed Annie with every step.
"He would have never come back here if not for me," Annie whispered as the tears flowed freely down her face.
"He would not have reconnected with his brothers if it were not for you," Dr. Weiss slowly rose from her chair and walked over to the agitated woman, "If he could have chosen anyone other than himself to watch over you in that God forsaken place, it would have been one of his unit. It gave him peace. You give him peace. You're simply too caught up in the fear of the moment to realize that what you said to him mattered whether you lived or died. You meant it, Annie. You can't run from it forever. Just like you can't continue to be bullied. You are stronger than that, Annie Walker."
She had pieced most of it together long before Ben and Jai returned with the intel. It really didn't take a genius to figure out that she'd been played. The sad part of it was that she seemed to accept it just like she'd accepted any other major milestone in her life. She just moved on. Shrugged her shoulders. Maybe she wasn't nearly as strong as everyone made her out to be and right now she really could use the shoulder of her best friend.