A/N: First off! Sorry this took me so very long. I got caught up in some stories I've been writing on my own. And then I got a review which reminded me EGAD! I still had to finish this one. Sorry again!

Chapter 10: Trouble at Home

The clothes she wore presently had been modified greatly from original Karucian design. At first, Arra would hold the full sleeves down with bandages on her forearms because they would bother her. When the royal tailors realized she had been doing this they changed her exercise shirts. They kept room in the sleeves at the upper arm and made it tight around the forearm.

When she used them on the practice fields, one of the young men asked her, wouldn't it be easier to conceal a dagger in the full sleeves? Arra had smiled and said, Yes probably, but I do not need daggers.

Next, her problem came with the loose breeches. No one seemed to notice but Arra that the extra slowed down kicks just a fraction. There was too much air resistance. In that department, the tailors made the breeches almost skin tight, except for enough room to move freely.

Over all, Arra was happy with the prototype. But of course the tailors did not stop there. They felt it was too simple. While Arra was not entirely overjoyed (for she would have been happy with the plainest of clothes) she left them to their imagination and expressed her dislike saying in the least she wanted no lace.

For this day, Arra thought it best to wear the simplest form of those clothes. No bright colors, no ornate embroidering, she wore an undyed shirt and brown breeches.

Arra walked out to the practice fields. She carefully ignored the nervousness in her gut. She could meet ambassadors, dukes, and lords as cool as a cat but a visit from an old friend made her shift from foot to foot.

Arra's thoughts were elsewhere when someone tried to talk to her. He must have been trying to get her attention for a while because finally he just yelled, "My Queen!"

She blinked and focused on him. It was one of her advisers. One of the shorter ones, he was taller than Arra still but only by half a head. Arra had lessened the need for advisers over her years of reign, maybe it was a good decision maybe it was bad but she grew tired of them trying to order her in the directions they wanted. She hadn't been doing well with them anyways.

When they told her she should have children immediately she waited a year and a half. She laughed when they said she should stop training daily because it was bad for the queens image. They continued on small things like that. The only thing Arra had agreed on was after the triplets were born she would have no more children. Being such a small woman, birthing had been hard.

The triplets had been born earlier than their due date and since there was three sharing the womb they were even smaller. Nobody thought they would survive, but they pulled through.

But Arra considered the man standing before her more of a friend than any of the other advisers. He had very light brown hair that was sometimes called dark blond and hazel eyes.

"Cyril, didn't I tell you to call me Arra?"

"Well, ah, yes you did, but you weren't answering to that." His eyes darted back and forth. "I needed to tell you so—"

"I'm sorry, I'm attending to something right now." Arra smiled shortly and continued towards the practice fields saying over her shoulder. "Look for Liam, he'll inform me later."

"B-but—" He stuttered.

"Liam!" Arra reiterated. She heard Cyril sigh and knew he would go on to Liam.

Arra could see the Shang Hawk from where she stood. Her childhood friend with honey-brown hair and deep gray eyes. Liam was a little more broad in the shoulder which made his waist look slimmer but other than that, both Joel and Liam had nearly the same body type.

As if he were called by the thought, Joel turned around and greeted Arra with a grin. She couldn't help but return the favor. The closer she got the more she realized that the years he had not visited had done something to him. Something good or bad she wasn't sure, but he looked older. Instead of the pure honey colored hair that Arra remembered wanting instead of her own as a child, gray had started to peak in a little above his temples. Did she look older too?

Joel hugged her immediately but did not spin her around as he once would have done.

"It has been too long my friend." Arra said just as he released her.

"No formal speaking with me, Arra dear." He smiled. Now that she thought about it, perhaps that had not been the best line to start with. Yes it had been to long, but saying so might be implying that he had owed her a visit years ago and as her friend, he should have come dutifully. Arra shook herself, court life had changed even the way she thought.

"I did try to come." Joel said and somehow Arra knew he really hadn't. She knew why, or perhaps his reasons had changed in the long years but he had said it was because seeing her was too hard knowing she wasn't his. He must have seen in her face that she knew he hadn't tried because he said. "I did come for each birthing."

He had. But that had still been sixteen years ago. Something deep inside of her had the nerve to question if she should still call Joel her friend. If he deserved such a title, if he still even wanted it.

Joel steered the conversation into pleasantries and they kept that going for a while. The whole time Arra had one thought at the back of her mind, the true reason she had asked him to come. He knew. He had to know. He came, did he intend to confront this?

The last topic died and silence strained between them. That silence alone made Arra's heart ache. She had known she had lost something between the two of them but coming face to face with a truth was never easy.

Joel cleared his throat but waited a minute. Perhaps gathering nerve? "Arra," And his voice was somber. "What is it you asked me to come to Karucia for?"

The silence was gone but tension took its place. The tension promised this would be unpleasant.

Arra sighed. "Joel what exactly are you doing in Tusaine?"

Stiffness spread through his shoulders and his voice reflected it. "I think you've already made assumptions."

"Joel give me an answer and as your friend I will believe you."

"Not very queen-like." He commented.

"That's not an answer to my question." Arra said. His shoulders hunched. Arra wanted to hear it from his mouth, not in his body language. She asked a more direct question than would ever be tolerated among her court. "Have you been seeing Lianne more intimately than you ought?"

Joel flinched as if she had slapped him. He recovered and took a few steps away from her. Arra thought he wouldn't answer her but he proved her wrong. He whipped around, his gray eyes narrow with rage. "And if I said yes? What would you do?"

"Is it a yes?"

Joel took a deep breath. His next words were spoken through clenched teeth. "Yes."

Arra's shoulders fell. "Oh, Joel. Then I have to say, stop. This isn't good. She's married to the king there for Mithros' sake. He'll have you killed if he finds out and he'd be perfectly within his rights to."

"Are you saying you'd side with him, that you'd want me to die too?"

Was he purposefully missing the point? "Joel, you know I don't want you to die. It's the only reason I'm saying this."

"But he's so much older than her!"

"You yourself are ten years older than her, how can you act like some young stallion? Please listen to me." Arra sent up a prayer to the gods that he would. She watched him for a while and found she could no longer read him. His jaw clenched and unclenched. She hoped what she was saying was getting through to him. He began to tremble and Arra couldn't bring herself to take that as a good sign.

"All the gods above!" He shouted. Nope, not a good sign. "Can't you be happy for me? Even for a moment?"

"Joel--"

"No! I bet you can't be happy for me. It reaches beyond your capabilities! You have are married and have a family but I can't love someone? And I bet there's a reason for that too." Arra was looking at him wide-eyed. There was such smoldering hate in his eyes and it was all for her. "You call me your friend but I think you still want to hang on to me, hold me back with some tie to you.

"You can't be happy that I've found someone I can love and who can love me because you are jealous. Jealous that I no longer pine after you. You still love me."

He was breathing hard but his eyes never left her.

Arra was trembling with anger now, too. She knew the next words that left her mouth wouldn't be pleasant. They would be irreversible and would destroy whatever chance at saving their friendship but her anger got the best of her.

"How dare you." Her voice was low. She was beyond shouting. "How dare you even think anything like that of me. I have loved one man in the way you mean. I love Liam with my whole heart. I cared for you as a friend and only that and you couldn't stand it."

He shook his head and smiled. That smile said to her, oh you silly child, have you not yet come to the truth? It was that smile that made her fists clench.

"If my words mean so little than why are you here, now, meeting with me? Why, after all these years do you still seek me out?"

"In truth? For your own health! You can't go on like this with Lianne!"

His look darkened, more anger. "I've finally found someone and now you want me back." He stepped closer to her. "At least admit it aloud. You want me now that you can't have me. Perhaps your so-called love for your king is fading."

He wasn't listening! She looked into his eyes and saw that hate. The hate that had taken residence somewhere in their separation. She had always seen a softness there just for her even if she tried to ignore it. This was why he hadn't come for years and years. He had been separating himself in hopes of letting her go because they both knew he had loved her. He had come here thinking he had reached that place, where she no longer meant anything to him at least not in such a painful way. He was wrong.

Joel grabbed Arra's left arm. "Arra--"

"NO!" She shouted letting her fist fly to meet his rib. "You dare come to my kingdom and accuse me of such things!"

When he bent over from her blow she brought her knee to meet him there. Joel straightened and took a step back before her knee could get him.

"I think you've gotten rusty. Even fifteen years ago you could have pulled that off."

Those words alone struck a chord. Had court life really made her soft despite her efforts to stay top-notch? Well, the always reasonable voice said at the back of her mind, you are thirty-eight. You're entitled to be a little less that perfect.

"Would you like to test that?" Arra licked her lips and went down into stance.

Joel literally jumped at the chance. She tried to duck but he grabbed her elbow joint and pulled her. When she realized she was going to probably be slammed into the ground she pushed off of the ground. Their momentum matched closely enough that when he rolled across the ground she was able to do the same while twisting out of his hold.

When there are two people of such skill fight one of two things usually happen. One, the two people in question fight so wonderfully together it is like art. Or two, as in this case, the techniques don't mesh well and suddenly it looks like they are children slapping and hitting where they can. It is easy to see how the first comes to be but the second is a little less clear. With Joel and Arra it happened because they were angry and thinking unclearly. That made their movements rash.

The both of them punched and kicked but neither thought to dodge because neither was thinking without a veil of anger. During the flurry of fists someone grabbed Arra from behind. Immediately she jabbed her elbow into the person. With a grunt the person dropped her and the man who had grabbed Joel fell away, too.

Arra got a few more punches in before at least three pairs of hands pulled her away saying something like, "My Queen!"

Arra looked across to find two people on each of Joel's arms and one with a hold around his neck. A part of her wanted to order the men to let them go and not interfere but she wasn't entirely sure they would listen. The man with his arm around Joel's neck was probably holding tighter than necessary.

"Is this how you fight now?" Joel spat. Arra had to fight to look through her right eye because it started to swell.

"Joel I want you out of Karucia. Never set foot in my kingdom again! If Lianne's husband kills you then fine!" Arra tore away from the men holding her. She heard him yell, "Fine!" Her eyes started to burn.

"Let him go! I want him out as soon as possible!" Arra shouted over her shoulder. She rubbed her good eye in hopes of stopping the burning. Where was Liam? She wished he were here now.

Arra went to his study only to find it empty. The burning continued and something like a sob escaped her lips. She checked in three other rooms to no avail before going to their room.

"Liam!" She called into the room but her voice sounded raspy. "Liam!"

He didn't answer. She stepped back out but the burning filled her eyes and threatened to spill. She took a shaky breath looking down at the ground.

"Arra? I couldn't find--"

"What!" Arra looked up to find Cyril.

"Oh, my Queen. What happened?" He put two fingers under her chin and made her look at him. With that small touch the burning fell from her eyes. She cried and sobbed. Cyril the kind soul that he was didn't know what to do when his strong queen fell apart. He did the only thing he could think of and wrapped his arms around her and soothed her as best he could.

Her knees gave out an he brought her softly to the ground still in front of the king and queen's room.

Arra took his shirt into her hands and clung to them while she cried. Joel hated her! Hated her with every fiber of his being. His hate was the kind that came from love. She was angry with him and wanted to hate him but...but...

She took a gasping breath which came out as yet another sob. She couldn't hate him with the same intensity because she had never loved him therefore she could never hate him the same way. Arra was about to bury her face into Cyril's chest when he was torn away from her.

That made her cry out loudly. Who had taken her only comfort away?

The tears still fell but she fought to look up. Her sobs turned into little hiccups. Liam held up Cyril by his neck. She even caught the words he was saying—no shouting.

"What are you doing with my wife—your queen? I sh--"

Arra used the wall to stand. "He was there for me!" She yelled. "Where were you?"

Arra went to him and shoved him. He actually stepped back dropping Cyril. A part of her mind thought that was because he had finally noticed her face and its present state.

"Where were you? Hm?" Fresh, hot tears spilled down her face.

"Oh, Arra." Liam came to her and tried to hug her. She pushed him away. It would have been like Liam to hold her there anyways but that day he let his arms drop. Arra turned back into their room and slammed the door. Liam must have paused outside the door because it was long moments later before he came in after her.

Arra went to him and buried her face in his chest sobbing and wetting Liam's shirt. At first Liam tried to lift her face to his but she kept it turned down against his chest. Liam placed his chin on top of Arra's head and hugged her close.

She tried to stop the crying but couldn't. Joel's words spun in her mind again and again along with the knowledge that her friend hated her more deeply than she could ever return. Perhaps if she could return it, it might be better, feel better. She held Liam tighter if possible and words spilled from her mouth.

"I do love you. I do, I do. I love you Liam." She was so caught in her own mind and problems and tears that she didn't notice Liam not return the words.

A/N: This chapter makes me kinda sad. Only kinda.