I know I can't take one more step towards you
'Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

Ziva sat at her desk writing an email. It had been 3 months since Ray 'proposed'. She had not hear from him since. It was like he was a ghost. She had never met his family, or his friends. He wanted to marry her, and yet she had never met anyone who he cared had known since a month ago that Ray had another girl. That is why she had to end it. She wouldn't say anything to him though... it hurt to much to accept it. It was easier to lie to herself.

Ray,

I hope you are safe. I just...well I really want to say this in person, but since you are gone and it is unknown when you are getting back, this will have to suffice. I cannot live like this. I cannot sit here wondering where you are and if you were coming back. I know your job is important to you and I know that it will always come first. That is why... I think that we should stop seeing each other. I do not want to regret waiting for you. I cannot waste my life sitting here. I will not be the wife that sits at home with the kids while you are off on some island. I am sorry. I love you but your choice is clear. and now so is mine. Goodbye Ray.

~Ziva

"Rough day?" Tony asked. He had been watching her all afternoon and she had been unconsciously sighing and twisting her hands and playing with her hair. Such un-Ziva like things.

"I get it now." She said.

Everyone had left. Gibbs was up in MTAC and McGee had taken Abby to her bowling nigh.

"Get what?" Tony asked.

Ziva finally looked up, tears in her eyes. "When you were with Jeanne, you loved her right?"

"Yes..." Tony said cautiously.

"But you couldn't be your self. You had to play the part of Tony DiNardo." Ziva said.

"I guess..." Tony said. "Ziva where are you going with this?"

~~ I learned to live half alive ~~

"Half Alive." Ziva said.

"What?"

"You lived half alive while you were with Jeanne. Being yourself as much as you could without giving away your cover." Ziva said. "But it was only half of who you truly were."

"I guess." Tony thought.

"I just understand it now." Ziva said. "How you fall in love with someone and only show them half of you. And then once you get so deep in, it is hard to tell them, you are afraid they will not love your other half."

"Ya." Tony sighed.

"When I was with Ray, I never acted 'mean'. I never threatened him, never showed him my gun or fought physically with him. He only saw a gentler side of me." Ziva said.

"And now you are afraid he won't love your ninja-ness?" Tony asked trying to catch up.

"Sorta." Ziva said. "I am not a stay at home mom. It is like he expects me to stay here and halt my whole life while I wait for him to come back. And if we ever had children, I have no doubt he would not question that I stayed back and looked after them."

"So what are you going to do?" Tony asked.

"It is already done," Ziva said. "I broke up with him."

"Over email..."

"Tony, it has been three months. He does not know when he will get back and I cannot wait for him." Ziva said. "Besides, he is cheating on me anyway."

"What?"

"She called my house asking for him a week ago. After that the dots started to connect." Ziva said.

"I'm sorry." Tony said softly.

"Me too." She said. She grabbed her thing and gave him a small smiled before walking to the elevator.

TWO WEEKS LATER

"Is Ziva here?" Ray asked Tony. Ray stood in front of Tony.

"No." Tony said looking back at his work. If Ray really wanted to live he would leave before this turned into another Rifkin.

"Do you know where she is?" Ray asked.

"Yes."

"Can you tell me?" Ray asked.

"No." Tony said. Anything more than a one word answer and Ray will be surprised.

"Why not?" Ray asked.

Tony gritted his teeth and stood up. He leaned on his desk. "Ray, I suggest you leave."

"Or what?"

"I will have you escorted out of the building Agent Cruz." Gibbs said standing right next to him. "You have no business here."

"You cannot do that." Ray said over confidently.

"Agent DiNozzo, would you like to escort Agent Cruz out of the building?" Gibbs asked.

Tony gritted his teeth. "I would love to." He grabbed Ray by the arm and pulled him towards the elevator hoping that Ziva and McGee would take a little longer at the witnesses house and that they were not on the elevator coming up.

Of course with Tony's luck, it was Ziva and McGee and lunch. Thankfully Ziva wasn't carrying lunch or else she would have dropped it.

"ZIVA!" Ray said trying to shrug Tony off him."Tell him to let me go."

"I am sorry Ziva but if you want to finish this conversation you will have to do it outside." Tony said pulling Ray into the elevator as Ziva and McGee stepped out.

"Later." Ziva said not taking her eyes off Ray. "Tony, give him my address. At seven." She said before the doors closed on her and him separating the two of them.

Ziva's hands covered her face as she sighed. She should have know it was coming.

And now you want me one more time

Ziva went got out of her car. It was 7:08 and she was just getting home from work. She had a rough day and really didn't feel like talking to Ray but she wanted this done and over with.

She opened the door and Ray was sitting on her couch with a glass of water in his hand.

She walked in quietly and placed her things down. She took off her coat and shoes the walked over and sat down her the chair.

"I don't know what to tell you." Ziva said softly.

"Why?"

"You know why." Ziva shot back.

"Tell me again." Ray said.

"I am not going to be second in your life." Ziva said. "Your job will always come first."

"That is not true." Ray said standing up and moving closer to her.

"It doesn't help that you cheated on me." Ziva whispered.

Ray stopped moving.

"It is not what you think." He said. "She is my sister."

"You kiss your sister like that?" Ziva asked, hurt that he was lying to her.

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart

"Ziva,"

"Exactly," Ziva said standing up and moving behind the chair to put distance between her and Ray. "You are lying to me, again."

"Ziva, I only did it so that..."

"Get Out." She said.

"Ziva...baby"

"OUT!" She screamed. She placed her hands over her face and sighed. Their conversation didn't go as planned.

She walked over and sat down on her couch. She pulled the folded blanket off the back and cover her legs. She leaned against the pillow and closed her eyes.

You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

She woke up to a knock on the door. She looked over at the clock on her Cable box. It was 9:30.

She stood up, wrapped the blanket around her shoulders and opened the door.

"Hey." She said quietly folding her arms across her chest.

"Hi."

"Do you want to come in?" Ziva asked.

He nodded. Ziva stepped aside letting Tony inside.

"Wow it is cold in here." Tony said as he stepped through the door way.

"The heating is broken in the building." Ziva said grabbing a blanket from the basket by her TV and handing it to Tony.

Tony grabbed the blanket and pulled it over his shoulders.

"So, what brought you here?" Ziva asked.

"Zi..."

"I am fine." She said. "Nothing has changed."

"He came back."

"He is gone." Ziva said. "Where, I do not know, but really I do not care."

"My apartment." Tony said.

"What?"

"He dropped by and asked if I knew what happened. If maybe you fell in love with someone else or something. He wanted to find out if he could fix it."

"And what did you tell him?" Ziva asked sitting down on her couch.

"To leave and never comeback." Tony said sitting on the couch with her.

"That's it?"

"Maybe a few other words added here and there, but ya." Tony said.

"Well, thank you for getting rid other him." Ziva said.

"You seemed to have done that pretty well. He showed up at my house around seven forty five so I guess that he didn't spend too much time here." Tony said.

"No." Ziva chuckled.

"Ya." Tony smiled.

"Do you want anything to drink?" Ziva asked.

"No, I am fine." Tony said.

"You sure?"

"Totally." Tony smiled.

"Tony...I am fine. You can go home." Ziva said.

"Come with me."

"What?"

Tony sighed and turned to face her. "Come home with me."

"Why?"

Tony looked down at the couch cushions. "I am lonely. Ray came by and accused me of sleeping with you and I got me thinking. You almost have your happily ever after when I still haven't found a girl who last more than a month with me." Tony said.

"Only for a few hours." Ziva said taking his hand and leading him to her door.

Dear, it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
'Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

Ziva sat on Tony's couch. It had been two months since she had broken up with Ray and this was her life now. She would come over to Tony's house every Wednesday and Friday to eat pizza, watch movies, and talk. Tony was in the bathroom while Ziva was flipping through the channels trying to find if anything good was on.

Her phone began to ring and she flipped it open without looking at the caller ID.

"David." She said into the phone monotonous still engrossed in the TV.

"Ziva?" A voice asked.

Ziva gasped. "Ray?"

"I am so so sorry. But please, I miss you so much." He said. "Please listen to me."

"I-"

"Please."

"No." She said. "It took me too long to get over you. I cannot do this to myself again. Please do not call me." She hung up the phone and put it on the coffee table.

"Who was that?" Tony asked walking into the room with his toothbrush in his mouth.

Ziva laughed at the sight. "No one important." She said.

"Are you staying over tonight?" He asked her.

She nodded.

He smiled and walked back to the bathroom real quick he spit out the toothpaste and washed his mouth out before walking back to the living room. "If you want to get changed now, my room is all yours. You can shower if you want to. There are towels under the sink."

"Thanks." She smiled standing up and grabbing her bag and walking into his bedroom.

Tony grabbed Ziva's phone and dialed the number for the pizza place. HE ordered them a pizza and then went to the TV and searched for a show. Nothing was on so he decided to put a movie on. Ziva's phone still in reach, he opened it and looked through her recent calls.

RAY.

Tony shuddered while reading the name. Had she forgiven him? Were they back together? He had thought that they had a good thing going but now he was unsure.

Ziva came out of his room with her pajamas on. She wore a white tank top and blue and green plaid pajama pants.

She sat down next to Tony on the couch and watched the movie. She noticed that Tony was uneasy and a bit distant.

"Is everything okay?" She asked him.

He nodded and went right back to the movie. She sighed. She stretched out along the couch putting her legs across Tony's lap. He didn't shift, or move her legs, he simply rested his hands on her calves.

"You sure?"

"What is this, Ziva?" He asked her.

"Huh?"

"What is this, us. What is this to you. Is it a friendship thing, and partner thing or something else?" Tony asked."Cause I don't think we have the same intentions."

"And what are yours?"

"I want a relationship with you." He said. "I want to be the guy who holds your hand. I want to be the one you laugh at, you joke with. I want to give you everything you could ever want, if you let me."

"I want that to." Ziva said.

"Then why did Ray call?"

"You read my contact list?" Ziva asked.

"I was curious." Tony said. "You were distant after you got off the phone. I thought that maybe it was your father."

"And what would he want?"

"To take you away from me." Tony said. "All this seems too good to be true. I finally have you in my grasp and it feels like something is missing, something that, is holding us back. I just feel like something has to go wrong."

Ziva got up and sat down next to him. "Ray wants a second chance."

"and you said."

"To leave me alone." Ziva said. "There is only one man I am interested in right now."

"Really?" Tony questioned with a smile on his face.

She smiled and leaned over and kissed him. It was their 'first kiss'. and it was perfect.

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Don't come back at all

The End.