A/N: I'm so sorry that it took this long to update – again. (winces) My head's been… out of whack, I guess, lately. Which means that writing's been extremely sticky. (groans) BUT, at very least, I'm finally back with a new chapter. Hooray…?

Thank you so much for those fantastic reviews, guys! (glomps) They mean more than you could ever imagine – this chapter would've never been created without them. So thank you! You guys are really, really precious.

Awkay… (takes a deep breath) I guess it's time to go, eh? I REALLY hope this one turns out worth the wait!

'Depression is rage spread thin.'

(George Santayana)

Depression

/ The day he first left the CIA at the grand age of nineteen Spencer swore that he'd never, ever go back. Not with his father as his other unit chief.

Fate, however, has the habit of sweeping us off our feet from time to time. And years, a lifetime, later that's what happened to Spencer one chilling day of late autumn. The doors were heavier than he'd remembered as he walked in, his eyes scanning through the huge building.

He recognized none of the people he saw, and judging by their looks they didn't know who he was, either. And the place had changed a great deal. But the scent… The scent was still the same, as was the essence wrapping around him.

Spencer felt disgust swelling in his stomach and cold traveling through his veins.

He should've known coming back would be a huge mistake. He should've known that…

He turned sharply – too sharply. For before he could do a thing to stop it he collided with something, or perhaps someone, so hard that he stumbled backwards. A gigantic pile of files flew on him, the papers in them scattering all over like some kind of a strange snowfall.

"I… I'm so sorry!" he sputtered. "I wasn't…" He looked up to see the person he'd almost walked over – and suddenly he couldn't produce a syllable. Even a single piece of facts or statistics refused to enter his head.

There was a woman of about his age stood before him. Her blonde hair that fell well past her shoulders appeared messy, like she'd just walked in a wind. There was a mixture of irritation, amusement and curiosity in her blue eyes. "Do you think you could help me pick these up?" she finally asked him.

Heat rose to his cheeks while he moved rapidly to help her, muttering something he hoped sounded at least close to "Sorry".

And then, faster than he'd anticipated, they were done. Supporting the files with one arm, the woman held out a hand for him. There was a dimple on her right cheek, he noticed. "Neah Leeds", she introduced herself.

It took far longer than it should've before he managed to take her hand. It felt soft and a great deal cooler than his. "Dr. Spencer Reid." It was a miracle he managed to say that without stuttering.

At that very second it became clear that things would never be the same again.

Sometimes – just sometimes – a single touch is enough to push our entire fate from its planned path. /

There were grim looks on the faces of Aaron and David as they stared at the computer screen, where Neah's information screamed back at them.

She was five when court ordered her custody to her father. She was eight when she heard strange noises from their barn and went to investigate. She saw five tortured, battered and bloodied women there. That night she watched how her father killed every single one of them. She was nine when her testimony sent her father to prison. She was twenty-one when the CIA recruited her, impressed by her performance during her training. It was only a few years later her path crossed Dr. Spencer Reid's, and they were assigned as partners. It wasn't much later she became a mother, to a child who's father was never recorded. A few more years later her father escaped, as did Neah Leeds – Spencer helped her vanish from the face of the planet.

She was the missing link they'd been looking for. The one who knew the side of Spencer they never got the chance to see. If only they'd get the chance to ask the questions…

"I… I can't get a held of Morgan or Prentiss", Penelope announced in a far from steady voice, panic visible in her eyes. "I know they've found her, but…" Her voice faded out.

Aaron's eyes darkened as a weight settled to his chest. It was a miracle he managed to keep his face even. "Keep trying to contact them", he ordered through his teeth.

As Penelope focused on the phone once more David spoke, so quietly that the blonde wouldn't hear. "Aaron… This is a mother we're talking about – a mother in a extreme situation, trying to protect herself and her child." The man's eyes radiated the same things that were spinning inside him. "There's no telling what she'll do when two strangers barge into her safehouse."

Aaron grit his teeth, focusing on the computer once more. Even from a distance he could hear that Penelope's call was directed to a voicemail.

Silence had never been as heavy as it was then.

If there was one thing Emily had always been good at dealing with, it was fear. And even at that extreme moment, with a gun pressed against her skull and her heart hammering madly close to her throat, her expression didn't waver.

Her movements were slow, soft and controlled while she allowed her own gun to drop and raised her hands, so that the woman behind her could see them. "I'm a FBI-agent – my badge and ID are in my right jacket pocket. My name is Emily Prentiss."

"Emily Prentiss?" Something in the other woman's voice changed. Carefully and swiftly the woman searched for her badge and ID, then gave them a long look. It seemed to take a small eternity before the gun was pulled away, and even longer before the woman finally spoke. "Spencer… He talked about you all, a lot." Emily could tell the other tried to hide it, but her ears easily caught the shiver of ache in the woman's voice. "He said that if anything happened, he'd try to send you. That he trusts you with his life – and ours."

Slowly, wondering if she was already allowed to move, Emily turned around to face the stranger. She didn't have to ask who the other was.

Neah's stance was clearly stiff, told that one wrong movement might still trigger an attack. The woman's eyes were smouldering. It took long before Emily realized how short Neah actually was – at least half a head shorter than she.

Neah's dark brown eyes were sharp and filled with a visible degree of mistrust while Emily took a breath, then spoke. "Reid… left us some clues, leading to you. We know of your father." She then frowned, a hint of cold traveling through her. The apartment was utterly quiet – too quiet. "Where's Morgan? He's the agent I came with."

Neah's eyebrow bounced up. "That's Derek Morgan?" The redhead's facial muscles relaxed slightly. "Your entrance wasn't exactly subtle. I was waiting for him in the living room. Don't worry. The worst he'll get is a headache and some scratches to his ego."

Emily nodded slowly, this all getting way over her head. To be honest she was getting a headache, too. This was not a good day to be suffering from a hangover.

Just then the baby started whimpering. At that moment Emily's eyes clashed with Neah's. And a shiver went through her. "That baby… She's yours?"

Neah nodded slowly, something Emily couldn't even start to read appearing to her eyes. "She's DeAnna." The readhead's jaw tightened for a moment, as though the woman had struggled to hold down something. "It looks like we have a lot to talk about."

The instant Will woke up from light sleep to discover that JJ wasn't beside him in the bed his thoughts began to spin a million miles per hour. He moved far faster than his head would've approved while getting out of the bed and heading out of the room. "Jayje?" he called out, careful not to disturb Henry who was sleeping in a nearby room. There was no response.

For several endlessly long moments his mind reeled with shock while his heart thumped furiously, panic taking over his entire being. That was until he heard the shower.

Frowning, he headed towards the bathroom. A sigh of exhaustion, heartbreak, misery and slight anger left him as he faced what was waiting for him there.

JJ had, apparently, thought about taking a shower. But she'd never made it quite that far. She was sitting on the shower cabinet's floor with her eyes closed, shivering like a leaf while water washed over all of her.

It took several moments before Will managed to function. His hand shook while he took a towel, then walked all the way to the shower and turned it off. "Hey", he whispered while wrapping the towel around the clearly freezing woman. "What are you doing?"

The his great surprise JJ actually responded. She shook her head, wiping her cheeks vehemently with a unsteady hand. "I… I don't know. I have no idea anymore." She looked at him, appearing more scared than he'd ever seen her. "I can't think. I can't… I can't even sleep anymore. Tonight I was… I was so confused that I really thought Spence was there. I could hear him, and…" She gulped, appearing slightly nauseous, and shook her head. "That… That's not healthy, Will. I know it's not."

For the longest time Will had absolutely no idea how to react, what to say to something so surreal. In the end he followed his instincts. He wrapped his arms around the blonde, as tightly as he dared to, and pulled her close. "It'll be okay, I promise", he whispered, as though afraid he'd disturb someone. Without him even noticing it one of his hands started rubbing soothing circles to her back. "We'll get you help. We'll get you all the help you need, together. Everything's going to be okay."

In his arms JJ remained still and absolutely quiet. But the way her fingers clung to him told him everything he needed to know.

This moment itself was absolutely horrible, tore his heart to tiny pieces. But somewhere amongst it hope lingered. This was the closest she'd let him since Spencer's death. So maybe now, finally, things could get better.

One day.

Neither of them noticed how JJ's cell-phone started to ring several rooms away.

After the fifth attempt it became apparent to Aaron that JJ wouldn't pick up the phone. Trying to smother the nagging alarm inside him he focused on the group gathered to the conference room.

Derek appeared dangerously pale while holding a ice pack to his head, but Aaron suspected it had nothing to do with the injury. David and Emily didn't appear any less shocked. Penelope's eyes were red and puffy, and it looked like she wasn't too far from tears. To be fair, Aaron wasn't any less rattled. Not after what Neah Leeds had just spoken out.

Neah's voice filled the shocked silence. "Since I was a child, most people seemed to label me as the 'poor little girl who saw her father kill five women'. As the daughter of Boston's Butcher. But Spencer… He was different. It felt intoxicating, to be around someone as innocent as him." She offered her finger to her daughter, and grinned when the child held on tight. "I really hope DeAnna takes after her daddy."

"So… The baby…" Derek blinked once with what looked like disbelief. "She's really Reid's?"

Neah nodded, a tiny, sad smile appearing to her lips. She stroked her daughter's cheek, causing the child to emit a very satisfied sound. "We… were together. In secrecy, of course – we would've both been fired if the relationship would've been discovered. I found out I was pregnant just before the anthrax disaster." She seemed to notice their slightly worried looks because she went on. "I was already listed as his next of kin, so the hospital had to notify me. I refused to stop asking questions until he'd told me everything. The day he was discharged I showed him the very first picture of DeAnna. He was there when she was born." Grief filled her eyes and she bit her teeth together so tightly it must've hurt. "DeAnna… She was only two months old when we found out that my father had escaped, and I had to… disappear." She lifted her left hand to move a strayed strand of hair behind her ear. It wasn't until then they noticed the ring there. Steel filled her eyes. "They… They said that Spencer killed himself, but he didn't. He would've never, ever tossed away the chance to see his daughter again. And I know my father. He'll remove every single obstacle there's on his way of getting to me."

Aaron felt like his heart had been torn to pieces as guilt ravished him. He should've known. He should've…

He was grateful David spoke so he didn't have to. "What are you going to do?"

Neah grit her teeth again. "I can't stop running until he's been caught." The sadness in her eyes they'd seen before grew tenfold as she looked at her daughter. "And this time… This time, I'll have to run alone. For her sake." Her eyes were pleading, desperate, when she focused on them. "Spencer… He told me a lot about you, and… I don't trust anyone in the CIA enough to let them look after my child for me. But I trust you."

"We'll keep her safe", Derek promised before the question was even spoken. There was a stern look in the man's eyes. "I'll keep her safe. I promise."

To their surprise Neah smiled. "I know you will. Thank you."

There were lots of questions they would've wanted to ask her, a lot of things that would've needed answers and explanations. But before they got the chance to go any further there was a knock on the room's door. In a moment the door was opened, revealing a stone faced man of Aaron's age with shortcut dark brown hair and sharp gray eyes. "Agent Leeds? It's time to go."

They all frowned, instantly alarmed. A look of sadness and desperation flashed on Neah's face. "Already?" Seeing the looks on their faces she seemed to notice the need to explain. "This is agent Jared Nash, from CIA's witnes protection unit. He's been in charge over my… case since my father escaped."

"Agent Leeds." A mixture of irritation and agitation could be seen on agent Nash's face. "I'm afraid we have to go, now."

Neah nodded, agony clearly visible on her face. "I know, I know." Aaron couldn't look away although he would've desperately wanted to while Neah leaned over DeAnna, wiping her cheeks furiously as she whispered something to the child and kissed the baby's forehead. Flashbacks of Haley he would've much rather not faced filled his mind as he looked at the expression that lingered on Neah's face when she forced herself to take one step away from her child, then another, then more until she was almost out of the room.

This was the hardest thing she'd ever done in her life, he knew. He would've given a lot if he'd been able to tell her honestly that it was going to be okay.

Just before leaving the room Neah looked at them once more, wiping her eyes. "You should know… Spencer really, truly loved you all – you were his family, his home. It was killing him to keep secrets from you." She tried to smile. "He was lucky to have you." With that she was gone.

As soon as the room's door was closed DeAnna broke into heartbreaking tears. Aaron wanted very much to do the same, to scream until there was no air in his lungs. But he didn't. Instead he made his way to the child and took the baby into his arms. It took about five minutes before DeAnna finally stopped crying, instead fell into exhausted sleep in his arms.

Aaron wished the cries inside him had been soothed as easily.

David Rossi wasn't a man who liked to show his emotions openly. Any of his ex-wives could prove that. But that endless night his face didn't remain expressionless as he stayed in the bullpen after everyone else left soundlessly, leaving a air of sorrowful silence behind them. Instead of the front door his feet led him towards a desk that'd remained unoccupied for much too long.

'SSA Dr. Spencer Reid', said the nameplate that hadn't been taken away yet.

He pulled in a breath that seemed to choke him, and barely managed to swallow it. His throat felt scratchy as he nearly whispered. "I'm sorry, kid." No one spoke, but he could've sworn that he wasn't alone anymore. Wishful thinking, perhaps, but in his opinion that was hell a lot better than nothing. "I'm sorry that we didn't believe in you more. That we didn't see a thing." He wondered if anyone else had ever truly apologized to Spencer. It was high time someone started.

Not that it would've made much difference anymore.

There was a million words on his tongue, but they became tangled and blurry.

He wished he could've told Spencer that one day, they'd catch the guy who did this. That he'd make sure the team would get through this. That he'd let DeAnna know who her father was. That he really, really missed those facts and statistics that once made his head hurt. That the silence Spencer left behind was killing him – them all.

But it appeared he was a weak man, because he couldn't speak out any of those things. He hoped from the bottom of his heart that Spencer knew anyway.

Suddenly regaining mobility he searched through his pockets, in a moment finding what he'd been looking for. His moves were abnormally stiff as he approached the desk, then set down the item he'd brought alone.

It was Spencer's 'ten months clean' coin, which he'd found taped to the book the genius left him.

His throat felt blocked, but he spoke out anyhow. "Don't tell the others…", he murmured, brushing the coin with his hand. "… but you were one of strongest men I've known. Stronger than I am."

He didn't know how long he'd stood there until he felt a definite presence. Glancing over his shoulder with mild surprise he discovered Emily stood a slight distance away. He felt tempted to ask how much she'd seen and heard but in the end decided that it didn't really matter.

She didn't touch him, nor did she offer a single word of comfort that would've probably made him grimace anyway. Instead she walked closer, not even really looking at him, and eventually stood directly beside him.

(They spent the rest of the night there in a sombre silence, neither able to ignore the fact that it felt like there'd been three of them. It was the first night in ages neither of them drowned on alcohol and bitter thoughts.)

Several hours later Penelope still didn't feel like going home and getting sleep – she was far too filled with adrenaline and something else to do that. So, instead, she entered the building's temporary nursery. What she found made her heart swell and break at the same time.

There, in the security of the night, Derek had taken tiny DeAnna into his arms. She couldn't hear the words, but from the way Derek's lips moved she could tell he was whispering something to the baby. At first she didn't recognize the look there was in his eyes, but then it struck her with such force that she shuddered and felt her eyes water a little.

He'd only ever looked at Spencer that way.

She was just leaving, feeling like she'd been intruding something private. But just then Derek seemed to sense her presence and lifted his gaze. Their eyes met.

It took forever before she found her voice, her gaze straying towards the by then sleeping baby. "I… I still can't believe he had a daughter."

At those words Derek's eyes changed, and for the slightest moment she was almost sure she saw tears. "She looks a lot like him", the man stated, so quietly that she barely heard.

Penelope nodded, swallowing thickly. "I know."

She couldn't tell if Derek had even heard her as the man went on. "I offered to keep her, until this entire nightmare is over."

Penelope nodded again, then took the huge risk of speaking. "I'm sure Reid would appreciate it." She glanced towards Derek's face, futilely trying to read the expression there. "I don't think he could've trusted anyone more."

It took a while before she noticed the at first subtle, then dramatic changes. At first Derek's jaw tightened, then the man's eyes filled with something she'd never seen before. For a while she thought he might lash out at her, but then he lifted one of his hands to shield his face and bowed his head. It took long before she realized that his shoulders were quaking, and even longer before she understood what was happening.

At that very moment her heart broke in her chest.

It was the first time since Spencer's death Derek shed actual tears.

In the meantime Neah frowned as agent Nash parked his car outside a rather old apartment building. "I wasn't aware that we have a safehouse here", she pointed out.

"This is a new one." Agent Nash seemed to avoid her eyes. "Let's go inside."

She nodded slowly, a frown appearing to her face while she unbuckled her seatbelt and abandoned the vehicle. No words were spoken as they both secured the environment, then entered the building and climbed up to the second floor.

Agent Nash's hand didn't seem entirely steady when he opened a door, clearly forcing himself to look at her. His eyes held a strange look. "This is the place."

For some reason Neah felt the need to reach out for her gun while following the male agent inside. Exactly two seconds after agent Nash had closed the door she finally noticed it. The scent in the air, the slightly wrinkled carpet, the way the man beside her kept swallowing and looking around with wild eyes…

They weren't alone.

She frowned, instinctively taking a step towards the door. Her entire body prepared for a fight while adrenaline flowed through. "What the hell is going on?"

Agent Nash's eyes were wide with terror while the man swallowed convulsively. "I… I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. If I had the choice…"

"Oh, but you did have a choice." The male voice made her entire body turn colder than any ice. "To lose her, or to lose your son. I'd call that a choice."

Neah turned slowly, reluctantly. What she found was ripped straigth from her nightmares.

Her father stood there in the shadows, looking at her with those blue eyes that'd never quite stopped haunting her. There was a heart shaped scar on his forehead – the one she'd given him, in another lifetime – and he appeared decades older than the last time they met. But otherwise… He hadn't changed a bit. Time has little affect on monsters, it seemed.

The man smiled at her, revealing a row of yellowish teeth. "My goodness, Neah… It'd been a long time. You've changed a lot."

Shock paralyzed Neah, struck out all breath and every coherent thought.

Agent Nash, on the other hand, seemed to be slightly more functional. "You promised to leave my son alone", the man reminded in a tense, quivering voice.

Her father's eyes flashed while meeting the agent's. Clearly the monster knew that he had the upper hand. "Yes. I did." Out of nowhere a gun appeared, became pointed directly towards agent Nash. "You, on the other hand… are a entirely different story." Before the echo of those words faded properly the weapon was fired. With the silencer on a sickening sound was heard, followed by a far more chilling one when the bullet slammed into Nash's skull. A shiver went through Neah as she watched the man fall.

A couple of seconds – or was it years? – passed before her father chose to speak. "Now, there's no one interrupting us." The man looked at her, long and hard, tilting his head. He licked his lips. "My gosh, Neah… You've grown up."

Rage, such she'd never experienced before, rushed through Neah. Her eyes narrowed while she lifted her chin and grit her teeth. "I have. I've grown up past the fear I felt for you."

Her skin crawled while her father nodded, a sickening calm look on his face. "I knew to expect that, sweetie." He clicked his tongue, lifting his gun against her. "You gave me a scar and had me locked up. I already promised I'd make you pay for that."

As she stared at the gun Neah registered that she did feel fear, but it was just a numb sensation nagging in the back of her skull. Spencer, and DeAnna… Her mind was with them.

She remembered his smile.

She remembered the taste of coffee on his lips.

She remembered the scent on his skin as they laid naked in bed, both only inches from falling asleep.

She remembered the way he used to kiss the top of her head in the shadows of the night and how he pulled her close to him afterwards, when he thought she was already asleep.

She remembered his proposal, each letter of it scattered to the pages of her favorite book.

She remembered the way he looked at DeAnna when their daughter was born, how she'd never loved him as much as she did then.

She remembered his voice, singing softly to their daughter until the baby fell asleep.

She remembered how DeAnna felt in her arms.

She remembered how the little girl first opened her eyes and looked at her, those eyes filled with trust and recognition.

She remembered, better than anything, the absolute love she felt for them both.

And suddenly it was easy to feel warm.

She reached out for her gun the exact same second her father lifted his.

'They say they don't know when but a day is gonna come. When there won't be a moon and there won't be a sun. It will just go black. It will just go back to the way it was before.'

(Conor Oberst)

TBC, right?

A/N: (winces) Poor Neah, I guess. And poor team. But at least it's all starting to get clearer, now. And awww, Reid as a daddy… (grins) Just too cute to resist.

PLEASE, let me know your thoughts about this chapter! It'd seriously mean A LOT, especially since I'm starting to work on the final bits and pieces of this fic. (casts puppy looks) Pwease…? Don't abandon this lil' thing now that it's almost at 'the end'.

IN THE NEXT ONE (ya wanna see it, no…?): Decisions are made and the painful proces of healing finally begins as the stages of grief reach 'Acceptance'. What happens to Neah and DeAnna? Will the team finally catch the man who stole away a member of their family?

Until next time, folks! I really hope I'll see ya guys again.

Take care!

Avesona23: First off, I'm THRILLED to hear you like the flashbacks! I wasn't sure about putting them in at first, but now I have no regrets. (grins)

AND, I'm absolutely overjoyed to hear you enjoy all those character bits so! I can't help it; my brain just threw their stories and feelings out like that. We'll see just how long the road to things getting better is for each of them… (winces)

(grins) Reid as a CIA agent… Now there's a HOT thought, eh? (sighs and sinks into daydreams)

As for the ending… Gah, the cliffies are back! (groans) But, we'll see just what secrets the next chapter shall unfold…

HUGE thank yous for the absolutely amazing review! I truly hope the next one pleases you as much.

ps: Oh hun, no worries! I'M sorry for the incredibly late update. (winces and hands over a cookie as well)