CHAPTER 14

Botan could feel her cheeks getting red again. "I... I said I loved you?" she stammered.

He nodded. "Even before I asked you anything, before I asked you to be my mate, you said to me 'I love you'. I never asked if you loved me and we weren't high or drunk," he gave her a once over as he figured out some things. "You were telling the truth weren't you?"

"I... I...," she stuttered, unsure of what she should say. I said I loved him? Oh my god! He wasn't ever suppost to find that out! Wait! What am I saying? Do I love him... Why else would I tell him that if it wasn't true? She looked at him. He was waiting for an answer. But what could she tell him?

She'd promised to be his mate and told him she loved him before she'd said yes. What was left to say? She started to regret remembering the event in the cave. Things were less complicated when they hadn't known.

"Welll?" he asked, sounding impatient when she took so long to give him an answer.

"I...," she said again, trying to collect her thoughts. What should she tell him? The trueth? A lie? But which would be true and which would be the lie? Her telling him she really did love him or her telling him she hadn't ment what she'd said when she'd said it. Somehow that responce wouldn't be believeable. By either him or her.

Finally she opted for the usual responce for questions like this. "I don't know."

"You don't know?" he asked, unconvinced.

"It might have been an uh... spontanious thing... like when you tell someone you love them when they fix your car you for. You don't really mean it but you say it anyway," she said rather lamely.

Hiei didn't buy it. "Judgeing from the situation we'd been in at the time I highly doubt that was the reason."

Botan wasn't about to give up on her theory, not quite yet. "Well it could have happened like that," she protested.

"Crap," he said, folding his arms. "That's the most pathetic excuse I have ever heard."

Botan was offended and didn't bother hiding it. "Well I don't have another answer," she snapped, putting her hands on her hips. "Unless you can think of a better one I suggest you deal with it."

"Hn," Hie grunted and turned away from her. "I can always find out if you were only being 'spontanious'."

"Oh yeah?" she challanged. "How do you intend to do that?"

Hiei turned back to her with serious eyes. He put out a hand and stepped toward her. Botan's eyes grew wide when she realized what he was going to do. She took a step back but his hand caught her wrist and he jerked her toward him. She yelped and smacked into his chest. Now he let go of her wrist and put both hands on her head as he stared intently into her eyes.

Botan froze as she felt Hiei probbing her mind. She wanted desperately to get away from him, to stop him from searching her head for an answer, but she couldn't tear herself away from his gaze. An eternity passed. Finally he let her go as a strange look crossed his face.

"So you weren't lying," she heard him whisper.

Now she was confused. "What are you talking about?"

He looked at her with that strange expression and said in a detached voice. "In that cave... you weren't lying."

She looked away. He'd caught her. She couldn't deny her feelings. She couldn't lie to herself anymore.

Silence...

Finally. "Why?"

"Why what?" she asked, looking back at him.

"Why do you love me?" he asked, looking dismayed at the fact. "I'm not worthy of such a thing. I'm the Forbidden Child. I don't deserve love. Why waste that emotion on me?"

Why down grade youself? You're more important than you think. "Because you're more important than you think," she replied, being completely honest.

He looked startled at her reply.

She felt she should explain further. "Hiei, you might not believe this, but you do have some good qualities. You're honorable, you love your sister, in a strange way you're loyal, and, as I told your sister once, you're a perfectly good person."

"You told Yukina that?" he asked, surprised. "Why?"

"Because Kuwabara was degrading you," she replied. "I couldn't let her think her brother was a monster-"

"But I am a monster!" he prostested, looking at his hands. "Don't you realize that? I'm not the kind of person you should bother defending."

She blinked. "You want Yukina to think you're a monster?" she asked.

He bit back a retort and looked away. She wasn't being mean. She was just asking. "That's not what I ment," he said quietly.

"Then what did you mean?"

He said nothing. I don't know what I ment. I don't know myself anymore. I've felt very different lately. Why don't I know myself anymore? And now... She loves me?

Botan noticed the fire demon was trembling, as if he was having a hard time controling his emotions. She'd never seen this side of Hiei before, not even when he was acting weird in that cave. This kind of problem didn't seem to fit him. He was too cold for this-

Plink...

Botan blinked and stared at something that had landed at her feet. A tiny orange orb, round like a pearle rested there. What was it? She looked back up at Hiei. His eyes were glistening incharacteristicly and a wet, sparkling streak ran down the side of his face.

Hiei? Are you crying? She remembered the last time she'd seen that wet mark. The first night of their vacation. What was wrong? Why had he been crying? Why was he crying now?

She suddenly felt bad for him. So that must be why he hates snow, she thought, remembering his reference to the Forbidden Child. It reminds him of all the horrible things he's done and what was said about him at his birth. Does he think that sort of thing will make me reject him?

Suddenly she did something totally unexpected. She stepped toward the koorime and gave him a hug. He stiffened in her arms but didn't pull back. After a moment she felt him raise his arms and timidly return it.

"It's okay," she said to him. "I'll accept you no matter what you've done. You don't have to let that make you hesitate. If you ever want to talk about it I'll listen."

Hiei didn't reply. He just rested his head on her shoulder, closed his eyes, and tried to accept what she'd said. His heart did but his mind still had questions, questions he didn't feel like asking, not here and not now. He just wanted this moment to last as long as possible as the words she'd spoken sunk in. She can't be lying, he thought, feeling some of her blue hair tickle his cheek and fill his nose with the scent of lavender. Not after what I found out... No... she's not lying...

A/N

This is not the last chapter.

Don't hurt me. I was thinking about Chrono Crusade a little when I wrote this. I think it came out pretty good. Now he knows but she doesn't yet. He hasn't told her.

If you have time why don't you check out my new HB fic? It's called "Broken Trust" you don't have to but I'd appreciate it if you did. If you do let me know what you think... so far...