A/N: Okay, before I start the next chapter I have four things to say:

I am soooo sorry that I haven't updated in a really long time, I'm kind of having writers block. Sorry again!!

Some people were confused by chapter three, and about Hermione being suicidal. She is suicidal, and thinks that not eating will be a sure way to kill herself. But eventually, she moved on from anorexia to cutting and maybe (not telling) other things.

You might think it's weird that I thought so much about this, but this is what I though when I was suicidal, and I went through exactly what Hermione is going through in this story.

And just a word of advice… DON'T BE SUICIDAL!!! Don't cut, don't take pills, and don't be anorexic, because I know what it's like, and it's shitty, so don't do it!! please…

Okay sorry the A/N is soooo long, just needed to say that stuff. Okay! On with the story!!! (please R&R)

Chapter 4- Suicide Notes

Hermione was sitting alone in the library. She was thinking about her friends, - well, ex-friends now- Ron, Ginny and Harry.

She thought about how she wanted to get away from this stupid world, but not away from them. They were probably the only reason she was still alive. Without them, she would have never maid it through the war. Without them, she wouldn't have a reason to tell herself to hold on, just a little longer, when she held her razor against her skin, careful not to cut to deep. She thought about what each of her ex-best friends meant to her.

Harry: Harry was probably the best friend a girl could have. He was brave, having to kill Voldemort. But he was also very shy. She remembered back to the days when he liked Cho, and when he liked Ginny. He was smart, funny and wouldn't hesitate to put his life on the line if it meant saving another. He was like the older brother she'd never had, and she loved him.

Ginny: Ginny was completely different than all of her brothers and all of her friends. She had liked Harry forever, and Hermione hoped that they would get back together, soon. Hermione could remember when they would stay up late at night to talk about what all girls like to talk about most, boys. She loved having Harry and Ron as friends, but some of the things that she told Ginny, she could never tell them. She had a fiery temper, like the color of her hair, but was also kind and would always give you a shoulder to cry on when someone (cough Ron cough) upset you. Ginny and her were like twins, completely different, yet the same, and she hated that it was she who maid Ginny cry every night.

Ron: She loved Ron. Always had and always would. He was never like a brother to her. She hated seeing him with Lavender, hated crying over what he had said to her. Yet, she still loved him. He was funny, and kind, and… just perfect. There was no other way to describe him. He was always there for her, until she got sick. He was smarter than everyone gave him credit for. He was the one she thought about most when watching the blood oozing down her arm. 'Why am I doing this? I would never see him again.' Yet she found herself still doing it. She loved him, and knew that, in the end, it would be he that would save her.

She felt tears form in her eyes. She was trying to do her Transfiguration homework, but couldn't concentrate. Instead she took out three pieces of parchment. On the first she wrote:

Dear Harry,

I am so sorry that I have to do this. Also I am sorry that I am making you go through all of this, because of me. I just wanted to say a few things, incase things get worse and I kill myself

Obviously, if you are reading this, I am dead. And I wanted to say my last goodbyes. I want to tell you that I love you, and you are one of the main reasons I am not already dead, and am writing this to you. Without you, Ginny and Ron, I would have killed myself right after the war.

The war is one main reason I'm not here right now. Going through that maid me realize all of the bad things in this life, and I just wanted to end it as soon as possible, not wanting to have to go through that again. I know the war is over, but I just couldn't take it, I had to go.

I am crying as I am writing this, thinking that I may never be able to see your face again. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been my friend.

I also want to, before I go, tell you to get back together with Ginny. She loves you and I know you love her too. I want to go knowing that you two lived a happy life together.

I'm sorry, thank you for everything, and I love you.

Love,

Hermione

Hermione folded up the letter, and took out the second piece of parchment, and started writing the second letter.

Dear Ginny,

I'm sorry for all that I have put you through in the last couple of months. Please forgive me. I'm sorry I got so upset with you, and didn't ask for your help. I'm sorry that every night you cry, worrying about me. I wanted to give you this letter, before I go.

You were my best girlfriend. I could tell you anything. You were always there for me, and anyone really, when I could talk to no one else. I don't know why I couldn't tell you about this.

I am already gone and I want you to know that I love you, and would have never maid it this far without you. You were one reason that I would think about stopping cutting and start eating again.

I hate myself for doing this to you, Harry and Ron. I love you all, but in my mind, this is the right thing to do. Just thinking that I might never see you again scares me. Please never make the same mistake I did.

Also, please get back together with Harry. I want to know that you two were able to be happy, after what I have done to you. You two were maid for each other

Thank you, for all you have done for me. I am sorry, again that you have to go through this, and I love you.

Love,

Hermione

By the time Hermione had gotten to Ron's letter, she was sobbing. She knew that if her friends ever read these notes, they would be able to tell that she was crying while writing them. Ron's would be the toughest; she knew that, which is why she had saved it for last. Once she had calmed down a little, she began writing.

Dear Ron,

I don't really know what to say. I am sorry that I maid you go through this, and I love you. Not in at brotherly way, but I love you, and I always have. I wish I could have told you before I killed myself, and I'm sorry I didn't. It's okay if you don't feel the same way about me; I just really needed to tell you.

I'm sorry to be telling you all of this now; it must be hard enough that I'm dead. I can't believe what I did to you guys, shutting you out when you only wanted to help me. And now I feel like a hypocrite. To Ginny I told her not to do what I did, yet I didn't stop myself. I know I keep saying it but I'm sorry to be pouring my heart out to you like this.

I want you to be able to move on from me, now that I'm gone. Please don't linger on what we could have been together (if you do love me like I love you). I want you to have a great life and not worry about me.

Thank you for everything you have done for me. From that day when you saved me from the troll in first year, to taking that Cruciatous curse for me during the war.

I'm so sorry for all I have done, and thank you for all you have done for me. I don't deserve to be friends with you Harry and Ginny. I love you so much, more than anything in this universe.

Love Always,

Hermione

She was still crying when she got back to Gryffindor tower. Thankfully, no one was there. She went upstairs, and put the letters that she had just written into envelopes, also labeling whom each one belonged to.

'If anything ever happens, I can just get life over with and give these notes to them. Everything will be fine' She thought. 'Everything will be fine.'

She put them in the small pocket of her bag, where she kept spare quills. She lay down on her bed and fell asleep, promptly forgetting about the letters.

"Hey, Mione?" Ginny asked on Monday morning through the bathroom door.

"Yea?"

"Do you have a quill I could borrow? I don't have any more." She had forgotten to pick up some more last Hogsmead trip.

"Yea sure, there in the smaller part of my bag," she replied, yelling through the bathroom door; Hermione was taking a shower, or else she would have gotten it herself.

"Thanks!" The two girls may not have been friends any more, but they would still borrow things from each other, if needed.

Ginny went into the small compartment of Hermione's school bag. There were other things in there- parchment, ink, a book- and all of the quills were at the bottom of the bag. She pulled everything else out of the bag and put it on the floor. When she had found a quill, she started putting everything back in her bag. As she was doing this, something caught her eye.

It was three envelopes, each labeling whom it was for. The three names were Ron's, Harry's and her own.

She put everything else back, and put the letters in her pocket before going to join Harry and her brother for breakfast, thankful that Hermione wasn't there to see her take the letters.

A/N: Well there's chapter four, I hope you like it. I thought it was about time that we saw what was going on in Hermione's head, instead of just Ginny and Harry. Sorry about the super long A/N at the beginning. PLEASE REVIEW!!!

….i'll give you a cookie….