A/N The first part of this chapter contains scenes from the episode Siren Call.

Shades of Gray

She actually hadn't used the punching bag, now as she stood with a gun aimed towards her partner she was kind of wishing she had. She felt herself tremble inside and she really hoped it wasn't showing, worried that that would be enough cause for him to shoot Bobby or herself. Ray, a step father who was supposedly overcome with grief, had originally aimed his weapon at his own throat but now his small revolver at Bobby.

She was having that thought ring through her mind that she didn't want to die; she let Bobby talk. "Okay, it was on me, it wasn't on her. You need to let my partner go."

"Don't move." Although Alex knew that she shouldn't really allow Bobby to try to reason with Ray for her own life she just couldn't bring herself to stop him, for the first time she felt the need to be out of that room for her own sake.

Bobby continued on, without moving as Ray instructed, "You can see me right? I'm right here. No one's gonna grab your gun this time." Ray didn't say anything, as if some of his words had an effect on him, "And I know it wasn't your fault because I read the report, you were pulling-" he paused, trying to swallow any of his own fear and move forward, "-a double shift. You had a new baby, you spent alot of nights without sleep and this guys jumps off the bench, it happened in one, maybe two seconds."

"I couldn't stop him." Ray reasoned for himself, as if he'd argued this point many times, not with others but with himself.

Alex felt herself calm a little, knowing she had to help Bobby too, "No one's blaming you." She felt her breath catch as he trained his revolver on her instead. She closed her eyes trying to steady herself and she berated herself for opening her mouth.

"That court reporter? He shot her in the face and I couldn't stop him." Despite her own fears, she could hear the guilt in his voice and she could even understand it.

Bobby wasn't quite sure what response he needed to use and it didn't matter because the sound of Ray's daughter, Emily, calling for 'daddy' broke through the wall, as if she was reminding her father of her presence.

Ray didn't want Emily in the room, she was too young to see this, he wanted to protect her not hurt her, "It's alright, baby." He tried to sound normal as if everything was perfect and nothing was going down in his study.

Emily was smart enough to detect something was wrong, "What are you doing?" Bobby listened carefully to her and suddenly came up with a way to protect both Emily and Alex; a way to get her out of the room and to safety. "Mom wants to know."

"Uh, just give us a minute." Ray said to Emily through the wall.

Bobby didn't look at Ray when he spoke, "You gotta let my partner go and look after your daughter."

Emily's voice still carried through the wall, a worried sound of 'daddy' still escaping her mouth.

Alex didn't know what Bobby was doing completely, but not only did she see this a chance for her to get out of the room but it was chance to call for backup. Whether that was his idea or not, she wasn't entirely sure, everything that was still going on in her mind was distorting their communication as partners. "Let me talk to her."

Ray considered it as Emily called out for him again. "You gotta put the gun on me." Bobby insisted, "And let my partner go look after your daughter."

Ray thought about his options carefully, he thought about how Emily could eventually lose patience with him and find a way into the room. He thought about how he wanted this whole thing to be played out and as he got the sequence into his head he realised one very important thing; Bobby's partner wasn't in the picture at all. "Put your piece on the desk." Alex nodded, feeling a sense of relief that she knew she shouldn't be feeling yet, "And your partners." Alex took her gun and Bobby's and slowly walked to Ray's desk, setting them down gently before turning out of the room, still hearing Emily's voice, insisting she was coming into the room and she could hear Ray telling her to wait. "Now turn around." She did as she was instructed and went to the door, quckly escaping, closing it behind her.

She was unaware of the fact that Bobby was walking into the space she'd inhabited; reinforcing the fact he'd protected her, reassuring himself.

They began a strange circular movement, a quarter moon around the small study. Ray still aiming his weapon, this time squarely on Bobby's chest. His aim wouldn't miss, he knew that.

Bobby felt himself worry about this but he had to continue, "She's a good girl, Emily, she's-"

"-Oh, I don't need you to tell me that."

"I know, I know." Bobby nodded, "She's precious." He hesitated slightly, "You know, she's - she looks like her mother." The face of his own dying mother stealthy trickled it's way into his mind. Of course it would, the two both having cancer, both ill. Bobby's worry for his own mother had to take back seat to this right now, he knew that. He had to try to push her image out of his mind.

Ray felt a strong urge to explain this to him, "Joyce." Emily's mother, "Ashley was killing her. She abandons her sister, doesn't even take care of her own mother." This sickened Ray right to his soul. He loved Joyce. How could her own daughter do that to her? How could Ashley not see what she was doing?

"You found Emily, she got home safe." Bobby tried, unaware that Ray's thoughts were on his wife.

"Joyce was crying, she couldn't stop shaking." Ray continued, overstepping Bobby's words and carrying on with his own.

"But you knew they were hurting and you had to protect them." Bobby had to continue himself, he had to help Ray and himself. He had to do what he did best and get Ray to talk to him about it, talk him down from this. It was the only weapon Bobby ever really had.

"Joyce didn't even get angry, she was worried about Ashley after everything. Tell me, how is that possible?"

Bobby looked at Ray and carefully shook his head, "I don't know. It's mothers, you know." Bobby made the mistake of thinking that because Ray was asking him a question now, that he had lowered his guard slightly so Bobby was stepping forward.

Ray shoved his weapon forward, punctuating his words, "Back off."

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Alex sat outside the room, having already called for back up, thankful that Ray hadn't taken her cell phone off her. She was holding Emily tight, not allowing her near the room and she had a finger to her own lips to say that she shouldn't talk.

Emily was trembling, she'd heard most of what Alex had said, even though she'd tried to keep herself from hearing she was worried about her father.

The whole time Alex's ear was burning as she tried to listen in to what was being said, for any clue, any tip that Bobby needed her back in there. Despite her own fear for her own safety, she had to help Bobby, she couldn't allow herself to be so weak that her own partner would get killed. God, how she regretted not taking out her anger on that red punching bag, maybe Mike was right, maybe all this was in her own head and if she'd allowed herself to let some of it go, maybe she'd have been stronger inside that study and done something when it counted, when she could've made a difference.

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Having managed to get some kind of confession out of Ray, it seemed that both men were at the end of their tether. "Joyce is never going to forgive me." Ray quickly buried the nozzle of his weapon back up into his own throat.

"Hey, hey, she needs you." Bobby raised his voice, almost feeling himself panic. He didn't want anybody to lose their life, he didn't want anymore death. There had been enough.

The weapon was back towards being aimed at Bobby, "How do you know?" Ray asked, angrily, "What? Because of your mother? Some cop BS."

Bobby shook his head, no, no, no, no, no... his mother was sick, she was ill. Her image back into the forefront of his mind. Her voice ringing in his ears about how the doctors weren't good enough and about how she was scared of dying at the hands of the devil, "No, my mother is ill and I'm all she's got." Bobby looked at him and the weapon, "And that's all Joyce has got, is you."

"Not anymore." Ray argued.

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Cars came up the street, no sirens, no sound as they'd been ordered to by Alex.

Alex was still in the hallway, holding onto Emily to stop her from going into the room. She could see Joyce standing by the opposite wall with a worried look on her face, her pale face that looked like she couldn't take anything at all right now. The stress alone was eating away at her from the inside out. Alex felt for her but there was nothing she could do.

When she heard Emily's name being called by Bobby she was in two minds as to whether she should run into the room and tackle Ray herself but she didn't move. "Emily." Emily tried to move herself but Alex wouldn't let her, she tightened her hold on the young girl. "Your father needs you to see something."

Emily turned to Alex, her eyes pleading with her to let her go and see her father but Alex shook her head once. No way. There was absolutely no way Alex was letting a child into that room. What was Bobby thinking? "Eames?" His voice sounded desperate but the cloud that been in Alex's mind recently was beginning to evaporate a little. That light shining through the gray.

She knew what he was doing. "She's on her way."

This was a cue for Emily that she could talk now, she could say something, since Alex had, "Daddy!"

"No, I said no." They could hear Ray shout at them, "Back off out there!" Alex hoped that Bobby's idea would work because if it didn't it would only really mean one thing.

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It had worked.

And where she felt slightly rejuvenated he felt more numb. "I'll file the paperwork. Take a drive up-state. Vist your mom." Alex told Bobby as they walked away from the house. This was both her way of appologising for the way she'd treated him recently and her way of giving him the chance to be numb and think things over and see his mother; be there for her.

Bobby was still unsure about his own partners well-fare and he didn't want her to do all the work; that wasn't fair, she'd only just come back. Bobby looked at her, showing both his uncertainty and his gratitude in the same look.

"Gun. He's got a gun." The sound of a panicked voice, yet strong, forced them both to turn around and reach for their own pieces but it was too late.

It hadn't worked.

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He felt beyond numb, he felt like he didn't exist. He'd failed and as a result Emily had seen her fathers' dead body on the ground. The sight of that little girl crying on the lawn as she fought her mothers' grasp nearly killed Bobby inside.

Like the cancer inside of Joyce. Like the cancer inside of his mother; Frances Goren.

Now, he sat, rubbing the tips of his middle fingers on one hand along the length of his fingers on the other, elbows on his knees, sat on the floor. Leaning his head on the wall and trying not to smash it through the wall. The whole scene replayed in his mind, everything repeated on a continuous cycle. He tried to find where he'd gone wrong, tried to see where it was that had been the crucial moment he'd missed.

Clearly he'd never really got through to Ray about how much Emily and Joyce needed him; Ray had still thought his idea was best. Dying before he was charged so that Emily could feel the benefit of his full pension.

Bobby stopped the motion of his fingers and began rubbing his forehead. His fingers extended as he began trying to message the pain away; failing. Rubbing his whole face he just stared into the room he was sat in, looking at everything and nothing. Since he'd been in his apartment in the dark his eyes had grown accustomed to it and it meant that he could see every piece of furniture, although not clearly but he could make them out.

His whole apartment having that black and white feel to it; surreal, like the way he almost felt inside. Shades of gray.

He wished he could take it all back, he wished he could relive that moment in Ray's study just so that he could change what had been said to the point where he'd been successful and convinced Ray that life was his option, but Bobby wasn't a genius for nothing; he knew you couldn't rewind time or change the past but that didn't stop the way he felt about it.

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It was still something she couldn't bring herself to do. Despite the fact her anger had increased she still couldn't bring herself to stand up and punish the punching bag. It wasn't her, it might work for Mike but she knew it wasn't her. Sure, she threw things when she was angry and of course she'd been known to lash out at people in times of complete rage but beat up a bag? No.

The anger she had was probably nothing compared to how Bobby probably felt, she knew that, but it was the only anger she was aware of right now. Bobby had been quiet, still and withdrawn by the time they'd reached the city so she'd dropped him off so he could take that drive to see his mother. She didn't know whether he had done that or not but it didn't really matter - either way he was probably too deep inside his own head and thoughts for it to really help.

She was also angry at herself. She should've done more to help when she was inside that study, she should have seen that coming. She kept telling everyone how she could do her job and that she was perfectly capable; she'd asked Bobby to trust her and he said he did. But now, she knew different, she wasn't the same.

Allowing that anger to control her for a second she picked up the nearest object and launched it towards the wall. The object, a fragile bowl ornament - something she didn't particularly care about - smashed instantly on contact with the wall.

The sound of it breaking was quickly followed by the front door opening and a "Geez, that's what the bag is for!" Alex turned to see Mike standing, looking a little perplexed and stunned as he looked at the fragments now on the floor and when he turned to Alex he frowned at her.

She sighed, "You've probably heard what happened." Alex told him, her voice tight, "And I don't want to hear it." She turned sharply on her heal and made haste towards her bedroom.

Mike nodded, to himself since she could no longer see him, "Good, uh, I wasn't gonna say anything." The end of his sentence came out more of a mumble since she'd already left so there was no point attempting to speak to her. He took one last look at the broken porcelain on the floor and shaking his head, he followed her path to the bedroom, opening the door without hesitation.

He looked at her, seeing her sitting at the head of her bed with a sharp, thunderous look on her face, he sighed, "I did hear about it." He started but she shot him a piercing look. If looks could kill... "What did that bowl ever do to you?"

Alex was confused by his bizarre question, "You care about the bowl?"

He shrugged, "No."

"Then why did you...?" Alex didn't complete her sentence, she just nodded and then looked away. He'd done it to force her to speak to him, funny how he did that. Damn, it was hard dating a fellow detective. "It's not gonna work." She told him, defiantly.

Mike looked at her for a moment, his hands on his hips and a thoughtful look on his face, "Have it your way. You don't want to talk to me? Fine." Mike turned around and headed back towards the door.

Alex looked at his retreating back and sighed, "Mike?"

He turned back around but didn't move back into the room, "Yeah?"

She sighed, looking at him, "Please... just stay."

Mike watched her for a moment, as if he was considering her request, making her wonder for a moment if was actually going to stay with her or not. After a moment that almost felt like an eternity to Alex, Mike finally sat down on the foot of her bed, directly opposite her and smiled, slightly. "What happened?"

Alex mouth twitched, as she pulled her lips to one side of her face, struggling with her emotions and trying desperately to keep them under control, "I froze." She looked up at him and felt her control start to slip away. "He... had his gun aimed toward me and I just-" Alex made a shrugging motion with her face and shoulders, "-froze."

Mike shook his head, "That's not what I heard." She frowned a little at that, "Goren told me that the both of you negotiated with him to let you go ... so that you could call for backup."

Still frowning, "When did Bobby tell you that?"

Confused by her question, Mike answered it anway, "He came to the office to make a report to Ross about it."

"He did?" Alex asked, also confused, "He did?" Mike nodded. Alex realised that Bobby must have gone back to 1PP on his own after she'd left the office herself. She wasn't quite sure why, she really hoped he'd just go and visit his mother.

"So, you can see why I'm wondering why you thought you froze?" Mike asked, bringing her back to the original topic. Not really caring to talk about Bobby right now, not because he didn't like the guy but because he was more concerned with her.

She sighed, "You were right."

"I was?" Mike looked at her suspisciously, "I was?"

Alex nodded, "When you said that the only one thinking I can't do my job is me." Mike thought about it and then finally remembered saying that to her a few days ago. Of course, he hadn't said it out of some brilliant insight into what she was going through, he just thought that that was the truth and that she needed to know as much.

He nodded, he still thought that too, "Look, I'm no expert but don't you think it's possible that this'll go away, heh?"

She looked down at her knees.

"Hey? Don't you think so?"

Alex shrugged.

"I guess you need some convincing." Mike commented, quietly. He looked at her and watched her as she seemed to be thinking about something. She eventually looked up from her knees and looked into his eyes. Smiling slightly, she pulled herself forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, holding herself close to him. He smiled into her neck and wrapped his own arms around her body.

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Bobby walked slowly along the halls of Carmel Ridge, taking his time as he walked to a particular destination - his mothers' room. He'd make this walk often, so often in fact he could do it with his eyes closed.

But still, everytime he walked it he felt a similar sense of anxiety and worry. Anxiety that would show in his body language and the speed at which he walked. It didn't matter how many times he went, he knew that he'd never be able to predict what would happen when he visited her and this was the cause of his overall anxiety. He loved his mother and he could suppose that he was used to seeing her in unusual and frightening circumstances but that didn't change how afraid he'd become when she 'changed' in front of him or how much he hated to see it.

But he loved her.

He'd never leave her. Even if this cancer was so threatening that it would mean her leaving him, he'd never abandon her, he'd never walk away.

He was just walking slowly towards her room, carefully opening the door and peering around it to look at her, smiling a little, looking at her door with slight fear and concern until she sees whose behind it. She motioned for him to come into the room.

Bobby felt relieve, she was 'normal'. Well, what he'd call normal on Frances Goren was when she wasn't acting or behaving like she was afraid of her own son.

"Hi, mom." Bobby greeted, politely, walking into the room and pulling out a chair to sit on beside her bed.

"Bobby." She breathed, happily, "What do I owe this visit?"

Bobby shrugged, "I just came to see you."

Frances smiled, "Good." He leaned in to kiss her cheek softly, pleasantly surprised by the warmth of her pale skin. "I'm glad you're here."

"Y-you are?" Bobby asked, was this perhaps too 'normal'? She'd never said that one to him before.

She nodded, pointing towards the foot of her bed, "You know they haven't changed my bedsheets for two days." She seemed annoyed and frustrated with that and Bobby felt himself sigh on the inside. Yeah, this was as normal as it was going to get.

But it was his.

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So, sorry for those that feel there was too much Bobby in this story.

Let me know what you think. I don't usually write for Bobby so now would be a good time to tell me if it was any good.