A/N: Not much to say.....CUPCAKES...sorry...

5.

"We weren't bad guys. Not that we were really good guys either but, we weren't out to hurt anyone or do anything. We were out own little group and we were happy to be a part of something. As for being bad guys...when can you tell you're a bad guy? When you've killed someone? When you've put your foot in their face and watched them beg for forgiveness even though they wouldn't get it. We weren't bad guys. We did a job; like soldiers. Like the Nazi soldiers. If you love your family, there are sacrifices that have to be made. *pauses for a moment, biting his lip* Sure, I want to say I'm sorry to a lot of people for the things that happened. For the things I've said and done in the sake of upholding the family...and say I'm sorry for tearing it apart. Also...for my beloved Kaoru.

"We're not bad guys; we're just not good guys either."

-Kenshin Himura

Two weeks came, and two weeks went. In those weeks, sitting alone in the ghostly cold home, I was visited by Kaoru several times. She was now sixteen years old, and blossoming into the most beautiful girl I'd seen. She still had the sparkling blue eyes and the long raven's hair. She had grown from the simple child she once was, with round cheeks and a flattened body. But now there was a curve around her chest and hips, and she stepped very delicately. She had one of those smiles too; it didn't matter what was going on, or how you were feeling, she could make everything better.

She came up to the house while Hiko was out and I was off. I was studying, but I was more than willing to let her in. She sat down in the living room and I made coffee. She was amazed at the home decorated in intricate trinkets that I supposed Hiko had gathered over the years. Her eyes stopped at a picture on a black and white picture on the mantelpiece, one that had Hiko, a woman and a small child in it. It was Hiko's late son and his wife whom he divorced shortly before I started working at the restaurant. It was strange to look at an old picture of Hiko and see him smile. Next to this picture was one from my high school graduation, Hiko's arm over my shoulders. "So...what brings you here?" I asked her.

"Bored," she said. "My friends are all away on some kind of vacation so..."she rolled her head, "and I haven't seen Dad in a few days. He's been working really hard."

"Is that so?"I sipped the coffee and lowered my eyes. Was I really a monster that would kill her father with my own two hands? My head went to the side. "So...where does your Dad work?"

"Um...some office I think. I don't remember what it was, he told me one when I was young."

"Your Dad's a nice guy," I said to her, as if it would somehow appease all that I was going to do. "He stops by from time to time without you. It's about the only time I hear Hiko actually happy."

"He seems like a happy guy to me," Kaoru rebutted. I had to admit, Hiko did give off a very optimistic air, though I'm sure that was his pride. Their weren't many people that I knew, family wise I mean, that had as much confidence as he did. Hiko was probably the only person allowed to have pride without it being a sin. Pride was often a man's downfall after all. But the way Hiko flaunted it didn't make it seem a sinful as it actually was. Maybe that was because his pride was real. He had a lot to be proud of; a good business, a strong family, good health.

"Yeah. You don't see him like that at work."

Kaoru came to sit next to me on the couch. "So, you're a culinary student?" she asked, folding a hair behind her ear. Her cheeks were beginning to turn an off shade of red.

"Yeah. I'm a sophomore right now."

"I'm one too," she giggled, "well, you know. In high school."

"How's that going?"

"Oh uh...it's going."

"Sophomore year's one of the hardest. You'll do better."

Just as I was taking a sip of the coffee she splayed over me, her arms tight around my neck. I raised the glass trying not to spill it on either of us. I felt her lips on my cheek. My ears began burning immediately. "Wha-what are you..?"

"You're a nice guy," she whispered. "You're so much more mature than all the jerks at my school."

"Jerks huh?"

She tightened on me further. "Yeah. They just won't leave me alone. Especially this one guy that use to live across from me."

"Who?"

"It's no one," Kaoru folded another hair behind her ear. "You're just nice and mature."

"You'e pretty mature too," I said for some reason. She glanced up to me with a funny look on her face. "And uh...beautiful too." She squeezed me tighter.

"Hiko's not gonna barge in here all of a sudden is he?" she asked, lifting from me. I set the mug down on the coffee table in case she decided to drape over me again. I shook my head, answering her question.

"He's real busy today. Some special customer or something." And that was all I needed to tell her for her to understand. I was amazed that Kaoru was able to grasp everything that was going on in our family with her father being one of the those "customers". I leaned my head to the side. "Wanna go somewhere?" I asked.

"Huh?"

"You wanna go out to lunch or something? It's kinda boring around her," I held out my hand in a gentlemanly fashion, which she shyly took.

"Sure. Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know," I shrugged my shoulders. "Let's go to the next town. Maybe we can find something there."

She nodded her head. I grabbed my coat and scarf and took her hand leading her out the door.

I could feel the kinfe lapping against my side.

The first of my sins began on Decemeber 23rd, 1972.

The year 1972; Nixon was reelected and I had voted for him since the previous year the 26th amendent had been passed lowering the voting age to 18. The war in Vietnam was still going on, much to the displeasure of many Americans and to my displeasure as well, though I was sure that my views on it were a little biased since I too was about to do and kill someone for no reason. (I realize this isn't funny to you, but after I spent some years thinking back on the date I found that the "joke" grew on me). 1972 was also techinically the longest year ever recorded. It was a leap year, but as I would come to find out later, there was an extra second added onto the end of the year. I know that a second didn't mean too much, but the more I thought about it, I began to wonder what happened in that extra second. It could have happened at anytime that year, so why not in Koshijiro's fleeting moments?

I didn't really know what I was going to do as I walked into my shift that afternoon. I didn't have the knife on me, not that I needed it when I worked in a kitchen. I worked chef de partie, a station chef working mainly as a roundsman in the kitchen where I would go around to whoever needed me in the kitchen. Often times I would be one to hand things off to Katsu, who was now a waiter, to take out to the floor.

My shift began at two in the afternoon and was going to go on until closing time. I told Katsu to keep me on alert for when Koshijiro arrived; he asked me why and I said that Hiko wanted me to keep an eye out. He was more than happy to oblige.

Sometime later Katsu came in, nudging my shoulder. I had been pretty zoned out at the time not only working hard, but someone in the kitchen had a radio and was playing the Pittsburgh-Oakland game which was beginning to wrap itself up, Pittsburgh down 7-6. I hadn't been much of a football fan in first place, but it was something to get my mind off everything.

"Ken?"

I glanced up, my ears tearing away from the radio.

"Yeah?"

"He's here," I heard him say. I nodded my head and took off my apron, heading out onto the floor to see Koshijiro standing at the door. His hands were shoved far into his pockets, and his head was down. I didn't try to look pleased in the slightest, but I did become very aloof.

"Mr. Kamiya?" I asked quietly, hoping not to draw attention. He looked up to me, and my heart sank when I saw the relief in his eyes.

"Ken," he sighed out.

"Hiko...Hiko asked me to take you to his office."

"Oh."

I led him back, looking to the front door to see Sanosuke coming in, shaking the snow from his shoulders. When we arrived at the door, I was surprised to see it half open. Somehow though, I wasn't all too surprised that Hiko was elsewhere. The kitchen to be precise. I blinked a moment, ushering Koshijiro into the room. Sanosuke clasped one of his large hands on my shoulder, momentarily stopping the quiver that was going down my spine. "Here." he whispered. He took my hand and shoved something in it. "This might make it a little easier."

It was a Derringer. I quivered more but didn't speak. "I'll be outside 'kay?" I nodded. I went inside, closing the dorr firmly behind me and glancing around to see if there was anything suspicious. Hiko had the long drapes covering the windows, as he always did, which made it impossible for anyone to look into his office.

Koshijiro was leaning against the desk leaking desperation. He was chanting something, probably something that he was trying to memorize to tell Hiko. I grabbed him underneath the arms and held him against my chest. Koshijiro was a half foot taller than I was, so I was amazed that I could manage to point the gun anywhere in the vacinity of his face.

"You don't have the money do you?" I asked. He shook his head. "Then I'm going to ask you to do something else for me."

"Wha-wha..?" he squeaked out.

"Do it yourself," I pushed him away from him, listening to him 'thud' against the desk. I slammed the gun down next to him. I realized that I was shaking worse than he was.

"What do you..?"

"Do it yourself," I said. Despite the fear the rippled through me, I found another part of me was surprisingly calm and serene. It was like it would be if I was sitting watching television, or reading. I took a few steps forward until I was breathing down his neck. Picking up the gun, I place it in his hand. His body was like putty against me; I could practically get it to do anything. "You want them to hurt your daughter?" I asked in a sudden burst. It seemed that I had chose the magic words. I released my hand from the gun to see that he was still holding it. It went up to his temple and he turned to looked at the curtains behind Hiko's desk. I closed my eyes as I listened to the shot go off.

Blood splashed against my face, running into nostrils and lips. I opened my eyes, the blood dripping from my lashes. I hardly recognized my own screaming. Koshijiro's body slumped against Hiko's desk, spilling blood over a few files and mahogany. He then slipped off and landed at my feet which was slowly backing away. Sanosuke had entered the room, grabbing the gun from Koshijiro. Hiko was next, kneeling to his friend and shaking him, yelling for him to wake up. It was all a sympathetic set up. Sanosuke and I were there, caught off guard by Koshijiro's declaration of death, which is why our fingerprints could be explained on the gun. We tried to stop him, he pushed us away and then BANG! That was all she wrote. And I played the perfect part, screaming my lungs out and nearly weeping. Hiko grabbed the phone from his desk and started to dial the police.

I wandered away from the scene, wide eyed and shaken. I went all the way to kitchen, drawing attention at each step. Blood was running onto my clothes, and they were probably appalled at the sound of a gunshot as well. Slipping into the kitchen I went to the nearest sink and began washing my face off. People were gathering around me. Other than a few newcomers and Katsu, everyone knew what had just happened. I was too zoned out to hear anything clearly except:

"Last chance for the Steelers. Bradshaw trying to get away. And his pass is...broken up by Tatum. Picked off! Franco Harris has it! And he's over! Franco Harris grabbed the ball on the deflection! Five seconds to go! He grabbed it with five seconds to go and scored!" (1)

She cried. She wetted my shoulder heavily while I sat in my own state of shock and mourn. I patted her back as I bit back my own feelings. I was neutral. I'd been sitting thinking to myself after that. I hadn't really reacted. I had said or done much unless it was done robotically. You could say that it was a temporary depression. My mind succumbing to all the feelings that were suddenly thrust on me.

Kaoru cried until she cried herself to sleep that night, and I didn't feel as awful as I thought I would. It was half past eleven by the time she fell asleep though, but Hiko and I were still sitting up. I, trying to console her, and him trying to console himself. It was the first time I saw him brood, and it was probably the last too. I finally got a little grip on myself when I look down to Kaoru asleep on my shoulder, her face all red from crying. I picked her up and started for the door telling Hiko that I was taking her home.

Outside it was snowing lightly, enough to make the grass look dusty. I walked three houses down, with Kaoru's weight bearing on my arms, to her home where the door was unlocked. I manuvered my way to her living room. I put her on the couch, covering her with a blanket that was on the top. I then sat down in the arm chair across from her like a watchmen, my head resting against my folded hands. Koshijiro's smell was all over the place, clogging up my nose and bringing back the scent of blood. I licked my lips, hoping to wash away the blood that had seeped between them.

Kaoru opened her eyes a bit, and I wasn't really sure if she was all the way there when she woke up that she was able to see things very clearly. She looked serene as her eyes locked onto me. I lowered my head. I didn't deserve to have precious eyes look at me like that.

(1)- a line from Curt Gowdy when the actual game was played between Pittsburgh and Oakland; it was the first time that Pittsuburgh had won a postseason game...(not a Steelers fan btw....just saying....) The play made was the extremely controversial play called the 'Immaculate Reception'.

A/N: Well..till next time, KenSan out!