A/N: Well well....im lazy as hell aren't I?....time to write more

"Kogoro Katsura...we got a lucky shot in no doubt because, honestly, it wasn't him we were aiming for. We weren't even aware that Katsura was at the restaurant that day. On the other hand, Himura took the blunt of it, which was enough for us to deal with. Still, when we saw Katsura go down, well, we started to smile. It wasn't every day you killed your enemy in broad daylight.

"Much to our displeasure it was all over the newstands the next day, and they made Himura almost like a hero for surviving...if every man who survived in our world was a hero then we wouldn't be considered public enemies..."

-Enishi Yukishiro

13.

I was out for a few days. Not out like unconscious, just out. I couldn't keep my mind on one subject long enough for it to make sense, even to me. I was in and out of pain, being woken and falling back asleep so much that it was cyclical. I was tired, but it wasn't because of injury, but because of fear. Something had overtook when I was at the hospital, worse than a virus: reality.

I understood that reality was around me all the time. People were being hurt, or dying. But they never really affected me overall. But, this reality was much more stout, much for strong that I had remember in previous experiences. The feeling of Kogoro's life slipping out of my hands. His blood staining my fingertips, and the pavement below him. He was hit so hard that he never said a word, only looked up to this sky with some sort of hazy look. I can't forget the way that he smiled though, looking upward. He wasn't too faithful, but his wife was. He wore a cross for his wife's sake, and it had come out of his shirt, resting over his heart, on that day.

Before I passed out, and I wasn't sure if it was the pain or the shock that had gotten me, I momentarily looked up to the sky as well, maybe to see if there was something there that was making him smile. It was an overcast day though. Not a hint of sun came through, and in fact, it was getting ready to snow.

I tumbled next to our leader, my breathing heavy. I was awake and partially alert, but my body just didn't want to move. I was shaken hard, no doubt it was Sanosuke trying to get me to my senses. By that time my arm was sticky with blood, the sleeve having turned an off shade of red. "Ken! Ken, wake up, wake up!" he pushed against me, demanding my attention. I just couldn't give it to him.

The snow was beneath me for a time, melting away under the heat of my back, and the water that was seeping beneath me, at least before they picked me up and started to work on the bleeding in my arm, seemed almost like it were a baptism.

I'd never gone to church, except for my wedding, and I had never really believed in anything that was above me, or below me. I just sort of sat, listless all the time, waiting for some sort of granduer that was suppose to come out of it all. That baptism, if I can even call it that, put me in a state of haze, staring outward at the world without the ability to grasp it, at least not yet.

I woke up somewhere around the 26th of January, my arm pounding something awful. It was wrapped up tight, as it should have been, and I couldn't move my elbow. I looked to my left and saw a curtain hanging up, then I looked to my right, to my wife sitting there, half asleep, her hands knit together tightly, as if in prayer.

"Kaoru," I rasped out. She opened her eyes and looked blankly at me, as if I weren't even there, so I said her name again. "Kaoru," she looked at me and smiled, but it was a smile that I could read as not being all that happy. She reached out and touched my hand. Her hands were cold, almost lifeless. I knew it was me that had put her in this state of worry.

"Glad you're awake," she said, and reached over, hugging me gently. My shoulder throbbed the slightest bit. I supposed that maybe I was hit there too. "You worried me."

"Sorry," I turned at the sound of rustling coming from beyond the curtain. There was no one coming. I looked back to Kaoru and frowned. "I'm about half crazy aren't I?"

"You're just scared."

I knew the answer to this question, though in my own haze I had to as Kaoru because she could confirm it for me. "How's Kogoro?"

The look on her face was unmistakeable. Her eyes fell to her lap, her hands started to squeeze together. She was doing everything that was in her power not to start crying, and even more so, not to tell me what had happened. I supposed that he was dead, which would be right by her reaction, but it seemed that it wasn't only that.

"Kaoru?"

"He's been on life support," she muttered. "They're just waiting."

"Family?" I asked. She nodded. "What are they waiting for? Some conformation of succession?" she wasn't entirely sure, at least so her expression read. Kaoru wanted to stay in the dark about or society. She didn't want to know how things worked, or who was doing what. She had been around it all her life, so of course it was an influence, so the most she did was suck up the benefits that came along with it. I'm not saying that Kaoru was greedy at all, in fact she could be saintly generous if she wanted to, but she took what we were given and kept it, sat on it, let it collect interest as time went by. I knew she was think of something to do with it sooner or later.

I tried moving my arm but was rewarded with pain shooting up it; I just remained still, looking at Kaoru with sadness. "Where's Kenji?"

"Megumi's watching him for me. I don't think he'd want to see you like this," she said. I nodded to her. I was kind of glad that she thought of it that way. I didn't want Kenji seeing me feeble, or hurt. I was his Dad; it was my job to create a good example for the boy. Being made Swiss cheese sure wasn't the way of going about it.

After another day I was released, my arm slung up and my coat hanging over it. I tried my best to hide it beneath my coat, bit it was rather hard.

Karou forced me to stay home and rest, but there was a lingering anxiety within me. I needed to know why the family was waiting so long to decide who their next leader was, as it was obvious that Kogoro was surviving only on the help of a bounty of machines, and I wouldn't have been half surprised if the Yukishiros employed someone to try and sabotage our waiting.

By the beginning of February Kaoru let me out of her clutches, driving (where she said she wasn't going to let me for a least another week) me to the restuarant. I told her that I would be quick, but that I would call her if I needed a ride back. I walked around the back of the restaurant and came through the employee hatch, looking at my friends walking around the kitchen preparing the meals that were ordered.

Everyone gave me these sympathetic looks, and no one seemed to want to meet my eye. I pulled my coat closed over the wound, my eyes shifting around the room to look for something that I was missing. "Where's Sozo?" I asked quietly. They told me that he was in Hiko's office.

I lowered my head but left the kitchen, narrowly avoiding a new waiter, hustling to get more orders. I stayed in the shadows, my eyes skimming around out diners, then I stopped at Hiko's office door, closed up tight.

"...an't be waiting for Ken any longer," I heard Sozo say. "This is a serious matter. We can just assume that whatever we do will be okay by him."

I knocked hard.

"In a meeting!" Hiko yelled.

"I need to talk to you," I said. The door was swift to be opened, Sozo looking at me with fear in his eyes.

"You're looking better," he said to me. I was curious if he was covering something up, or I had really been looking bad. I pushed the door closed and approached Hiko, not all sure of the reason I had came, other than to confirm that I was still alive.

"Have you been waiting for me?" I asked. Hiko shrugged.

"Not really," even Hiko was looking at my arm. I lowered my head somewhat. "You shouldn't blame yourself, this was bound to happen sooner or later."

"What about the police?" I asked.

"They're not looking into it too much. Kogoro wasn't exactly one of their friends."

Sozo had pulled up a chair close to Hiko's desk. After I had entered, he had jumped out of it. I wasn't sure if that was a curteosy or just because he was being sympathetic. Still, I took it because I was somewhat woozy.

"You're one of their friends though."

"I wouldn't say that too loud if I were you," Hiko warned. He had four or five different papers laying on his desk, all for today but different editions. I furrowed my brows, but didn't look into it. I knew Hiko liked to be well informed. "Anyways, you came..?"

"I don't know. Just felt like interrupting."

"You're good at that," he said said. He picked up a coffee cup which I was sure had tea instead of coffee in it.

"How long are you going to keep Kogoro like that?" I asked, shifting around in the seat. Sozo was standing guard at the door, as if there was going to be someone who would come and try to hurt us in this private place. Apparently though, by the looks of Hiko's office, he wasn't all too concerned with what people were seeing. His curtains, the heavy curtains he usually kept closed to his office was a secluded place, were wide open letting gobs of light in. It was almost blinding, and it outlined him almost angelically, his face hardly visible.

"As long as it takes to make a decision," he said. "Believe me when I say it's not only this decision that's making us wait."

I read between the lines as best I could. With Kogoro still alive, albeit it, only just, he was still the leader and, for the time being, Hiko was the active boss, at least until Kogoro kicked the bucket. Since Kogoro was alive, there was no need to be democratic and vote for who needed to be boss. It was just as easy to let Hiko be the boss, seeing as he was the second in command and one of Kogoro's closest and oldest friends. When Kogoro died though, as he would in a few hours, there would be a need for a meeting and for a vote. We treat it kind of like a presidential election, you could say, except we were a little more honest and didn't make a lot of useless promises.

Hiko stood up, disregarding the papers on his desk.

For a long time, Hiko was like everyone else. He showed his status in our family and he showed his status as a business owner by wearing nice suits. But, it seemed, his style had changed. Call it a little more...normal if you want to, but it was the seventies at its best. He didn't like to wear ties anymore, like I remembered him. He was usually wearing the obnoxious pants, almost like golfer's pants but he didn't golf. Not to say that it didn't look good on him, because somehow he was one of those guys that just pulled it off, but he knew how to make himself noticeable. And I began to think, especially now, that maybe he was going through some sort of midlife crisis. He was being pretty childish. He bought a nice new car, kind of like the one that Sanosuke had gotten, only much more showy. I could understand, with our circumstances and all...

"When will the meeting be?"

"When we decide it," he said.

I rolled my shoulders gently, wincing. "I probably won't be back to workfor another month or so...Kaoru barely let me out of the house today."

Hiko nodded, picked up his tea, and looked out the window pensively. If there was ever a man who's mind I wanted to see, it was Hiko Seijuuro's; though I'm sure there were some...novelties...in there that no everyone would be able to stand, it was the clockwork I wanted to see, I wanted to see what made this man tick. I wanted to see the genius that was my "father" you could say.

He sighed in response. I lifted up, looking back to Sozo still guarding the door. I jutted my chin as a way to insinuate that it was be better if he left us. He nodded and reluctantly left, no doubt lingering on the other side of the door.

"I know who my vote is for," I said to him, as if that was going to reassure him. He just took another sip of the tea.

I walked around the desk, pausing at the side of it, looking at the stained mahogany. He didn't ever replace the desk from five years ago, reminents of the blood still lingering on the edge of if. After that, I approached him. "It's okay to be afraid."

"I'm not afraid," he said. I lowered my head. "When's the last time you made contact with the Yukishiro girl?"

"Not since July last year," I said.

"When Kenji showed up?"

"Yeah," I stood beside him, looking out the window. There wasn't much to look at, except the empty lot beside us. I knew Hiko had considered buying it so he could expand, but he never acted upon his consideration. "You think maybe this was my fault?"

"You've never done anything to upset them, other than Tomoe?"

Immediately my mind went back to when I protected Kaoru, pistol whipping some of their associates for her sake. I shook my head. "No sir," I said, "nothing other than be part of this family."

"I see."

That 'I see' had a lot too it. He probably heard a certain amount of guilt within my voice for what I'd done, even though I had never said a word to him. I thought maybe Sanosuke had told Sozo and Sozo had told Hiko, which was entirely possibly, but if that chain had ever happened, then I never knew about it and still don't, not even now as I tell you these things.

He turned around, checking his pocket watch, the same one he had when he interviewed me, and then set down the tea. "I'm going to check on the kitchen." He said, but before he did, he grabbed my uninjured wrist and said: "It's better to the the instigator than the hero."

He let my wrist go and walked out, not feeling like explaining himself to me. I never quite knew what it meant, but at the same time I did. It was Hiko, he made himself a pretty blunt person so it wasn't all that hard to follow what he was talking about. I supposed he meant that it was better to start something than to end it. Most of the time, those who start the problem aren't really remembered in comparison to the one's who ended it. I always took it like that; better to be the unknown than the known.

I stood in the office for a few more moments before I left, calling Kaoru on Hiko's office phone to pick me up.

In March, we had a funeral for Kogoro. It was a small funeral, one that hardly made the paper except maybe for the obituary. His wife was really crying. I was sure the wives were the most scared for us, they knew us the best, and they knew what we were doing was awful and dangerous. The only thing that was good for her was that the family would take care of her for the rest of her life, as they could, because she was the wife of the boss.

After the funeral all the men adjourned to the villa where we began to talk hoping to reach an agreement. We knew that this could take all night and all day the next day, so we made sure that the women were there and were cooking. At the least they were happy knowing that they were near us.

Again, we sat in the circle staring at each other, wondering what we should do. There was an air of melancholy as we passed drinks around. I hard started hard that night, somewhat overtaken by the sadness. There were those of us who seemed ready to cry, but were holding it in as best we could, and then there were those who were completely stoic and unwavered, as if the death had never happened and this was just us gathering to play bingo and chat about the weather.

Shinsaku started to cough hard, I'izuka asking if he was alright. He was thin; his eyes were sunken in, his wrists so small that my hand could fit around them, and he was sheet white. No one said anything, even as they saw him get worse. They really didn't want to deal with two deaths in a row, especially considering Kogoro's affections for Shinsaku.

I threw back my drink. Aoshi was still serving, standing up but looking over cautiously to Shishio (his hands were on his lap). As far as we knew, we had been frisked at the door and everything was taken and laid on a table outside.

Dinner was at 8:30; it was 7:15.

"Are we just gonna be quiet or are we gonna get on with this?" someone asked. Hiko's eyes traveled over the room, his hands reaching into his pockets and drawing out his watch. All eyes were on him when he stood up, walking to the center of the room. His fingers pinched the notch of the to of the watch, as if he were beginning to wind it. He was wearing all white, as he had at the funeral.

"Time is a steadfast thing gentlemen. Unwavered, undeterred. This is our enemy, this is our...enemy," his voice was soft, but provocative. Aoshi handed me a glass then knelt down next to me, listening. "What we do is not God's work, not the Devil's work. We are neither advocates but rather, instigators. What we start others will finish. We have nothing at all to gain. You may say monetarily, and you'll be right. We put our hands deep in money, but only so we can benefit not only ourselves but the people around us. We do good things, but they go unnoticed. We are people, like all the others who wander outside, push passed us.

"Time has never stopped, and it is the enemy of the instigator, because should we stop at the wrong time, then we will brin gour own downfal, call it an art, call it a purpose, call it reason or whatever you wish, but we can not stop time, only play its game."

I didn't know what he was doing, but he was walking in circles, staring at his watch with fervor. The top was still pulled up, the hands frozen in place.

"Today is what?" he asked up, turning around on his heel, looking at all the men. I heard myself say:

"March fifth, 1977."

"March fifth..."he lowered his head. "It is March fifth 1977, and it is 22 minutes past seven o' clock," he said, at least that was what his watch was telling him. mine read 7:27. "Yesterday in Bucharest, which is a part of Romania, there was an earthquake. It seems insignificant but, yesterday 1,500 people were killed. Human beings unable to stop time. And it seems so insignificant because we mark the passing of one man by deciding who will take his place." He stopped, his watch falling to his side, clutched tightly in his hand. "There is no mourning. We just want to know who will take his place so you can keep the chain going. Sure, you are the instigators well...this time," he looked at the watch, "what are you instigating?"

No one answered. Hiko laughed. "Just as I should expect from you..."

"We mourn." Shishio said. "But we 'instigators' as you say, have no time, which you seem to know very well doesn't stop, to sit back and watch ourselves get walked all over."

"Shut the fuck up," Sanosuke interrupted Shishio. "The man's trying to make a point."

It had all been lost though. His point was lost amongst the riff-raff that he was with. The look in Hiko's black eyes, well, it was a look that I hadn't seen. It was brooding sadness, or depression. It wasn't anger either. It was just, blankness. Maybe a little but of sorrow. I think the reason that he was speaking was because he too felt like he wasn't doing enough to mourn. He was guilty and he was trying to share his guilt, but no one said a word to him, just sat there, some asking for drinks from Aoshi, other's mingling. The smiles that were on their face must have set Hiko's heart a flame. He twisted the knob to match the grandfather clock in the corner, clicked it down into place to make the hands start ticking, then made his point clear by throwing it to the floor, shattering it's face, twisting the hands and sending its cap skidding across the floor.

"When you get your heads far enough out of each other's asses to see the sky, then tell me, because should you try and conduct this meeting without doing that first, you will suffer. Kogoro may have put up with it, but I won't. I won't stand by and see you kill each other in these stupid internal struggles. I'm tired of all you fuckers pretending you give a damn. There are maybe five men in this room who actually have enough pride to let themselves cry; to let their heart's bleed for another man."

That watch was an olf watch from the 1930s. Something that Kogoro had gave Hiko as a Christmas gift, as friends. For the longest time, it was the only posession that Hiko had that meant anything, and even now I was sure it was.

He didn't run out of the room like a school girl, but he did leave to join the women downstairs.

"Ken?" I heard after a few more moments of silence. I got to the floor, picked up the remnants of the watch and held it close. It was permanently frozen. "Ken, you alright?" Katsu was knelt next to me, bringing me up. "Ken, you might want this," he said, handing me his handkerchief. I took it, feeling my face which had gone numb in some sort of pseudo-shame. There were tears.

A/N: Meep...till next time, KenSan out!