A/N: Welcome back...what will happen...hm...

"I questioned a lot. I questioned the...institution...we were a part of. I questioned the relativity of who we were. I questioned the men around me, because they changed in the time that it took me to blink. These were men that I trusted all my life. Men that knew me as somebody they could trust. I never did anything to hurt them...until I led them.

"There's something strange about a change in power. You don't feel that cataclysmic shift until it's too long to be able to do anything else. At that point you're running for your life...protecting your assets. You're just a moving target. Leadership isn't all it's cracked up to be. Makes your hair turn gray; makes your mind go numb; makes you see without seeing. You do good and bad at the exact same time. Really I needed to question myself. Why was it that everything was falling apart? It wasn't doing this under Kogoro. But...he was a different kind of leader. And the children after us were not the children before us...

"They were too smart and dumb for their own good..."

-Hiko Seijuuro

I rushed through the parking lot to get out of the endless rain. Once in the kitchen, I shook out the umbrella and hung it with my coat, quickly grabbing my apron and suiting up. There were a few hellos, but everyone was hard at work. I searched around the kitchen and was surprised to see Hiko talking with Sozo in a corner. I didn't bother them; they were in a deep discussion. Still, I kept my eye on them. I could only imagine their conversation, but I didn't doubt that it had to do with Sanosuke. There was a sense of both pride and urgency in Hiko that I couldn't quite understand. When they ended their conversation in laughter I untensed and waited for Hiko to pass me and say something. He stopped by my station and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Something wrong?" I asked.

"I need you to do something for me," he said. I turned back to him and looked him in the face.

Hiko had changed.

His face had a way of sagging around the eyes. Maybe it was just him getting older (he was 53) but it didn't seem normal for him. I could see little gray hairs starting to pop up. I could see the way he took things slowly anymore. He always thought before he did anything, now it was even more so. And always in the back of my mind was his heart. There were a few scares since his first heart attack, but nothing major. I could see it taking its toll.

"What?"

"It's nothing major, but there's a runner that..."

In hindsight I should have realized that the reason he was always stressed out was because he cared about every little detail of things. He dealt with things like runners and bookies that capos should have been worried about. It was people like Sozo who should have dealt with these things and left Hiko to the bigger fish. "Don't tell me another runner took money," I griped.

"No; there's a guy that nearly got whacked a few days ago. Some street thugs. It's not really important, but I need you to go take his place for a few days. It's not really running the numbers, but I need you to collect from the runners and turn the numbers into us and, of course, if anyone wins then distribute the money."

I looked at him for a moment and I began to wonder why he giving me this task when he was well aware that I already ran numbers and, especially, knew how to be a leader of the number runners. I didn't take it as anything. I figured he was frazzled and just needed someone fast. I guessed that it was Sozo who had told him and he needed someone out there pronto. I nodded and began pulling off my apron. He gave me the district that I needed to go to and I left without a word.

The entire day was kind of mind numbing. I sat in a pizzeria, talking to the guys that were in there while they let me have free Coke (I didn't want to know who owned half the pizzeria). Runners were coming to me gradually, in their respective shifts, others with their problems. I had to straighten a few things out but there was nothing all that major. These were the moments when things seemed dullest. When you sat around with other guys who did the work; I always believed in hard work because it got you somewhere.

The rain never stopped that day. I had to run out a few times to a payphone so I could call Hiko. It didn't take but two seconds for me to get drenched. When I went and called him around 5:30 that evening, he told me that Sanosuke was trying to get ahold of me. "Since when?"

"He called about a half hour ago," Hiko said. I nodded.

"Was he calling from home?" I asked.

"He left a number," Hiko said, and he read it off to me. I knew that Sanosuke wasn't at home, and I wasn't about to guess what he was wanting me to do that he had to call Hiko to get ahold of me. I hung up the phone and dropped a few coins in the slot, dialing the number that Hiko had given me. It rang a few times, and I was half expecting someone crazy to answer the phone, possibly stoned out of their minds. Thankfully it was Sanosuke.

"Hey," he sounded less than jovial. The corners of my mouth downturned. I hugged my drenched coat against my skin and momentarily looked to the sky as a bolt of lightning struck across it.

"Hey Sano. What's up?"

"Nothing, I just..."he paused a few moments. "I wanted you to come over before the night got late."

I knew he wasn't going to say anything to me, but I could guess what it was that he was doing this night. I was proud of him still. "Where are you?" I asked, praying that it was in the district.

"I'm at a friend's place," he said. There were so many questions that were buzzing in my mind. What friend? And why, if he was so nervous, was he calling me if he was at a friend's place? And why was he so nervous in the first place? I couldn't piece it all together. I didn't really know it Sanosuke was nervous, to be perfectly honest, I was just guessing. Still, the less than enthused voice he gave me made it all seem kinda clear. "You know him...near that one bar that we've stopped at a coupla times."

Strangely, I knew what he was talking about. "Look, Sano, I can't," I said. "I got runners coming to me, and I can't leave until like...8...at least. Why don't you come here, to Manny's Pizzeria, I'll be sitting at the counter."

He told me that he couldn't leave either. I didn't know why, but I didn't ask. Like so many things this day, I know that hindsight has become one of those hated things of the human race. Still, I hung up with him after we realized that we couldn't leave our respective places, and I hustled back over to the pizzeria to try and dry off.

I went home that night and sat with Kaoru, Yahiko, and Kenji. We had Chinese and watched television. There was something cozy between me and Kaoru that night. I held her hand and she rested her head on my shoulder. Normal.

But what is normal? How to we measure what we consider to be normal? I mean, in reality, the last thing that people want to be is normal. They never seen to want to be the person with a steady job, with a steady paycheck, a house, some kids and spouse. They'll settle for it; they're happy with it, but people always want more than normal. They want to be someone. They want to be something glitzy, glamorous, or dangerous even. I've taken notice that greatness either comes from strong ambition or sheer luck, heck you could call it stupidity in some cases. The wonder to all this is that those that aren't normal always strive to be so. So I hug my wife and I pretend that I got home from the factory, and that my son was ours.

We can pretend all that we want, but it doesn't change reality.

I got up when the phone rang; I walked away from my bliss to answer it. Kaoru looked at me in the way that children look at their parents when they realize they got to be separated. It was only to the kitchen, but I was happy to think that she had some semblance of herself left.

I stood in the kitchen, silent, listening to who was on the phone. For the longest time I wondered what Kaoru must have thought in those first few moments. I could see her peeking around the corner, curious as to who was calling. I stood my ground; my spine had went completely rigid, and my muscles had tensed terribly. "Y-yyyou must be joking, right?" I asked.

If I could recall who I was talking to, I would tell you. But I can't. I was so frozen and numb that I couldn't bring myself to even recall most of the events that night. Except Kaoru. She always could tell what was wrong with me, even before I told. I couldn't even hang up the phone, I just let it fall from my hand and bang against the wall, bobbing for a few moments. It didn't take long for the person to hang up.

Kaoru put her hands on my shoulders. "Ken..."

My lips wobbled, and my jaw ached from clenching it. "Sano..."

"What about him?" she asked, gradually pushing her nails into my shoulders. "Was he arrested?"

I shook my head. It was hard to tell her. "I need to call Megumi..." I said numbly. I didn't know why I was calling her, but something told me that I needed to. I was sure that she had been told already; I guess maybe we needed to console each other. I leaned against the wall, picking up the phone and dialing her number. Kaoru didn't wander far away from me, and even Yahiko had come around the corner and peeked into the kitchen. Megumi picked up. She was sobbing.

Hiko closed the restaurant, but I came anyways. It took heavy breaths to gather myself the night before. When I entered the restaurant I sat at one of the tables and thought. Some of the other guys had come as well, and they sat and stared at me, or each other, or anything that they could. We all had the news now.

"Himura," Aoshi pulled up a chair and sat beside me. He seemed the least concerned, but I knew better. He had grown up with Sanosuke just like I had. When he put his hand on my wrist, I knew that was something important. It was like he was crying in front of me; sobbing even. "Hiko's in his office."

"I know," I said. "I just...don't really want to talk to him."

"He wants to talk to you."

I didn't want to, but I went into Hiko's office. I leaned against the wall, and I didn't bother to close the door. Whatever he was going to tell me, he might as well tell everyone else who wanted to hear. He wasn't in his seat, instead he was pacing. "I guess..."he began, searching for his words. He was ill-composed. He was sweating, and he seemed out of place. Jittery even. I knew it was because he thought of Sanosuke like a son, in whatever sense it could be said. "I guess I should have...thought," he said. "But I didn't, and neither did anyone else."

"If you're giving a eulogy, is it alright that I leave?" I asked. I didn't want to hear about how Sanosuke was a great guy, or a great friend. He may have been a good friend if you were lucky enough to be considered, but I knew that if you weren't you were bound to be left pulpy in some alley way. It made me realize, unintentionally, how much of this was caused because of his personality. He was a show off; a brute; the part of the business that gave it its bad reputation. He was the stink that drove you away, but he was also the lifeblood of an organization that needed to protect its assets. I had already given Sanosuke his eulogy in my head a hundred times between the news and talking to Hiko.

"I'm not. I have some stuff I meant to tell you," he said. He must have been thinking aloud. He pressed his fingers to his temples and rubbed them, in pain. "I know why this came about. You can't go whacking other made men and expect to let them into your glory," Hiko said. Despite the morbididy, I knew what he meant. I thought about the body of Enishi found, and I knew that this was the punishment. For a long time I wondered if maybe they were making him a made man because they knew that he would be most vulnerable at an initiation ceremony. It wasn't too far fetched; not in our business.

"Yeah. I understand."

"You talk to Megumi?" he asked.

"I did. She wasn't doing well," Hiko nodded.

"I...I know," I wondered if he was thinking about the baby like I was. How soon was it going to be until she had it? I didn't remember, but I knew that she was ready to burst. "Everything's being handled accordingly."

"That's good to hear," he couldn't say much else, and I pretended not to notice that he was massaging his chest as I left.

That night I laid with Kaoru all night, my hands tight around her. She asked me several times about what would happen if I were to go, but I couldn't answer her. I wanted to tell her that I would never go. I knew that I couldn't convince her of that. Sanosuke was the strongest person she ever knew, I'm sure, so she must have thought that if Sanosuke could go, then so could I. I just consoled her, feeling that she was as depressed and as heartbroken as I was. A pang went through the whole family. How could it not?

If you rip a vein out of a body, aren't you going to feel it?

A/N: Morbid, yes. Character death, yes. I'm sorry. It was how I planned it for a long time. Don't flame. I love Sano dearly. Till Next time, KenSan out!