A/N: Been a while, hasn't it? I've been so caught up in Yu-Gi-Oh! I've forgotten about Rurouni Kenshin some. That, and I'm in college. But fear not! I will get around to it. I promise. Just let me...think I guess. I've been in writer's block on a lot of stuff lately, so I'm glad to pump this out. Enjoy.

"Every time Megumi walked in the room, it was like there was something that held her feet hard to the ground. Like something tugged on her ankles. And anyone would look up to her and smile, and offer her to sit beside them. And we'd talk about the weather, and what was crappy on TV, and things that we wanted to do. And we almost pretended that nothing had ever happened.

"Almost…"

-Kaoru Kamiya

Chapter 20.

I tried to douse the flame of depression by working. I took extra hours at the restaurant, I worked numbers running in early mornings and gambling halls at night just so I could keep myself from thinking about things. But no matter what I did, no matter how long I worked or paced or busied, I would still close my eyes at night and think that there was something that I could have done.

But what?

It all drew down to those moments where he begged me to see him, like he knew that something was going to happen, and I hung up with him thinking that everything was great and that I would get to congratulate him later. There were no congratulations, only mourning. And when I laid down at night, I tried not to close my eyes, and they ended up closing when I almost seemed dead and needed sleep.

I saw his in-print on me. Bringing home sacks of rocks so we could play, never getting around to it because our shoulders were worn out by the time we got there. Just all those stupid things kids did together. And thinking that we weren't so close when we kids, even if we were best friends. We were in own little worlds. And then my Dad died, and Hiko took me in and suddenly we were like blood brothers.

The only reason that I ever got out of this grief-stricken faze was because of Kaoru. It was because of the way that I took it, sleeping only when I passed out from fatigue, that finally became my downfall. I was forced to go through the processes after I passed out on the front lawn while watching Yahiko as he cut the grass. He had refused to let me do it earlier, but I still paced, eyeing him to give myself something to do.

I fainted in the carport, fully intending on going inside. Yahiko only noticed when he finished cutting the grass, coming up to me as I was coming back into the conscious realm, my forehead hot and my eyes heavy. I didn't want to get off the ground.

"Mr. Himura?" I was up on my elbows, trying to figure out what happened. And I choked for a moment, thinking maybe it was cliché that my tired eyes saw his figure as though it were illuminated before me, smiling with his arms almost lamely at his sides. And he laughed, though I didn't hear anything. I could just tell that was what he was doing, because when he laughed, his whole body moved. Like wind ripped through him and every muscle began to spasm. And in one blink, he had faded away from me. I wasn't a fool. I didn't get up and run to him. I just made myself stand, my body having become extremely weary. Yahiko was at my side, looking like he was bracing me.

"Mr. Himura?"

"Hm?"

"Are you alright?"

Kaoru came out the screen door and was before me before I was able to say otherwise. Her hand was on my cheek, one of the most loving gestures I'd felt in the longest time. "You're warm."

"I think he just got heat sickness."

"C'mon, get inside," Kaoru said, pushing me through the door. She sat me down at the table. Then, she got ice from the freezer and balled it up in a rag, pressing it to my face to try and cool me down. "Do I need to call an ambulance?"

"No. No…"I was breathy, my lungs suddenly unable to fill. "I'm going to go lie down."

And when I got up, an idea seemed to strike me. I looked to Kaoru as if I had suddenly realized the cure for cancer, and I said: "Megumi needs to come live with us."

Her brows furrowed, and so did Yahiko's. "Are you sure you don't need an ambulance? Yahiko, get the phone," Kaoru said. I pulled on his arm as he passed me.

"No, I'm serious. She's alone, and she's going to have a baby. And she'll be in that house with just the baby. Maybe if she was with us…"and I left it open, letting Kaoru ponder that. I dropped Yahiko's arm and went into the bedroom, lying down and sleeping the best that I had for weeks. And I dreamed of Sanosuke for the last time, as far as I know. Which is almost as pleasant as it is tragic. Knowing that my friend is now something I only see when I wake, looking at pictures, thinking of memories pleasant or not.

When I woke, Kaoru was beside me, wiping my brow. She was still afraid of me having heat sickness. She pulled the cloth away and smiled.

Needless to say, my suggestion was taken seriously. And it didn't take long before Megumi was convinced that it might be good for her to get out of the house and depart from all of the memories for a short while. We moved a few of her things into the house, Yahiko and Kenji sharing a room for a short while.

I came in and spoke to Megumi as she sat on her bed and stared across to a vanity. Any day now, I knew. She was late and we were all on our toes. "It's like the baby knows," she said to me as I sat down. I was surprised. "You think it means anything?"

I shrugged. "I don't think Sano would make you suffer any more than you got to."

I put my arm over her shoulders, and she dug her head against my neck, beside my cheek, and I saw her smiling a little bit. Her lips wobbled. How do you explain it to her without being gruesome? Without telling her all of the things that her husband did and all of the things that he was into? Because she knew, on some plane, what he did. On the flipside, there was only so much that Sano would let her know. Better she be clean in conscience. That way no one could come after her and torment her with the ideas, right? And I wasn't about to tell her anything. I wasn't about to tell her why he had to abandon the family so critically. Why he was pulled out of this world and into a world of spiritual hands, whichever way he went.

She just leaned on me, and I let her get comfortable. "You can stay as long as you need," I said. And then I noticed that a crib was being brought into her room. The same crib we had given her as a shower present. Somehow, I knew what I was doing when I said that she could stay. I hugged her in the position we were in, and then I stood and told her that I was going to go get the rest of her things. She nodded and let me up.

We hadn't even finished unpacking when she went into labor. I got her in my car and rushed her to the hospital, her bag settled on her lap while she took deep, therapeutic breaths. Kaoru was following shortly behind. I charged her to take to the phones and alert everyone. Because I knew everyone wanted to know. She got to the hospital about an hour after I did.

It was Kaoru who was with her through the tough part. She did the second job that Sanosuke was meant to do. She held Megumi's hand and coaxed her to breath. I sat outside with my head against the wall.

Soon, Sozo was sitting beside me. He was quiet, and I was the first to say anything. "Anxious?"

"Yeah, a little."

I nodded. It was going to be tense, we couldn't stop that. "Kaoru's doing a good job with her I think."

"Yeah. She's a good little nurse for Megumi. They've been friends forever haven't they?"

He was deflecting. Which was fine, there was nothing wrong with that. "Yep." I had a feeling he was about to tell me something, and I changed the subject to something that could swivel into whatever he wanted to say. "Where's Hiko?"

"He's busy. Said he'll come back as soon as he can. I just got a phone call that he should be on a plane from Chicago in an hour or so."

"Alright," I crossed my legs. Sozo turned his entire body towards me.

"Ken, there's something we need you to do." I knew it was coming. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. "Hiko has been using a few suppliers from Tampa and Miami. He wants to send you down to talk some sense into them."

I snapped my eyes open and looked at him seriously. "What's the problem?"

"Not sure. They're not giving us what we need and we're losing money in the deal. Paying too much for something we're not getting full quality on."

"Are they getting it directly or are they sending it through a middleman?"

"I don't know. Either way it's getting degraded and watered down. We just need you to go down and talk to a few people. Nothing too hard."

Sozo handed me a slip of paper. "How soon?" I asked.

"As soon as you can."

And that meant it would be in my best interest to leave about now. The sooner I got the job done, the better.

But I hated to go down to Miami. If there was one part of the business I did not like to be a part of, it was the drug trade. It wasn't because it was filthy or dishonest. In retrospect, it seemed a little better to me than the pornography and prostitution, but not everyone has a clean way to make a living. No, I knew the reason that I didn't like it was because of Tomoe. The image of her strung out eyes as they glazed over me, tired, and then the splitting image of her as she hung against the railing in my old apartment nearly a decade before.

But it didn't seem to matter. It was direct orders from Hiko, and I wasn't about to disappoint. But before I got up and left, I looked to Sozo and asked: "Am I doing this solo?" This sounded better, respectfully, than asking who my partner was going to be. I couldn't remember the last time I had done a job solo. At least, a job like this.

Sozo looked at me with sad eyes. "I'm sure it's not a problem to have a little muscle," he said.

We couldn't continue the discussion. Kaoru burst out the door and looked at the both of us, beaming: "It's a boy." She said, and she seemed withered as if she had been the one giving birth.

When I went down to Miami, I took Aoshi with me. It seemed like the perfect fit. I knew Aoshi closely, and he was the kind of guy that was intimidating just because of the way he seemed to look out into the crowd wordlessly.

We didn't spend any time seeing the sights. As soon as we got off the plane and rented a car we were on the job. Aoshi was driving, and I had pulled out a gun and was slowly loading it as we drove along. "What are we doing, exactly?"

"Gathering information."

"Hm." Aoshi didn't really believe me, not with the way that I was playing around with the gun, but I couldn't help it. That was about all I believed. We needed to know why something wasn't going on the way that we wanted it to go on.

"Am I Sagara's replacement?"

"No." I could feel my voice quickly becoming steely.

"Then what am I?"

"You're my friend, and I'm not doing something like this alone," I said. At the time, it felt as if there was something that I needed to add. Like there was something right on the tip of my tongue. Somehow I couldn't manage it. Now, of course, it's pretty clear what I should have told him all those years ago:

No one could replace Sano.

When you deal with drug dealers, you're dealing with children who think they're a part of the big times; especially when they have customers who, themselves, are in the big times. Let me put it as easily as possible. Technically we were middlemen for the middlemen. They transported the product, and then they gave to us and we transported and distributed to wherever the market was. We had a large market to cover, so we always had a large amount of product shipped to us. But, there are two middlemen here. And in between, things were happening. So how do you deal with that problem?

Cut out the middlemen.

We had a polite enough chit chat with the dealers from Miami. We sat on a hotel balcony staring out at the beaches. Well, I sat and Aoshi hovered over me like he was some kind of a body guard. I kept looking into their faces, noticing there wasn't much concern as I told them of the problem. "Doesn't matter how addicts are. They know quality, and if it's not good, they're going to someone else," I told him. I was picking a string off my pants, looking uninterested. "If we've somehow offended you with our business practices, we'll try and make amends. We're helping each other out."

See, we were paying them to bring the product into the country. Kind of like a tax. For so many kilos it was so much money. We were willing to pay because the profit well outdid the cost of shipping. "More money."

I leaned back and crossed my arms. "Why? We're paying you a fair price."

"My men are going down like flies. Feds, customs."

"That's not my problem."

"Then you will get no more. I am making no money like this. Constantly hiring new men, paying off officials. I make nothing."

"That's doubtful," I said, and I made sure to look him up and down when I said that. He was in the kind of suit that Hiko wore. Nice and expensive. You knew who he was the moment you looked at him. And as I sat there, staring him down, I realized that I was channeling some part of my guardian without my own consent. But then, there was no other way I could be when I facing these men. There was no other way that I could be anything else but cold, hard, and brutal. If you give any hint of weakness in front of those who you think are your friends, they will quickly become your enemies; steal the money right out of your pocket. Which, that was really what all this was about: money. We were friends because the money and the business were good. It was like a partnership. Sometimes you didn't really want to be friends, but for the mutual benefit you'll shake each other's hands, kiss a few cheeks, and say a few polite words.

"Doubtful?"

"We pay you the amount that you requested after you had calculated these costs. There is no reason that it should change. And I find it hard to believe that you're making no money," I pointed to the two men that stood behind him. "But, if you want to be that way, fine. We'll find someone else." I stood up. He did too, and he advanced on me.

That was the first time that Aoshi had moved during the entire meeting. "Good luck with that, buddy. You have a black mark on you now. No one will do business with you. I can make sure of it."

"You're not special," I quipped. "Exposable. We have more connections than you'll ever manage."

And maybe I was angry and on edge since Sano had passed away. I don't quite know what it was. But even as Aoshi hovered close, as a protector, the moment that the man lunged at me, his hand at his waist, I turned and grabbed him by the collar, pushing him up against the balcony hard enough that he was leaning over, his feet off the ground.

Aoshi has moved to create a kind of blockade where the two bodyguards had approached. "Unfortunately for you, I'm not in a very pleasent mood lately. Either you accept the current rate, or we cut you down and take over the business ourselves. Save ourselves some money." We had men in Philly that would be more than willing to take the job.

He wasn't panicking. Even as he stared down a seven story drop to a blacktop parking lot. "You're sloppy," he choked out.

I looked back and saw where Aoshi was almost battling, holding of the men with martial arts moves. I kept waiting for gunfire, but it never came. "I don't think so," and I hoisted him over further. I was holding on his belt (which was leather, I remember) and he hung even further. "You have three seconds to make up your mind."

"You're product will still be…"

"One."

"..worthless. I wouldn't give you the goods for the pennies you give…"

"Two."

"…us. You'll just continue losing money until you come crawling…."

"Three."

I let go of his belt, both hand in the air, and I let him fall. It was something Sano would have done. Something I'm sure Hiko would have done, only with a little more suave. My blood curdled as I heard him screaming. I looked back at the bodyguards, stopped by the suddenness. I guess I was a little struck too. It was the first time that I had killed a man. Well, first time if you didn't count Koshijiro. Which really, was only a matter of technicality.

"C'mon Aoshi," I said, somber. It only hit me after I did it. But then, I was given the leeway to do as needed to be done. Though, like the man said, it was a sloppy hit. Still.

I looked to the bodyguards. It surprised me how they stopped so suddenly. "You might want to go clean him up," I said, looking over my shoulder. "He slipped, right?" I asked, reaching into my pocket, my hand against my wallet. They nodded. "Sorry for the trouble."

Aoshi and I went back through the room and to the elevator. I almost didn't want to go down, because that meant I was going to be looking at my mess. But we went out and to the car, getting in. I just sat there a moment, taking deep breaths. "We need to get a hold of Hiko. Tell him what happened."

"You have no plan."

"I have a plan, I just deviated from it."

"Hn."

"We need to go," I said. But I could feel where Aoshi had revved up the car already. As we drove down the street, we saw where police and ambulances were rushing in the opposite direction. I was as sick as I was pleased.

By the time we were on the plane, I was just sick. I looked over at Aoshi and I said: "I don't know any good contacts," I said. "At least, not that can form a whole chain."

"You haven't been yourself." Aoshi offered. "You're more rational than that."

"I know I am," I rolled my shoulders. "We could always go to the Yukishiros."

"They want your head."

I sighed. "Right. I forgot."

We were silent after that. There was nothing left to say.

I didn't go see Hiko because I couldn't make myself face the wrath. The hit did nothing to benefit us. If I was lucky, it might be a sign to the cartel that we meant business. But they were as stubborn as we were. We both wanted to make money, so neither of us was going to back down.

I, instead, stayed at home, watching Megumi as she nursed her son. It gave me a little bit of comfort, I suppose. It was like looking at Kaoru as she cared for Kenji when he was young. But of course, you can't hide from something forever. And Hiko did something he usually didn't do, especially since was so busy. He made a house call.

I was on the floor, watching Kenji as he played with toy cars, making funny noises and voicing the people that were in the cars. Which was hilarious because he was probably imitating the things he heard while I, Kaoru, or others were on the highway.

Somehow, when I heard the knock on the door, I knew something was up. But I didn't get up. I let Kaoru answer it, because he wouldn't be harsh to her. "Oh, afternoon Hiko. Its' been a while."

Kenji shot up off the floor and ran into the foyer. "Grandpa!"

I got up slowly, listening as Hiko spoke quietly with Kenji. When I got in the foyer, I saw him pulling something out of his jacket, handing it to Kenji. If there was one thing that was true, it was that Kenji was spoiled to no end. Hiko was the worst. He was always giving Kenji gifts and money whenever he came around. In the least we could bank the money for him, but the gifts were something else.

He immediately ripped it open, looking at the small car that Hiko had gotten him. It was Kenji's favorite gift, the cars, because he usually ended up destroying them somehow. The thing was, Hiko never got him the same car twice.

"Thank you, Grandpa." Kenji looked back and saw me walking into the room, and he showed the car to me, smiling. "Look what Grandpa got me."

"It's nice," I said. "Why don't you go play with it, hm?"

Kenji nodded.

Once he left, I was looking at Hiko wordlessly, my voice caught in my throat. "You didn't come to report."

"I figured that the news would reach you."

He walked into the dining room. I reluctantly followed him, sitting down at the table. "You want to know what got to me?" I could only imagine. "The main man is dead. Fell off of a balcony. Funny, on the same day that I sent to you."

"Yeah, funny." The implication was clear.

"What was even funnier was that, all of a sudden, we got a shipment of product. And there was a note that was attached to it which told us that we didn't have to pay for it. Now, I was curious, what happened down in Miami to cause these results?" And he eyed me, waiting for me to break down in his gaze. But I was confused, mostly. At least, with the partially positive outcome that had started.

So, I told him what I did. His gaze was still that steely look; it never changed. I was expecting him to yell at me. To get angry, to tell me that I was out of line and punish me in some maniacal way. But he was thinking. He folded his hands in his lap and lowered his head. After a while, he cleared his throat.

"You have a stomach," he said. "I'm surprised. I congratulate you for doing it. Though, I wouldn't have negotiated it that way."

"There was no other direction that the meeting was heading. It seemed like the only thing that would work."

Hiko rolled his eyes and sighed. "Of course it would work. Whether it's to our benefit in the long run, we don't know. Right now, it's fine." He shook his head, like he was stuck between wanting to be proud and disappointed. "You're going to follow up on what you've done. We might as well cut ties and find something else."

"That's the problem."

"You're smart, you'll figure out something." It didn't surprise me that he couldn't help me. He got up after that and walked out of the kitchen and towards Kenji's room. I just sat at the table and tried to figure out what I could do, who I could turn to.

Of course, I did figure out something. Having been in prison, I knew people. They weren't in my address book, but from the connections I had, I was able to connect to guys in Philly who were willing to help out. Our new middlemen. They would go down to Miami and then give it directly to us. All they asked was a small cut of profit. They didn't really need the money, per se; they were already running their own businesses. I guess maybe you can tell this was a matter of families helping families.

It went well. I had successfully created a new and more profitable circuit of the drug trade for our family. Which was ironic despite my heavy distaste for it. What was worse, I suppose, was when we had to move it from Philly, either I or someone close to me was doing pickup. Sometimes it was me and Aoshi, sometimes Sozo was kind enough to come with me. Once Yahiko did, but that was all. Most of the time, Kaoru was with me. Why? She was keeping tabs on me. She knew what I did most of the time, there was no fooling her. That and she had heard the conversation between me and Hiko, so there was no getting around it. She helped me bring it into the city. She was with me as I made deliveries. I think after a while I liked my partner in crime. I was surprising as comfortable with Kaoru as I was Sano, maybe more. But then, the dynamic was different.

I'm sure something that a lot people are probably thinking is that my life seems to parallel Henry Hill's. At least, some. I'm sure that a lot of people have seen Goodfellas. I did too. I liked it, because it seemed so real.

Except there was no Lufthansa heist. There was no cheating, there was no doing drugs. I ran them, sure, but I never did them. Not after Tomoe. And there was no special Hollywood quality of my life. My parents died, I turned to an organization that could pick me up, and then they sucked the best qualities out of me and used them to their advantage. I killed two people, I subjected my wife to torment, I was out of my son's life so much he hardly turned to me. What was worse was that I was the inspiration of someone else. Yahiko looked up to me like I looked up to Hiko with his slick suit and white gloves.

The biggest difference is that I lasted about five years longer than Hill did. That wonderful little drug circuit lasted until 1985. One night Kaoru and I pulled into the driveway. She was driving, it was so late, and I was tired. It was a warm summer night, the windows rolled down. And all of a sudden, as I opened my eyes, I saw someone at my right, gun at my head. "Kenshin Himura! Step out of the car slowly!" Kaoru was freaked out, shrieking when she looked over and saw that there was one at her window too. I got out of the car. The officer pushed me against the car, my hands behind my back. Another had escorted Kaoru out and was holding her by the arm. She was staring at the door where the lights had flicked on inside. I was staring at the truck of my car as they pried it open with a crowbar.

Of course, it wasn't any Narcs that had gotten to me like Hill. That was just a side to everything else. No, it was my friend. As I was taken into custody, taken down to the station and sat down as they unpacked the bricks that had been in the back of my car, I saw Aoshi as he came through the door. Not only him, but a wild haired blond and Hajime Saito. Except Aoshi looked different. I saw the badge that hung from his belt. He wasn't just a police officer. He was a Fed.

And I had the nerve to look at him and ask: "Why?"

Some part of him looked guilty, but not enough to make me comfortable. "You realize what's against you?" he replied.

A plethora. All the things in my life I could conjure. Murder, complicity, conspiracy, drug trafficking, robbery, racketeering, tax evasion, parole violation. Well, maybe not tax evasion. I think there was something set up to prevent that one, but I wasn't so sure.

"Where's Kaoru?"

"In interrogation. Which is where you're about to go."

What was to interrogate?

A/N: Well, I think this is wrapping up. What do you think's gonna happen afterwords, hm? What will Ken do? Till next time, KenSan out!