Allen felt himself drifting in and out of consciousness as the scenery flew by. Train rides nowadays made him feel drowsy but he was afraid of falling asleep.

Ever since that first nightmare when he fell unconscious he couldn't sleep. If he ever fell asleep he would see a different dream but they all had the same meaning only reminding him of death. When Lenalee had told him about the nightmares he comforted her and even though he didn't understand the fear he still wanted to help. Now, however, he understood clearly.

Too clearly.

Fear had literally consumed him. He couldn't sleep and he felt like he was forcing himself to even sleep. It had been a week since Levierrer 'meeting' and his introduction to Antonio and ever since then he was less at ease. It felt like his doppelganger was simply to be a replacement for him. He couldn't even function properly.

He just felt completely exhausted…and paranoid.

It was a miracle itself that he could pull the blind between everyone's eyes because they didn't notice a thing.

Either that or they didn't care.

Still it wasn't a bad thing. It was relieving as he wouldn't have to deal with all the questions and he wouldn't have to deal with anymore of Levierrer's assumptions. After all it did feel like it had to do with the 14th, and even though he vowed to fight him back, his will was fading…along with his soul. That's what it felt like.

He felt like he was slowly dying and giving up. It was a natural thing to expect, when you haven't slept in a while. The mission, to say the least, wasn't helpful. It only made him more tired and exhausted and he refused to sleep. He could practically feel each agonizing heartbeat beating against his ribs. It felt like he was suffocating as he had to control his breathing and keep it as normal as possible. Even now. He almost fell asleep after a surprise attack by the level 3's but thankfully to some drugs found in the hospital; he was able to stay a bit active. That was two days ago.

Allen sighed and pulled himself to stand up stretching feebly. His muscles were tight. His sigh caught the attention of everyone else in the room and he had to control his breathing to stop from hyperventilating. He didn't want anyone to worry about him.

"What's up Allen?" Someone in the room asked, looking pretty chipper as usual. Allen smiled.

"Nothing. Just want to use the restroom." He paused inhaling then continued again with an idea. "And while I'm gone Lavi, think about chasing after people, your own age" Emphasis. Allen grinned and leaving the flabbergasted Lavi alone with the others who laughed at the small joke. He needed to seem like nothing was wrong.

He could feel someone's eyes burning hatred and disgust into his back and had to try to maintain his fake routine. Kanda's glare wasn't half as bad but this was one wasn't just threatening death. It was burning death into him.

Allen walked out feeling his breathing become more rigid and his heart beat spiral. He needed to drink some water.

Lenalee was staring at the door where Allen had just retreated from. There was something wrong but a part of her refused to acknowledge it. He seemed just as fine as normal, maybe a bit playful, but still, something unsettled her. For instance, it didn't look like he slept last night, or the night before that now that she thought about it, and he also looked sick. Probably hungry.

Where had his appetite gone?

She was sure that the rest had noticed too but it didn't seem like it was anything someone could ask him. He seemed even more closed off and secretive. It hurt seeing him like that. She was almost sure that he was in conflict with himself, but she didn't have any proof. Still, they could talk amongst themselves about everything right?

"D…"

"Leave it" Lenalee blinked then turned to Kanda who was simply cross legged and meditating. She didn't even get to say anything before he cut her off. Kinda freaky how Kanda knew when 'exactly' she was going to talk.

"I have a headache already. I don't want to listen to anything to do with the moyashi."

Then Lavi interrupted.

"We're going to have to talk about this anyway, so isn't it better if the lil sprouts not here."

Nobody could argue there

Kanda grumbled but didn't elaborate making Lenalee momentarily grateful. But it quickly diminished when she remembered the occupants in the cabin. Bookman wasn't a problem. It was more like Antonio. The way he looked sometimes made her think she was talking to Allen, but the way he acted scared her even more. They were nothing alike and Antonio showed it in every way he could. It was easy to detect the hatred he felt the first day he saw Allen but it made her feel sick the way he acted around him. Allen's going through a lot right now.

Does he have to have more on his plate?

After getting something to drink Allen found himself in the bathrooms staring at his reflection. It was still overlapped and it was looking more and more menacing. Was this how all Noah's changed, or was it different for each one. Either way, if it was indeed different for each one then his were to mentally traumatise and torture him. And it was working.

He'd already become Lygo and Oneiro-phobic. (Fear of the dark and dreams)

His sudden change in behaviour was showing it. Having a fear of darkness and even dreams almost sounded ridiculous but here he was, fearing such things. He wanted to have dreamless dreams and for the day to never end. Otherwise the thought made him shiver and panic in pure terror. Here he was, being a frightened little kid again. Water splashed on his face and Allen felt relieved by the sudden coldness erasing such thoughts. He was stronger than that. He would be just fine. He splashed more water on his face then dried his face with a towel staring at the silver eyes that peered back clearly despite being in a dark image of himself.

This was nothing. He got over his fear of the shadow, He could get over this. Allen nodded putting his straight façade back on seeing the same mask on his face as usual. His smile wasn't broken which was a relief. It looked just as real and realistic as always. This was nothing.

He inhaled rather loudly then checked his appearance in the mirror managing to ignore the shadow.

He looked dishevelled. No other word for it. Like he hadn't slept for day, which was true. In fact his whole scattered appearance clearly described him. He was tired. He was hungry. He was sick. And he was in pain. The last thing on his mid was actually the thought of food. He had only been drinking water and coffee for the past few days. The thought of food made him want to puke.

Allen groaned. What was wrong with him? How could a nightmare put him off everything? Still, he couldn't ignore the pain. His chest hurt and despite there not being a scar apart from the long one that ran across his chest, he was aching all over. The Akuma's pressure felt overwhelming that he felt like he might have almost lost consciousness. He didn't even get to fight. That weak.

Allen groaned again splashing his face for the third time. Not the time, not the time. He needed to ignore everything. At least they got the innocence without anyone suspecting anything…not even Link. Speaking of Link, wasn't he supposed to be following him? Not that it was a problem. The minor freedom helped him breath as it was restricting before.

He repeated the previous procedures with a towel and then shook his head of all thoughts finally managing to control his body again to move. He'd been gone for a while and he didn't want anyone getting curious. He was fine. He would definitely not give up.

As soon as Allen opened the door he accidently ran into someone. But before he could react to apologize he suddenly had an intake of air into his lungs as if something was rushing at full speed towards him. The air was pulled out of him making him feel like he was suffocating. His body refused to react, even if for a second. He was inhaling at least trying to show an effort to breathe. He couldn't breathe. Then everything played out quickly in his mind. When Allen tuned out his was being shaken by the shoulder by the man he had accidently ran into and he realised that he was on his back with people surrounding him.

"Sir exorcist. Are you okay?" His eyes snapped to the owner of the gruff voice and he was sure that he looked frightened by the way the man stared at him. He was scared. What had just happened? He hadn't remembered falling to the ground. He didn't remember even falling backwards. His breathe ran through his body but it was hot. Seconds later he knew he was panicking.

Allen pulled himself up sit as he felt himself start to hyperventilate.

"It's nothing, sorry to worry you" Then he quickly got and re-entered the bathroom. All the while hyperventilating. What just happened? What did he just see?

"So you think that we should try and get Allen to sleep?"

"I noticed that the boy hadn't slept or eaten ever since the mission briefing." Lenalee nodded as she digested the information.

So she wasn't being paranoid. Everyone else noticed as well. The only thing was talking to him. He obviously seemed troubled and her as well as everyone else.

"We'll ask Allen and if he tells us then that's good but…"

Lenalee nodded.

"I'm sure he'll tell us. Let's make sure that Allen kun …"

"Why'd you like this guy?" Lenalee blinked, as well as everyone else in the room, and they all turned to face one corner of the room. Lavi suppressed a shudder. He hadn't forgotten the other occupant in the room but he felt more than creeped out by the familiarity. The voice was even similar, if not for a bit deeper. Anyway back to his question.

"What do you mean?" Lavi answered locking his gaze onto the brown haired finder. Neither flinched and Lavi could feel the pressure in the cabin drop. Then Antonio ripped his gaze away scoffing and stood up.

"Nothing." He simply muttered almost too quiet for anyone to pick up, and then he walked out the room. But Lavi heard and felt his gaze sharpened at the closed door. There was something definitely wrong with that guy and it made the hair on the back of his neck stand up.

Something was sick about all this and he felt like Bookman wouldn't tell him even if he asked. Even if he was to be his successor. Bookman or not, Bookman had plenty of secrets.

Allen kept going over what had happened had happened a few seconds ago but no matter how many times he went over it he felt more and more unsettled. As soon as he came into contact with that man it was like he was transported to another place and everything was happening so fast that he couldn't even react. What scared him the most was what he saw? It had to be his imagination. It had to be.

The innocence that Kanda had retrieved was covered in blood and was being held by Antonio. That man he had run into had walked in to see the image of Antonio holding a bloody dagger and standing over someone in an exorcist coat. He could clearly remember what was said before he was pulled out of wherever he went and it scared him.

He's an Akuma. What was that supposed to mean. All he saw was an exorcist coat by the finder's feet.

Just what was going on?

Still hyperventilating Allen stood up from his position shaking profusely towards the sink dropping his exorcist coat in the process. His heart was beating so fast and he was hot making it even harder to breathe. He splashed water on his face for the sixth time that day.

It was his imagination. Not having enough sleep was affecting him. He was daydreaming, nothing more. He was hallucinating. Simple.

Still something unsettled him.

He shook himself off again then stared at his reflection.

Pale. He looked even paler.

The door to the bathroom opened and he gulped quickly drying his face before fixing of his clothes. He tired but it was better than looking rough and suspicious. When he turned though he felt his blood freeze.

It was just his imagination. Nothing more.

Antonio stood beside him in the washroom washing his has had as if he was experimenting cleaning something of pure quality and he completely ignored the presence of anyone else in the room.

Allen unconsciously held his breath. Imagination of not, he was uneasy. When Antonio finished he began dry off his hands before his sights finally set on Allen. It felt cold all of a sudden. Allen looked directly to the inverse mirror image, and then he put on his normal façade.

"Is something wrong Antonio?" He asked smiling as if there was no fear trying to rack throughout his body.

"Akuma"

Allen stared at him and felt his blood run cold as something glinted from within his finder jacket.

Then everything happened to fast for him to understand.

His stomach burned. Antonio was holding him as if he was embracing a personal friend which wouldn't look at all dubious of what he had done. His elbow roughly pulled backwards and Allen felt his knees finally give up. He crumpled to the floor clutching his stomach. He could feel blood pooling around his hand and shirt and could only gasp in a feeble struggle to breath.

What just happened?

A man walked into the rest room and stopped staring at the scene before him. He gasped and slammed backwards onto the door behind him. Then Allen recognised him and completely froze.

Déjà vu

Yes, I've returned with Pained Life. It will be very slow as I in fact do not have a plan for this story. The good thing though is that this story shouldn't be cliché and it should have lots of cliff-hangers. Mwhahaha. But anyway, reviews motivate me so continue with the reviews please.