No spoilers in this one! One story to thank the 2000+readers from last month(another one will be on its way)

Amy and Rory between 'A Christmas Carol' and 'The Impossible Astronaut'. Amy/Rory. Mentions of River.

The Doctor gets a Facebook page.

Rory was in their living room of their new house, on Amy's birthday. He had decided he would never, ever forgive the Doctor for the gift he had sent his wife.

Granted, it had been sent two years ago, with a tag attached that said 'DON'T OPEN UNTIL YOUR FIRST BIRTHDAY AFTER THE WEDDING', which had caused vast amounts of trouble, because only Amy, Mels and Rory knew that there was one person would send a tag like that, and Rory had thought it was a gag, because the Doctor wasn't real. His parents had thought it was his adorable way of asking Amy to marry him, but her parents had gotten rather upset and they both had to explain that if Rory was going to ask Amy to marry him, the first person to know would be Amy, and the second would be her father. Besides, Rory would be all bumbling and nervous, not curious.

So they waited, and then Rory asked Amy to marry him about six months later, all bumbling and nervous, as predicted. She teased him sometimes that she was saying yes because she was dying to know what was in the box.

Then Amy remembered the Doctor really existed. Granted, they both remembered running off with the Doctor the night before their wedding and him dying than coming back and all that stuff that happened but didn't happen. She remembered him into existence and there was that big blue box.

Actually, it wasn't that bad to have the Doctor at the wedding, even if Rory's father threatened to hit the Doctor the next time he danced with Rory's mother.

And then the Doctor danced with Rory's father, which made the situation worse.

At any rate, they did run away after their wedding, and then opening the present was a moot point, because nobody but the Doctor knew what day it was on the TARDIS; and even then, Rory wasn't sure.

And then he'd dropped them off to 'get settled'. Amy'd been a bit depressed, but then Rory told her that it was her birthday; the Doctor had perfect timing.

She got this devilish sort of grin and raced into the attic. She came back with the big box, and he handed over his pocket knife so that she could open it.

The package was neatly wrapped; TARDIS blue paper crushed to protect the package, which was also wrapped in TARDIS blue paper. Amy carefully pulled it out, and then searched around in the rest of the packing for a note the Doctor hadn't bothered to leave.

Carefully, more carefully that Amy had opened any of his gifts—even the golden 'A' necklace he had given her right after their engagement—she pealed back the wrapping paper that concealed the rectangular package. When the object was finally revealed, Amy burst out laughing as Rory stared in horror.

It was a painting of the Doctor. And not just a normal painting of the Doctor, either. The Doctor was naked, surrounded by clouds and cupids, holding a trident, wearing a crown and barely covered up by a red sash.

It was the first fight Amy and Rory had in their new house; she wanted to hang it in their entry way. He wanted to burn it.

So, they compromised; Amy would let him off easy if he went and bought her birthday gift, and then hung the painting in their living room when he got back.

Okay. Maybe not an exact compromise. Still, she was happy with the new camera phone, and he'd bought her the data plan to go with it.

He hammered a nail into the wall, and Amy climbed up next to him. She hooked the string on the nail and straightened it.

"I think I may kill him." Rory muttered.

"It adds a touch of art." Amy commented, with a satisfied smile.

Then her phone beeped.

"Facebook update." She said, hopping down.

"You set up Facebook on your phone already?"

She didn't answer him. "It's the Doctor."

"He has a Facebook?"

"Just started it. Probably sent you a friend request too." The phone beeped again, "He's posted on my wall…"

"And?" Rory sat down next to her.

"Amy Pond!" She read, "Happy belated birthday! Do you like my present?" She typed the answer into her phone.

It beeped again.

"A new wall post. 'River Song is not funny.'" Amy read, and then the phone beeped again, "Yes I am."

"River's on Facebook?" Rory asked as the phone beeped again.

"River, get off Facebook. I was here first." Amy paused as a successive string of beeps occurred. "Only because you managed to create an account in 1890."

Rory coughed, "I'll read the Doctor if you read River." Amy nodded, and he started reading. "I needed to know if Amy knew how to wear a corset, I can't get mine on properly!"

"Are you trying to tie it in the front?" Amy attempted to imitate River's voice.

"Is that wrong?" Rory deepened his voice in a goofy manner.

"Yes. Sweetie, where are you? I'll come to help."

"Do you have corset to wear?"

"Wouldn't you like to know." Amy dropped her voice to a sultry whisper.

"Um." Rory tried to read what the Doctor had typed, "What is that?"

"Old High Galifreyian. Co-ordinates. How did he do that on Facebook?" Amy laughed in disbelief.

"New question. Why would you know how to wear a corset?"

"Every girl does." Amy scoffed. "Nine hundred years old, and the man doesn't know how to wear a corset."

"I should hope not. I don't even want to imagine it." Rory shuttered.

Amy started to laugh, and then frowned, "Actually, I don't either."

The phone beeped again, a day later. "Amy, Rory! I'm off to Paris, 1793! I think something interesting happened then. Maybe not interesting. Could have been dangerous. Can't remember."

"Is he serious?"

Amy shrugged, "What did happen in 1793?"

"The Reign of Terror."

"Was that like a really bad king or something?"

"No. It was a thing during the French Revolution when a lot of people were killed without a trial. It started when they chopped off the head of their king. Remember? You and Mels were in the class with me."

"Yeah. Might have been passing notes. I only paid attention for 'Invasion of the Hot Italians.'"

"Different class." Rory sighed. "Never mind."

Amy kissed his cheek, and un-paused the movie.

They went a week without the beeping of the phone; Rory figured the Doctor was in prison.

And then, at midnight, the phone started beeping. Frequently.

Rory moaned, rolling over to cover his head with a pillow. "Are they having a Facebook war?"

"On my wall." Amy agreed, reaching over to grab the phone. "You read the Doctor, I'll read River. It's funnier out loud."

Rory sat up, complying.

"Amy, tell Rory that his centurion outfit has absolutely ruined my favorite bowtie."

"It wouldn't have ruined it if you weren't the clumsiest thing in the universe." Amy laughed, "He so is. Honestly, the number of bruises he must have from falling…"

Rory laughed, and read; "You tripped me."

"I did not. You were wearing my high heels." The two newlyweds exchanged a glance between each other. "The Doctor…"

"In River's heels…"

"That mental image…" They met each others' eyes, and burst out laughing.

The phone beeped again, "You knew that I would fall!"

"You lost the bet."

"Lancelot was not a cross-dresser! You got him drunk!"

"He was still wearing a dress when he came to the round table meeting." Amy snorted.

"One of yours!"

"So?"

"River, you are the most impossible being on the face of this planet." Rory sighed, "She is, isn't she?"

"On the face of any planet, you'll find." Amy imitated the River wink with a precision that was almost frightening.

"Amy," Rory yawned, "I've got a question. Does the Doctor have his birthday on that?"

"Must do. I've never really thought about it. Strange, we've lived here with him so long, and never asked him when his birthday was." She tapped on her phone a few times, and then read, "February 31. Pi. Like, 3.14 sort of pi."

"Are you kidding me?"

"No." Amy rolled her eyes, "How'd he manage that one, do you think? Did he re-program Facebook for a day that doesn't exist?"

"He's the Doctor." Rory sighed, and started to yawn. The phone beeped.

"He wants to know what type of ice cream we like."

"Why?"

The phone beeped again, "Says that he's got a year's free from some company."

It beeped again, "No, sorry. It's for the 25 century."

"Turn the phone off for the night so we can get some sleep." Rory yawned, "I've got work tomorrow. You've got tea with your mum and my mum."

"Yeah, I know." Amy snuggled up next to him. "See you in the AM."

"You too."

The next message they got from the Doctor came three days later, in the form of a voice mail.

"Amy! Rory! You won't believe this. River reported me to Facebook, and they took my page down! It's not like I was doing anything illegal either! My picture was of waterfalls from a planet in the Andoria system in the fiftieth century, and my about me was perfectly true! Anyway, I'm going to avoid Facebook until I can have a chat with her. Call me if you want anything."

"How is River?" Rory asked, turning off the news.

Amy shrugged, and looked at her page, "She's just got a big wink as her status. From December 12, 1945." Amy paused, and then looked at the screen closer.

"What is it?"

"Her status. Her relationship status." Amy giggled.

"Yeah?"

"River Song is married to 'Spoilers, sweetie.'"

Thank you for reading! Please drop a review! Or—spoiler free of course, unless you want to private message me—tell me what you thought of The Wedding Of River Song.