For Ana and Amy my dark side devotees
Nikki stood alone in her apartment once more; it seemed littered with snatches of their fight, their silence and their reconciliation.
Reconciliation. Is that what that was? Maybe it was for her, but she knew in her heart that Harry was still fighting. It was not the time for analysing that little power play, she was too tired, she'd seen too much.
She was on complete sensory overload, her lips still on fire from Harry's touch and yet she was so drained; she could do nothing it seemed except stand and stare.
So tired.
Eventually she noticed her glass and she downed the rest of the fiery drink. She was surprised at just how much her hand was shaking; she carried the empty glass back towards the kitchen.
She placed hers down on the side next to Harry's. The clink of glass on glass startling her.
"Harry!"
What had she said to him? What had she done? He had to realise what was really true.
He would know, wouldn't he? She had shown him that, told him that, hadn't she, just now. He had to know.
It would still be the two of them, together. They would get through this.
'Was he right?' she thought ominously. Did she pick the wrong sort of men, just to give herself an ego boost, when she felt she could control them? And use their inappropriateness as an excuse when it all went wrong? Did she reject the only man who understood her completely because if their relationship failed, she'd have no one to blame but herself? Did she base her understanding of love on some hormonal surges?
She flicked off the kitchen light and pulled her cardigan around her, desperate for any feeling of security and went to switch off the rest of the lights.
She stopped in her tracks as she looked towards the light switch by her front door. Hanging just to the side was her car key.
Despite the leaden workings of her exhausted brain, she slowly began to realise that when Harry had come over he had driven her car. His car must be back at the Lyell Centre. He would have had to have taken a cab. But he didn't have his jacket. He always kept his wallet in his jacket with his keys. Stupid man; he insisted that keys in trouser pockets ruined the style and line of them. She had told him numerous times that the bulging jacket pocket look wasn't good either, but he just replied with something like 'where else am I supposed to keep my sweets?'
She took one step towards her front door.
"Harry!"
Another.
"Harry," she whispered.
This was crazy. Did she really expect him to be sat outside her apartment?
Three steps.
Four.
She took the key off the hook from where Harry had placed it.
Tentatively she opened the door and peered out onto the staircase.
She couldn't tell at first if he had actually gone to sleep or not; sat four steps down not far from her door, with his head resting between the bars of the balusters.
"Harry," she called, a little louder this time.
He stayed where he was, but turned his head to face her.
Nikki was shocked by the sight of him; the red rimmed eyes, the exhaustion, the despair.
"Nikki," he mumbled.
"You didn't leave?"
He just looked down at himself, seemingly surprised to find himself still there.
"I did leave," he said thoughtfully. "I came back."
Nikki looked at him quizzically.
"I was quick," he added dryly.
"Why didn't you knock?"
He shrugged.
"I've run out of ammo," he replied wearily.
Nikki stepped out of the doorway, leaving the door ajar and sat down too.
"I don't want to fight anymore," he said.
"I stopped fighting a while back," she added quietly, more to herself than to Harry.
They waited.
"I wasn't worried about dying you know, when it came to it. I was a bit surprised," he laughed hollowly to himself.
"I was scared," Nikki admitted truthfully.
"Ah, but you didn't choose to be held at gunpoint. I knew there would be danger. I knew it would be bad. I chose to go back." He rested his head against the bars again.
There was another pause.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that," he said simply. "It's unforgivable. You're off the hook, seems like I am a bastard too after all."
"Please don't say that Harry, it's not true."
He shrugged again.
"I wouldn't blame you if you tried to steer clear of me for a while," he added before another long silence.
"I'm not."
"Not what? Stearing clear?"
"Sorry you kissed me."
"Nikki," he breathed and shook his head.
"Do you want to come in?" she asked nervously. "Or would you like the car key?"
Harry looked towards the key in her outstretched hand and sadly back to her face again.
"We could start again, forget that ever happened," she suggested.
"I can't forget that," he said forlornly.
"Oh," she sighed, the tiny window of opportunity to repair the evening's damage she had offered him apparently being slammed shut.
What was she doing? Stuck out here in the corridor with him, again?
"I wish I could say the key," he said sadly, dropping his head back to his hands, and running them through his hair.
"But you can't?" she replied a flicker of hope beginning to glow within her.
"No," he said and shook his head.
There was another silence, but in it Harry stood up and looked as if he would walk towards her.
She thought he was going to snatch the key from out of her hands after all and drive away into the night but then she noticed a half smile or smirk just gracing his lips, as he leant back on the banister rail. For a second she recognised the old Harry, the one from before today, before all this.
"I wish I could take the car key," he repeated. "But my house keys are in my jacket pocket, along with my wallet and all of it is locked inside the Lyell Centre, which is now cordoned off due to some incident that occurred there earlier today," he explained.
She just stared at him and slowly got to her feet herself.
He'd just brushed off the whole day merely as an 'incident,' another in their long history of incidents. Was it finally over?
"You're sat here, outside my flat because you've not got your jacket?" She asked.
"You're forgetting; I'm the one in control here."
"That's not the only reason," he admitted with what he hoped was a grin.
"But you've got no keys?" she clarified.
"No," he shook his head by way of confirmation, it was just another layer of disaster to this devastating day. It was so stupid, he couldn't help but smile.
"Well if you weren't so bloody vain about your trousers, it wouldn't happen all the time would it?" she replied, a hint of amusement colouring her own words.
He smiled shyly at her, relieved to see a softness return to her features and a sparkle in her eyes, despite the dim lighting of the stairwell.
"All the time? When did it last happen?" Harry asked and let out a long breath, freeing him from much of the earlier tension.
"It was only a month ago," she began. "You have to remember, you left your jacket with your keys and wallet in the back of a police car; for reasons best known to you, and they inevitably drove off while you were still attending to the scene," she laughed.
"Oh yes! I didn't get them back until the following morning. You took pity on me; made me dinner and let me sleep on your couch instead of Leo's sofa at the Lyell. I don't know how you manage to sleep on that lumpy old thing anyway?" he was surprised how easily he could join in with her; laughing at his own misfortunes.
"Please?" he asked a seriousness back to his voice.
She stepped back into her flat and held the door open for him, reaching out to him with her hand that was not holding the car key.
He stood and turned to face her, mounting the steps slowly. Regarding her face the whole while; praying that she would see his remorse, and that he would see her forgiveness.
He reached out to hold her proffered fingers, and she pulled him slowly but determinedly out of the corridor and back into her apartment.
"Peace?" she asked as he crossed over the threshold.
He pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head.
"Peace," he promised.
They were two colleagues together after a calamitous day, but this time they were in no hurry to pull apart. They held each other tight, the warmth and security of the embrace beginning to heal the wounds they had inflicted on each other that day. Their souls whispering to each other's that it would be alright now.
After all that had gone on, the hurricane that had swept through the day tearing up and mixing up everything they thought they knew. Here they were back in a familiar place; with everything else stripped away they still had something, something lasting, something stronger than all the angry words. Something built on shared experiences, humour and the deepest of friendships. It would take time to rebuild, but rebuilding after a storm like that gave the opportunity not just for repair, not just a quick patch up job, but to build something new, something better, something that hadn't been there before.
It would be built because one day their time would come. There would be a time; their time; when they weren't exhausted, when there would be no regrets and finally they would see exactly what they needed to see. What everyone else had seen clearly for years. Because some things; some things are inevitable.
There you go my lovelies, thanks for all the reviews glad you liked the dark side. Hope the endings not too cheesy. I'm away for a while but will leave you with the knowledge that last time I told you I had another angsty story planned and that this was not it.