CHAPTER 4
White.
White.
White.
Nothing but white and a dead silence. My own breathing filled my ears, but nothing else.
It was just me, alone in a sea of blankness.
I sniffed at the air, smelling only myself.
I turned on ground that was not solid. All was white.
Empty white. Blind white.
"Hello?"
Not even an echo.
I jerked! A sound? Perhaps it was someone else.
No, it was just my chattering teeth .
My body tensed up, legs twitching and ready to run. My eyes darted around the blankness for any signs of possible danger and my tail stiffened, lowered between my legs.
I called again, and once again I received no answer.
A cold shiver shot up my spine - I was being watched.
I twisted my neck and looked back over my shoulder. I saw no one.
However fast I turned, whichever way my head was facing, it was always behind.
Panic!
I ran. I did not care where to.
The 'being' behind me was still there, watching.
After a while my pace began to slow. My tongue lolled from my mouth as I panted.
Soon my legs collided and tangled. I slammed into the dead white ground and quickly tried to lift myself, but I was weak. My arms simply collapsed.
Vision faded to a dreary blur. Even then, I noticed that area was changing.
The ground I was on…
It was liquid.
I could barely notice the blue-green, but I could smell the fumes.
Blood.
I was lying helpless in a puddle of blood.
It was not my blood. It was already there...
I gasped a desperate breath as I tried to haul my body up. My legs would not get a grip and I could not move. There was a presence above and behind me, it seemed, though I did not have the strength to look over at it. Nevertheless, I could feel its heat and the breath it lay on my spine.
I sat helpless, waiting for whatever was to come.
There was a sudden pressure on my left wrist. The presence was stepping on my arm, pinning it to the blood-soaked white ground.
"What are you?" I moaned. "What do you want?"
It did not reply.
I felt it grab one of the blades on my arm. Desperately, I tried to shake it off. My efforts, however, were futile.
The creature started pulling on the blade. The flesh tore. The blood spat. My ears focused on my cracked breathing and the squelching as the blade was twisted.
I cried in pain as my arm burned with agony. My tail flailed aimlessly in the air. It hit nothing.
The blade, after several sharp pulls, tore from my arm, taking a large fleshy chunk with it. My insides screamed, but all I could do was whimper softly to myself as I watched the arteries squirm and pour.
I screamed in distress as I felt my own blade sink into my back. This blade held there for a while, before it was dragged down across my spine, leaving a deep, bloody gash which cut directly through my backbone, disabling my lower body.
I ran out of breath and my head dropped. I wished to lose consciousness, but the blade slowly dragging through my flesh kept me wide awake, and I could do nothing but whine and yelp hopelessly.
This creature was drawing something onto me. It was writing on me!
The blade over every inch of my body, new blood adding to the ever-growing puddle that I lay in. The wounds slowly began to scar over, though not lessening the pain which radiated from whichever nerves were left.
The bright lights, the swirl of the liquid blood, the deadly white silence. It all began to fade.
Before I could fall away from consciousness, the blade moved from my skin. I heard a faint clatter as it hit the ground nearby.
My eyes were gradually becoming more focused and I saw the reflection in the blood. I was scarred from tip to tail. But those scars were words. Large, loud words.
I DID IT!
With what breath I could muster I cried out and yelled till my throat clogged with blood.
Every inch of my body was screaming "I did it"!
I DID IT!
Those words. Printed over me like graffiti.
I DID IT! I DID IT!
I cried, "What is this?"
The presence came around again and I could finally face it, but my eyes were still not clear enough to make out the figure.
The voice filled my head. It was familiar, but shattered. Broken. "This, Toby, is your nightmare."
"Please…" I whimpered "Let me go… Let me go!"
"I am afraid I cannot do that, Toby."
I screamed as the pain shot to my hearts. I rolled onto my back, crushing my useless arm.
"You want to run. I know." The voice said.
I could not talk. I could hardly breathe anymore.
"I have one question…" It spoke.
My eyes found their focus. I looked up clearly at the figure and it looked back.
"How can we run from ourselves?"
"Toby! Wake up Toby!"
I opened my eyes with a desperate gasp and stared at Cassie, whose face loomed over mine.
"Oh thank God! You're awake!" She looked tense.
I twisted my neck and confirmed my location. I was still in the waiting room, surrounded by a number of curious faces.
It was a bad dream.
"Cassie?" I managed to whisper.
"Yes, it's me, Toby." She turned to the crowd of humans that had gathered around us. "Could you please go back to your seats?"
The crowd reluctantly dispersed, leaving me with Cassie, Tal, and another Hork-Bajir who must have arrived while I was asleep.
"Are you alright Toby?" Cassie asked.
My throat was burning, my head was throbbing, my entire body was shivering, and I felt like I was going to throw up. Nevertheless I replied in a rather more casual tone. "Yes, Cassie."
She placed her hand at the base of the first blade on my head and held it there. "Your temperature seems fine, but you look terrible. Are you sick?"
I was panting. The horrible visions remained in my head, and I saw it still so clearly.
"Toby?"
"Yes?"
"Are you listening to me?"
The visions were burned into me. I felt dizzy, like I could suddenly lose consciousness, but I managed to keep upright with Tal trying his best to hold me steady, his hands resting firmly on my shoulders.
"Toby?" Cassie yelled.
"What Cassie?" I replied gloomily.
"Tal, help me take her upstairs, she can't stay here."
"Yes, Cassie." Tal replied. "Toby is sick?"
"I don't know Tal, but something is definitely very wrong with her."
And with that, they took me by my numb arms and hauled me out of the waiting room, dragging me past all the curious human eyes and leaving the other Hork-Bajir to sit and wonder what exactly had just happened. Once we were out and into the empty hallway, Tal lifted me carefully into his arms and continued to lug me around.
I must have fallen from consciousness briefly, because the next thing I remember was being shuffled into a large, bright office. I weakly lifted my head to look around, just as Tal hoisted me from his chest and gently laid me down on the floor.
My senses were quickly returning to normal. I sat up and balanced myself with my tail, which was still quaking.
"Toby?" Cassie knelt down beside me. "How are you feeling?"
I paused like I needed to check. "I feel better, thank you."
"Do you think you'll be alright to sit there for a while?"
"I think so." I responded with little confidence.
"OK," She turned to Tal. "Tal, don't leave her side. If anything happens while I'm gone, just shout for me and I'll come right back."
He nodded. "Tal not leave Toby."
"Good." She reached out to a small desk and opened a drawer, taking out a yellow object shaped like a little human. She handed it to me. "It's a stress toy." She said. "If you feel something is wrong, just squeeze it. It might help you calm down."
So I squeezed.
I guess I must have squeezed a bit too hard. The little man's head exploded, and I was splashed with a gooey green liquid. My lower jaw started quivering.
Cassie blinked. She took the shredded mess from me and threw it in a box in the corner of the room. "Maybe that wasn't such a good idea…" She muttered to herself.
She twisted and looked around the room, eventually setting her eyes on a large TV. She ran over and fiddled with the controls on the side, then wheeled it in front of us. The screen began to glow.
"Here, watch some TV. Maybe that will calm you down." She angled the television in front of us and walked out of the room, her eyes staying on me till she was out of the door.
The TV began showing us a picture. I focused my attention on it and tried to dispel the memories and the fear.
The colours. The people. The sounds. The TV was inviting to me.
It even took my mind off of the horrifying images for brief periods, but they were always there at the back of my mind. I felt myself shudder as I saw myself dying, screaming, my body bloodied with those words.
I DID IT!
The words wrapped around me and forced out every last breath. Tortured me. Hurt me.
Changed me.
And I saw myself. I was no longer who I thought I was.
I saw anger. A murderer…
Warmth. It formed a hook around my shaking waist. It held me down and pulled me close. The images faded and I stopped shivering.
Tal knew I was scared. He was trying to comfort me with his touch.
"Toby not be scared. Tal is here." He gently spoke to my ear.
I smiled and took his hand. "Thank you, Tal."
"Toby feel better now?"
"Yes, I feel much better."
So we sat there watching the TV with a hypnotised stare, hand-in-hand. I quickly forgot the visions and the trauma. It was as if Tal was healing me inside. Like he knew exactly what I needed.
The TV was showing us several people sitting and talking about a relationship that one of them was having with another. It was a confusing affair. Two of them - two human males named Joey and Chandler - were in a relationship with the same female. It was a tense and exciting situation that I never believed possible. Then again, humans were strange creatures and I had since learned not to underestimate (and often overestimate) them.
I heard footsteps stomping out in the corridor. Cassie pushed through the door holding several folders and a large purple cushion. She saw us and almost dropped it all to the ground.
"Toby?"
I shushed her. "Joey has put Chandler in a big box."
My eyes stayed glued to the screen as Cassie walked beside me. She placed the folders on her desk and handed me the soft, fluffy cushion.
"I thought you were having a panic attack. You're looking a lot better now though. I should use the TV more often!"
"It was only a bad dream." I shocked even myself with the misplaced casual tone.
Cassie gazed at me, surprised. She turned to Tal, now devoid of fear, replaced by concern and confusion. "Tal, could you go and get us some water, please?"
He nodded and got up to leave the room, looking up and down the empty hallway before strolling away.
"Why did you send him to get water?" I asked.
"Toby I want to talk…"
She used a small rectangular object from her desk and turned off the TV. Then she took a chair from behind the desk and moved it beside me, sitting down in it and folding her legs.
"What is wrong, Cassie?"
"Toby…" She paused and looked at her feet like she could not find the words to say. "What was that?"
"It was a dream." I responded with complacency.
"What just happened was not normal. Dreams should not affect you like that." Her expression was growing serious.
I looked away, embarrassed. She was right, and I realised I was simply trying to shrug it off as a normal nightmare. Why? Was I just avoiding the memory?
"I have never heard of a Hork-Bajir screaming in their sleep before." She continued.
"I was screaming in my sleep?"
"Yes, you were. Loudly."
I was shocked, though it definitely explained my sore throat.
"And you were kicking a lot, like… like you were being attacked…" She held out her hand to mine and I took it. "Toby, what exactly happened in this dream?"
I looked to the ground and clutched the cushion to my belly. I was beginning to shudder again. "I am sorry, but I do not want to tell you, Cassie."
"I understand." She moved closer and comforted me with a smile. "I just want you to know that I'm here for you. If you have a problem, I will do everything I can for you. Not just because it's my job to care for you, but because you're a friend, and I don't want to see you like that."
"I know, Cassie, but I really do not wish to revisit what I saw. I do not believe I have ever seen such… images."
"I'm sure by tonight you'll have completely forgotten about it." She rubbed my neck with her hand. "And I'm sure Tal will help. You two seem pretty close"
"We only met this morning." I stammered defensively.
She grinned. "Well, you know what? I think he likes you."
I snorted, holding in my laughter. "He is a Hork-Bajir. It is in our nature to get along with each other. The Arn made sure to-"
"No. I mean, like."
I sidled my head. "I do not understand."
She exhaled impatiently. "Never mind. I'm sure you'll find out soon enough." She pulled herself out of her chair and shuffled over to the desk, sorting through some files. "So was Tal already here before you?" She asked, bringing up a new conversation.
"He came with me. I told him I was coming here, so he followed." I answered.
"Was he called in for anything? I remember he came in last week for the usual check-up." She sat cross-legged on the edge of her desk. "As far as I'm concerned, he isn't booked in for at least another month."
"He is not booked in. He just decided to follow me here."
"And you let him?"
"Yes." I grinned, "I thought it would be nice to let him come. He seemed eager."
"But Toby, we planned to go to town." She pointed out, annoyed.
"I know, but I suspected Tal would change his mind when we told him that. I will take him home."
"And if he wants to come?"
I blinked and averted my gaze. "I guess I did not think he would want to. If he does, then I see no harm in him coming along with us."
"We can't take him into town, Toby, it's going to be packed out today. If he gets lost we won't find him, unless we're incredibly lucky or somebody decides he looks out-of-place and brings him back here."
"I have already told him to stay with me. I promise you, he would not get lost."
"Accidents happen." She countered.
I stood up, towering over her. There was a significant size difference, so I had to crane my neck. "If he wants to come, then I will make him my responsibility. It would be my decision, after all."
She smiled."If you think he will be safe, then sure, he can come, but it's not just him I'm worried about…"
"Do not worry about me, Cassie."
"We don't have to go. We're probably late anyway, and I think you could do with a good sleep."
"No Cassie, I told you last night that I would come, and I am here now."
"I don't want to force you into anything…"
I laughed. "But I want to go."
"Fair enough," She gathered a couple of folders and held them under her arm. "But if I sense anything wrong with you, I'm taking you and Tal straight home. I don't want anyone getting hurt." She walked over to the door and held it open for me. "Come on. I've got to give my Dad these folders."
We met Tal staring blankly at the nearest water dispenser, just as we thought he would be. He had obviously been standing there for a while with absolutely no idea of what to do. We told him that we had to go and gave him a quick lesson on how to pour out a drink. I still do not think he understood.
Cassie took us down to the 'Housing centre' where all the animals were kept. We moved through many narrow corridors and down several flights of stairs, passing busy staff along the way.
"Where we go now?" Tal asked, bored.
Cassie replied, "We're going to see my father to give him some stuff. Then if you want you can come with us into town."
He cocked his head. "Town?"
"Where lots of humans go." Cassie continued, perhaps trying to put him off.
"Toby go?" He questioned.
Cassie directed an I-told-you-so grin at me. At least that is what I thought it was. Even after spending a lot of the past two years with her, I could never be sure.
"Yes Tal," Cassie said. "She's going."
He gave a giddy smile. "Then Tal go."
I looked to him over my shoulder. "Then you must promise to stay beside us. There will be many humans there."
Tal nodded. "Always stay with Toby."
It seemed to me that Tal was beginning to get excited at the prospect of spending the rest of the day with us. It suddenly dawned on me what Cassie meant when she said he 'liked' me. I could not help but notice his tendency to stare either.
We squeezed under a door, careful not to scrape our blades on the frame, and walked into the Housing centre, with Cassie leading the way.
It was a very large room, filled with cages and stables and glass vivariums. Inside them were a wide variety of animals, all watching us and pacing in their encloses as we walked past. A hundred eyes (including Tal's) gazing at me like some sort of spectacle.
"Where is your father, Cassie?" I asked.
"He's at the large enclosure." She answered. "He's about to go into surgery."
My eyes widened. "What is wrong with him?"
"No, it's not him." She rolled her eyes. "He's helping perform surgery on an animal that has just come in."
"I am sorry. I thought you meant your father was going to receive the surgery."
"Surgery for what?"
That was a new, deeper voice that came from an open doorway. A head appeared around the corner, grinning a toothy grin. It was Cassie's father.
He had a strange piece of blue material on his head, and he wore long white gloves and a large blue 'sheet' which covered most of his body. I expect this was what they wore during surgerys.
"Nothing, Dad." Cassie groaned. She handed him the folders, just as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and kissed her forehead.
"How's my little girl? Still playing with her friends? You should be working."
Cassie casually pushed away. "Dad, you're embarrassing me." She said meekly.
"Don't be silly, Cassie. I'm your father. I'm allowed to embarrass you." He showed a strangely dominating smile.
He looked up at me. "Hello Toby!"
Cassie's father, Walter, was very cheerful, and it was rather overwhelming after the recent events, so I just smiled broadly and said hello as casually as possible.
"Who's your boyfriend?" Walter asked, referring to Tal.
I nudged Tal, wanting him to introduce himself.
"My name Tal Ganat." He said.
They shook hands, once Tal remembered to do so.
"I'm Walter. Cassie's father. Nice to meet you." Walter started. Then he came back to me. "By the way, Toby, Ket has an appointment tomorrow."
"My mother?" I raised an eyebrow. My mother had come in for the regular check-up only a week or so ago. "Why? Has something happened?"
"Oh, don't worry, it's nothing serious. She won't be walking too well for the next few days though."
My eyes widened. "What is wrong with her legs?"
"It's not the legs we're worried about."
My eyes went wider still.
"We think she cracked a bone in her toe."
"Oh…" I said with a hidden sigh of relief.
"Could you ask her to come in tomorrow?" Cassie asked.
"Yes. I will tell her tonight."
"Thanks, Toby." Walter said. "Anyway, I'd better go and make a start on the surgery. Crocodiles won't wait all day, you know."
"Crocodile?" Tal jumped in.
"Yes, a crocodile. Do you know what a crocodile is Tal?" Walter asked.
"No. What is crocodile?" Tal was getting ever-more excited.
"I'll show you." Walter turned to walk down the dark, narrow hallway he had appeared from. "Come with me."
So we all followed him through the narrow passage, and eventually came into another bright room. It was a relief to come out of the hallway. Hork-Bajir eyes were not made for the dark. I could barely see a thing.
This new room was empty and looked as if it was in the middle of construction. At one side was a simple, blank wall painted beige that spanned the whole room. It felt unfinished somehow, and staring up at the empty, blank space, something did not feel quite right. I dismissed the unfounded caution.
At the other side stood a big glass box that may have been twenty feet wide by 10 feet tall. Inside was a lush, vibrant setting of little trees, rocks, and a small, rather attractive pond. I would have jumped in, were it not for the animal inside.
It lay there by its pond, basking in the heat of a fluorescent lamp burning bright above. It was asleep, by the look of it.
"Isn't she a beauty?" Walter commented, as we walked up the window of the enclosure.
"Crocodile is big!" Tal gawked.
She was indeed big. Very big.
"Fourteen feet long." Walter informed.
Tal did not understand human measurement, but he was amazed nonetheless. I quickly calculated the length myself. The crocodile, from tip-to-tail, was twice as long as me.
Yes, she was big.
"We picked her up from the local zoo." Cassie added. "Respiratory problems."
A group of uniformed humans came by the enclosure and began mumbling amongst themselves, whilst another group appeared to be setting up a metal platform by a thick door at one side. They were going to load the crocodile onto the platform, presumably after the other group had restricted the hulking reptile.
"What are you going to do?" I questioned Walter.
"We've got to operate directly on the lungs, so we're going to have to cut her open. Then…" He glanced over at Tal. "… Operate."
"Hurt crocodile?" Tal intervened.
"No Tal." Walter reassured. "We are going to make her better."
"Tal help?" There was no question about Tal's determination to learn more about the crocodile.
Cassie answered him. "I think surgery would be a little too complicated for you, Tal. When she is better, you can come see her."
"Anyway," Walter interrupted. "You had best get going now. We're about to move her." He glanced over at the group of people who appeared to have started without him.
"Alright Dad." Cassie said.
"Where are you going anyway?"
"We're going to the parade in town." Cassie answered with upmost confidence.
Walter raised a hairy human eyebrow. "With two Hork-Bajir?"
"We'll be fine, Dad. We won't be in with the crowd. I'll find somewhere secluded."
Walter chuckled. "You've grown up so fast, Cassie, I hardly recognise you anymore." This, I could tell, was more human humour.
Cassie rolled her eyes. "I'm not a little kid anymore, Dad."
This was a 'good-natured' conversation. Humans can say almost anything at all and still sound 'good-natured', I have found. In most cases anyway.
"Ronnie would know." Walter teased. "You enjoy your day, sweetheart."
"Thanks Dad."
"Have a good time you two." He addressed me and Tal.
With that, Walter jogged off towards the group of men, who at this point, were opening the enclosure doors. We wandered off back into the dark hallway.
"You're father is in a good mood." I told Cassie, once we re-entered the Housing centre.
"He loves his job. And ever since I told him that I was engaged, he's been over the moon." The she added quietly to herself, "Even though his first thought was that I was too young to get married."
"'Over the moon?'"
"It's an expression, Toby." She pointed across the room to a side-door. "We need to go that way."
"What is through that door?" I asked.
"The car park." She said. "We're taking my truck. You'll love it."