CHAPTER 8
'Someone once said that life was for living, life was for happiness, life was love. I cannot help but feel that I have been lied to. How can life be for love when all you have left is hate? How can life be for happiness when all you can do is scream in silence? How can life be for living when you have nothing to live for anymore? My life is nothing but a disaster. My parents, my people, and my son… I've let them all down… I just hope they cannot see through these walls and chains to stare upon me, for my hearts would simply break.
The night was silent. We sat with uncomfortable tension in Cassie's truck, concentrating on the steady buzz of the engine as we rolled against the side of the road. The sound of the engine stuttered to a halt and left me only with the company of anxious breaths coming from the two front seats. Once again, I found myself lying uncoordinately on the extended back seats. The window above me had been lowered, relieving me with a fresh breeze. It was there as a precaution.
I lifted my cramped neck and rested my snout on the window frame. With several deep breaths I regained my focus and looked around. We were parked in the clinic car park, the mountains visible as black protrusions far in the background. My camp was nearby, and I could see a small orange glow of a fire in the distance. I longed to be there, to be home again.
My attention shifted to the large gloomy building partly blockading my view. Two rooms were lit, but the rest of building was dead. Cassie would make sure to drag me back here tomorrow morning, and she would not rest until she knew what was wrong with me. That I was sure of.
There came a click as Cassie unlocked the trucks doors. She climbed out and stretched before taking a coat, adding the extra layer to hold off the cold for a little longer. She came around the front and opened Tal's door, helping him to get out whilst avoiding damage to the truck interior. He grunted and shivered in a breeze that blew over softly, whistling over the cracks and crevises of the building that loomed over us, and he moved a hand towards my door to let me out of the truck. Cassie instinctively threw out an arm and grabbed his wrist. Tal stopped and sadly retreated his arm from the door. With my performance today, Cassie was taking heavy precaution, and she stared long into my eyes for any signs of a repeat.
I wanted to tell her that I was not insane as perhaps she thought, that I could make my own way home without incident. Somehow I felt like I was lying to myself. In my frail state, walking through the full dark of the night all alone could set off another attack (or whatever the hallucinations were).
She edged forward, placing her palm around the handle. Giving me time to move away from the door, she opened it.
Her hand held under my arm and aided me from the truck, and we stood in the car park, cold and confused, looking at each other and waiting for someone to break the silence.
"Well, this is awkward." Cassie stated correctly.
I simply nodded.
"Come on, Toby." She continued. "Don't feel guilty. Just come back here tomorrow and we'll find whatever is wrong with you. Everything will be fine." She smiled, rather more ensured of her safety now. "You had better take Tal home."
A smile shone briefly across his snout, my apparent sickness not enough to deter him from spending time alone with me, so it seemed.
"Yes, Cassie, and thank you for having us today." I said in a misplaced and cliched tone.
"It's no problem Toby, just get home and cheer up a bit." She grinned and nudged at my arm.
The mood was considerably brighter as we parted ways. Cassie drove back to her home in her big truck, leaving me and Tal to brush hurriedly through the trees. The smell of the camp helped to guide me past familiar branches that were hidden within the dark. The memories of gliding through here day after day told me where every large branch protruded, the way to deal with each awkward turn, and even the tiniest individual grooves in the bark to grapple onto.
We emerged from the border of trees into the opening, now covered in a light veil of snow. Invisible snowflakes announced their presence as they coated the hard tip of my snout. The snow left a series of random patches in the centre of the camp, forming a circle around the large glowing fire that sprang out like an icon among the bodies that sat amongst it. A distinctive smell of mefah bark crept to me and persuaded me over to the swollen crowd of Hork-Bajir that had gathered from the closest surrounding groups.
Bark that was collected from the mornings harvest had been piled up high to my left. Several Hork-Bajir had circled the pile and talked quietly amongst themselves, whereas the vast majority was relaxing in the fires warm glow, breathing in the pleasant smell of the mefah.
My hand clutched at Tal's and pulled him over to empty space before the fire, a drag of the mefah making me shudder and grin, a brief and welcomed high. We laid down in the cramped space together, sheeted by the comfortable orange glow that tempted a well-needed sleep, with only the crunching of various slabs of bark prying my eyes back open.
It was not long before I too was munching loudly on my share of the harvest. Tal had fetched us both some bark from the steadily disappearing pile, and made one of his own between us. I spotted a particularly large slab poking out from the centre of the pile, and with my stomach telling me I needed something a little more filling than nibbles, I pulled it messily from the pile and rested it on my belly.
The camp was getting quieter. Silent individual conversations became clear, echoing announcements, disrupted only by snoring that came from either side of us. The cold winter air was a welcoming contrast to the fires warmth, and threatened to lull me to the land of dreams.
It came as a shock when Tal eventually laid back on the cool grass, his eyes flicking and finally shutting for the night. Perhaps ogling at my tail for hours on end had forced him into an early snooze.
I sighed, finding that I was in the minority that had carried on awake. After stretching my limbs, I fumbled through the pile of bark that Tal had left for me, and munched hungrily through it. I was saving the largest slab for after, but it was already sheeted with my saliva and sat there begging to be chewed. A piece of Pine followed a brief inhalation of mefah, freeing an unexpected purr of satisfaction as my eyes seemed to turn upside down in my head.
The effects of the strange bark were always a treat for those who could stay awake long enough to feel them. The burning mefah gave Hork-Bajir a big lift. After seeing the effects of the mefah, our carers recommended that we use it daily as a way to rid ourselves of any post-war depression that may have lingered. It was a near-perfect solution.
And after todays events, I needed it.
Twitches portrayed flashing memories, but the dulling spell of the bark remained and calmed my mind. I was struggling, and the lack of activity made my brain want to understand the hallucinations that had been haunting me, but the day had left it tired and worn, unable to add the pieces up. I could only find the motivation to curl up and sleep where I sat, but the anxiety that dug through and hurt me was only prolonging the night, pressing to the conclusion that I would not sleep.
I took a stroll around the outskirts of the enclosure, where the cold breeze was unobstructed by the tall trees and the frequent rush of cars strobed on me with their white blinding lights. They came as a welcome cure for the darkness that surrounded as I stomped aimlessly to no particular place.
There was no explanation for the faces that seemed to watch me in the dark. The eerie glows that consisted may have merely been a trick played on me by my own mind, perhaps the lack of sleep bringing on premature dreams. Strange creatures danced around me with no familiar face, though they talked to me like they had known me for years and they circled me like an icon, or some ritual sacrifice.
But they talked with silence, and they danced with mourn.
The creatures dragged me to the ground, and they yelled out inaudible demands. I did nothing, and sank breathlessly to the soil where I passed on, with but a defeated cough. The dances came to a cease, and the talking became the whistle of the wind through the trees.
The soil rumbled, and a beam of light fell on me, a vehicle rolling up close door opened and the owners legs came rushing into my faded sight. He came to my side and he knelt down with concern on his hairy face, his appearance dispersing the creatures that had dragged me to the ground.
I looked up with relief, and told him of my situation, my name and how I was just tired. Why did he not respond?
Hands grabbed at my shoulders and shook me, and I responded with a weak groan.
"I am awake," I told him. "I am awake."
Still he shook.
"Come on, Toby! Wake up! Please!"
He began to slap me across my face, and I complained to no avail. Something was wrong.
But with a firm backhand to my head, I woke up.
I looked up to Erek who was dripping with sweat, his spare hand wrapped firmly around my wrist, with the other ready to slap me across the face again.
"Oh thank God! Toby, I thought I'd lost you!"
I stared at him before struggling to my feet, feeling faint and lost. The area was unfamiliar to me, but a road was stretching far on my left, void of trees. Erek must have seen my body lying here in the mud.
"Erek. Where am I?" I queried weakly, on full alert as my head searched for something.
"It doesn't matter Toby. Let's just get you home."
He guided me slowly to his car, and we drove back into the night. I had walked several miles, and it took a while before we were back at the park.
For the whole drive, I sat without a word.
As the sun set once more, leaving the rich landscape in fledgling shadow, the valleys of the enclosure came to life with the sounds of crackling wood and dronal mumbling. The snow had left us, and the ground instead was invaded by the beautiful orange glow of the setting sun, disturbed only by the blackened veil of the trees where I sat. I looked upon my friends and family as they rushed to start the fire that would keep them warm for the night, and the children who would rush with imperfect grace through the canopies playing their little games. Little creatures scurried along the ground and up the trunks in a final attempt to find some food before the dark drew in, and the creatures of the night began their foraging. I would watch small insects as they crunched through the litter that rested on the hard ground and provided the soft blanket on which I sat.
Three days had crawled by, and things had returned back to normality. Erek had driven me to the clinic and I slept there overnight. The following day was taken up with rigorous tests to find what, if anything was wrong with me. Cassie believed it was psychological, but she had found nothing leading.
Today was the first day where I had not been recalled into the clinic, and I had suffured no further symptons since Erek found me collapsed twenty-seven miles from the park.
Cassie had voluntarily performed all the tests on me and found nothing, but with each positive result came a nervous contrast of doubt. She feared the worst, but I would try to convince her that I felt fine, and that the hallucinations were over. It seemed that nothing I could say would calm her nerves.
Tal Ganat had not left my side since the day we met. What I felt from him was more than just concern...
He was sitting beside me, scratching pictures onto the trunk of a pine tree, using his sharp claws to dig at the surface of the bark. His drawings were never understandable, often ending up as unrecognisable scribbles, however I much enjoyed watching him show off his creative side.
Once he had given up his drawing, he sat and leaned into me, picking at his sappy claws. "Tal make picture. Picture for Toby."
I briefed over the image that had been scratched onto the tree trunk, and I found it impossible to decipher. Nevertheless, I was very grateful. "Thank you Tal. What is it?"
"Big tree. Biggest tree."
I smiled and leaned back into him, staring back out to the lively crowd as the fire was finally lit. The atmosphere was settling, and the sun had submerged fully behind the horizon. The cold of the night was seeping through the branches, which only made us clutch closer together.
"Shall we sit by the fire?" I asked Tal.
He shook his head. "Eat."
"There is food by the fire."
"Better bark." He replied with a smile. His hand took mine and lifted me briskly to my feet, taking me pleasantly by surprise.
"I cannot say no."
He took me far from the camp, and to the far end of the Hork-Bajir enclosure. It was an area I had only rarely passed through, if only to get from one place to another, but as we breached deeper in, the scents of new trees filled my snout. The variety of smell almost overwhelmed me, and I had to stop myself crashing into a large trunk as we almost flew through the tight-packed flora.
I had to put aside my enthusiasm though, as a large metal fence came into view, splitting its way straight between the trees. Feeling obligated to inspect and decide where we were actually going, I pulled Tal back and made my way down the the shiny new fence. After quick investigation, I came to the conclusion as to why it was there.
The trees on our side of the fence were different to those on the other side. Even the ground gave a different hue. Those trees had been specially planted for a reason, but they were ever so tempting...
"New trees." Tal informed me, as if I had not already figured that out.
"Yes, Tal." I replied. "I believe these are Terry's trees."
And sure enough, I caught the sight of a building through the distant trees to our left. Tal seemed disappointed and stared lustfully at the new trees, but I had the feeling that Terry had inteded for us to enter, hence the lack of a more effective fence.
"It is alright, Tal. Terry wants us to eat from these trees." I jumped back up into the canopy and deftly over the fence. He did not doubt me, and eagerly followed.
My feet brushed over unfamiliar branches as I wandered curiously around the 'garden', taking note of its size and the number of trees. Through the bundles of leaves I saw the restaurant, and looking through the large window that made up the side of the dining area I saw the repair work still underway.
I averted my eyes from the building which I had partly destroyed and sniffed at the air, fumbling my mind through the smells of the ripe trees, while Tal wandered off after spotting something of interest.
Saliva was beginning to drip from my snout. The sheer sensation of all the exotic food was just begging for me to dig into the nearest tree and not stop until I could explode. A lovely thought, but one I would have to resist in order to hold onto my dignity. Scratching lightly at the nearest branch, I cut off a slither of smooth, sappy bark and chewed on it. It was such a rich taste, sweet and delicious, but my tongue wanted something else.
Sniffing around, I eventually found what I was looking for. The tree had already been stripped in parts from where Tal had dug at it before, and he appeared determined to finish the job, sitting down to continue an unfinished meal.
Grinning inanely, I bounded over and sat on the branch beside Tal, and before I could mutter a word, a huge slab of bark was crammed into my mouth, my tongue lapping to delve into the glorious flavour.
How could food be so perfect? So beautiful? I almost collapsed, but Tal's tail had wrapped tightly around my waist and was holding me close.
At first, I was sceptical about Terry's approach to attracting more customers, but with bark like this being supplied to us, we could not refuse. Besides, our half of the deal was just to show ourselves to his customers every so often.
I could have met up with Terry again to discuss it further, but for now, my focus was on Tal. Entirely.
So we sat there on a steady branch, slowly carving through the unfortunate tree, watching the stars sprinkle over the purple sky. The echos of the crickets and crunching of small animals in the undergrowth formed a calming atmosphere, and with the warm touch of Tal's tail against my leg made it the perfect night.
The bark from the tree was disappearing quicker as we stuffed ourselves with the heavenly flavour, and without a single word sat there for what seemed like hours just staring at the stars and into each others eyes, and when we had eaten as much bark as we could fit into our bellies, we sat intertwined against the trunk of the tree.
Tal and I snuggled closely together to watch the night flow on, and I had never felt so at peace.
"I have enjoyed this night." I told him. "Thank you."
His hand took mine and held it tightly, eyes smiling to me, while he slipped out his tongue and licked me lustfully across my snout, an action comparable to a human kiss.
"I think we shall leave that until we get home." I offered him a teasing look, but my eyes drew down and found the scar on his torso to focus on. It was then that I realised that I knew nothing of his history, and I had to ask.
I gently rubbed over the mark that graffitied his body. "Where did you get this from?"
He looked down at the scar that lined him. "Andalite."
"You were a slave."
"Slave." He confirmed, placing a claw to his forehead. "Yeerk in head."
"Please tell me about it." I asked like an eager child.
His eyes closed for a moment and he grunted lightly. Reopening his eyes, he began to speak.
"Tal born on ship. Yeerk in head. Tal have gun and shoot Gedd." He raised his arm as if he were holding a weapon and tried to imitate the sound. "Go to Earth."
"You were rescued on Earth?"
His reply surprised me. "Tal not. Andalite hurt Tal and yeerk leave."
My head cocked. "Your yeerk left you?"
"Yes. Yeerk say 'Tal die', then go. Tal live and run away."
"Where did you go?"
"Run away and live in tree. Long time."
What I was hearing was quite a surprise. How could a Hork-Bajir live on Earth as a rogue without being found, or even shot by a wandering human? It also sprang the question of whether there were more out there. It was a possibility, though not one I found entirely pleasing to think about.
"I assume that you were found and brought here." I said. He responded with a nod.
His story was not too disimilar to others, though most of the Hork-Bajir who currently resided here had been rescued from Yeerk clutches over the last few years. Many by the Animorphs, though the more recent arrivals had been taken by Andalite surveillance ships which came across stranded Yeerk settlements. The Andalites would decide a deal with the Yeerks and would take the hosts for re-homing. Deals with the lone Yeerk forces were easy, as they were always lacking vital supplies.
Again, I blinked down to the big scar, and I knew who was responsible. There was only one free Andalite on Earth at the time, but it no longer mattered, for Tal was here with me now. I was infinitely thankful for that.
We made our way back to the camp where everyone was awake and buzzing, for the beautiful night sky had introduced a new liveliness and a joyous atmosphere. The young had fallen asleep in their mothers arms, whilst they enjoyed a warm fire-side feast with friends and family.
Our carers had not supplied us with mefah today, but we had been given more water and a big rubber tyre, though that may have been picked up by one of us. It was currently being used as a seat.
For a while, we sat with the others and talked, but we could not eat another bite and retreated back to my tree together.
In my tree we had a sturdy branch, and a nest that had been built solidly into the canopy. Above that was a look-out. Before slinking back to the nest we made ourselves comfortable on the branch overlooking the camp.
We did not expect to see an owl perching on a branch overhead, staring down at us. Tal began to tickle me, his fingers creeping up my side and finding a sensitive area just below my ribs.
"Tal..." I said between laughter, "The owl..."
He did not seem to understand the warning, and the tickling started to become more of a caress.
Is this a bad time?
Tal suddenly stopped and looked around in surprise, whereas I looked back to the owl. "Hello Cassie, it is a good time."
I can see that. She laughed, and the small owl glided down to sit upon a blade on my head. Hello Tal.
He gave her an embarrassed smile, having withdrawn back to his place on the branch.
"This is Cassie." I told him. "She has morphed a bird. An owl."
The concept flew by him, but he seemed to understand that he was talking to Cassie, at least.
Sorry if I've disturbed anything. I just came to check up on you guys. She said cheerfully.
"Things have been fine. We received our water this evening, and we appear to have found a tyre." I indicated to the tyre, which was seating three Hork-Bajir.
Toby, you know how we feel about foreign objects.
"You are right Cassie. I will take it to the clinic tomorrow."
Might as well, we want you back for more tests.
I groaned, for that was one thing I did not wish to hear. "Please, Cassie, I do not want any more tests." I tried to convince her with the saddest expression I could pull off, but it is a hard task to achieve when they are sitting atop your head.
Toby, we still don't know what's wrong with you, and we need to find out!
I sighed. "Cassie, I am fine. I have have no further symptoms or hallucinations."
You fell off of a building, you destroyed Terry's restaurant, and you walked almost thirty miles from the park and collapsed! You look me in the eyes and tell me there is nothing wrong with you.
She was right, and I knew deep down inside that I was not well at all. I just hated the tests so much...
"I am sorry, Cassie. You are right."
I'm not trying to be mean. I know you don't like all these tests and spending days sitting in the waiting room, but if anything was to happen to you...
"Do not worry about me." I smiled. "I am sure that I will be fine."
She left it at that, and gazed out over the camp. She was quick to draw attention to my mother, who was sat on the far side of the group looking sorry for herself, an ugly white bandage wrapped around her left foot and lower shin. Hopefully that bandage will last more than a day. She always manages to lose them somehow.
"She bites at them." I revealed, chuckling to myself. "Mother finds them very irritating."
Right on cue, she lifted her leg to her snout and nibbled roughly at it.
I thought so. She made a strange sort of humming noise which I found was not too distant from a sigh. She needs to stop doing that or her foot will never heal.
"She will learn to stop eventually."
Hopefully. She dropped from my head onto a small branch ahead of us. I almost forgot to tell you, there's another 'rep' meeting next week, and they want you to attend this time. I detected a hint of impatience in her voice.
"They never give me directions. I end up lost. Can they not just meet in the same places?"
She huffed amusingly. Why are you asking me? Just make sure you turn up for once, otherwise i'll get the blame.
"I am sorry, but they do not seem to like me."
Only because you farted during a meeting on global warming. She sniggered out loud to further my embarrassment. Fortunately, the conversation had lost Tal long ago and he was too busy scratching himself to pay attention.
"You are always telling me that."
It's funny.
I smiled. "To you, perhaps..."
Well, if you decide to go, i'll take you to the zoo afterwards.
"Thank you, I would love that." I said with a grin.
Cassie's owl body began to ready its wings, preparing to drift down to the ground below. I should leave you and Tal alone. I'm sure you have better things planned than talking to owls, so I'll go talk to Ket.
"She will be happy to see you." I shuffled eagerly over to Tal. "Thank you for informing me."
My pleasure. Goodbye Tal.
He stopped scratching himself and waved. "Goodbye bird Cassie."
Cassie left us with a few final words: It's about time, Toby. You need a boyfriend.
I assumed this was private thought-speech, and I waved to her as she dropped down to the ground.
"Why is Cassie bird?" Tal questioned.
I saw Cassie, back in her natural form, reveal herself from the bushes, wearing warm, practical clothing, and a pair of large rubber boots. She had recently achieved the ability to morph full clothing... somehow. At least she could save a bit of money.
She wandered over to the camp and was given the tyre to sit on, and the excited Hork-Bajir crowded around to say their welcomes.
Meanwhile, I was left with Tal. Alone.
"Let us not ask questions." I replied to him, a suggestive smirk appearing on my eager snout.