Uncanny Suicide Squad

Chapter 11: Recruitment Drive

By

The Uncanny R-Man

Disclaimer- All familiar characters belong to DC.

Arkham Asylum, Gotham City-

Harleen Quinzel was sitting in one of Arkham's observation rooms with her very close friend Pamela Isley. Gotham's general populace knew the two women as Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy: two of Batman's most deadliest Rogues.

The pair had no idea why they had been brought to the observation rooms from the relative comfort of their cells in Arkham's shadowed nether regions. It couldn't be for parole, because they both knew their next parole hearing wasn't due for months.

Harley scratched the spot on her wrist where her cuffs were beginning to chafe.

'What's keepin' 'em, Red?' Harley whined impatiently. 'This ain't no parole hearing.'

'I wish I could tell you, Harl.' Ivy shook her head slightly. 'They could have at least put us in one of the observation rooms that faced the sunrise. I'm starting to wilt...'

'D'you want me to call a guard to get ya a glass of water?' Harley offered.

'Would you?' Ivy rubbed her throat. 'I'm parched.'

Harley turned to the door and hollered for attention.

'Yo! Rent-a-cops! We gonna get some service in here, or what?'

Ivy shook her head with a sigh.

'Smooth, Harley. Real smooth.'

Thankfully, Ivy was in no danger of dehydration, as their guests soon entered the room. One was a guy with relatively short red-brown hair dressed in a blue suit with a white boomerang motif. he was also wearing a little blue hat, and a white scarf. With him was an unusually pale woman with blue hair dressed in a low-cut blue one-piece. They were George 'Digger' Harkness and Louise Lincoln, also known as Captain Boomerang and Killer Frost of the Suicide Squad.

Harley could barely believe her eyes at the sight of one of her old cellmates.

'Lou?' Harley's mouth fell open in surprise. 'Izzat really you?'

'Yeah. it's me, Harl.' Killer Frost smiled as she took a seat.

'What're you doin' here?' Harley wondered. 'You gonna spring us?'

'Harley, I doubt that these two are here to break us out.' Ivy pointed out somewhat bitterly. 'They work for the good guys now. They sold us out.'

'Oh, you wound us, Ivy.' Captain Boomerang clutched his heart dramatically. 'But really, we've got a proposition for ya. basically ya do a little bit o' work fer the government. Takin' care of problem metahumans and stuff, then ya get yer freedom.'

'It's tempting, but we're not interested.' Ivy sniffed. 'I'd rather rot in here than sell out my friends.'

'What friends?' Killer Frost countered in a deadpan voice. 'Harley's the only friend that you've got.'

Ivy sighed heavily and turned to her friend, and usual partner in crime.

'Okay Harl, what do you say? Do you want to sell out the Joker and go work with the white-hats?'

'Screw the Joker, I wanna do some good for once.' Harley answered. 'He never treats me with the respect I deserve! I was always loyal to him, and how did he reward me? Screwing me over, again and again!'

Ivy stared at her friend in disbelief. She had never heard Harley be so outspoken against her beloved Mistah J. Ivy had seen Harley rebel against the Joker many times, but she would always return to her precious Puddin's side. She hoped that Harley was serious this time.

'W-well... I think that's a yes.' Ivy scratched her head. 'So I guess I'm in as well.'

'You won't regret it. Ivy.' Killer Frost smiled thankfully. 'Just give us a little time to get your gear together and we'll get you out of this urine-soaked hellhole.'

'Uh, Frosty...?' Captain Boomerang piped up jokingly. 'I think they prefer it to be called a pee-pee-soaked heck hole.'

'Buncha freaking pansies if you ask me.' Killer Frost sniffed. 'Well, welcome to the Suicide Squad, guys. We hope you survive.'

Harley leant over to whisper in Ivy's ear.

'Ain't really an optimistic beginning, is it?'

'They work for a team called the Suicide Squad, Harl.' Ivy sighed. 'I don't think they do optimistic.'

Stryker's Island Penitentiary, Metropolis-

Two figures walked out of a nondescript executive jet. One was a scruffy-looking man dressed in a purple Superman-likecostume and cape, while the other was a redheaded woman wearing a strange pink toga-type garment. They were Bizarro and Giganta of the Suicide Squad. And just like their teammates over in Gotham, they had come to recruit new members. Which would be harder than they thought, seeing that one of their prospective new recruits was presently tossing guards around like rag dolls.

The new recruit in question was a bulky grey-skinned male who was wearing a green-and-yellow costume. It was obvious that he wasn't from Earth. There was another figure nearby, trying to calm him down. This guy was scrawny with straggly red hair. He was dressed in a tattered black-and-white checkered clown suit.

'Nobody touches the Clown!' The bulky guy roared as he slammed one of the guards against a wall. 'Touch the Clown and die!'

'Parademon, you must calm yourself...' The scrawny guy said to the bulky monster soothingly. 'We have people coming to see us today. What would they say if they saw you acting like this?'

'Then they'd like your work.' Giganta complimentedas she stepped over the guards in her giant form. 'Hi, I'm Giganta. And my muscular friend is Bizarro.'

'Goodbye!' Bizarro waved.

'We're from the Suicide Squad.' Giganta continued. 'And we want you to come join us.'

Parademon crossed his arms over his chest.

'The Clown comes as well, or I am not coming at all.'

'The offer includes Ragdoll as well.' Giganta added. 'So, what do you say?'

Parademon and Ragdoll never had a chance to reply, as the head guard pushed his way to the front of the group.

'Hey! You can't do this! These two are deadly criminals! Parademon alone is awaiting five lifetime's imprisonment.'

'You am stupid head!' Bizarro frowned. 'We am here for good work! Now you am stop us from doing good. Bizarro am crush stupid heads!'

'B, don't...' Giganta tried to calm her friend. 'What do you think will happen if you start a fight here? It'll only attract Superman's attention. And we don't want that, do we?'

'No.' Bizarro shook his head. 'We am not want Superman coming here.'

'Good boy.' Giganta smiled. She then turned back to the guard. 'We're here on government work, sir. By stopping us doing our job, you are in violation of federal law.'

'See? Bizarro say they am stupid heads.' Superman's imperfect clone smirked.

'Not now, B.' Giganta shook her head. 'So, do we have to make a federal case out of this?'

The guard gulped nervously. He had heard rumours about the government's shadowy dealings. Clones, ways to take out metahumans, stuff like that. He had no choice but to relent.

'O-okay. Y-you can take them. Just... just make sure they don't get into trouble.'

'Oh, you can be sure that we'll be good.' Ragdoll smirked. 'Well, it's not as if you'll be able to do anything about it if we do get into trouble.'

'We do get to fight, do we not?' Parademon growled. 'I like to fight.'

'You am get to fight lots.' Bizarro answered. 'Suicide Squad am fighting lots of bad guys.'

'Well, I'm in.' Parademon smiled. 'Clown, what about you?'

'It will certainly be better than being cooped up in this pee-pee-soaked heck hole.'

'Heh.' Bizarro snorted. 'You am say pee-pee.'

'Heh. Pee-pee.' Parademon snickered in turn.

'Oh great.' Giganta groaned into her hands. 'We've just recruited the metahuman equivalent of Beavis and Butthead.'

'I agree.' Ragdoll nodded. 'It will be a very long journey out of this place.'

TBC...

Next: Harley's Babies

The Brotherhood of Evil have kidnapped Bud and Lou, Harley's pet hyenas. Will the squad be able to rescue them from the Mallah the cheese-eating-surrender monkey and the Brain? Tune in next time to find out...