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Chapter 3. coming clean

You most certainly cannot! I said totally shocked that he had noticed. I thought he was as drunk as I was but I guess I was wrong. "Jacey it is just a tattoo why can't I see it?" he was right, but he was completely wrong too. It was a tattoo, but it wasn't just a tattoo. It was a tattoo of his lyrics on my foot. He just couldn't know about it. He couldn't and that was that. "Lex just let it go. I don't want you to see it because it is embarrassing Okay"

Alex looked at me in mock horror. "You embarrassed? well heaven forbid! Show me or I will wait til you fall asleep and pull that sock off myself." I guess there was no getting out of it. "God dammit fine! But you cannot make fun of me, and this doesn't change a damn thing Gaskarth!" Now he was excited reaching for my foot. "Scouts honor it doesn't change a damn thing, promise. Now let me fuckin see!" Reluctantly I took of my hello kitty sock and stuck my stupid foot out there so he could see. I was completely humiliated. He looked at it. Then back and me, then back at my foot. "Are you fucking done yet?" I said instantly wishing he was still at the bar. "When did you get this Jace?" I just looked at him. I was expecting mocking, and ridicule for hating him, yet loving his music, but it didn't come instead he had a look of wonder on his face.

"i was eighteen, it was mardigras, and I was hammered drunk" was all I could say. I know my face had to be cherry red. I had been trying to hide this since the tour started. "why those lyrics?" this is exactly what I had been trying to avoid. "Gaskarth I don't have to explain anything to you, why the hell are you still here anyway? I'm safe, see. You can go."

He looked like I had hurt him when I said that. "look Jacey Rae, there is nothing to be embarrassed about. I think it is awesome you got that done." that just made me even more embarrassed. Well no fucking shit you do! They are your god damned lyrics asshole! I said. Now he looked amused. Yeah, they're mine alright, but you still didn't answer my question. Why those lyrics? He said. You really wanna know? Fine. Because I didn't think I would ever make it here. I thought music would always be some unattainable dream of mine. So "dedication takes a lifetime, but dreams only last for a night" seemed perfect for how I felt. I thought that maybe if I stayed dedicated to my music someday it would pay off. And it wouldn't just be a dream anymore. And looking at those lyrics on my foot everyday is what pushed me to keep going, and get to where I am today. I said.

"why was it so hard for you to say that. That's awesome Jacey, beautiful actually." Alex, you are such an asshole. I Fucking idolized you when I was in high school. You were everything I wanted to be. I was so excited when I heard we were touring together, but then you turned out to be a douche bag, like every other "Rockstar". Speaking of, why aren't shackin' up with some groupie slut right now? Your single though that never stopped you before did it. Now he looked pissed and it took him a minute to speak. Maybe I just ruined everything, but then I didn't want anything with or from him to begin with, right?

"Jacey, I'm here because you are drunk which is not a normal thing for you, I thought maybe you wanted a friend to talk to. As far as everything thing else you just said to me, well like I said your drunk, but Lisa and I had an open relationship. She knew how tour was and she never wanted to come on tour with me so she came up with that idea. If you want me to leave I will."

"Lex, I'm sorry. I just have a lot on my mind. And I'm drunk. You don't have to go. I could use the company." he smiled and and got comfortable on the bed next to me. "I know that Jack and Cassy talked to you." yeah I figured you did. Did Cass relay the message for me like I told her to? I asked. He looked at me confusion written all over his face for a second then busted out laughing. "yeah she told me, you really think it's Ian huh?" I laughed at that one. Well it seemed the best possible answer at the time. I said. I didn't know where the rest of the night would lead and at the moment I felt like Alex and I could make this work. Maybe it was just the booze talking. "ugh I need food. Or i'm gonna puke." I said. We ordered room service and ate and talked about tour and what we would be doing on our off time. "I'm not sure really, I want to go somewhere other than home I know that. What about you?" he thought about that for a second. "Baltimore. That is def where I will be. It's home."

I didn't remember falling asleep. But I must have, I woke up to find alex had left and a note on the bedside table.

Jacey, you fell asleep so I left, I'll be back in the morning to get you so you don't have to walk back to the venue. Today is an off day so I thought we could hang out some more today sober LOL! I'll be there at eleven.

See you soon, Lex

I got up and brushed my teeth and hoped in the shower. Alex would be here in half an hour to pick me up. I didn't have any clothes with me so I text Cass and told her to send some with Alex. To which I got a retarded reply.

New message from Cassy skank:

I fucking knew it! You like him, did you guys do it? You better dish hoe! And why is he coming back with fresh clothes where are you?

I laughed out loud, Cass was such a bitch. I gave her a small reply.

Compose new message to: Cass

Bitch just give him my clothes. I will tell you more when I get back to the bus ok. Love you cuz.

I ordered room service while I waited for Alex to get there. I needed food. I could only imagine what he had planned for today and I still felt like I wasn't sure if I could trust him. I guess he deserved the benefit of the doubt though right? I ate my food and flossed and then he was knocking on my door. I let him in and he handed me my clothes, I could only hope she didn't pack something stupid. Just gimme a sec to get changed ok Gaskarth? I said. He looked at me in disbelief and shook his head. " Didn't I already tell you not to call me that? C'mon Jace." Right. I forgot. Shit sorry Lex. I said.

I went to the bathroom and got changed. Cass packed me my faded skinnies and Drop Dead zombie tank top, and of course fresh hello kitty socks. I quickly changed and stepped out of the bathroom. Alright Alex, I said. What is on the agenda today? He smirked and said that my dear is a secret. My dear? Um well okay.

Alright well lets go. I hate secrets. I said. After that I checked out of my room and we headed out walking through town. "ya know you could have stayed last night, I wouldn't have minded." I said. He thought about it and stopped walking and looked at me. "Jace, I know how you feel about me, you made it very clear last night that you think I'm a band slut. And I don't blame you for thinking it. I have been lately." he seemed to consider his next words before he said them. "trust me I wanted to stay last night. I would have loved to wake up next to you. But I'm really not that guy. Not normally anyway. I just thought if I left you alone last night, you would think better of me."

He was right, I did think better of him. So I said, yeah that makes sense I guess. And we started walking again. It seemed like we were going no where and I was getting over walking aimlessly through this city. "Alex are we close to where ever the hell you are taking me? Will you at least give me a clue as to what we are doing?" he laughed and said how about this I will tell you part of what we are doing, and you cannot ask anymore questions after that deal?

I considered my options for a sec, and realized I didn't have any other options so I said alright, deal now dish bitch! "alright first we are going to journeys to buy you a pair of ballet flats. Now no more questions we are almost there." well that wasn't much help, why the fuck did I need flats? Whatever. He is a weirdo I guess lol. We got to journeys and he refused to let me pay for them, which pissed me off. After that we set off walking through town again. "fuck all this walking I'm calling a cab, and yes I'm paying for it!" I said still miffed over the shoes. He let me call the cab and gave the cabbie directions that were foreign to me. Once we got there he paid again. And we stepped out. I looked up to see us at a tattoo shop. WTF? "Gas... I mean Alex what the hell are we doing here is this a joke?" we are getting tattoos, well I'm getting a tattoo and you are getting a touch up on yours. No offense but it needs a little ink here and there." I just laughed. Well what are you getting then? I asked. He said it was another secret but he needed me to sign my name to a piece of paper and give it to him. I did as I was asked though I didnt know why. And he told me to go sit down while he talked to the artist in private.

He walked back and said okay, Jace your up first. He is gonna fix up the uneven parts and do whatever else you want to it. I stood up and went to the chair and told the guy that I wanted massive amounts of stars around it. He did as he was told. And Lex held my hand through the whole thing. He looked surprised I didn't cry. Which amused me. Mine was done and it was his turn. We switched places but Alex laid on his stomach and took off his shirt. The guy laid the stencil and I saw that it was my lyrics and my signature at the bottom. My jaw dropped. "ALEX GASKARTH WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" he smiled and said look Jacey I love this song, I wish it were mine but its not. So now it's going on my shoulder. Now we will both have something of each other's forever. And grinned until the needle touched his right shoulder.

I couldn't believe that he had done it. But he had. I couldn't believe that I was having such a good time, but I was. His tattoo was finished and I had to admit I loved it. This must have been how he felt last night seeing his words on my foot. He was beaming when he walked to the mirror to look at it. "what do you think Jacey? Do I do your words justice?" he said. That made me blush and I just nodded. We thanked the tattoo artist and paid our bill and left. Hand in hand. It was a nice feeling. We walked back to the venue, and he came onto my bus with me. I thought Cass was gonna choke on the popcorn she was eating. "well hello Alex, I must say i'm a little pissed you took my bestie away for so long." Cass said after she had swallowed. That made me laugh. Cassy shut the hell up. Jack takes you away from me all the time. She laughed in agreement. I dumped my old clothes and headed back to the sitting area of the bus with Alex.

I had a great time today Lex, thanks for everything. I said. He smiled and wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me down onto his lap. "I'm glad, I enjoyed myself today too, but it is getting late and we both have sets tomorrow so I'm gonna head back to my bus. I feel like writing anyway. He kissed my check and squeezed me to him before he got up to leave.