10 – More of a Joke Chapter
This chapter will contain a trap suggested by Dmitry's real-life counterpart (you know, the flying fox). It was so stupid, that I just had to do it. Hope you still enjoy this, slightly humorous, chapter.
˝Stay strong Fred, you can survive this,˝ the penguin hesitantly lowered the scalpel to the barely healed wound. He swallowed hard, before carefully pulling the blade across it. The scab gave way and a crimson trail was left by the sharp surgical steel.
It's a good thing he wasn't squeamish, when the squirrel's fur slowly turned red. Fred was unconscious, so he couldn't do anything against the "operation" anyway, but lay there and be present.
Skipper finished his first incision… now what? There was no rubbing alcohol or an iodide solution, so he couldn't disinfect. There were no forceps to use, all he had were his two bare flippers to retrieve the key. He knew the danger of an infection existed, but if he wanted to continue, he had to forget about it… besides, he wasn't that much of a neat-freak.
The penguin dropped the scalpel on the ground and brought one of his flippers to the wound. He stayed like that for several second, perhaps wishing that the rodent would bleed to death before he did anything else, but that was preposterous, the wound was too small for that to happen.
He slowly lowered the evolved wing to the wound. He swallowed hard and closed his eyes, before finally entering the abdominopelvic cavity. It was quite disgusting digging between the small intestine. He felt the wet, slimy digestive organ, press against his flipper. If wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't so warm.
Skipper wished that he could just get this over with, and his wish came true, when he felt something hard. He immediately grabbed it and pulled it out as fast as he could. Once it was out, he looked at it, it was just the key he was looking for, he smiled, not because he could proceed, but because he managed to not kill Fred.
Before continuing, he grabbed the bandage from the white box and wrapped it a few times around the rodent's abdomen. Stitching it up would've worked better, but he lacked the tools. He wiped his bloody flipper on his own abdomen, unaware that it left a red stain there, and walked to the door.
The key was a perfect fit and he could leave, ˝Nice try, but Fred's gonna live.˝ He spoke with a confident tone as he continued walking down the hallway.
˝Congratulations, but is one life really reason to celebrate when so many have fallen?˝
˝HEY! I didn't kill Frankie, you did, and I don't know what happened to Joey. Besides, I saved Eggy,˝ Skipper replied angry and irritated.
˝*Chuckle*, you're wrong, my partner and I saved Eggy, you just left him there, you killed Frankie through euthanasia and with the state you left Joey in, my partner couldn't cauterize his wounds before he bled out.˝
But, what neither of them new, was that Skipper had damaged Fred's small intestine when he tugged out the key. The squirrel was, right now, being poisoned by the juices of his own guts.
Warning, here's where the joke trap starts
Meanwhile, somewhere else in the compound, another dark figure was beginning to wake up. It seemed that it was in a sitting position and when it raised its head, a string was pulled , activating a mechanism of some sort. A light on the ceiling turned on, illuminating a brown and dark grey lemur beneath it.
Fuck! Why's this light so bright? And why is my neck so stiff?˝ He reached up and tried to grab it, but instead, he felt something cold and hard. Panicking, he grabbed it with his other paw as well and tried removing it. Fear began overwhelming his body, when he failed at doing so.
Next, he tried standing up, but that proved impossible as well. He looked down and saw why, both his hind legs were shackled to the chair. Two cuffs on each leg, one metal ring above the knee and the other beneath it.
He frantically began looking for a way out, when a TV turned on by itself. Hurray, it was the "Muppets" style penguin doll show. You know what, I'll just refer to him, as "Billy the penguin" from now on, since the puppet in the "Saw" franchise is called, "Billy the puppet". The doll slowly turned towards the camera.
"Hello Clemson. I want to play a game. You're entire life, you have been sucking up to your superiors just to overthrow them and take their place. You've kissed more ass than you have girls. You crawl up other animals' asses to the point where they can't even walk anymore. You're full of shit Clemson and today, you will have to prove me right.
Your task is a simple one and I will explain it in the most vulgar manner I can manage. Ya got to shit your body weight in shit, through the shit hole, in the chair, onto the shit scale, beneath the chair, with the shit hole in it… oh, and in one minute.
*Pretends to clear throat*, now, the device on your neck will slowly tighten. After that minute has passed it will cut your lungs off the constant air supply you call breathing. Think of it as a kind of sphygmomanometer. Because let's face it, you can't suck (up) if you can't breathe. There's enough food in your paw's reach. Good luck.˝
The screen changed to a digital timer that began counting down from 60. Clemson just sat there for a few seconds before finally speaking up, ˝Oh you've got to be kidding me. What the hell is this, Canted camera?˝ He continued watching the TV, until he felt a slight pressure building up around his neck.
He let out a sigh, ˝Ok, here goes nothing.˝ He began applying pressure to his rectum forcing fecal matter through his anus. ˝That guy could've at least left me some reading material and toilet paper,˝ complained the lemur.
After a few more seconds, he was already out of breath, ˝Ok, I've got like twenty seconds left. Where's that food this guy promised me?˝ He looked around and then back at his hands. ˝*Gasp*, he actually meant my hands. Oh no! (Imagine him speaking in, either a sarcastic, or a bad acting, tone)˝ He began biting off one finger after another, ˝Oh my God, this is so good!˝ he exclaimed between bites.
But digestion takes time, so naturally he couldn't accomplish the task. His "Necktie" inflated to its maximum , when the timer hit zero, and Clemson began choking. His last thoughts, 'So… this is how it ends. I suffocate on the chair with the shithole in it. Wait, why don't I just pop this thing? I have the claws, all I have to do is – aww crap I'm dead.' The lemur's mouth opened and his tongue fell out.
Inside a dark room, where the only lights came from some computer monitors, a dark figure was watching with his beak agape, ˝OK, WHO'S THE FUCKING WISEGUY, THAT CAME UP WITH THE SHIT CHAIR?˝
O k, fun's fun, but I promise no more joking. Hope you still liked this chapter. Review!