On Being a Pumpkin
Disclaimer – Though I wish it were so,
'Cause then I'd be rich –
Unfortunately I don't own this,
'Cause my life's a bitch.
Warning – This chapter gets mighty angsty... I feel bad doing this to you guys, but hey... it will pass soon.
Chapter 7 – How Soon is Now?
(P.S – Thanks to Nadrim... I was wondering how I was going to start this chapter, but then your review came, and ideas came flying out at me. Hope you don't mind.)
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I spent about a week in silence. I felt horrible, like I'd just gotten done kicking a basket full of puppies. Not just any puppies, but puppies with huge brown eyes, droopy ears, who'd just lost their mommy. I ignored Sango's incessant questioning about Sesshoumaru, and I'm pretty sure she got pissed about that, 'cause she stopped talking to me, Kouga finally got the hint and beat it. I hear he's sniffing up some other girl's tree… Ayame, I think her name is. And Sesshoumaru – ha! like he'll ever talk to me again. Ah well. I guess it's just time for me to be alone.
Alone – I hate being alone. It's the worst curse of being that girl. When things get tough and you feel all alone, there's no one to talk to about it. No one ever understands. Even Sango, as sister-like as we may be, would rather tease me than listen. Oh, I know it's just the loneliness talking, she does care… but it's hard to see that when you're alone.
Has it ever rained for you at a time when you were down? It does for me once in a while. I'm not sure if I like it or not, though. It kinda feels like the world is crying with you, or for you… but after a while, I become convinced that the rain is trying to wash me away – or drown me… but then again I get really morbid when depressed.
In theory you're supposed to be able to turn to your family in times like these, but you know my family. Koto doesn't talk to me much, except to tell me to clean, and Kikyo – like she needs the ammo. Looks like I'm S.O.L. I could talk to Kaede… she always listens, but she's so removed from the whole high school scene – I mean, even though she's right there with me, she tunes it all out. God, I wish I could do that.
I decided to go and talk to her anyway – the rain was really getting me down, and I needed some one. She was my last hope, and I knew where to find her. Like I said earlier, she volunteers at an orphanage downtown. She wants to be a social worker when she grows up. It suits her, and I hope she succeeds. Anyway, my feet lead me there after school on Friday… God, that had been an awful day. Sango didn't say a word to me, Sesshoumaru spent first hour talking and laughing with some girls in class. Not it girls, not quite, but still so god damned cute you wanted to throttle them. Particularly when they giggle. And I'll admit it, I was jealous enough to turn green. Kikyo and her harpy friends had circled at lunch, making a whole bunch of 'loving' comments while I tried to eat in peace. I ignored her, naturally, but when they finally disappeared, I had to run to the bathroom and lock myself in a stall before the tears could fall. Another curse of being that girl. You couldn't cry – it only shows everyone that they got through to you. So I sat on the toilette and wept quietly. I hate crying.
As soon as the bell rang, I hoofed it to the orphanage. I needed advice, I needed some one to talk to, I just – grr. I hope Kaede has time to talk to me. I mean, the orphanage is seriously over-populated and under-funded. It's a happy place though, and I do enjoy going. No, this isn't the first time I've gone – in fact, I used to tag along with Kaede a lot to visit the kids, but the deeper I got into high school, the more homework I had… and I had the cleaning to do too. I just couldn't find the time anymore.
As soon as I was through the door, I was attacked. Well – maybe not attacked, but glomped. By a flying orange blur that squealed "Kagome". I kid you not… but this has got to be my favorite orange blur in the universe.
"Hello, Shippo!"
The precious little boy squeezed me tighter (as best as he can with those tiny arms of his) and said, "You were gone too long!"
I felt worse than I had before (if that's possible). See, Shippo's had a really hard life in the seven or eight years he's been on this planet. His parents were killed by thieves breaking into their house when he was four, and he's been at the orphanage since. I used to visit him a lot, bring him presents, play with him, all that good stuff, but I've not been back lately, and I'd never really thought about what that might have been like for the kid. "I'm so sorry, Shippo. Will you ever forgive me?"
He leaned back in my arms with a calculating look on his face, "Only if you color with me." He said after a lengthy pause. God, I love this kid. Even when you're down, you gotta smile for him – he's just that cute.
"Of course, Shippo – lead the way."
He took my hand and dragged me down the hall – quite impressive for such a young thing, jabbering a mile a minute about all of the things that had happened there since my last visit. I only half listened though, entirely content to listen to his voice, and not overly concerned about exactly what he was saying. It was just good to be with him. He led me to a room packed with art supplies, kids, crayons and messes, and plopped me at a table. We spent a lot of time coloring, and I gotta say, I was happy. It was wonderful to just sit with him and draw. I'd missed him more than I'd known. The little tyke had managed to cheer me up without even knowing anything was wrong. I love Shippo.
He startled me when he suddenly looked up and grabbed my hand. "Kagome! What time is it?"
"Uh – like a little after five, Shippo, why, what's up?"
"My new friend is here!!! Come on!!" And with that, I was once more finding myself awed at Shippo's ability to drag things much bigger than he was. Vaguely the words 'Does that thing have a hemi' flicked through my brain, but I brushed it away. That sealed it, too much TV for Kagome. In a flash, I found myself in the entrance once more, only this time, I was greeted with an entirely different sight. Sesshoumaru hanging his coat.
Oh hell no.
Shippo was busy introducing us, and I was busy trying to spontaneously combust. What was he doing here?!?! More Torturing Kagome for Fun and Profit 101? The world really is out to get me. Fortunately, or unfortunately, whichever way you wanna look at it, Sesshoumaru didn't say anything, and neither did I. We just stood there in an awkward silence – which was about as comforting as Koto with PMS. We stayed like that for what seemed like forever and it wasn't until a throat cleared from the hall that either of us moved.
Saved by Kaede. She stood behind me with an impassive look on her face, "You found the place alright, Mr. Tashio?"
He stirred slightly, shifting his weight nearly imperceptibly from one foot to the other, he responded, "Ah, yes, thank you. And please, Sesshoumaru is fine."
She nodded briefly and flicked her eyes to Shippo, "Would you like to give your new friend Sesshoumaru a tour?"
Shippo nodded so fast that I was afraid he'd shake his head loose and proceeded to drag Sesshoumaru away.
"Everything ok, Kagome?"
No, everything was not ok. For some strange reason, after meeting Sesshoumaru here, I felt like I was going to cry all over again. So, I did what I do every time I feel like that. I got pissed. "What's he doing here!!??"
"Community service. Most colleges require it for graduation. Come talk to me." She led me to the kitchen where she was starting dinner, and conveniently, we were alone.
For all my grand plans of talking to her and finding a way to feel better was crumbling. I mean, I got along with Kaede, I always had, but – we weren't particularly close. What was I doing here? And I had nothing to say – so I just sat there in silence.
Kaede just watched me with wise eyes. Wise eyes – what a weird way to say it, but its true… they looked like they had seen the world and could see right through me… it was eerie.
She finally spoke, and I swear, I'll never forget her words, even if it took a while for them to hit home. "Did you know that Eleanor Roosevelt was a lesbian?"
Ok maybe not those words, but I don't think I'll forget those either.
"Well, she was. Quite a remarkable woman too. She said one of my favorite quotes: 'I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision.' I see people go to great pains to identify who they are with titles and definitions… maybe out of fear, maybe out of some strange identity crisis. I don't know, but the way I see it, I don't know a single person who can be summed up by a single word… we're all too complex for that. I've never met a soul who is strictly a geek, or strictly a bitch… even though I've met some who come close." She smiled a bit and squeezed my hand.
"There are many voices in high school that tell you what you are… and labels are sent back and forth like a tennis ball in a tournament. What no one seems to realize is that the voices who speak the loudest are often the ones we've made up in our heads. No matter how bad things are, they're never really was bad as we think they are. Now you, scoot. You look like a drenched river rat from the rain, and I heard that you had a hard day. Go home and relax." She turned back to her cooking, leaving me to wander home in a daze… her words running like circus dogs through my head.
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Review Responses
Xio the Dog Demoness – Yeah… Kagome got Sesshoumaru all wrong – but she'll learn ; )
Kagome Goddess Of Light – I'm glad I've still got people laughing. I'm kinda one of those annoying people that's alright in small doses but a major headache in larger ones… so I fretted about losing the humor and just becoming annoying.
Alynxkia – Yay! Your reviews are so much fun! I dunno if bad things will happen to Kikyo – I mean, I'd love them to, 'cause she's heinous, but I'm not quite sure. Anyway, here's a brand new chapter, complete with moral, for your perusal. I hope you like it.
UltaAnimeFangurl2004 – you just wait until you hit eighteen… that's when my parents went nuts on me… but with more responsibilities come more freedom… you gotta love that! Oh, and yeah, I am updating now. ; )
Sesshyangel – I'm so glad that this one was easier to read. I know it wasn't as much fun, but Kagome's got so much baggage that we have to work through… no worries though – more cute stuff coming!
Sora the Taske() – Yeah, I know… but I did it! Is that good? Do I get a cookie for updating? ; )
Chuujitsu – oh hells yes, I got a 'the'. First you bow to me… soon, the world! cue evil laugh Just kidding. Anyway, I'm glad you like it.
Shinimegami-025 – Seriously? That's too funny! Yeah, I was a that girl too, and now, years later, apparently you can still tell. I even have people ask me if I was the dorky girl in my high school… personally, I think that's just harsh. Ah well…
lady scorpio() – It tickles me to no end that so many people like this story. And I was wondering if I was just being dumb about the Cinderella story with this pairing or not. Cause I think that Kag/Sess is ripe for it. Yeah.
Nadrim – Thank you so much. Writer's block was coming for me again, and I had to put off this chapter – but when your review cam rolling in, the puppy comment triggered of massive amounts of ideas. You are my hero. Anyway, pretty soon they are going to start realizing all the things they've been missing and it will be choice, I promise.
Rogueicephoenix – Update complete with morals… I hope you like them!
Moo Moo-sama – Many thanks to the moo moo-sama. I'm glad you like it.
Tokyobabe2040 - squeal Thank you so much. Much hugs and chocolate from me to you.
Syrinxsong – Freaking teachers. I only had one teacher who appreciated it, and he didn't show up until college. God, I miss that man… thanks for the offer of help when I need to write seriously. I really really appreciate it.
Sessy-Sama Lover - Roger, Roger!
Sunnygurl357 – Glad you like it!
Moonlightassassin – good, good – I'm glad. I start to feel all guilty if I leave this too long, and I'm glad I didn't make anyone mad.
Tsuki Yume() – Off topic is good! I go off-topic all the time. Anyway, I think that my cheeks will be forever red from your high praise, and I thank you for that.
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