"Where are you taking me?" Craig asked contemptuously as a bunch of wires carried him to some huge long golden bridge. Below the bridge, Craig can see a bunch of aliens in different colors doing different activities. They all look pretty healthy and happy which means their current king must be doing a good job ruling their world.

"We're taking you to our king." Gluteus, who was walking beside him, said. "We hope that he may convince you in staying and rule Assholian."

"Seriously dude." Craig rolled his eyes. "I have no interest in ruling this goddamn planet".

"Oh but you do." Gluteus insisted. "Soon enough."

They entered a huge looking bedroom that's filled with different paintings of different aliens, obviously the previous rulers of Assholians. At the center of the room was a king-sized bed and on the bed was a weak and old alien, lying peacefully on the bed.

"Gnik eb ot tnaw ton soed elohssa eht." Gluteus informed the old-looking king. Craig was then dropped by at the side of the old alien who just weakly and slowly looked at him.

"Craig…" he moaned. "…why do you not want to be king? Anyone would kill to be in your position right now."

"Then let them kill each other and have my position." Craig shrugged. "I just wanna go home."

"But who will rule Assholians?"

"I dunno… Someone who's more of an asshole than me, I guess."

"I don't think that's possible, Craig." The old alien, who's obviously the king, stated. "You're the greatest Asshole anyone has ever known. No one can possibly replace you. This is your destiny. Not just anyone's."

"I've had enough of this." Craig advanced towards the door but two aliens blocked his way.

"I was afraid of this." The king sighed, sitting up from his bed as Craig turned to look at him. "If you wish not to rule Assholians, you must… compete with Asscracker."

"Who?" Craig questioned.

—

"GET READY FOR THE BATTLE BETWEEN THE AMAZING ASSCRACKER AND THE GREATEAST ASSHOLE, CRAIG TUCKER!"

The crowd went wild as soon as the announcer announced the big news.

Craig, who was dressed in strange foil paper and was holding a small sword and a huge shield, looked up at the crowd. He was dragged inside an advanced looking coliseum filled with screaming and cheering aliens of different colors.

"Oh shit."

—

"Got anything, Clyde?" Token asked, still waving his spatula in the air. Clyde, who eventually gave up and ended up waving his spatula in the air, grumbled under his breath as he shook his head.

"I still think this is stupid." He muttered angrily.

"J-Just do it—ack!" Tweek said, brushing Ruby's hair with his fingers gently. Craig's little sister got tired and wanted to go to sleep so Tweek sat down on the grass and let her sleep on his lap. Token and Clyde are the only ones who ended up waving their spatulas in the air.

"We've been doing this for two hours now." Clyde whined. "My arm is getting tired."

"If you want to save Craig, then it's worth it." Token said, shaking his head in disbelief. Clyde sighed exasperatedly as he continued to wave the spatula, muttering anger-filled word under his breath.

Suddenly, he stopped waving his spatula when he started hearing something echoing from the pot on his head.

"Hey, I can hear something!" He exclaimed. "Yeah, I can definitely hear something!"

"What is it?" Token questioned.

"I… I can hear…" Clyde began, waving his spatula again. "…screams and cheers…?"

"Screams and—ack!—cheers? But aren't we supposed to hear a-alien talk?" Tweek asked, looking at the two boys with wide eyes.

"Wait, quiet." Clyde said as he waved his spatula faster.

"Today's challenge will be a hot topic in our daily news! Our greatest undefeatable fighter, Asscracker, will battle with our king-to-be and the greatest asshole, Craig Tucker!"

"WHAT?" Clyde yelled in shock. "Craig is going to fight some big alien called Asscracker!"

"Oh no!" Tweek exclaimed.

"Here's our challenger, Asscracker!"

The announcement was followed by loud screams and cheers which gave Clyde a slight headache but he still continued to wave his spatula.

"And here's our future king, Craig Tucker!"

"CRAIG!" Clyde called.

—

"And here's our future king, Craig Tucker!"

The cheers went wilder as everyone looked down at Craig who was just staring at the huge giant alien in front of him. Asscracker looks far from the other aliens Craig had seen. He has huge biceps and instead of oblong-shaped eyes, his are round ones. Foam was drooling from his mouth, making him look like he has rabbis. But despite the other aliens being tall, this one was pretty short. Shorter than Craig actually.

"CRAIG!"

Craig almost jumped upon hearing Clyde's voice in his head.

"C-Clyde? Dude? Is that you?"

"Yes, it's me! Dude, where the heck are you?"

"In Assholians, the planet for Assholes".

"Why is it so noisy there?"

"It turns out I'll be having a deadly battle with a steroid-looking midget".

"Oh no! Can you handle that?"

"Now what do you think?"

"LET THE BATTLE START!" The announcer screamed and the cheers went wilder as Asscracker advanced towards Craig who just looked at him with no expression at all.

"Craig, dude! You have got to get out of there!"

"Gee, you're right Clyde. I've never thought of that before."

"Just get outta there, goddammit!"

Craig blinked twice and looked down at the hideous looking alien in front of him.

"It's globbering time!" The alien growled in a deep husky voice as he raised both of his arms to pound Craig once and for all. But before he could do that, Craig raised his middle finger at him, obviously flipping him off.

The cheers died down.

Asscracker's jaw dropped in shock.

"Craig? You still there? You still alive?"

Silence…

"Oh. My. God." The announcer said in shock.

"He did…" one of the aliens in the audience said. "…the finger!"

"No…" Asscracker said, staring at the taller boy's middle finger. Suddenly, the alien began to melt in steam. "NOOOO!" He screamed, trying to grab onto Craig who just simply stepped back while watching him until the short alien was nothing but a puddle of goo.

"HE FLIPPED HIM OFF!" One of the aliens in the audience screamed and just like that, everyone started to panic. A rampage began and everyone began to freak out for some odd reason.

"CRAIG! ARE YOU STILL THERE?"

"Calm down, dude. I'm coming home now."

"Great! Hurry!"

"Wait, I have to find my parents first."

Craig knew Clyde said something else but he lost his focus when two aliens appeared in front of him. Wires suddenly came out from their buttholes and grabbed onto Craig then dragged him out of the coliseum for safety.

"Am I going home now?" Craig asked, his feet dangling in the air.

"I'm afraid so." Gluteus sighed, shaking his head.

"What about my parents?"

"We are sending them home too."

"Finally." Craig rolled his eyes. He was then dropped on the floor and he looked up to see his parents also tied on the wall with cuffs around their wrists and ankles. But they were unconscious, unaware of their own surroundings.

"Who will rule Assholians now?" One of the aliens asked in depression.

"I don't know…" Gluteus admitted, looking down while shaking his head. "I guess we'll have to live our lives without a king to take care of our planet".

Craig turned around to look at the two aliens who were looking down at the ground in depression. Even though he thinks that the planet was pretty shitty, he still thinks that they deserve to be treated well by a king.

But he doesn't want to be a king.

He wants to stay where he really belongs.

He just wants to live a normal life.

"I know who can be king." He finally spoke, getting the attention of two aliens. "I want to hand him my throne".

"Who?" One alien asked.

"Gluteus Maximus." Craig answered, pointing at the kind alien who he's been with the whole time. "I think he can make a great king for this shitty planet of yours".

"M-Me?" Gluteus stammered. "I don't know…"

"You can be a great ruler." Craig nodded. "I'm handing my throne to you. Now get me and my parents outta here."

The aliens looked at each other then smiled. They glanced at Craig and nodded.

"Thank you, Craig Tucker."

—

Clyde sighed in defeat as he sat on the grass. Token quickly sat down beside him in worry.

"Well? What happened?" he asked.

"I lost contact with him." Clyde said, looking down at the ground. "He said that he's coming home but… I heard a scary deep scream… I don't know what happened to him. Maybe he won't come back anymore." Slowly, he began to sob. "He's deeaad! We lost hiiiim!"

"N-NO!" Tweek screamed, accidentally waking Ruby up.

"What's the matter, Tweek?" the little girl asked.

"YOUR FAMILY IS DEAD!" The blonde broke the news to her. "THE ALIENS ATE THEM—ACK!"

"WHAT?" Ruby cried. "I DON'T HAVE A FAMILY ANYMORE?"

"Oh the horror!" Clyde wailed, kicking his legs.

Token just watched the three wail then sighed, shaking his head. Suddenly, three figures emerged behind them. Seeing their shadows, the three turned around and their eyes widened in surprise.

"Ruby!" Mrs. Tucker said happily, gathering her little daughter in her arms.

"Mommy! Daddy!" Ruby said happily as her parents hugged her.

Clyde, Tweek and Token smiled upon seeing Craig approaching them while scratching the back of his head. The three cheered and Tweek was the first one to hug him happily.

"You're b-back!" The blonde almost cried in joy. "I thought you were d-dead—ack!—"

Craig just smiled and patted his head. "Why the heck would I let those assholes kill me?" he asked with a chuckle. As soon as Tweek pulled away, Token gave their leader a friendly nudge.

"I knew you'd be able to get out of there, buddy." He chuckled. "Clyde and Tweek were in the verge of losing their minds".

"That's not true." Clyde nudged Token, wiping a tear from his cheek then smiled at Craig. "Good to know you're finally back, dude. I really thought you were a goner." He said, handing Craig his hat.

"Don't you have any faith in me?" Craig joked, raising a brow at him.

"To be honest, no." Clyde chuckled. "You are the greatest asshole anyone has ever known."

"I guess so." Craig chuckled but then he noticed something. "Uh… Guys? What are you wearing?"

Silence…