Come Back to Me
Chapter Five
Zebraboymom
Disclaimer: Not mine. Heart…broken…
Author Notes: The day of the bonfire. Things take a romantic turn. Smile.
The tone in Elliot's voice when he said "good" almost undid her. She pushed some stray hair behind her ear thinking what a nervous habit that was and wondering if Ellliot knew that's what she did when she was nervous. He must because he sighed and leaned back in the booth watching her with a look that she couldn't read. It was almost…predatory?" She wondered if he had liked the fact that she remained single, if he ever wondered about the two of them. There were times in their partnership when she thought they were close to something and other times she felt like he was oblivious to her.
"Hey! You're supposed to be on my side. Partners are supposed to care about the other partner's happiness."
"I do. I promise to do anything I can to make you happy while you're here."
"You really aren't ever coming back are you?"
Elliot stared at her, but didn't respond right away.
"Liv…"
"You know what, let's not talk about it."
Jacey arrived with their burgers and shakes just in time and they spent the rest of lunch talking about how great the food was. Liv felt sick after consuming her entire strawberry shake, but it was the best one she had ever had. As they stood to leave she chuckled.
"Must walk, need exercise, but can't move."
Elliot smiled at her. He slipped his arm around her waist and clucked.
"Come on fatty, I'll help you."
"Really? Fatty? That's just mean, El."
For a second he felt terrible. There wasn't an ounce of fat on her.
"Liv, I'm sorry, I was just…"
"Gotcha!"
She slipped her arm around his waist too and hugged him to her side. A quick wave at a disappointed Jacey and they headed out into the August sunshine.
The afternoon was spent wandering through the gift shops, trying on silly hats and fake gasping at some junky beach trinket that they just "had to have". Liv did buy some souvenirs, but Elliot thought they were very tasteful. He especially liked the ship's bell Liv bought for Cragen's boat.
"He's gonna love it Liv."
"It'll make for a great retirement gift. Don't you think? Will you come?"
"What?"
"Will you come to the retirement party? I know everybody would love to see you and it would mean so much to Don."
Elliot considered it as they sat on a bench eating shaved ice and watching the sun start to set. He looked out at the waves before he responded.
"Yeah. Yeah I will. He did a lot for me over the years. I owe him that much. I owe you a lot too Liv. I don't know how I'll ever make it up to you."
"You are now. This time together has meant more to me than I can tell you El."
"It has?"
"I just needed closure, you know? These last few months I haven't been really functioning. I can't sleep. I yell, I argue, I scoff at Amaro's attempts to build a partnership. It's just…it's been…really hard…"
Liv's eyes started to fill up with tears and she looked away out at the ocean. Elliot felt like a jerk. He did this to her. He never thought things through. He just acted on impulse and he hurt people. Maybe the best thing he could do is let her have closure and go back to the city."
"Liv…I…"
"Don't Elliot. Don't say anything, okay? Not yet."
"Okay."
He stood and reached out his hand to take hers. They walked back to the beach house in silence. Each one was lost in his or her own thoughts. Their only connection was their clasped hands. Both of them had a lot to think about. The emotions starting to come into play were either going to change their relationship or end it. Liv was scared to death that Elliot was thinking the later.
Once they arrived back at the house Olivia decided to shut things down before they ended up in a dark place.
"Hey, El, I think I'm just going to take a bubble bath, read a book and go to bed early. The beach air actually makes me sleepy. I feel like I'm catching up for the first time in a long time. Is that okay with you?"
"Uh, sure. Hey, how about tomorrow we spend the day on the beach? We can swim, read or just nap and sunbathe. You up for that?"
"You're kidding right? That sounds wonderful."
Elliot leaned in and kissed her lightly on the cheek before he released her hand.
"Night Liv."
"Night El. I'm really glad I got to say goodnight to you this time."
"I'm so sorry for the way I acted last night. Forgive me?"
"For the last time, I forgive you. By the way, you pushed me really hard."
"I…"
"Gotcha again. You are too easy Stabler."
They stood awkwardly for another moment and then El reached for her and pulled her into a hug. He whispered into her hair.
"I will never hurt you again like that Liv. I promise."
"I know. Night."
"Night."
The next morning Elliot went down to the beach to set up the beach chairs and the umbrella. He heard the backdoor screen bang and looked up to see Olivia coming towards him in a beautiful low cut one piece bathing suit. He thought he might pass out. Thank goodness she had to walk to him. It gave him time to get himself under control. She had legs that went on forever and curves in all the right places. Over the years he had only been able to guess what she might look like without the suits and the jackets and the blazers. She was a knockout.
Olivia watched Elliot's muscles moving as he pushed the umbrella into the ground. His delicious abs and muscled upper chest drew her eyes and she had to be careful not to trip. It was a sin for a man his age to look so good.
"Hey, ready for some fun in the sun?"
"You bet I am."
"Last one in the water's a rotten egg."
"You've got to be kidding me. A rotten egg? What are you ten?"
Even so she took off after him and reached the water just as he dove out into the waves. He was a strong swimmer, but Liv could hold her own. She did laps in the pool on a regular basis. They played in the surf for a while. When they got out into deeper water Elliot tried to dunk her and she came up fighting. They went at it for some time until she finally yelled uncle and he caught her around the waist. They stood in chest high water just looking at each other for a long time. Elliot pushed her wet hair back from her face and tenderly cupped her cheek.
"You look cute wet Benson."
Liv blushed under his gaze. She felt like a schoolgirl.
"You look pretty good wet yourself."
Elliot suddenly pushed back and issued a challenge.
"Race you to the pier."
"You're on."
They took off towards the pier just down the beach from Elliot's house. There were a couple of boats moored there and she could picture Cragen pulling his boat up someday and paying a visit. What made her think of that?
She had to admit that she had been thinking what it would be like to retire out here some day with Elliot. As quickly as she thought about it, she shut that thought down. A guy doesn't disappear and cut you out of his life just to turn around and invite you to share his twilight years. She pushed all thoughts of the future out of her mind and spent the rest of the day living in the now. If she could just enjoy this time with Elliot, she would have a memory that she hoped would sustain her over the next year. If he was open, maybe she could come and visit him more often. She had more accumulated days than she would ever use. Maybe they could sustain a friendship outside of work.
Dinner was steaks on the grill and then Liv went to get a shower and dress for the bonfire. She was looking forward to it. When she was ready she found Elliot standing by the door with his guitar in his hand waiting. He gave her a once over in her capris and cute short sleeve top.
"You really do have a guitar."
"You had doubts?"
Liv smiled.
"This is going to be great."
"Better wait until you hear me play first."
She laughed.
"Don't worry. I'll be gentle."
"You better."
Once again he held out his hand like it was something they always did. Liv smiled into his earnest eyes and they fell into step together down the beach, which was already lit up by a good-sized bonfire in front of Mrs. Cook's house. They found a log and sat side by side. Mrs. Cook brought the fixings for s'mores over and they each made two.
Once most of the neighbors arrived, Elliot and a couple of other guys started playing. Liv sat sideways on the log and watched him play. He was really good. When he started picking she was even more impressed.
Liv didn't know many of the songs, but she loved listening to El's deep timbre. He had a beautiful voice. Who knew? The evening was like something out of a postcard. Liv had never experienced anything like it.
The fire started to burn down and a few folks headed out or got involved in conversations. She could feel a nip in the air now that it was dark and the fire was burning down.
"Are you cold?"
"A little. I thought the fire would keep me warm. I should have dressed warmer."
Elliot laid the guitar on the sand behind the log reached for Olivia and shocked her by pulling her into his lap, opening his legs and letting her slide down on the sand in front of him. He took His sweatshirt from beside him.
"Arms up."
"What?"
"Just do it Benson."
Olivia raised her arms and Elliot pulled his sweatshirt over her head and down her torso. It was warm and smelled of him. Elliot scooted her forward and slid down behind her wrapping his arms around her and taking both of her hands in his. He rubbed them vigorously as he settled his chin on her shoulder and then pulled her back into him as he leaned back against the log. His stubbly cheek rubbed against her cheek. She liked the way it felt.
"Better?"
Liv couldn't find her voice at first. Better? Oh my God, better was simply not the right word choice at the moment. Never in a million years did she think Elliot Stabler would be holding her like this on the beach in front of a roaring fire in the dark. Her feet almost did the happy dance in the sand.
"Definitely better, but now you'll be cold."
"Not with you to keep me warm."
Elliot caught Mrs. Cook smiling at them knowingly. He couldn't resist winking at her. He prayed the wood that was burning lasted for a long time and folks didn't get tired. He wanted to stay just like this for as long as possible. He had his best friend back, but there was more. He wanted to find out what that could look like. He wanted to put everything behind him now, but he had to make her understand why he did what he did and why he can never go back. It meant telling her the truth, all of it. He wanted to now.
The bonfire lasted for another half an hour until folks started drifting away to their various homes. Liv sat still, waiting until they were the last ones. Elliot smiled down at her and turned to whisper in her ear.
"Time to get some sleep Benson. I have a surprise for you tomorrow."
He pushed her gently forward and stood up reaching down with both hands to pull her up. As she stood and dusted off her shorts, he reached for his guitar with one hand and for one of her free hands with the other one. Liv smiled when he slipped his fingers between hers and squeezed gently. They started back to his house along the water's edge swinging their hands between them. It all felt very surreal and Liv knew now what it meant to truly be happy without doing something to gain that happiness. She realized for the longest time that her job had been the source of her happiness as weird as that sounded. Elliot pulled their joined hand behind him drawing her closer.
"Penny for your thoughts?"
Liv stopped and looked into his eyes in the moonlight.
"What are we doing El?"
He pulled her back from the water and laid his guitar in the sand. His arms snaked around her waist and he pulled her to him. He ran one hand up through her hair and then cupped her cheek.
"Liv…"
His voice sent chills through her and her breath hitched as his lips came closer. Before she could react he kissed her ever so gently. She had to be dreaming. Her hands ran up his chest and one cupped his jaw while the other one found its way to the back of his neck. She responded to him and he deepened the kiss as his hands cupped her cheeks. When they pulled back finally out of breath Liv was speechless. Elliot feathered his thumbs across her lips.
"Let's get you inside and give you a chance to warm up."
"I don't see how I could get any warmer at the moment."
Elliot chuckled and slipped his arm around her waist.
"When you came down here this was not what I expected would happen Liv."
"Never in a million years did I expect this."
"Are you disappointed?"
"Are you crazy?"
Together they walked the last hundred yards to the house and entered the dark sunroom.