Chapter 3

A Night Before Silence

After months of being in the sanctuary I've really enjoyed it. I've made friends with everyone, save for M'raaj-Dar. He's the only one who's yet to accept me as an official member. Although I think he's starting to warm up to me a little, but he won't admit it openly. I was pretty happy with my new found friends. Vincete still kept offering to make me a vampire but I couldn't take him up on the offer, personally I'd be okay with being a vampire but I don't know what Lucien would think of me then. I suppose it was silly of me, he was a higher rank, someone I rarely ever got to see around the sanctuary anymore.

He used to come a lot during my first 5 weeks but after his fourth visit he hadn't come back. In fact the last time he had come by was about five months ago. Even with his frequent letters to Ocheeva contracts had been lacking and not very many were given out. I wondered why… My thoughts wondered and I began to think about all the encounters with Lucien I've had. I wasn't sure how he saw me, was he trying to decipher the traitor? Monitor me to see where my loyalties were? Or maybe perhaps he had a small interest in me… I doubted my last thought and thought the first to be more plausible, but still, the third was questionable sometimes.

I remember sneaking into Ocheeva's room once, Teinaava and I were going to play a prank on her but when walked in to switch out her black ink for a florescent purple ink I noticed one of the letters she was writing back to Lucien. I didn't think much of it at first but when I turned to take the black Ink well I noticed my name a little towards the end of it. Curious I read that fragment of the letter.

Roselia is progressing much faster than her other fellow brothers and sisters here in the sanctuary. She has much determination and loyalty to our Night Mother and dread Father Sithis. Her current rank now is Assassin. In the little time she has been here she advanced three ranks quicker than any of the others here. You've chosen well, as always great Speaker.

The letter went on about the next contracts, I skimmed through the letter, I didn't see much of the other's names in the letter, I wondered if it was just Ocheeva mentioning about me in the letter or if Lucien asked. I shook my head and quickly retreated the room with the black ink wells to Teinaava. Once finding him I gave him the black inks and he snickered away.

"I'll be right back." He happily made off with the ink wells with an expression of joy and excitement. It was adorable how happy messing with his sister made him give the biggest smile ever.

Teinaava and I were the best of friends, I remember when we first met, and he was quite interesting. He had a way with words like no other, although he was also the most childish. He came back promptly giggling to himself and we both went to the living quarters. We were the only ones there at the time; most of the sanctuary was out on a contract.

"Teinaava how do you know when someone likes you?" I wasn't in the best of moods. I felt very... Confused?

I would go to Antoinetta about these matters but she was had drastically changed since I first met her. She always glares and has her moments of where she's nothing but self centered and rude. I don't think she means to be, but her jokes can get a little too personal. She tries to help though so I guess it's the thought that counts.

"Hmmm... It really depends on their personality and how they deal with feelings." He said thoughtful.

"What if they someone that… Someone who prefers silence?" This was silly of me.

"You're talking about Lucien again. What have I told you about mentioning that name in the sanctuary?" The Argonian slightly scolded, he knew me well. Even without telling him my secret crush he found out. I suppose that's why he's my best friend.

"I know Antoinetta doesn't like that I like him too, that's why she's so cruel but I can't help it. I try to ignore the feeling but every time I find something that gives me a glimmer of hope and it just messes with my mind and I can't help but wonder." Teinaava looked up at me curiously.

"What is it that gives you hope about Lucien returning such feelings, he's quite cold blooded for a human." He snickered a bit.

"Like when I first saw him here in the sanctuary I remember he gave me some reassurance when I was doubtful. The second time it was when I was after a contract, I had been injured and he showed up. The third was unexpected; I had been hiding away in Vincete's room to clear out my thought. You and Ocheeva were out doing some shopping for the sanctuary and everyone else was out on a mission. It was odd for me. It was also the most I had talked to him. Like a real talk, not small chatter about nothing." I looked down at the apple in front of me and smiled a bit.

"After that I left to Vincete's room hoping to take a little nap and get away from everyone, that's when Lucien woke me up. He gave me an apple with a smile. He basically told me I should smile more often. He wasn't very clear as to why but he tried to cheer me up. Although it was comforting anyway. Antoinette didn't talk to me for a whole week after that incident." I gave a small giggle at the last comment.

"Then today.." I looked towards the floor with great confusion.

"What happened today?" Teinaava was taking in all the details and processing them carefully.

"Ocheeva was writing about me, I was wondering if it was just her mentioning me or if Lucien asked. I didn't see anyone else's names mentioned and I remember when I had first met him he said he'd be monitoring my progress. I'd assume he'd do that with everyone, not just me." Teinaava was struck with interest.

"Monitoring is usual for Lucien, he usually only asks for the first two weeks, that's how he was with everyone, even if they excelled fast or slow. Antoinetta never accepted that he just saw her as a mere underling like all of us and got obsessed with him. Either Lucien has great patience or simply likes the attention." He laughed to himself.

I wanted to change the subject now, I felt foolish for mentioning this in the first place.

"Well I'm getting tired, I'm gonna take a nap. I'll see you when I wake up."

"Tired already? You just woke up?" I never ceased to surprise him.

"But I woke up too early, I need my beauty sleep." I gave him a pout.

"Well I suppose I did wake you up early, I'll see you when you wake." He smiled' "Sweet dreams dear friend."

I smiled "Good night." I went over to my bed in the living quarters and let sleep take over.

Blood was splattered everywhere, the walls, the floor, me. It was my twelfth birthday and here I was standing in front of the dying corpse of my beloved friend Roselia. I stood there in shock; here I was in front of her, blood on my hands and a small short sword next to her stained with crimson fluids.. Tears ran from my eyes as I saw my reflection smirk at me with malice and ran away.

I fell to my knees beside her and put my hands over my head. This wasn't supposed to be happening to me. Why did it have to be her of all people?

"Ilazki..." A weak voice called for me. I quickly looked up at Roselia, she was weak and losing blood too fast.

"Yes?"

"Promise me, that no matter what... You don't seek revenge for this.. I want you safe." Her eyes shed tears from both emotional and physical pain.

She thought it was someone else who slew her? Not myself?

She started to cough out a red fluid. Her paper white locks were stained with the crimson blood surrounding us. Her once flawless skin was now jagged and ripped open, showing her entrails quite clearly. Her veins and arteries spilled their fluids rapidly overflowing onto the floor, her heart beating in an abnormal rhythm.

"I promise... I won't ever forget you." I ran my hand down her face and she smiled, for the last time. After she had died, here before me, I no longer called myself by the name my mother had given me. I went on as Roselia.

The name had been tainted by my existences so I too would carry the tainted name. Not only to remember her, but to remind myself of what I had brought upon Roselia.

Later I had awakened at dawn due to the morbid dream I had just had. The memory had plagued my dreams for years; there was no running from it.

I got up and went for a small walk around the sanctuary; I sat down in the main hall at the table, just the living quarters. I wonder how long it'll be before I lose myself to insanity.